Jane2011 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I've started going to a gym in the past two and a half months. I mostly work out at home, but I go to said gym anywhere from 1 to 3 times a week. I usually wear a tank top and shorts, but it's just casual wear, not a "hot" look or anything (I think I have a cute body, not a "hot" one). Anyway, I usually wear my glasses, look basically stupid, and never make eye contact with anyone. I've been hit on once (compliments were given, phone number was asked for) and chatted up once in that time period. I think women can and do get attention even if they're not asking for it at all. But as far as finding a boyfriend, you do have to be looking a little. But "looking" isn't what most people think of...like, out there actively trying to talk to men. "Looking" just means you're prepping yourself for meeting someone. I once heard a quote that LUCK is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. The opportunities will come. You just have to prepare yourself. All that means is maintaining your appearance, working on yourself/your "status" (your work, your social life, etc.), your social skills, your overall appeal. You do have to do a little opportunities-creation by way of just being out in public in social situations and/or having some sort of dating channel (OLD, for instance). But those opportunities will do no good unless you've also *prepared* for success. That said, I thinks some of it is just the 'fluke' type of luck, too. In general, I think people make their own luck, but also need a little boost from fate/the universe as well. 1
MyPoutine Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many things in life simply fall on ones lap with 0 effort??
irc333 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Right, and typically this mantra doesn't really apply to men, because men are usually "looking' and do the pursuing. I think women can and do get attention even if they're not asking for it at all Right, the mantra would apply mostly to women...they generally aren't looking, because men are always hitting on them. (be it the gym, out in public, at friends of friends parties) Every time I've gotten a boyfriend, it's been because I was looking. (Well, not so much "looking," but putting myself out there socially. Going to events, parties, organizations, etc.). So I guess it depends on what one's definition of "not looking" or "looking" is. I don't think you have to "look." I do think you have to be out in public sometimes and in situations that give way to talking to people. It does no good just to go shopping. You must go to things where there's built in socializing in which you don't have to be a weirdo to talk to people because doing so (talking) is just part of the event/outing. Also, I have to say that as much as online dating can suck, it's also worked for me enough times that I'd be remiss not to advocate it a little. Edited January 22, 2013 by irc333
TouchedByViolet Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 As a single guy, all my successes have come when I have been actively searching, and putting myself out there. A woman has never fallen into my lap.
skyecko Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I wasnt looking when I met my current girlfriend. I had more or less given up for a little while. The whole making effort with wrong people who weren't even interested in me wore me out. I met g/f at work and she said that when she first met me she thought I was rude. But she saw me another time and saw I was different so she decided to give me a chance. When she did I showed her who I was and she liked me. Even though her and I are having some problems communicating I am still hoping that things will work out between us because she accepts me for who I am despite not being anywhere near perfect.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Another thing I wanted to add: people that are introverted like me are by nature more of loners that enjoy solitary activities. They are not that engaging or friendly with strangers either and dislike making chit chat. For me to even talk to people, I need to make an effort. If I am making an effort, there is already some degree of "looking". Same here. When I'm not "looking", it's just me and my cat. I've realized I'm happier doing my own things at home alone, or having a few friends over, than going out to bar/club type places 98% of the time. Sometimes I push myself to do social things, and I do it with gusto - but after 2 hours of it, I'm totally exhausted and need to just relax. My ex and I were a good match in that we're both introverted loner types who can socialize if we must, but prefer doing our own mostly quiet, brainy things away from the crowd. So we were two happy little loners together. I think I'm going to do best with a guy like this. And that guy and I are never going to find each other without making SOME effort. This is why OLD works well for me. Tons of super smart and interesting but shy, introverted guys there.
MyPoutine Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Oh I'd also like to emphasize on the introverts side of things, outside of a computer screen when I am dealing with people I don't know well I am a wreck, I hide it well in a professional setting but in a social setting I get nervous, super bubbly and just generally not me. I have found with this kind of a medium I am able to be myself and get comfortable with a person so that when we met "in real life" I am relaxed and natural. Otherwise I turn into someone I am not at all to compensate for my shyness. When I had my first date with my bf I barely made eye contact, gave monosyllabic responses and kept a physical distance between us and would move away if he tried to get closer. In his eyes it seemed like I wasn't interested at all but actually I liked him so much and was so nervous that I simply didn't know what to do...so yeah with that going for me sitting and waiting for "the one" is signing a life-long contract for being single.
mortensorchid Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I try to believe that that is true. That's what others have told me, but I am frustrated thinking "well when am I going to least expect it"? Ha ha ha ... ALthough I admit that there are certain things that will happen to you when you least expect them to. That happened with three great passions of my life - karate and my two favorite bands. And, they say THAT will happen to us as well. But it's also important that we learn from what we have learned, good and bad, so that we recognize the good and the bad rather than the first scrap that comes along that we grab onto. I've known many like that, and it's a sad state to see what their lives become. What helps? Someone here said prayer. Maybe I'll try that, done just about everything else. Ha ha ha ...
iris219 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Whenever I try to meet men, nothing comes of it. I can not tell you how many times I have dressed up, gone out, made an effort to be super fun and outgoing, and met no one. Not one single man. When I’m just living my life without thinking about dating, men will seek me out randomly, often in surprising ways. I’m sure this has to do with the energy I give off. I must have better energy when I don’t care. I guess I need to trust that the universe will provide me what I need when it feels I need it because when I make an effort nothing good happens (when it comes to meeting men).
aussietigerwolf Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 *blows a big fat raspberry* lol so that's a no from me.
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