40 Fonzarelli Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties?
Casablanca Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties? Sometimes you gotta do some looking on your own, if you never try to make something happen it never will...you gotta do some work on your own
tbf Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Don't know about anyone else but that's been the pattern to all my relationships and marriages, so I'm a firm believer in it. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties? Depends who you are. If you are an average looking to above woman or a good looking guy, then yes, you will probably stumble upon it. If you are a bottom of the barrel guy, you will die alone guaranteed if you wait for things to happen.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Totally believe it. I was in a new relationship with another man [which wasn't going too well] when I met current DB. It was one of those moments where... just... BOOM. That being said, I don't think you have to NOT be looking in order for you to find it.
Author 40 Fonzarelli Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I understand some work is involved, but for the most part the goal is to live a balanced life and not let "lack of a significant other" be a major letdown in your life. I'm asking this question because I recently read some books on the way our thoughts manifest our lives, the subconscious mind, and visualization. Maybe there's a deeper underlying reason we are single?
tbf Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 It's the mindset. The more desperate, the more likely you'll either select someone's who's not compatible or give off desperate vibes that turn people off. The more relaxed, happy, confident, non-needy and not desperate, the more you'll attract. As they say, body language comprises anywhere between 60 to 93% of communications. Pretty staggering. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I was in a new relationship with another man [which wasn't going too well] when I met current DB. It was one of those moments where... just... BOOM. Why am I not surprised?
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Why am I not surprised? I swear I played fair. I literally ended things that night and we had our first date a week later.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I swear I played fair. I literally ended things that night and we had our first date a week later. That's not what I meant. I meant that it is not surprising that you have options and have the luxury of being able to wait for it to come to your door. 2
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 That's not what I meant. I meant that it is not surprising that you have options and have the luxury of being able to wait for it to come to your door. Oh gosh. Well here is the thing that may shock you, he is not someone who I would have normally been initially attracted to. As a matter of fact, it was pure chemistry, and it took him major guts to approach me and I am very happy he did. 1
MrCastle Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 They won't show up on your doorstep, so you do have to put yourself in a situation to find someone, but I do agree that the timing of when you find them is completely beyond your control. You just never know when you'll meet them. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 You find one when you find one. And you might not find one. Ever. Some people never date or find love. Happens. Life is cruel and unfair.
Samilia Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties? If you're not looking, how can you find what you're looking for? Sure, sure.. there are billions of people in the world, we're doomed to find one to be our partner.. but why not get a head start and have it happen on our terms.
Jane2011 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Every time I've gotten a boyfriend, it's been because I was looking. (Well, not so much "looking," but putting myself out there socially. Going to events, parties, organizations, etc.). So I guess it depends on what one's definition of "not looking" or "looking" is. I don't think you have to "look." I do think you have to be out in public sometimes and in situations that give way to talking to people. It does no good just to go shopping. You must go to things where there's built in socializing in which you don't have to be a weirdo to talk to people because doing so (talking) is just part of the event/outing. Also, I have to say that as much as online dating can suck, it's also worked for me enough times that I'd be remiss not to advocate it a little. 4
TheFinalWord Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties? I think this quote would be more valid if phrased as "not expecting". Personally, I do not think that reduced expectation will do much to increase the chances of finding a good match, but it may be a healthier perspective as the stress of not having yet found a good match is reduced. Reason I prefer "not expecting" is because I think "stop looking" implies "stop trying". That generally won't work for men as men are typically the ones that pursue. If a man stops trying, (never ask women for dates) than I do not believe stop trying will end with a good result for the most part. The main exception I can think of is if a friend sets up a date and it is a good match.
charlietheginger Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Someone has to be looking. If your not looking then the other person was
tbf Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Why the extremism? Unless you spend 24/7 without ever meeting people, is it really that difficult to meet someone by accident, through work or friends? 1
Mr_Flay Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Like many other great truths of life, this one seems work just the opposite for me. When I was a student, I was surrounded by literally hundreds of girls my age. I really wasn't looking, and was living my student life, chatting to people, enjoying various activities, odd jobs etc. Nothing happened. Several months before I graduated I realised that soon I would be removed from that wonderful place full of girls and that I had to make an effort for something to happen. I scratched and clawed my way through approaching and dating, and finally found myself a great girlfriend. So you might say that I found someone when I was the most desperate. When I was laid back, nothing happened. 2
Andy_K Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties? It's a romanticised notion which generally only works out for hot girls and a select few other anomalous data points. For most people, it makes about as much sense as waiting for your perfect career to find you.
Emilia Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I think this quote would be more valid if phrased as "not expecting". Personally, I do not think that reduced expectation will do much to increase the chances of finding a good match, but it may be a healthier perspective as the stress of not having yet found a good match is reduced. Reason I prefer "not expecting" is because I think "stop looking" implies "stop trying". That generally won't work for men as men are typically the ones that pursue. If a man stops trying, (never ask women for dates) than I do not believe stop trying will end with a good result for the most part. The main exception I can think of is if a friend sets up a date and it is a good match. It's a romanticised notion which generally only works out for hot girls and a select few other anomalous data points. For most people, it makes about as much sense as waiting for your perfect career to find you. My views are somewhere in between. I'd say that even if you are not 'looking' or don't have high expectations, you need to come across as available. So if you are naturally more reserved with people at first, you have to practice showing your extroverted side so that you are approachable. That goes for women just as much as for men or even more so. You need to make the effort socially but it pays not to have high expectations for every outing and encounter, that will only lead to repetitions of disappointment and eventually bitterness. However if you don't keep setting up opportunities for yourself and if you are not open to new experiences, there won't be anyone out there to do this for you. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Never worked for me. The more I looked, the more I found. For example, I now go to the gym few times a week. There are many men in there. However, I am so focused on working out, I never notice anyone. I wear headphones, never make eye contact, just give off "back off" vibes. I occasionally see guys checking me out from the corner of my eye. Some have tried to say something related to equipment etc, but I barely look at them and give them one word answers. Nobody asked me for a phone number or even truly attempted chatting me up. I also look like s..., don't bother with hair, make up or dressing in cute/flattering outfits. I am sure if I was more receptive to eye contact, chats or even bothered to look up around me, I would have had men asking me out. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Another thing I wanted to add: people that are introverted like me are by nature more of loners that enjoy solitary activities. They are not that engaging or friendly with strangers either and dislike making chit chat. For me to even talk to people, I need to make an effort. If I am making an effort, there is already some degree of "looking". 5
truth_seeker Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How many of you believe in this? That you will meet that special someone, when you least expect it. If you have faith and believe that the forces of the universe will work for you, think positive, then you will be led to that special someone. Is this a better approach to take than forcing the issue and signing up for OLD and going to singles parties? I tried forcing the issue and each time have failed. OLD and single parties were utter disasters. You're meeting people who are desperate for an instant connection. The times I was successful was when it came unexpectedly. The key is to be out there, open minded and care free. Have your hobbies, your goals, live your life and eventually, with the proper timing, your mate will walk into your life.
El Brujo Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 They won't show up on your doorstep, so you do have to put yourself in a situation to find someone, but I do agree that the timing of when you find them is completely beyond your control. You just never know when you'll meet them. So true. These people who whine and complain need to get off their lazy butts and make a little effort. As for me... big deal if I don't meet anyone, at least I might get a new job from it, so for me it's lose some, win some.
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