smartie Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Sorry in advance for such a long post! I just needed to let it all out and maybe get some suggestions/advice from everyone? Thank you so much My girlfriend, well..ex now...of 4 months broke up with me last friday and it hurts. I know 4 months isn't a long time, but it feels longer since we've known each other for two years and have taken the same courses in college. The time we spent together always felt perfect. We would cuddle, tease eachother, go to the movies, play Guild Wars and League of Legends online together, text eachother everyday even if it was just to say hello. We would start to get intimate and eventually stop with her saying that it'll actually happen real soon just for me to be patient and trust her, so I agreed and hugged her. I loved her no matter what, and if it meant waiting for that next big step, then wait I shall. We hung out two weeks ago at her place, helped her with her computer. We had another intimate moment while the computer was doing its thing and then we stopped again and cuddled. It seemed fine because she was so happy to see me and I was thrilled to see her. Now, a week goes by without seeing each other, but we did talk on the phone almost daily. Again however, it seemed fine. We were flirty and playful, joked about and such until the day of the breakup. Friday - Hours before I left to pick her up to go to the movies, we were making plans on what to do in the near future, etc, so it didn't raise any alarm. After I get there and we head to the movies, there was this weird tension between us, we were just babbling about things but she seemed indifferent. I started to think that perhaps she just felt tired or was getting ill? We saw the movie, took her to her place and sat in the car where we talked and made out a bit, which gave me such a huge sigh of relief as I assumed everything was okay between us. But once I got home, I had to ask if she was alright and she started telling me how she's struggling to make a decision and that she's afraid to say what's on her mind. I reassured her that no matter what, she can always talk to me about anything, and that's when she said it. She asked if I were in love with her or was falling for her and I told her the truth, that I loved her. She thanked me for being honest (which I knew was a bad sign) and told me that she didn't love me, that she tried to and that we should end it. How can everything be okay for four months, and then the one week we don't see eachother, she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me? After kissing me after dropping her off at her home? Im still shocked and hurt. I just don't know why. Her dream is to move to the state where her relatives are and to work there. I supported her idea fully and even tried to reassure her that we could make the distance work. She would be 3 hrs away and that isn't that far. I've had this half finished portrait of her sitting here that I've worked on for a while before the breakup and wanted to give it to her on valentines day. But seeing as we won't be spending that day together, I'm thinking about finishing it anyway, writing her a letter expressing my feelings and mailing it to her apartmentr. We haven't spoken in three days, and I'll try and not contact her for a week or two so that she has her own space, but it's very difficult. What do you guys think? Should I even mail her the portrait and letter or not even bother? Or should I start accepting the fact that I can't win her back and that she truly doesn't love me?
na49 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Nice! Your ex played video games? Gah you're lucky. Okay but on a serious note. If she says she doesn't love you anymore, I'd take her word for it. A week of not seeing you huh? There could be a new guy you don't know about. There could have been a guy you didn't know about for a while. (all speculation of course) I'd leave her alone. Let her miss you. She dumped you, so she's the one who would need to come back to you. The ball is in her court on whether you guys get back together or not. It seems pretty unlikely to be honest, and if she can throw you away like she did. She can do it again. Things change pretty quickly, as you can see. Also don't send her squat. No Valentine's Day card, no letter expressing your feelings for her. Do you honestly expect her to read that and say "Oh! This is how he feels about me! Why'd I dump him! I'll take him back because he said he loves me in this letter!" Anything you do at this point just makes you look needy and desperate. You're more attractive to her if you show her you don't need her. Disappear from her life. She doesn't love you. You want someone who does. She made her bed now make her lay in it. It may not be as great and she may come back. Or it may be better and she won't. 1
Samilia Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Sorry in advance for such a long post! I just needed to let it all out and maybe get some suggestions/advice from everyone? Thank you so much My girlfriend, well..ex now...of 4 months broke up with me last friday and it hurts. I know 4 months isn't a long time, but it feels longer since we've known each other for two years and have taken the same courses in college. The time we spent together always felt perfect. We would cuddle, tease eachother, go to the movies, play Guild Wars and League of Legends online together, text eachother everyday even if it was just to say hello. We would start to get intimate and eventually stop with her saying that it'll actually happen real soon just for me to be patient and trust her, so I agreed and hugged her. I loved her no matter what, and if it meant waiting for that next big step, then wait I shall. We hung out two weeks ago at her place, helped her with her computer. We had another intimate moment while the computer was doing its thing and then we stopped again and cuddled. It seemed fine because she was so happy to see me and I was thrilled to see her. Now, a week goes by without seeing each other, but we did talk on the phone almost daily. Again however, it seemed fine. We were flirty and playful, joked about and such until the day of the breakup. Friday - Hours before I left to pick her up to go to the movies, we were making plans on what to do in the near future, etc, so it didn't raise any alarm. After I get there and we head to the movies, there was this weird tension between us, we were just babbling about things but she seemed indifferent. I started to think that perhaps she just felt tired or was getting ill? We saw the movie, took her to her place and sat in the car where we talked and made out a bit, which gave me such a huge sigh of relief as I assumed everything was okay between us. But once I got home, I had to ask if she was alright and she started telling me how she's struggling to make a decision and that she's afraid to say what's on her mind. I reassured her that no matter what, she can always talk to me about anything, and that's when she said it. She asked if I were in love with her or was falling for her and I told her the truth, that I loved her. She thanked me for being honest (which I knew was a bad sign) and told me that she didn't love me, that she tried to and that we should end it. How can everything be okay for four months, and then the one week we don't see eachother, she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me? After kissing me after dropping her off at her home? Im still shocked and hurt. I just don't know why. Her dream is to move to the state where her relatives are and to work there. I supported her idea fully and even tried to reassure her that we could make the distance work. She would be 3 hrs away and that isn't that far. I've had this half finished portrait of her sitting here that I've worked on for a while before the breakup and wanted to give it to her on valentines day. But seeing as we won't be spending that day together, I'm thinking about finishing it anyway, writing her a letter expressing my feelings and mailing it to her apartmentr. We haven't spoken in three days, and I'll try and not contact her for a week or two so that she has her own space, but it's very difficult. What do you guys think? Should I even mail her the portrait and letter or not even bother? Or should I start accepting the fact that I can't win her back and that she truly doesn't love me? Oh no.. you would make it worse. Don't make it about yourself, that's what you would do by pouring all your feelings on her. Instead let her breath a little, give her time and space, see what comes out of it. 1
BiancaLDN Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I think you shouldn't contact her at all, then send it so it gets there on Valentine's. But then, I AM single soooo it's up to you if you take my advice.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Okay but on a serious note. If she says she doesn't love you anymore, I'd take her word for it. A week of not seeing you huh? There could be a new guy you don't know about. There could have been a guy you didn't know about for a while. (all speculation of course) I'd leave her alone. Let her miss you. She dumped you, so she's the one who would need to come back to you. The ball is in her court on whether you guys get back together or not. It seems pretty unlikely to be honest, and if she can throw you away like she did. She can do it again. Things change pretty quickly, as you can see. Also don't send her squat. No Valentine's Day card, no letter expressing your feelings for her. Do you honestly expect her to read that and say "Oh! This is how he feels about me! Why'd I dump him! I'll take him back because he said he loves me in this letter!" Anything you do at this point just makes you look needy and desperate. You're more attractive to her if you show her you don't need her. Disappear from her life. She doesn't love you. You want someone who does. She made her bed now make her lay in it. It may not be as great and she may come back. Or it may be better and she won't. I agree with every word here.
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