HitMeNow Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Ok so long story short, been casually hooking up with this girl for a few months. We usually hang out once a week. She knows I am seeing other people, but I conveyed to her that she is my most important connection. She seems really, really into me, but the problem is I almost always initiate contact. And I am kind of tired of this. Should I start contacting her more often (like a few times a week?). If so what do I tell her? I mean I know not much happens in someone's life in a few days and talking about work and bs like that is booooring. i.e. Today Im going to the gym with another female friend. Should I drop her a casual invitation (although we saw each other a few days ago?) Im really confused... Never been (or have wanted to be) in an exclusive relationship before.
Casablanca Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Ok so long story short, been casually hooking up with this girl for a few months. We usually hang out once a week. She knows I am seeing other people, but I conveyed to her that she is my most important connection. She seems really, really into me, but the problem is I almost always initiate contact. And I am kind of tired of this. Should I start contacting her more often (like a few times a week?). If so what do I tell her? I mean I know not much happens in someone's life in a few days and talking about work and bs like that is booooring. i.e. Today Im going to the gym with another female friend. Should I drop her a casual invitation (although we saw each other a few days ago?) Im really confused... Never been (or have wanted to be) in an exclusive relationship before. I'd tell her how you feel. If you've been seeing other people, so is she probably which is probably why she doesn't contact you. Do you two just have sex or do you two actually go out on dates? If it is just the former, that is a big reason, it is just a FWB thing. I'd invite her out for an actual date and go from there.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 I'd tell her how you feel. If you've been seeing other people, so is she probably which is probably why she doesn't contact you. Do you two just have sex or do you two actually go out on dates? If it is just the former, that is a big reason, it is just a FWB thing. I'd invite her out for an actual date and go from there. I just did tell her that "she is my most important thing and that is so weird cuz I wasn't looking for anything and I let her in and now Im getting all these feelings" I'm 22. What is an actual date? We sometimes go to the bar when my friends are doing something. Going out for dinner, or movies is pretty boring. Id rather stay under the blankets and chill and **** and cuddle for a few hrs. Call it what you want but those are "my dates" and I feel like the kind of connection you can build staying together doing nothing, is 100 times better and more important than going to dinner.
Casablanca Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I just did tell her that "she is my most important thing and that is so weird cuz I wasn't looking for anything and I let her in and now Im getting all these feelings" I'm 22. What is an actual date? We sometimes go to the bar when my friends are doing something. Going out for dinner, or movies is pretty boring. Id rather stay under the blankets and chill and **** and cuddle for a few hrs. Call it what you want but those are "my dates" and I feel like the kind of connection you can build staying together doing nothing, is 100 times better and more important than going to dinner. See, what you guys have done sound more like friend things out side the sex. There is plenty of things to do outside of a movie. Try a new restaurant, maybe an ethnicity you two have never eaten, wine tasting, picnic (when it is warm), play, bowling, go to a cave, orchestra, sporting event, comedy show, etc.
soccerrprp Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 My suspicion is that you have clearly not committed to her and that's why she does not initiate contact. You straight out told her that you're seeing others, so why would she want to risk more hurt by initiating and raising her hopes? 1
Author HitMeNow Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 @casablanca. Any of the things you listed you can do with friends too. Doesn't seem like anything out of the normal. But I'll try to "make more plans" so as to speak... although I don't like making plans. @soccer. I do understand the reasons why things are the way they are. What I am asking is... How do I fix them, and is it in my power.
Casablanca Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 @casablanca. Any of the things you listed you can do with friends too. Doesn't seem like anything out of the normal. But I'll try to "make more plans" so as to speak... although I don't like making plans. @soccer. I do understand the reasons why things are the way they are. What I am asking is... How do I fix them, and is it in my power. While that is true, but don't make it something you two do with your friends...very rarely have I gone to a play with just a friend or wine tasting with just one friend. I've done wine tasting with a group, but never just a "friend"
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 She hasn't been contacting you first because you are the one in control of the relationship and its status. You are dating other people, and the first step? STOP SEEING OTHER PEOPLE. Next step is whatever you want, do you WANT her to go to the gym with you? Invite her, the way women see that they are wanted is by the amount of time and effort you put into spending with them.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 She hasn't been contacting you first because you are the one in control of the relationship and its status. You are dating other people, and the first step? STOP SEEING OTHER PEOPLE. I did define it and I am trying to redefine it. As I said I am making steps towards not seeing other people, which will happen in a few weeks. Next step is whatever you want, do you WANT her to go to the gym with you? Invite her, the way women see that they are wanted is by the amount of time and effort you put into spending with them. But doesn't that go both ways? I mean how do I know that she wants to evolve this whatever we have? If there is one thing I know for sure, is pushing for something that the other person doesnt want does not work.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I did define it and I am trying to redefine it. As I said I am making steps towards not seeing other people, which will happen in a few weeks. But doesn't that go both ways? I mean how do I know that she wants to evolve this whatever we have? If there is one thing I know for sure, is pushing for something that the other person doesnt want does not work. Making steps? What type of steps are you talking about? How actively are you dating? Are you seeing multiple people on a consistent basis? It would go both ways if it wasn't for the fact that you ultimately have control. This is where communication steps in! Want her to initiate more? Time to make her KNOW she is the priority as in she is the only one you plan on seeing. Talking goes a long way in relationships, let her know you want to take the step to exclusivity, ask her how she would feel about that, and if she feels the same for you as you are, you SHOULD see her contact more. What are you wanting though? Her to ask YOU [who is still seeing other people not to mention] out with her to everyday things? You are still playing the dating game and she is just standing by waiting for you. Therefore you have to be the one to make contact, its a way for us women to protect ourselves, and you can't blame us.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Making steps? What type of steps are you talking about? How actively are you dating? Are you seeing multiple people on a consistent basis? It would go both ways if it wasn't for the fact that you ultimately have control. This is where communication steps in! Want her to initiate more? Time to make her KNOW she is the priority as in she is the only one you plan on seeing. Talking goes a long way in relationships, let her know you want to take the step to exclusivity, ask her how she would feel about that, and if she feels the same for you as you are, you SHOULD see her contact more. What are you wanting though? Her to ask YOU [who is still seeing other people not to mention] out with her to everyday things? You are still playing the dating game and she is just standing by waiting for you. Therefore you have to be the one to make contact, its a way for us women to protect ourselves, and you can't blame us. I agree that it's a way to protect yourselves. She is "actively" dating too, although hasn't been to any real dates in the last few months. I told her she is a priority and i had feelings for her last time we saw each other. What I am asking is WHY is it just me that is making this steps forward. All I would want is for her to ask me to stop seeing other people and then I would happily do it. I just wanna be there for her, but I need to know that she needs me before doing so. I can't just offer her exclusivity (pretty much all the power a man has) without knowing if she wants that (whereas a woman is supposed to seek exclusivity off the man she wants)
Casablanca Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What I am asking is WHY is it just me that is making this steps forward. All I would want is for her to ask me to stop seeing other people and then I would happily do it. I just wanna be there for her, but I need to know that she needs me before doing so. I can't just offer her exclusivity (pretty much all the power a man has) without knowing if she wants that (whereas a woman is supposed to seek exclusivity off the man she wants) Why not just tell her you're not seeing other people? And yeah you can offer her that without knowing it...she'd be doing the same.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I agree that it's a way to protect yourselves. She is "actively" dating too, although hasn't been to any real dates in the last few months. I told her she is a priority and i had feelings for her last time we saw each other. What I am asking is WHY is it just me that is making this steps forward. All I would want is for her to ask me to stop seeing other people and then I would happily do it. I just wanna be there for her, but I need to know that she needs me before doing so. I can't just offer her exclusivity (pretty much all the power a man has) without knowing if she wants that (whereas a woman is supposed to seek exclusivity off the man she wants) If she is "actively" dating but hasn't been on any real dates in the past few months, maybe that was her way of telling you she isn't actively dating anyone anymore. As for the asking you to be exclusive? Ahhh, well thats easy! She won't ask you to because people in this phase get nervous that it is going to be one sided. So you can wait to see if she ends up asking... or you can! One of you will have to grow the balls [figuratively] to ask. You are making it way too complicated with rules. You don't offer it... it should be something YOU WANT. If you are doing it just because she asks then it makes her the bad guy for making you do it. You want to be exclusive and see only her? DO IT. Just tell her thats what you want and ask how she feels about it and BOOM. I can't stress enough how much talking can fix. Everyone is always too afraid about who has the power and what if they don't feel the same way... so much fear. I have learned that if you want something, you just have to dive right into it, just risk it, put yourself out there, be the vulnerable one. Maybe it won't work... but ****! Think about how awesome it would be if it does! 1
sydneysider1978 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What I am asking is WHY is it just me that is making this steps forward. All I would want is for her to ask me to stop seeing other people and then I would happily do it. It's your job to step this up because You've been so loud and proud about being a player and sexing other women. She's afraid of getting hurt or rejected. Take her our on a nice, planned date (like a relationship setting not a fwb setting) and say you were thinking
sydneysider1978 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What I am asking is WHY is it just me that is making this steps forward. All I would want is for her to ask me to stop seeing other people and then I would happily do it. It's your job to step this up because You've been so loud and proud about being a player and sexing other women. She's afraid of getting hurt or rejected. Take her our on a nice, planned date (like a relationship setting not a fwb setting) and say you were thinking of just seeing her and ask her how that sounds. Yep, you're going have to be a little vunerable. Fortune favours the brave. 2
Author HitMeNow Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Message understood. My game is gonna step up. Also can you tell how much feelings a girl has for you from her "lovey dovey" touches even though she never expresses it literally? I.e. she hugs you tightly, kisses your hands, wants to cuddle, sleeps on top of your chest, etc.?
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