How to make things right with my girlfriend again?

[skyecko]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a month now. Everything has been fantastic before she went on a company trip. She is in the middle of a divorce with two children. Since she has come back it seems everything is say is completely wrong to her and is making her happy.

 

Ok, so she came back from her trip. I talked to her on the phone and we got in an argument. She told me that she left her phone in the hotel room and stopped texting me because I asked her if she had been drinking or her ex-husband was on the trip. Basically it really insulted her that I would ask her these things and she said it told her that I don't trust her. Well, I don't trust alcohol but I trust her. With alcohol anything can go wrong. So the following day I went to see her at her house. She had brought back a souvenier keychain and shirt for me. I gave her a box that I had bought for her. I thought things were alright but I started noticing some things. When I went to hug her she would avoid the hug; or one time she did hug me but it wasnt a real hug. When we sat on the couch together she put a pillow between us. While we were walking she kept her hands in her pocket. While we were at the park she had her shades on and wasnt making eye contact with me. When sitting on the bench she put her coffee between us. She didn't give me any affection like she usually does. Normally she holds my hand; and when we hug often; and when on the couch she lays against me. Nothing. Then I felt terrible so I went into the other bedroom and she came in there and she told me that she wanted me to leave. We started arguing. She told me the reason was that she didn't feel comfortable me being at the house with her ex-husband having lawyers and people watching her. I tried to talk with her and she got more upset telling me several times she wanted me to leave. I tried to hug her and she backed away crying. She said that she felt like I was "controlling" and "suffocating" her and that she needed space. I was upset and confused so I just left. Later she sent me this text message.

 

I have fear for many things that if I do something wrong bad things could happen, I have told you many times we aren't perfect but I know you are perfect for me, I want to make you happy And i know I can do it, I told you I need to get things straight and all I'm asking is give me time and space, if you think that this will ruin wherever we have, I'm sorry, I want to be with you with no fear of anything, it might be hard but I think this is the way, I don't want this relation to get very strong then brake, that will hurt more than if we wait and do the right thing, I didn't know talking to you getting to know each other will became a relationship, I do want to be your girlfriend and you my boyfriend but I need space and time to little by little change my life and include you in it. Everything has happen really fast for good but at the same as fast can break if we don't do the right things. I like you and care about you a lot, I hope you really understand me, I noticed I don't like to repeat things but I will learn to do it to make sure we understand each other.

 

So I text her back the following:

 

Thanks for writing. I feel better. I believe that you are the right person for me. So much that I have told my family and friends about you. I even told my ex which seems crazy. I have no doubts. As if I wasn't already happy there are two kids who are just really special. I could not ask for anything more. I know what I want. I realized very quickly that you were different than any girl I had met. I'm still adjusting because I'm not used to someone who is as direct and honest as you. I know things can work out for us; but I need to follow you for now. Our relationship will not break as long as we keep talking and occasionally see one another. I will let you decide these things. And yes, sometimes you may need to repeat yourself and be very specific. I have no fears hun. My only fear is not having you in my life.

 

So the next day I only text her when she text me. Just morning and night. I didn't contact her.

 

Today, she says goodmorning and I say good morning. I thought that was going to be the end of the the conversation. But she text me back.

 

I see you don't want to talk much, I understand one way or another we going to have to talk.

 

At this point, I am not sure what she means. Maybe because we work at the same company?

 

So I text her back.

 

"No, I do want to talk. It is not normal for me to be quiet. You said you needed space. I am trying to give you what you asked."

 

 

She replied:

 

"My space I mean it for you not to come to the house, not that we can't talk, but I understand like I said already."

 

So I reply back:

 

"Oh, I thought you meant u wanted me to back off and more or less leave u alone unless you contact me. It is difficult not to talk with you because I enjoy it. Communication is what brought us together. Communication is what will keep us together. I said I would follow your lead. If you just mean not coming to the house that's no problem."

 

She replies back:

 

"And that's what I said, I was getting upset because I told you several times and you were still there and you left upset and I can't see you like that I don't want to hurt you on any way"

 

I reply back:

 

"Then I misunderstood. I knew you didn't want me at the house. Normally I would leave right away. When I didn't this made you more upset. I wanted to understand things. I always fight for the relationship. That is what I was doing. You tell me how you would like our relationship to be and I will follow it."

 

Which she hasn't replied to. Maybe I should just leave her alone again. I mean part of me thinks she just wants the relationship back to the way it was minus me coming to her house. But when she used the words "controlling", "suffocating her", and "need space" in the argument we have it confused me and now I'm not sure how to approach the relationship.

Edited January 21, 2013 by skyecko

[will1988]

No offense but it seems like you are a bit controlling and suffocating. This woman is going through a divorce... she has a lot on her plate. Personally I think she is in no position to truly date anyone until things have settled down. Your best bet at this point is to leave the ball in her court and see if she gets back to you. She does seem like a nice person though and seems straight forward... so I think she wants to be with you, but she is trying to avoid all of the drama, and you bring dram. As I said, your best bet is to let her come to you when she wants to come to you... but I also would not put up with any wishy washy stuff. If she acts that way again when she decides to contact you, just tell her thanks for the good time and to be in touch when she sorts out her life. You two have only been dating for a month after all.

[clia]

Did I read that right that you've only been seeing her for a month? You seem really attached for such a short amount of time. The fact that you two are already arguing is a huge, blaring, red flag about this relationship.

 

Dude, step back. Give her space. Let her get through her divorce. At best you are a rebound anyway.

[veggirl]

why are you reposting this? go back to your original thread and update there if you want. (plz read my response in that thread OP)