I am so confused

[brokenpromises]

I am having a terrible time trying to get over my ex- boyfriend. I have tried everything, but for some reason I can't get over him. I started talking to my ex about a year ago from now. I had known him from highschool when I was 16 and we had a class together. He was a year younger than me. We kind of hooked up and hung out and talked a lot. But because I had a boyfriend at the time. We just sort of stopped talking. Then about two years later when I was a senior in highschool we started talking and hung out again. At that time I was going away to college so things just sort of ended Then I heard from him again last fall which was about 2 years from last time we talked. He had called my house a bunch and I decided to call him. He had recently broken up with his girlfriend of a year and a half. We started hanging out and talked and I had recently broken up with my boyfriend in the summer. So things went really good we connected because we could both talk about our ex's and how crappy they were.

 

We started dating and but werent official yet. The problem was that I went to school 3 hours away and he still lived where I grew up. So we talked on the phone every nite, sent text messages all the time. I had come home for Christmas break and we got to hang out a lot more. He was bothering me a lot to sleep with him and I told him I wouldn't unless we were really together. Then he kept bugging me so I gave in. Then after that he had invited me to this party, he and I had gone there together. As the nite went on he had other girls show up as well. He was flirting with all of them and made his rounds from one girl to the next. I was very upset by this because I knew we were just dating but it was hard for me to see him flirting with other girls after I had slept with him. I started crying at the partying infront of him and he just walked away. After the party I was really upset with him, I found out that he had gone on other dates with other girls and that really upset me. Although we were just dating. He had said around this time that he didn't want a relationship with anyone. So I went back to school and we started talking a lot. One day he asked if he could be my boyfriend and I was shocked. I asked him what changed his mind and he said he didn't know. So we started going out. I would go home to visit him on weekends and he would come visit me on weekends. Things seemed to be going well.

 

This was the first guy that my parents had actually liked, and I got along with his family very well also. He started telling me he loved me about 2 months into the relationship, then I started telling him the same. I really felt that I loved him. There was always this jealousy thing with us though, because I never really forgot about the whole party thing. Here I had thought he was all for me then he ends up having other girls around. He would get jealous back for example one of my guy friends came to visit me. He was very upset. I also had a trust thing with him, because of the whole party thing. He told me that he was always faithful to his girlfriends and would never cheat. So things went well for awhile and we were really happy we had a lot of fun together and got along great except for the occasional fighting. When I came home for the summer I was so excited to be with him. I wanted to spend lots of time with him to make up the time I was away. He would constantly put his friends before me and he always wanted his friends to come with us. He said he wished he could be with his friends and me all the time. I told him I need time with just him. So he started hanging out with me more. His friends weren't around as much. We still hung out with our friends just not as much Pretty soon we were spending a lot of time together. We seemed to be crazy about eachother, he would come to my cabin and spend the weekend with me and my family. Then I would do things with his family too. So I felt we had this balance.

 

Then about a month and a half ago his friend had been dumped by his girlfriend of 6 months about the same time me and my ex had been together. His friend had ditched him for his gf, since he didn't have a gf he wanted to spend a lot of time with my ex. We were suppose to go to his cabin just the two of us. He texts me saying his friend was going to come with us, and I should invite one of my friends. This made me mad, he hadn't even asked me if his friend could go. I told I was mad so he said his friend wasn't going to come. So we went to his cabin had fun, we decided we wanted to stay there for the nite. Here we were all excited to stay. But he had to asked his mom if he could stay she said no right away. This made me angry, so got mad at him, when it was his moms doings. So the whole night I gave him crap about how he couldn't stay and i just wouldn't let it go. So we drove home that nite and things seemed weird. The next day I was with my friends, I had talked to him but he was very short with me. Then the next day after I felt like something wrong was going to happen. I talked to him and he seemed weird. I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said he didn't know. I asked him it was either yes or no. He said I just don't think this will work. He said he couldn't handle the fighting. And the time at the cabin topped it. He also said I am too stressed out with this relationship, I can't handle the fighting. so I said can I see you in person. He agreed so we met and decided that we would take a break for a few days then that weekend he would come up to my cabin and see how things went. Things were weird but it was because we had broken up and gotten back together. After the weekend he had decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. He said he didn't feel the same way he did about me after that time at his cabin. He said that maybe things will work out later on, but not right now. he said he didn't want a serious relationship. As he broke up with me he cried like I had never seen. He never cries. So I left and was heart broken. I started sending him text messages and he would reply to them. Then he told me how he was hanging out with these girls a lot and how he was drinking a lot. He hadn't talked just text. Then he called me about three weeks after the break up. We talked and he seemed real different. He talked about all his drinking stories and talked a lot about this girl that he said he liked. Things seemed to be going well. He was going to come over and say good bye before I had to go back to school. He had called and asked if he could come by. But the girl he likes was with him, so I told him not to. He didn't understand why that would upset me. So I left for school and I had texted him about his new interest and he had gotten really mad. Told me not to call him when I'm in town. Then text how if he ends up with this girl than he will and how supportive she is. She is a senior in highschool and I am a junior in college. They spend like everyday together and this bothers me so much. I want to know if he will ever come back but don't know the answer. I wonder if this girl is just a rebound or what. What should I do? What should I think. I can't get over him. I dont know if what he said about things working out later was just a line or what. Help

[uriel]

You two have obviously cared about one another, but -- to be blunt -- he's way to immature to offer you a committed, monogamous relationship.

 

He wants a girl as a fun companion: sex, hanging out, good times. When there's any sort of conflict, he wants out. He still feels girls are somewhat replaceable -- even though every now and then he gets the nagging feeling you might be someone more special to him. He's very far from being ready to settle down. He's acting on impulse, ensure of his feelings and not yet quite sure of who he is.

 

It's understandable that you still have feelings for him. But, you need to accept that you've gotten too serious too soon with him. Whatever fantasies you wove for him and you, or he and you wove together, he's not grown-up enough to make them real.

 

Right now, you need to concentrate on educating yourself, forming yourself into a strong and independent woman, and making a good way in the world. When you've done that, you'll attract the sort of man who can really be a partner to you. Maybe it will be him many years from now. Maybe not.

 

You will find love again, though. Trust that -- and trust yourself.

 

-- uriel

[brokenpromises]

Thanks for your advise. I know what I need to do but it is so hard to walk away. I haven't contacted him in like 4 days after he sent me a text that made me sad. He told me how supportive this high school girl is for him. Why is he telling me how he likes this girl and maybe they will go out? Do you think it is just a rebound? He told me many times before that he would never date a girl who is in high school, because they are too immature. I think he is just spending all this time with her to get over me. It is almost like he is trying to make me jealous. He brags about how he drinks all the time, and goes to all these parties and clubs. Then he talks about this girl. I understand why he is drinking all the time and stuff because he still lives at home and never partied very much. Do you think he is trying to make me jealous by telling me all these things? Why when he broke up with me? Is it best to not contact him at all? I want a guys honest opinion or female. When a guy breaks up with you, cries and tells you things might just work out better down the road. Is that a line? Or could he be sincere? It so hard to get over someone that you thought you really loved and you thought loved you.

[uriel]

What does it matter if he's sincere or not? His confused feelings are the only stable, predictable pattern here. This guy is going to hurt you, no matter if he's playing with your head or playing in his own.

 

Yes -- it's tough to walk away from someone you've loved, someone who promised to love you but betrayed you. If you don't, though, you're in for continuing pain. That's a guarantee.

 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.

 

-- uriel

[dreaday86]

[color=violet]She's right this guy was not ready for commitment he's obvious immature specially bragging about drinking and stuff like that. To tell u the truth begninning of this year in dec,jan i broke up with my bf of 1yr and 5 mo i wanted to go have fun and meet other people and he was talking about marriage which scared me...so i wasn't ready and i found out he cheated on me..but anyways

 

I met a guy 5 months later i calmed down since then and i thought we was getting serious he's 25 and i'm 18 and it turned out he used me i feel bad i had sex with him and we hung out and he used me it made me furious, it just proves that some guys don't matter how old or young they are aren't ready for long things.

 

I currently met someone now and were lasting just fine i think it might work this time even though he's inthe military my love still grows strong for him. I know it's hard for you to get over him possibly but he's just gonna keep stabbing you with him going out and seeing girls so try your damniest to move on and if you do talk to him tell him about guys your seeing either you are or you can fib about it...lol hope i helped buh bye[/color]