RedHead33 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I was discussing with few friends today regarding women keeping maiden name after marriage. I personally think that woman should, shows respect for husband as well and it's a lot easier once children come (everyone has the name last name). I changed mine, and it wasn't a hassle, like one of my friends said. I would like to get men's opinion on the situation, why and why not? I heard in some countries, like Italy, its perfectly normal. Thanks.
LittleTiger Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Your post is a little confusing but I'm assuming you mean that you think women should change their name to that of their husband? In which case, I disagree. I didn't change my name when I married my ex-husband fourteen years ago and he didn't want me to. No disrespect to him, I just preferred my own name. Saying that it's disrespectful to the husband not to change your name is a very old fashioned view. The name change was originally about ownership. The woman belonged to her father's family until she married and then she belonged to her husband's family. It means nothing these days. The argument that parents and children should have the same name is no longer valid. 50% of marriages break up and new families form when the now single parents find new partners. They might even remarry and change their name a second, or even third, time. Very often, even the children in one family don't have the same name as either parent or each other. That said, when I marry my fiance I will take his name, because he asked me to and I'm more than happy to do so. Every case is different. 2
sweetkiwi Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Yes here in Italy the women keep their own last names. Which strikes me as odd in a place as Misogynistic as this
CarrieT Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I am in my late 40s. I was married briefly in my early 20s into the L. Ron Hubbard clan and was quite pleased to revert back to my maiden name when I got divorced. I will be getting married again for the first time in almost 25 years this November. I asked my fiancé if he minded if I didn't take his last name for a variety of reasons; I am an enstablished artist with work in galleries around the country with my current, maiden name; and, his last name is remarkably similar sounding to "Carrie" and it just sounds too little girlish. He doesn't mind and I am a bit relieved. I'm the last of my family with this name and I'd like to keep it.
Keenly Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Call me old fashioned, but I would be a little hurt if he didn't want to take my last name. I'm the last person in my entire family with my last name and my family name will die if she doesn't. I wouldn't tell her that though . 1
sweetkiwi Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Call me old fashioned, but I would be a little hurt if he didn't want to take my last name. I'm the last person in my entire family with my last name and my family name will die if she doesn't. I wouldn't tell her that though . What about your children??? Me personally I would be honored to take my husbands last name. Its not a problem for me.
Keenly Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What about your children??? Me personally I would be honored to take my husbands last name. Its not a problem for me. Im operating on the assumption that there will be problems with that since she is keeping her last name, she may want to name them after him. Idk why it just would hurt my feelings, like she wasn't in it 100%.
sweetkiwi Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Even if I kept my last name I would name the children after their father. Thats what my mother did. And I took her maiden name as a middle name. 1
Author RedHead33 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 There is always, what if? I live in North America and 95% of women change their last name. I would understand if woman got married at later age and has successful career and is known under maiden name. But to me husband's last name binds them together even more. Or if its a 2nd marriage and woman doesn't want to go through change again. Keeping maiden name just because there is a 50% chance of a divorce is very stupid to look into. Nobody gets married thinking ok I'll divorce. If husband doesn't mind is one think but if it means a lot to husband and you don't want to... Just my 2 cents.
sweetjasmine Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I kept my name for several reasons. First, it's who I am. It'd be like asking me to change my first name. My last name has just as much family history as my H's, and I'd rather hold on to that part of me. I'm very much emotionally tied to it and to my family's origins and past. Second, I have built work on my name, including two degrees. I also have important documents in 3 countries, and changing my name would have involved traveling to consulates and filling out paperwork to make sure everything is still in order. It would have been a massive headache. And finally, I don't feel it's necessary. It doesn't prove anything or make anyone more likely to stay together. Family and friends have addressed things to me under H's last name, and it doesn't offend me. So why should it be an issue if my legal name remains the same? People should do what works best for them, but I personally think it's very silly to make assumptions about someone's intentions or their relationship based on whether they're open to changing their name. 1
MissBee Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I was discussing with few friends today regarding women keeping maiden name after marriage. I personally think that woman should, shows respect for husband as well and it's a lot easier once children come (everyone has the name last name). I changed mine, and it wasn't a hassle, like one of my friends said. I would like to get men's opinion on the situation, why and why not? I heard in some countries, like Italy, its perfectly normal. Thanks. I don't think this has anything to do with "respecting" your husband frankly and is purely up to personal preference. My aunt was married before and she is remarried. Her child from a previous marriage has his dad's name and her current child has her current husband's name and some of her business correspondence is in her old married name and then some call her by her current husband's name. Point is though, it doesn't really make life any more difficult and I don't see how everyone in her housing have the same last name would really make any difference to quality of life. My stance is: depending on where I am in my life and career will determine if I change my name...and also how my husband's name sounds. If it's a name that I like that sounds good with mine and if I prefer it...I'll change it! If not...I might keep mine. Hyphenation is also possible. Our kids will have their dad's last name. But none of these options are about respect IMO. 1
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