Spark1111 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 There is a difference between scratch and dent and continued attempts at scratching elsewhere while glossing up the appearance of not scratching as to sustain the home front. I'm happy your marriage is well. My point is the term marriage is very subjective. it is definitely for the people in it too. And often, they don't compare notes are are operating on different pages or can be in completely different chapters. I would have rated my marriage an 8, while he had downgraded it to a 3 during the emotional affair. When the physical affair began, he was probably rating it in the minus numbers. but who knew? not me. he never told me he wanted a divorce or was unhappy with us. After DDay, I was in the minus numbers, and lo and behold his estimation starting rapidly rising, especially as I had a suitcase packed for two years. today, I'm still the solid 8 I always was. he's at 10 plus. go figure. was that me? Him? Our marriage? his affair? I will never truly know, but I am happy. promises, all of life is subjective. maybe it wasn't you. maybe it wasn't her OR the marriage. maybee all that subjective confusion and unhappiness was his and his alone.
Author promises Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 it is definitely for the people in it too. And often, they don't compare notes are are operating on different pages or can be in completely different chapters. I would have rated my marriage an 8, while he had downgraded it to a 3 during the emotional affair. When the physical affair began, he was probably rating it in the minus numbers. but who knew? not me. he never told me he wanted a divorce or was unhappy with us. After DDay, I was in the minus numbers, and lo and behold his estimation starting rapidly rising, especially as I had a suitcase packed for two years. today, I'm still the solid 8 I always was. he's at 10 plus. go figure. was that me? Him? Our marriage? his affair? I will never truly know, but I am happy. promises, all of life is subjective. maybe it wasn't you. maybe it wasn't her OR the marriage. maybee all that subjective confusion and unhappiness was his and his alone. I am learning a great deal through this entire phase of my life. I no longer have rose colored glasses towards what partnership means. I have not been married but, I do understand dynamics of long term relationships. I do know that without complete honesty- there is room for deception. The only reason it is still my business is he is trying to still make it mine. He doesn't want me to move on completely and yet he is not being honest with his W. I am staying NC and I have been. I agree that it's possible the unhappiness is his and his alone. AND that it is a blessing in disguise for me as that kind of torment is not something I desire. Marriage is put up on a pedestal it seems and I really feel like it shouldn't be unless it is deserving. I have seen very few examples of this to date.
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