Are people who live with their parents a good catch?

[Sugarkane]

That's great that you did but how long ago were you 21? Ever heard of the GFC? I see a lot of baby boomers who also seem to have separation anxiety and never want us to leave. I feel our generation got screwed over- college debt, cost of living sky high, economy down the drain. It's pretty easy for you to say. Baby boomers had it a lot easier than us.

It would depend, but it would be a downside no matter the reason. Unless they were in school, or out of school and building the money to move out it would be very unlikely. If they were broke and working a dead end job, it's a dealbreaker. The economy is good here so it's not a reason. I'm too young for the looking after parents deal, but that could be a dealbreaker for me unless it was temporary. I want to live with someone down the road and build a life, not someone and their parents. My parents could live with me if they needed, but I wouldn't want it permanant i'd get them in a home or something. It does usually come with maturity, you can tell in a lot of my friends who lives at home and who doesn't, the ones who live at home funny enough are usually the ones who have no money to (none pay rent either) and still in crappy dead end jobs. Then again, a few move out with roommates and end up back at home because they are broke and that is just foolish to. It's pathetic by mid 20's to still be at home, mommy does your laundry, all your cooking, cleaning your room, etc, etc. No way would I date someone like that. I was doing all that stuff myself at 10 years old....

 

I moved out and bought my own house at 21 so there is no reason for someone else not to be able to do the same by mid 20's.

[fortyninethousand322]

This really pisses me off to be frank. Then why do they make it extremely expensive to live on campus for? Why don't the government actually create more jobs since ours are all going over seas? Gee that might actually help!

 

Because the government is not very good at doing that. Among other things they aren't very good at.

[Sugarkane]

Suladas- Maube the economy is great in your country but it's not in mine. If you don't know what to do career wise, it's difficult not to find anything casual. And what do you do if you have parents like mine who think you have to be married just to do anything? Or eg Asians who live at home until their married? Maybe in this joke of an economy you might one day find yourself moving back home.

Edited January 22, 2013 by Sugarkane

[Sugarkane]

I would've left at 18 if it wasn't for the Casualization of the workforce and the cost of living on campus is so expensive you need to sell yourself just to afford it here.

[mortensorchid]

Depends, and that's a wide range of problems. I dated a guy about ten years ago who was living with his mom, he said it was due to finances. This was before the economy crashed. It took me a long time to realize it, but I finally did realize that he was not living with her because of finances but because he was afraid to be alone. He also proved himself to be very selfish rather than the man I thought he was, but I don't know if that is related to the fact that he was living with his mom.

 

And last year I dated a guy who was living with his mom. He was living with her as he was unemployed at the time, through the roughly six months I was with him he was looking for a job. Eventually he got one, then he broke it off. He was an Alpha Male (aka Bad Boy/loser). He broke it off he said because every woman he'd ever been with had broken it off because of his bad behavior and he wasn't going to let that happen again. Barely 5 months later he had a new gf (which he called to tell me about no less) and now they live together. I realize it was/is because I wasn't taking care of him, and he has just informed me that we can no longer talk (email, text, etc.) because his gf is uncomfortable and he agrees. "Sorry to be so blunt." I understand completely - it's her house, her food, her water, etc. and if we were to continue talking it would jeopardize his living situation. I thought that was a real loser thing of him to do/say, but he'll be back living with his mom before you know it and then he'll really be alone.

 

Then there was another guy who I went on 2 or 3 dates with a few years ago. Once I came to pick him up, he told me later on the phone that he didn't invite me in because he lives with his mom and dad. I thought that was odd, but if he was so embarrassed of that then he should've said up front.

 

Life is complicated. That's all you can say.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I live wit my parents so Idon't want a guy who lives with his also. My ex did though but they were cool, they didn't care about me spending the night or us having sex or anything like that.

[taiko]

It depends upon cultural of the person. In my case it was my closest held secret. . Even more so then the whore mongering which was financed in part by living at home. Meanwhile in my wife's culture it was expected

 

Just saying in some cases red flag, in others because of the familiar commitment shown a big green flag

[suladas]

That's great that you did but how long ago were you 21? Ever heard of the GFC? I see a lot of baby boomers who also seem to have separation anxiety and never want us to leave. I feel our generation got screwed over- college debt, cost of living sky high, economy down the drain. It's pretty easy for you to say. Baby boomers had it a lot easier than us.

 

Suladas- Maube the economy is great in your country but it's not in mine. If you don't know what to do career wise, it's difficult not to find anything casual. And what do you do if you have parents like mine who think you have to be married just to do anything? Or eg Asians who live at home until their married? Maybe in this joke of an economy you might one day find yourself moving back home.

 

I'm 23 now, so ya it was in this economy. I know it varies based off the country, but here there is a severe worker shortage, you can find a job very easily that pays well. It wasn't easy. Guess at, at 12 years old I worked the summer and weekends with my dad to save for a vehicle I bought myself a very nice one at 16. Same thing with the house, my last year in high school I was working full-time and started to save for a house. In 4 years I had saved up an entire years salary to move out, and I pissed away a lot of money in those years still while saving that much, and I was back in school for a bit. If you want something bad enough you do what it takes, buying a house was a very important goal of mine.

 

My parents are divorced, my mom was for it because I didn't live with her anyway. My dad wanted me to stay because I was the last child at home, but it's my decision and I made it because it was best for me. I couldn't live with him anymore, it just didn't work.

 

I will never move back home, I am probably going back to school next year and will just work and do what it takes. Yes it won't be easy, but it's worth it.

Edited January 22, 2013 by suladas

[Sugarkane]

And what about people like me who have their family think you have to be married just to leave. Yet when i told them about these threads it all fell on deaf ears. Yet if you're ethnic it's ok for some reason? I know people who don't live at home and still get their mum to do their washing. How's that being independent?

[Mrlonelyone]

And what about people like me who have their family think you have to be married just to leave. Yet when i told them about these threads it all fell on deaf ears. Yet if you're ethnic it's ok for some reason? I know people who don't live at home and still get their mum to do their washing. How's that being independent?

 

 

No ones saying "If your ethnic it's ok but if your white it isn't". All anyone has said is that in some cultures it is perfectly normal for adult children to live with their birth families unless they are married (or able to move into their own house, or have to work so far away it's totally necessary to have their own place. Usually with a roommate or two then.)

 

What is the financial sense in living in an apartment when there is a good sized house with empty space in the family, unless you have your own family?

 

As far as I am concerned it's OK for any adult child to live with their parents provided:

 

They pay their own bills and help with the upkeep of the house.

 

Their house is large enough to give everyone a degree of privacy comparable to an apartment in most respects.

 

Their parents have moved into a house their child bought.

 

The child is taking care of the parents health care needs in some way.

 

The adult child is themselves mildly disabled in some way that requires a little extra care.

 

The bottom line is one cannot look at someone living with their parents by a certain age and assume they are lazy, mooching, dependent, have mommy/daddy issues etc. Life is just way too complicated to make those kind of judgments based on one isolated fact.

 

 

 

One more thing if you're bashful about sex where others can hear it, in most apartments I've lived in I could hear the neighbors and they could hear me. Then there is eventually getting married and having kids..the kids can hear you too.

 

Jungle Fever (1991): Morning Sex Part 2 - Video

[pbjbear]

Sometimes people in their 30's get laid off. I have a male friend who is single and moved home because he was the only one in the family with a work schedule that was flexible enough to help take care of his dying grandmother. It depends.

 

But if its due to laziness...it would be a turnoff for me. However, there are exceptions. Some men really like their mothers and wont move out until they have someone else close with to move out. I know a guy like this, very successful and pays rent and for food and stuff, but is a really social guy who gets lonely and loves his Italian family but would gladly move out if he found someone.. but those are prob. exceptions

[JDP25]

After reading a few newer post after my last one on this thread.

 

Life is complicated!

 

For those that found she/him at some local club/bar or public place. You found interest in that person, but later find out that they live with their folks. If that is the main determination that will stop you from dating this person? That is just being judgmental and assuming they are not a catch.

 

Best is to take a stab and test the waters with that person. See what their situation is first. If you still like this person put them to a test. Don't become that person's dependent to lean on. See, if this person really has ambition and determination to push through their problems and move out of the parents roof.

 

As soon as I turned 18 I signed the contract that took me around the world by defending the good ol' USA. Yes, I was in the service. I have no problem being alone and independent. I was single through my whole term and I didn't depend on my fellow brothers in arms to watch over me except in combat.

 

Its been 2 years out since 2010 and live back with my parents. I had no where else to go because my finances hit rock bottom. So I couldn't afford an apartment or rent. I am just about to finish paying off the loan on my car and that should open the door. The door that I need to start saving for an apartment.

 

I am unemployed at the moment searching for work again. The sad thing is that I haven't gotten no calls back and its killing me. I could use some extra money to speed up on my finances. I am getting depressed just using my military benefits from college to make meets end. I love money and love to get a lot of it. So I guess I am setting up my goals too high because I keep applying for jobs that pay well like in the $40k-100k.

 

I refuse to take low end offers such as retail or some place making minimum wage. I want to put my 4 years of experience in the military to good use where it is needed. Retail or some minimum wage place is not worth those 4 years. To me that is downgrading from decent pay to back to where I started when I was in high school making minimum wage.

 

So that is my situation.. Would I be a good catch to someone's eye? I put my situation out there that way others can get a good feel from another person's perspective. I won't take no harm or foul for any flaming. Just explain your action for flaming and that will keep things cool. If it I just get flamed without explanation that is just being a jerk.

Edited January 23, 2013 by JDP25

[Green Light]

I think that many women SAY that they wouldn't date a guy who still lives with his parents but if he had a good personality and/or was good looking I bet they would break that "rule."

[JDP25]

Wouldn't you break the rule for a girl?

 

I think for any subject, it is up to the individual.

 

Yes, it is up to the individual because if it were me. A girl that still lives with the parents can mean good things. One she can be clean such she has not been through a number of guys. She is a family person, possibly not too wild such as self controlled not easily influenced by friends. The list can very once you get to know them.

 

The only thing is that she ends up being not what your looking for. If her parents control her too much such they decide for her and keep her sheltered. I wouldn't try because that will be too much of a hassle. I would feel like I am back in high school asking the parents permission to ask her out for prom.

[Green Light]

Wouldn't you break the rule for a girl?

 

I think for any subject, it is up to the individual.

 

I don't even have this rule! I could care less if a woman lives with her parents or not.

Another note here is that when you look at all these "independent" people on their soapboxes, you see that they are not likely that independent at all. They don't actually OWN their cars or houses, the BANK DOES! That right there is a form of DEPENDENCE! Same goes for all the cr*p they put on credit cards. These people are just(sometimes) able to pay the monthly "fee" for the bank allowing you to live in your house and drive your car and watch your big screen!

Sure there are people who own it all outright but I bet the larger percentage just make payments by the month. They are still dependent on some outside entity to maintain their lifestyle.

I find debt to be unattractive. So I would be more attracted to a woman who still lived with her parents and was debt free over someone with their own place and in debt.

[JDP25]

I don't even have this rule! I could care less if a woman lives with her parents or not.

Another note here is that when you look at all these "independent" people on their soapboxes, you see that they are not likely that independent at all. They don't actually OWN their cars or houses, the BANK DOES! That right there is a form of DEPENDENCE! Same goes for all the cr*p they put on credit cards. These people are just(sometimes) able to pay the monthly "fee" for the bank allowing you to live in your house and drive your car and watch your big screen!

Sure there are people who own it all outright but I bet the larger percentage just make payments by the month. They are still dependent on some outside entity to maintain their lifestyle.

I find debt to be unattractive. So I would be more attracted to a woman who still lived with her parents and was debt free over someone with their own place and in debt.

 

If you go into those lines of "independent" and "dependency". Yes, in life which goes for everyone will depend on some separate entity such as their jobs. Money is by product to enjoy life. It comes down to what you have to "offer" at the end of it all. Being "debt free" is good up to an extent. I would rather date a person with a little debt. That shows that they can pay their "dues" and not rely so much on their SO or parents.

 

If the parents were her main source of income that is totally being a dependent. If she is making effort to work and get her own income and support herself that is a plus. Not that I am stingy with money, but if I have to pay for everything for an grown adult that can offer their services by working. That is a major turn off because it is like holding a child by their hand. Independent is define as a person that can hold their own weight. That they don't rely on another person to take care of them or do things for them.

 

Working your butt off to get a house, car etc... on your own just by working that is being independent. If you need your mom around the house you bought to cook, clean up after you, and clean your house that is just being an abusive jerk of a dependent.

[TheZebra]

if you want to go with that argument, then no one really owns their home. If you fail to pay your property taxes you lose your property. The government ALWAYS owns where you live. Which IMO isn't fair. That's one tax I would love to eliminate.

[suladas]

I don't even have this rule! I could care less if a woman lives with her parents or not.

Another note here is that when you look at all these "independent" people on their soapboxes, you see that they are not likely that independent at all. They don't actually OWN their cars or houses, the BANK DOES! That right there is a form of DEPENDENCE! Same goes for all the cr*p they put on credit cards. These people are just(sometimes) able to pay the monthly "fee" for the bank allowing you to live in your house and drive your car and watch your big screen!

Sure there are people who own it all outright but I bet the larger percentage just make payments by the month. They are still dependent on some outside entity to maintain their lifestyle.

I find debt to be unattractive. So I would be more attracted to a woman who still lived with her parents and was debt free over someone with their own place and in debt.

 

Debt means NOTHING. Someone who has $1000 in the bank, no debt and no assets has nothing. Now compare it to someone who has say $500k in debt but $600k in assets, they are a lot better off.

 

I am nearly $300k in debt between my house and vehicle, but those 2 assets are worth $350k easily. And good luck buying a house cash, that is long gone they are just too expensive. And with the house market here, they are a very good asset to have, in the 10 years they have doubled in price. Anyone who doesn't rent, or mommy and daddy didn't buy it, has a mortgage until they are at least 40-50 there is no other way around it.

[MrCastle]

People that are in debt are a bad catch