Are people who live with their parents a good catch?

[MrCastle]

 

 

Oh gosh.

You obviously are so upset by what I said that you have tunnel visioned it and can't see ANYTHING else I said.

 

I'm not putting words in your mouth though. Did you or did you not use those terms?

 

I'm just saying if someone's living situation is higher on the list than some other important things (chemistry, personality, physical attraction, common interests, etc) there is something to be said for that. If it's a small thing that's not a dealbreaker, that the other things I mentioned are the real dealbreakers, that's understandable. But if you're saying "well he's great but he lives at home, so no", that's different. That's what I'm saying.

 

The topic is, is someone who lives at home a good catch--my feeling is something that small plays no role in how good or bad a catch someone is.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I'm not putting words in your mouth though. Did you or did you not use those terms?

 

I'm just saying if someone's living situation is higher on the list than some other important things (chemistry, personality, physical attraction, common interests, etc) there is something to be said for that. If it's a small thing that's not a dealbreaker, that the other things I mentioned are the real dealbreakers, that's understandable. But if you're saying "well he's great but he lives at home, so no", that's different. That's what I'm saying.

 

The topic is, is someone who lives at home a good catch--my feeling is something that small plays no role in how good or bad a catch someone is.

 

 

 

"OMG mom, I met the best guy, and you won't believe it... he lives at home!"

 

 

 

You generally don't get a very excited response from a statement like that. Want to know why? Because generally speaking a good catch is someone who doesn't live with their parents.

 

 

 

Doesn't mean they aren't a good catch, but I will state again, in most circumstances, not a good catch. Congrats, you are the odd man out.

I find it funny that you are not PROUD of living at home though, you keep throwing out excuses, but you have to admit, if it was feasible for you... you WOULD NOT live at home.

 

Am I right or am I right? With that being said, you are already agreeing to the fact that it is more desirable to NOT live at home. If you wish you could afford to live on your own, don't you think someone else would want someone else who lives on their own?

[MrCastle]

"OMG mom, I met the best guy, and you won't believe it... he lives at home!"

 

 

 

You generally don't get a very excited response from a statement like that. Want to know why? Because generally speaking a good catch is someone who doesn't live with their parents.

 

 

 

Doesn't mean they aren't a good catch, but I will state again, in most circumstances, not a good catch. Congrats, you are the odd man out.

I find it funny that you are not PROUD of living at home though, you keep throwing out excuses, but you have to admit, if it was feasible for you... you WOULD NOT live at home.

 

Am I right or am I right? With that being said, you are already agreeing to the fact that it is more desirable to NOT live at home. If you wish you could afford to live on your own, don't you think someone else would want someone else who lives on their own?

 

No, obviously if we could, all of us would live alone. If all of us could, we'd all want to be tall, too. Or have big breasts/big asses. That's not the reality though, and I think those things are seen as a plus, not a minus if you don't have them.

 

It should be, oh he's a great guy AND he has his own place? Awesome!

 

or, he's a great guy but he lives at home? I still like him!

 

Not; he's a great guy BUT he lives at home? Next!

 

That's the difference.

 

If you're putting serious stock into where a person lives--it says more about you.

[ThaWholigan]

This is funny

 

I'm 24 and got rejected by a girl younger than me very recently for an older guy with......yes, his own house .

 

Honestly, you have to expect it, especially considering what kind of girl you are going to go for. And even the girls who live at home will want a guy with his own pad, as hypocritical as it may be to some of us guys. Generally speaking, I accept this. As magnificent as some girls may think I am, living with your mother is still a turn off to quite a few girls - despite my mother herself disagreeing when asking me why I don't have a GF yet .

 

Don't get mad about it, just sort it out - that's what I'm doing.

[miss_jaclynrae]

No, obviously if we could, all of us would live alone. If all of us could, we'd all want to be tall, too. Or have big breasts/big asses. That's not the reality though, and I think those things are seen as a plus, not a minus if you don't have them.

 

It should be, oh he's a great guy AND he has his own place? Awesome!

 

or, he's a great guy but he lives at home? I still like him!

 

Not; he's a great guy BUT he lives at home? Next!

 

That's the difference.

 

If you're putting serious stock into where a person lives--it says more about you.

 

 

 

And that right there proves you haven't really been reading what I have been saying, you're taking it personally and therefore not reading everything.

 

 

I never said I would rule a man out for living at home, it just isn't preferred.

You are getting really upset over this!

 

 

Just remember, you have good luck with women, so it shouldn't bother you at all. Guess what? I would rather date a man that lives on his own... and I found one! Yay me. I never said I would NEVER date a man who lived at home, I actually made it clear that I HAVE.

[clia]

The original post asked about middle aged people who live with their parents. That is an entirely different ballgame than someone who is 23, just graduated from college or in college, and still living with mom and dad.

 

I'm not sure what the original poster meant by "middle aged," but if you are in your forties or fifties and living with your parents then there are red flags there, in my opinion. If you moved your parents in with YOU because of their health or they needed the financial help, then that is a different matter. But the person who never moved out of their childhood home? Or the person who moved out for a few years but has spent the majority of their adult life living with mom and dad in the house that mom and dad bought?

 

I don't think it is asking to much to expect that after 40 or 50 years someone has gotten their act together enough to rent their own apartment. I mean, that is an extremely low bar!

[MrCastle]

And that right there proves you haven't really been reading what I have been saying, you're taking it personally and therefore not reading everything.

 

 

I never said I would rule a man out for living at home, it just isn't preferred.

You are getting really upset over this!

 

 

Just remember, you have good luck with women, so it shouldn't bother you at all. Guess what? I would rather date a man that lives on his own... and I found one! Yay me. I never said I would NEVER date a man who lived at home, I actually made it clear that I HAVE.

 

I'm not mad at all, actually. You and I have spoken about this before and all I'm saying is, you seem to put a greater emphasis on this than most women I know.

 

And like you said, I'm doing alright in the ladies department, so this obviously is not an issue for me

[MrCastle]

The original post asked about middle aged people who live with their parents. That is an entirely different ballgame than someone who is 23, just graduated from college or in college, and still living with mom and dad.

 

I'm not sure what the original poster meant by "middle aged," but if you are in your forties or fifties and living with your parents then there are red flags there, in my opinion. If you moved your parents in with YOU because of their health or they needed the financial help, then that is a different matter. But the person who never moved out of their childhood home? Or the person who moved out for a few years but has spent the majority of their adult life living with mom and dad in the house that mom and dad bought?

 

I don't think it is asking to much to expect that after 40 or 50 years someone has gotten their act together enough to rent their own apartment. I mean, that is an extremely low bar!

 

Yeah, that's true. The age range that OP is talking about and the age this discussion has changed to are two different ages.

[Samilia]

The original post asked about middle aged people who live with their parents. That is an entirely different ballgame than someone who is 23, just graduated from college or in college, and still living with mom and dad.

 

I'm not sure what the original poster meant by "middle aged," but if you are in your forties or fifties and living with your parents then there are red flags there, in my opinion. If you moved your parents in with YOU because of their health or they needed the financial help, then that is a different matter. But the person who never moved out of their childhood home? Or the person who moved out for a few years but has spent the majority of their adult life living with mom and dad in the house that mom and dad bought?

 

I don't think it is asking to much to expect that after 40 or 50 years someone has gotten their act together enough to rent their own apartment. I mean, that is an extremely low bar!

 

Absolutely, the morning after would be awkward lol

[MrCastle]

This is funny

 

I'm 24 and got rejected by a girl younger than me very recently for an older guy with......yes, his own house .

 

Honestly, you have to expect it, especially considering what kind of girl you are going to go for. And even the girls who live at home will want a guy with his own pad, as hypocritical as it may be to some of us guys. Generally speaking, I accept this. As magnificent as some girls may think I am, living with your mother is still a turn off to quite a few girls - despite my mother herself disagreeing when asking me why I don't have a GF yet .

 

Don't get mad about it, just sort it out - that's what I'm doing.

 

So currently would you agree that you are not a good catch?

[ThaWholigan]

So currently would you agree that you are not a good catch?

How can I put this.......I'm not the "catch" I want to be yet.

[MrCastle]

How can I put this.......I'm not the "catch" I want to be yet.

 

Are you a good catch as you are right now is my question.

[StanMusial]

I knew a guy that lived with his parents until he was well into his 30's. He wasn't necessarily a "good catch" but he was usually swimming in women, he was like Mr. GQ model.

[ThaWholigan]

Are you a good catch as you are right now is my question.

Honestly? Not really......

[Ruby Slippers]

Past high school, I've never dated a guy who lived with his parents. So no, not a good catch for me.

[MrCastle]

Honestly? Not really......

 

And is that purely because you live at home?

[ThaWholigan]

And is that purely because you live at home?

Partly, yes. But mostly because I have high standards for myself and what I should be. I'm happy with who I am, but I know that while I can attract girls as I am now, I wouldn't be able to keep them - at least the ones I want anyway. The only way would be to demonstrate that I am an ambitious man in spite of my living situation.

 

I'm not a graduate either, I'm a dropout by the way .

[Disenchantedly Yours]

"OMG mom, I met the best guy, and you won't believe it... he lives at home!"

 

You generally don't get a very excited response from a statement like that. Want to know why? Because generally speaking a good catch is someone who doesn't live with their parents.

 

Well this is true but there are lots of things my ex-boyfriends did that I didn't say, "OMG Mom, I met the best guy, and you won't believe it:

 

.."he looks at porn!"

.."he likes to do pot occasionally!"

.."he drinks a little too much!"

.."he doesn't really communicate very well!"

.."he totally wants me to have a threesome!"

 

I mean come on. There are lots of things our romantic partners do that we aren't exactly bragging about to our parents. It doesn't mean they are bad catches or terrible people.

 

 

I find it funny that you are not PROUD of living at home though, you keep throwing out excuses, but you have to admit, if it was feasible for you... you WOULD NOT live at home.

 

Am I right or am I right? With that being said, you are already agreeing to the fact that it is more desirable to NOT live at home. If you wish you could afford to live on your own, don't you think someone else would want someone else who lives on their own?

 

This all depends on the individuals. Not all tall people want to date someone tall. Not all successful men or women want to date someone as successful as them. Sometimes opposites attract, then again, sometimes they don't.

 

I do understand why people take stock of someone's living situation. But I also think a lot of the generalizations happening in this thread about people who live at home is a little pretenious. Only because I bet that every single one of us, you included Miss J, probably have some area of our lives we don't handle that great. But it's easy to hide those other aspects of our lives, the part of our lives we know we don't do a great job at and then point to other people and say what we believe their defects are.

 

Heck, I'll tell you right now, while I am not in debt and have a savings, I have not always made the best money choices. And there is a lot about finances I don't understand. So I am taking this 8 week financial class offered by my church that is running this program from a nationally recongnized name. I thought there would be more people there my age, there was not one person there my age! But most of the people in the class are over the age of 60. Do you know why there aren't more younger people there but there are people over the age of 60? Because alot of people my age don't think about their money and they don't worry about it. They have enough right now becaue they are working, they can go out when they want, buy what they want, pay for expensive cell phones, but most probably aren't saving a siginificant amount of money for the future or know much about stocks or know what an amortization schedule is. The older people have been there and done that and they know the mistakes they've made and want to do better.

 

Yes, I do think living at home CAN point to some issues someone might have. I do think it's good to know what perfections or imperfections in another person you are willing to accept. But I don't think it's fair to paint those that live in home in this seperate box from the rest of all the imperfect people in the world.

 

I heard this story recently about this man that was living a really great life. He was very successful and was really powering through a great career. He felt healthy and active. He had all his stuff organized. He is what our world would call "a great catch". Except, he didn't much see the point in emotional entanglements and looked down on those that were connected to their emotions. He avoided serious relationships with women because he felt that while he enjoyed sex with women, that their company was otherwise not fun. Then one day he had a heart attack all the sudden. And his entire perspective was changed. He realized that he was pushing down a lot of emotional issues from growing up that he never dealt with and that his work was a way to bury himself in it. He found out that he was so out of touch with himself that not that many people really cared that he had a heart attack. Sure, he got flowers from his business associates. But no one came to see him.

 

Yeah, he was a totallly successful guy. The kind of guy any woman would look at and say, "he is a great catch". Except for the fact that on the inside, the part we couldn't see, he was rather depleated. That experienced changed his entire life. He really wasn't that great of a catch because of how he use to view women and relationships.

 

Not one of us as it all together. It's just that simple.

 

I bet you have a lot of things going on that might not make you the best catch to a lot of men. I know I do! That's called being human.

 

Not saying you should date someone that lives that home. I think it's good that you know that that's a dealbreaker for you. But lets not pretend that we all don't have our own imperfections. That's all I'm trying to say.

[MrCastle]

Partly, yes. But mostly because I have high standards for myself and what I should be. I'm happy with who I am, but I know that while I can attract girls as I am now, I wouldn't be able to keep them - at least the ones I want anyway. The only way would be to demonstrate that I am an ambitious man in spite of my living situation.

 

I'm not a graduate either, I'm a dropout by the way .

 

I do find it sad you think that way. I do agree in terms of having high standards, and I don't look for stuff I don't already demand from myself, but living conditions are not one of them.

 

I'm drug free, so I look for women to be drug free, I'm passionate, I look for women to be passionate, etc. Character stuff. Living conditions, at least at my age, don't say anything about your character.

 

If I lived alone, I wouldn't require my women do the same. I don't care if they lived at home, with roomates, alone, or in the forest with wolves. Is she a decent human being, that's my concern.

 

By my measures, I am a catch, and that has been validated by my recent success. I'm not going to be down on myself because I live at home. Obviously it hasn't been a big deal or otherwise my dating life would be a reflection of that.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Well this is true but there are lots of things my ex-boyfriends did that I didn't say, "OMG Mom, I met the best guy, and you won't believe it:

 

.."he looks at porn!"

.."he likes to do pot occasionally!"

.."he drinks a little too much!"

.."he doesn't really communicate very well!"

.."he totally wants me to have a threesome!"

 

I mean come on. There are lots of things our romantic partners do that we aren't exactly bragging about to our parents. It doesn't mean they are bad catches or terrible people.

 

 

 

 

This all depends on the individuals. Not all tall people want to date someone tall. Not all successful men or women want to date someone as successful as them. Sometimes opposites attract, then again, sometimes they don't.

 

I do understand why people take stock of someone's living situation. But I also think a lot of the generalizations happening in this thread about people who live at home is a little pretenious. Only because I bet that every single one of us, you included Miss J, probably have some area of our lives we don't handle that great. But it's easy to hide those other aspects of our lives, the part of our lives we know we don't do a great job at and then point to other people and say what we believe their defects are.

 

Heck, I'll tell you right now, while I am not in debt and have a savings, I have not always made the best money choices. And there is a lot about finances I don't understand. So I am taking this 8 week financial class offered by my church that is running this program from a nationally recongnized name. I thought there would be more people there my age, there was not one person there my age! But most of the people in the class are over the age of 60. Do you know why there aren't more younger people there but there are people over the age of 60? Because alot of people my age don't think about their money and they don't worry about it. They have enough right now becaue they are working, they can go out when they want, buy what they want, pay for expensive cell phones, but most probably aren't saving a siginificant amount of money for the future or know much about stocks or know what an amortization schedule is. The older people have been there and done that and they know the mistakes they've made and want to do better.

 

Yes, I do think living at home CAN point to some issues someone might have. I do think it's good to know what perfections or imperfections in another person you are willing to accept. But I don't think it's fair to paint those that live in home in this seperate box from the rest of all the imperfect people in the world.

 

I heard this story recently about this man that was living a really great life. He was very successful and was really powering through a great career. He felt healthy and active. He had all his stuff organized. He is what our world would call "a great catch". Except, he didn't much see the point in emotional entanglements and looked down on those that were connected to their emotions. He avoided serious relationships with women because he felt that while he enjoyed sex with women, that their company was otherwise not fun. Then one day he had a heart attack all the sudden. And his entire perspective was changed. He realized that he was pushing down a lot of emotional issues from growing up that he never dealt with and that his work was a way to bury himself in it. He found out that he was so out of touch with himself that not that many people really cared that he had a heart attack. Sure, he got flowers from his business associates. But no one came to see him.

 

Yeah, he was a totallly successful guy. The kind of guy any woman would look at and say, "he is a great catch". Except for the fact that on the inside, the part we couldn't see, he was rather depleated. That experienced changed his entire life. He really wasn't that great of a catch because of how he use to view women and relationships.

 

Not one of us as it all together. It's just that simple.

 

I bet you have a lot of things going on that might not make you the best catch to a lot of men. I know I do! That's called being human.

 

Not saying you should date someone that lives that home. I think it's good that you know that that's a dealbreaker for you. But lets not pretend that we all don't have our own imperfections. That's all I'm trying to say.

 

Totally agree with everything you said... have to say though, I would never actually say that to my mom. It was just a point I was trying to make.

[ThaWholigan]

I do find it sad you think that way. I do agree in terms of having high standards, and I don't look for stuff I don't already demand from myself, but living conditions are not one of them.

 

I'm drug free, so I look for women to be drug free, I'm passionate, I look for women to be passionate, etc. Character stuff. Living conditions, at least at my age, don't say anything about your character.

 

If I lived alone, I wouldn't require my women do the same. I don't care if they lived at home, with roomates, alone, or in the forest with wolves. Is she a decent human being, that's my concern.

 

By my measures, I am a catch, and that has been validated by my recent success. I'm not going to be down on myself because I live at home. Obviously it hasn't been a big deal or otherwise my dating life would be a reflection of that.

 

I didn't say I wouldn't date a girl who lives at home. I'm simply at peace with the idea that a lot of girls wouldn't date me for living at home. My dating life hasn't necessarily suffered - in fact it's gotten better. But it's more for personal reasons rather than dating reasons - I really would rather live on my own. It is a source of conflict with me. So some girls might consider me a great catch anyway. Me - I'm alright, they could do a hell of a lot worse, but I've got far to go .

[MrCastle]

I didn't say I wouldn't date a girl who lives at home. I'm simply at peace with the idea that a lot of girls wouldn't date me for living at home. My dating life hasn't necessarily suffered - in fact it's gotten better. But it's more for personal reasons rather than dating reasons - I really would rather live on my own. It is a source of conflict with me. So some girls might consider me a great catch anyway. Me - I'm alright, they could do a hell of a lot worse, but I've got far to go .

 

Well yeah as I noted earlier, we'd all want to be doing it, if we could. We can't.

 

I disagree that it plays a role in "catch" or "no catch", because it plays no role in your character, or how much chemistry you can have with someone.

 

I understand it from a personal perspective. Wanting to be on your own and continue maturing and progressing as an individual, but it's weight when it comes to dating is what I've been discussing this entire thread. It's silly to put that much stock into it.

 

People who live alone don't have better dating lives, or more successful relationships, or more options, or anything. They have hook ups and break ups like the rest of us. Your dating success depends on chemistry/attraction and personality. Not where you live.

[singlelife]

"OMG mom, I met the best guy, and you won't believe it... he lives at home!"

 

 

 

You generally don't get a very excited response from a statement like that. Want to know why? Because generally speaking a good catch is someone who doesn't live with their parents.

 

 

 

Doesn't mean they aren't a good catch, but I will state again, in most circumstances, not a good catch. Congrats, you are the odd man out.

I find it funny that you are not PROUD of living at home though, you keep throwing out excuses, but you have to admit, if it was feasible for you... you WOULD NOT live at home.

 

Am I right or am I right? With that being said, you are already agreeing to the fact that it is more desirable to NOT live at home. If you wish you could afford to live on your own, don't you think someone else would want someone else who lives on their own?

 

 

I totally agree. But I didn't think this thread would still be going lol. I don't get why people are so upset about it. There must be a lot of people who live at home who are touchy.

[MrCastle]

I totally agree. But I didn't think this thread would still be going lol. I don't get why people are so upset about it. There must be a lot of people who live at home who are touchy.

 

So offering a differing view is touchy now? I thought this was a place to state opinions.

[aj22one]

When I lived at home I got dates. When I lived on my own I got dates. haha I'm not middle aged though.