singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Man or woman? Not talking about early 20's. But the middle aged adults who would like to date the alpha type. Ususally a guy living at home can't have a long lasting relationship with a successful woman. Maybe a fling but not life partners. Also a woman who has nothing to bring to the table besides looks wants to marry a successful dude. I look forward to your comments.
TheZebra Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Depends on the reason for living at home. Did they lose their jobs and are currently tried to re-stabilize their lives? Are they just lazy? Do they have some sort of mental problem that keeps them at home? In other words, if they're in their 30s and up and living with their folks, why are they doing it? The reason for this is far more telling than the actual act of living at home. 12
Emilia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 if it's temporary due to financial difficulties, it's not a problem. This recession has been hard on most people. If it's more permanent then we are not likely to be a match. I like men who view independence as important, prefer not to have their parents involved in every aspect of their lives, etc. 2
Samilia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Man or woman? Not talking about early 20's. But the middle aged adults who would like to date the alpha type. Ususally a guy living at home can't have a long lasting relationship with a successful woman. Maybe a fling but not life partners. Also a woman who has nothing to bring to the table besides looks wants to marry a successful dude. I look forward to your comments. I agree, depends why they're living with their parents. I'm actually trying to convince my mom to come live with me. So would that make me assisted? Now if it's because of laziness, lack of motivation, free meals.. that would be a turn off. Society has changed, people expect you to be living on your own. I personally don't mind taking care of my 73 y old mom, even putting my own life on hold for her. After all she took care of me for so many years. Now how to convince her.. I think it's like anything, if they don't have anything to bring to your idea of a table, I wouldn't go for it. We all have different values though. 2
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 if it's temporary due to financial difficulties, it's not a problem. This recession has been hard on most people. If it's more permanent then we are not likely to be a match. I like men who view independence as important, prefer not to have their parents involved in every aspect of their lives, etc. Great point. Times have been rough. I mean more of the career moochers.
clia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 There is one scenario where I think it is acceptable for a middle aged adult to live with their parent(s): Where the middle aged adult had moved out of their parents' home, bought their own house at some point, and then moved their parent(s) into the house that they bought for health or other financial reasons. If you are talking about a middle aged adult who never moved out of their parents home or moved back in with their parents, hell no. I get that the economy has hurt some people, but if you are middle aged, you should have money saved and back up plans in place. 3
Samilia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 There is one scenario where I think it is acceptable for a middle aged adult to live with their parent(s): Where the middle aged adult had moved out of their parents' home, bought their own house at some point, and then moved their parent(s) into the house that they bought for health or other financial reasons. If you are talking about a middle aged adult who never moved out of their parents home or moved back in with their parents, hell no. I get that the economy has hurt some people, but if you are middle aged, you should have money saved and back up plans in place. My HR manager lived with her parents, so did her fiancé (with his). They were saving money for a house, the wedding, etc.. so I agree, that'd be an acceptable, rather smart, situation. Now if they just haven't grown up, I wouldn't go for it indeed.
Leegh Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 It depends on the situation, but I have known several people who do not give a hoot about their parents. I know of one person who lives 20 minutes away from her elderly parents, never offers to help in any way (parents don't drive anymore), rarely calls, and only visits about 3 or 4 times a year (major holidays), but will happily accept their money. I would say it could be OK for an adult to be living with their parents, but as the saying goes "What is a normal life"? For some, it may be normal. 1
FitChick Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 If a man over 40 was living with a parent because he was taking care of that parent, it would show he was unselfish, generous and loving and would probably treat his wife the same. Living at home even though he had a job and could be independent but was cheap and wanted a housekeeper, no. I made little money when I was in my twenties, so I had housemates in the same situation to split expenses. We had freedom, privacy, learned to take care of ourselves and to live with non-family members (what you do when you marry) with different habits.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I would question the reasons, but living at home is just one aspect of a person. There are good reasons a person could choose to do that, you know. Quite a few "middle aged adults" are in the position of caring for an elderly parent and helping maintain the family home, for example. You might not wish to get involved with someone thus encumbered, but that does not mean that they're a "loser" and not a good catch for the right person. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 It depends, but in general it is unattractive. The ability of a woman to excel on their own is an attractive quality to me. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 My HR manager lived with her parents, so did her fiancé (with his). They were saving money for a house, the wedding, etc.. so I agree, that'd be an acceptable, rather smart, situation. Now if they just haven't grown up, I wouldn't go for it indeed. Exactly. Of course there are exceptions to the rule like your example. But most career folks aren't going to stay with mommie for long term. And a lot of people who do don't understand why it's an issue.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) I don't think my caring for my parents lowers my stock. There are other things about me which might. My parents are both old. They had me when they were in their mid 30's. Now I am approaching my mid 30's. My father had a medical issue, brought on by a virulent flu which really brought home how old he is. Plus he's been disabled by blindness for 15 years or so. I take care of him. I will take care of my mother when the time comes. I run a little business out of our house, on which I pay the taxes, and I'm finishing a masters degree in Physics. If doing all of that makes me a looser, just because I refuse to pay 800-1200 dollars a month to some one lese to live in a shoebox, then I'll just be a looser. IMO anyone foolish or unwise enough to see what I am doing with my parents as a bad move just would not be for me anyway. Furthermore if they can't at least morally support me, as I support my parents that is just as much a deal breaker as somoen who dose not like kids dating a single parent. One more thing: Those of you wating to have children in your mid 30's will be putting your very children in the same position I am in when they are in their 30's and trying to date someone. Bear in mind how you would like your own children to be viewed as they take care of you when you are 65 + years old and may not be in good health. Edited January 21, 2013 by Mrlonelyone
CptSaveAho Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I don't think my caring for my parents lowers my stock. There are other things about me which might. My parents are both old. They had me when they were in their mid 30's. Now I am approaching my mid 30's. My father had a medical issue, brought on by a virulent flu which really brought home how old he is. Plus he's been disabled by blindness for 15 years or so. I take care of him. I will take care of my mother when the time comes. I run a little business out of our house, on which I pay the taxes, and I'm finishing a masters degree in Physics. If doing all of that makes me a looser, just because I refuse to pay 800-1200 dollars a month to some one lese to live in a shoebox, then I'll just be a looser. IMO anyone foolish or unwise enough to see what I am doing with my parents as a bad move just would not be for me anyway. Furthermore if they can't at least morally support me, as I support my parents that is just as much a deal breaker as somoen who dose not like kids dating a single parent. One more thing: Those of you wating to have children in your mid 30's will be putting your very children in the same position I am in when they are in their 30's and trying to date someone. Bear in mind how you would like your own children to be viewed as they take care of you when you are 65 + years old and may not be in good health. Most responsible parents know how to take care of themselves... its not their kids responsibility to take care of the parent. Eventually you will learn to cut loose and take care of and live your own life. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 It depends, but in general it is unattractive. The ability of a woman to excel on their own is an attractive quality to me. Makes sense. I started this thread for those who aren't able to care for themselves and think they have high stock in the dating world.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Most responsible parents know how to take care of themselves... its not their kids responsibility to take care of the parent. It's a matter of family culture whether an adult child steps in to take care of parents who need care, not an issue of "irresponsibility" on the part of the elderly parents. As I said in my earlier post, I think it's perfectly valid to choose not to date a person with responsibilities like that, but it does not mean that there is something wrong with the character of the caregiver OR their parents. On the contrary. 1
charlietheginger Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Mom had me at 35 now im 35 mom is 70 At somepoint ill move in with her or she will Move in with me . im the youngest child not married no kids. I actually Wouldn't mind the company. Id like to marry a women Like my mom but cant find one 1
newmoon Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 it's ok if you know from the start that the person is bascially making themselves unavailable for anything long-term/serious. someone living at home is not in a position financially or mentally to provide for a family/relationship in the way you need to for a relationship to work. there will always be a reason or excuse why they cannot move out or on, and sadly, most people find the situation being at home or with an older parent so comforting that it becomes difficult to leave and stand on your own again. even if your situation is close to destitute because of job loss or whatever i believe a mature male or female will find a way to stand on their own instead of running home to mom/dad. and often, this 'caring for my parents' business is something that yeah, is kind and sensitive from the outside, but more, it's really a great excuse for someone to not live their own life. how great of a partner would someone like that make? someone who puts other people ahead of themselves constantly to the point where they aren't self-sufficient. i would never advise anyone to accept this from a man or woman regardless of the reasons - adults should be adults and stand on their own, that is more attractive than running back for help everytime you cannot make it
El Brujo Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I would question the reasons, but living at home is just one aspect of a person. There are good reasons a person could choose to do that, you know. Quite a few "middle aged adults" are in the position of caring for an elderly parent and helping maintain the family home, for example. You might not wish to get involved with someone thus encumbered, but that does not mean that they're a "loser" and not a good catch for the right person. ^That.^ The OP doesn't seem to think some of us have to move in to care for a parent who is sick or dying AND the house looks like a pig sty because the sick parent can't maintain it. That was what happened to me 5 years ago. But I suspect much of it comes down to some people's inner desire to act irresponsible as hell with nothing to tie them down. 3
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Some people don't get the difference in being independent and depending on your parents.
Samilia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Most responsible parents know how to take care of themselves... its not their kids responsibility to take care of the parent. Eventually you will learn to cut loose and take care of and live your own life. Well it's not about responsibility. They don't choose to grow old, people have different family values, your kids genuinely want to be with you, etc.. We had this coworker who's daughter is law was moving in with them and their son, culturally that's how they do it. I personally wouldn't really care for it, but I have to respect that. There's also love, not guilt or cultural differences. I love my mom, I want the best for her, I wouldn't mind having her with me, it's the opposite. Meeting a man who takes care of his parents instead of sending them off to a nursing home would say a lot about his character. And probably how he'd react if I was afflicted by sickness, reassuring if anything. There is a difference between a 40 y old bum with no job and a caring individual, or someone with a plan, we all agree on that. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Sounds like a lot of people are living at home and taking it personal. If you're taking care of your parents in a special situation that's awesome. if you're mooching for years and years and think you're special that sucks. but nice responses.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Dating someone who lives with their parents is unattractive and undesirable due to the situations it creates. Meeting the relatives far too soon, on terms out of need rather than want, as well as the lack of privacy it can cause. I can understand financial strain, and I respect the decision, but I would not actively want someone who still lived with their parents. 1
MrCastle Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Like some said it depends on the reason. On the flip side, someone who is ruling someone out purely based on that has problems of their own as well.
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Dating someone who lives with their parents is unattractive and undesirable due to the situations it creates. Meeting the relatives far too soon, on terms out of need rather than want, as well as the lack of privacy it can cause. I can understand financial strain, and I respect the decision, but I would not actively want someone who still lived with their parents. Your post is the perfect explanation as to why people don't date others who live at home. SOmetimes it seems they are so used to it they don't realize it's not normal for an adult to live that way. Usually their friends live like that also.
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