Kevin Q Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 You can read my other post "does my ex girlfriend want me back?" For the back story of the situation right now... She has been texting me everyday now and has been flirting with me. I want to ask her if she still likes me which it seems like it and if she wants to take thing slow. I asked her a month ago if she still had feelings for me and she said yes... But yet didnt want a boyfriend. I tried to move on a month ago and told her and she was happy for me but a week later said I can't believe u were talking to another girl already and we haven't been broke up that long! So i went on no contact for 2 weeks then texted for a few days and then went on no contact again for a week and she always texts me first! We only hung out once though and she was laughing the whole time. Again want to know more read my other thread!!! I was texting her yesterday and I told her guys are all over her and said these two guys are cause she told me and they are clingy with her and I said u probably think I am too. No responds for hours and she was texting bAck right away before then so I asked if I said something and she said no I was driving sorry. I texted her back and no response yet. I want to ask her if she wants to try again but idk what's going on and again please read my other thread to understand more on the back story!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) Train-wreck approaching - stand back from the platform edge. Thank you. EDIT: Just looked at your threads. Your posting history is both repetitive and tragic. I stand by what I have said: This is a disaster in the making. Edited January 21, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Author Kevin Q Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Train-wreck approaching - stand back from the platform edge. Thank you. EDIT: Just looked at your threads. Your posting history is both repetitive and tragic. I stand by what I have said: This is a disaster in the making. What should I do?
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What you should have done right from the beginning: Go No Contact. It's all in my signature, the new updated 2013 guide. The first post is the guide itself. The remainder of the thread pretty much sums up what happens if you break NC. And your threads are also evidence of the mess it leaves in its wake......
Author Kevin Q Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Soooo what should I do then????
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What you should have done right from the beginning: Go No Contact. It's all in my signature, the new updated 2013 guide. The first post is the guide itself. The remainder of the thread pretty much sums up what happens if you break NC. And your threads are also evidence of the mess it leaves in its wake...... I told you already.
fungusamungus Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) You need to stop being her doormat. Seriously. STOP. And please read and comprehend, understand and ingrain this in your mind before you ignore this advice and start yet ANOTHER thread on this, hoping someone will tell you what you want to hear. She has already told you that she does not want to date you. You CANNOT do anything to change her mind right now. You have been at her beck and call, you have made yourself overly available to her because you keep waiting for her to tell you what you want to hear. You aren't going to hear it. If she wanted you back, she would've made a move by now, because you have given her every opportunity to do so. Let me repeat, SHE would've made a move by now. You are basically a piece of chocolate cake, that is just sitting in front of her. You clearly are still interested in her and she knows that she can basically have you whenever she wants. Cutting contact to an ex has ZERO effect when you are still completely available to her. And yes, you are completely available to her right now. The fact that you keep responding to her, and keep indulging her makes you very available to her. You need to take a step back and leave this alone for a while. Stop trying to appease her in hopes that you will get her back. It is only going to get you deeper into the friendzone. If you ever want to get back with her again, SHE will have to be the one to make the move. NOT you, and in the current circumstances, she is never going to make a move, because she won't have to. She doesn't need to, she already has you. She already knows where you stand, your actions show it, if you keep trying to press the issue, she will start to feel pressured and smothered and will start pushing you away. and then you will be back here (again) starting a new thread asking why that has happened. Here is what you do. Take some time to yourself, and if she asks why, then just tell her that you need some time to get over things. Give yourself at least a month or two. You can't actually (successfully) get back together with an ex until you get over what's happened. But you haven't let that happen yet. If she tries to contact you, then just tell her that you need some space and time. There is nothing wrong with that. If she moves on, then tough cookies bud, there is nothing you can do to keep her from moving on. Depending on the circumstances, getting a second chance with someone is NOT hard. But you have to be in the right mindset, and you have to have confidence in order to do so. You, right now, have neither and need to take the time to gain the perspective needed to get someone back. Edited January 21, 2013 by fungusamungus
Author Kevin Q Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 You need to stop being her doormat. Seriously. STOP. And please read and comprehend, understand and ingrain this in your mind before you ignore this advice and start yet ANOTHER thread on this, hoping someone will tell you what you want to hear. She has already told you that she does not want to date you. You CANNOT do anything to change her mind right now. You have been at her beck and call, you have made yourself overly available to her because you keep waiting for her to tell you what you want to hear. You aren't going to hear it. If she wanted you back, she would've made a move by now, because you have given her every opportunity to do so. Let me repeat, SHE would've made a move by now. You are basically a piece of chocolate cake, that is just sitting in front of her. You clearly are still interested in her and she knows that she can basically have you whenever she wants. Cutting contact to an ex has ZERO effect when you are still completely available to her. And yes, you are completely available to her right now. The fact that you keep responding to her, and keep indulging her makes you very available to her. You need to take a step back and leave this alone for a while. Stop trying to appease her in hopes that you will get her back. It is only going to get you deeper into the friendzone. If you ever want to get back with her again, SHE will have to be the one to make the move. NOT you, and in the current circumstances, she is never going to make a move, because she won't have to. She doesn't need to, she already has you. She already knows where you stand, your actions show it, if you keep trying to press the issue, she will start to feel pressured and smothered and will start pushing you away. and then you will be back here (again) starting a new thread asking why that has happened. Here is what you do. Make yourself unavailable for a little while. Cut contact, and if she asks why, then just tell her that you need some time to get over things. Give yourself at least a month or two. You can't actually (successfully) get back together with an ex until you get over what's happened. But you haven't let that happen yet. If she tries to contact you, then just tell her that you need some space and time. There is nothing wrong with that. If she moves on, then tough cookies bud, there is nothing you can do to keep her from moving on. Alright I understand but I need to say that before when I asked her if she still had feelings for me she said yes a month ago I asked for space and time and she was getting all defensive saying if anyone needs time it's her because I went after another girl and we weren't broken up that long so then why did she keep texting me?! She ALWAYS texts me first. Can I call her to get some closer from her?
fungusamungus Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 It's very obvious why she dumped you in the first place. You're emotionally needy and she probably felt smothered and pressured. These things that you're doing, such as asking if she likes you, asking for closure, etc, stop them. These things make her uncomfortable. They make her feel pressured. They will push her away. Obviously she DID like you at some point if she agreed to date you in the first place. Obviously she DID NOT like you enough to put up with your behavior when she broke up with you. Does that answer your question? Stop being her doormat. You need time and space to heal after a breakup. Tell her that you need that time. Not to make her upset or to make her miss you, but to get yourself back on your feet. This is time that is important and that you owe yourself. Yes, she probably got defensive, but then you ran back like a puppy dog. She is using you as an emotional crutch, because she needs that from you and she is throwing a tantrum when she doesn't get her way and you respond. In my opinion, you do not have perspective on why you guys broke up. The reason a girl gives you for a break up is rarely the real reason. Sometimes a girl does not even know WHY exactly, she just knows that she has started to feel uncomfortable. It is up to YOU to figure that out and taking a step back, and evaluate things without the emotional burden that comes with being chummy with your ex.
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 No, no, no, no.... and no. Oh - and - NO. Closure comes from you, not her. She won't give you closure, ever. It doesn't come from 'them' it only comes from you. You gain closure for yourself by letting go, moving on, and dropping the whole disastrous scenario. Have you read the Guide, by the way? All of it? Including the thread? I know you haven't. Or else, you wouldn't have asked about 'closure'. Don't ask any more questions, or create more threads, until you pretty much have the NC guide off by heart. Oh and one more time. No.
Author Kevin Q Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 No, no, no, no.... and no. Oh - and - NO. Closure comes from you, not her. She won't give you closure, ever. It doesn't come from 'them' it only comes from you. You gain closure for yourself by letting go, moving on, and dropping the whole disastrous scenario. Have you read the Guide, by the way? All of it? Including the thread? I know you haven't. Or else, you wouldn't have asked about 'closure'. Don't ask any more questions, or create more threads, until you pretty much have the NC guide off by heart. Oh and one more time. No. Where is this guide or thread at?
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 What you should have done right from the beginning: Go No Contact. It's all in my signature, the new updated 2013 guide. The first post is the guide itself. The remainder of the thread pretty much sums up what happens if you break NC. And your threads are also evidence of the mess it leaves in its wake...... I - TOLD - YOU - ALREADY. (Don't you read peoples' posts....?!)
vassilbg Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Buddy, just... NO. Stop it. STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Now, I'm coming from a similar situation as you, I've made your mistakes, and THANKFULLY, I was able to recover, and am on the right track right now to possibly having a healthy relationship with a girl I dated. I did the same sh*t you did. I asked her for closure, smothered her, GOT HER BACK, and messed it up by being needy and pushing her away... AGAIN... Do this: Go NO CONTACT, or Light Contact for at least a month. Stop with these needy texts... you're coming off like a giant pu$$y. You have to reframe this girl, and time away from her will do it. GO OUT AND DATE!!!! Get your mind right. Step 1: Don't initiate contact Step 2: If SHE initiates contact, do jump on it and respond right away kissing her ass (You are doing this right now) Step 3: Keep your responses short and feel free to NOT respond to every text she sends you If she invites you out, don't drop everything to hang with her. Just take it easy. You're in over drive right now and its making your situation worse.
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