Shipwrek40 Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 OK here it goes, I don't have real good typing skills but I will do my best to keep the story straight 3 years ago I started feeling over worked and under paid in my relationship with my wife of 20 years with 2.5kids (2kids and a dog). I wrote her a letter at the time explaining my feelings and lack of relation we had. Since then we have had more money issues, then we ever had. This year we have started counselling, it has been 4 months of this now. I am not getting f--k all out of it. I still feel the same way. 2 weeks ago an old girlfriend of 10 young years comes into my life which I have not seen in twenty years. I did not look for her she happened thats it. I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with her. We talked for 48hrs straight, we did not make love. Yes we kissed and held each other but she kept it in perspective. She says I'm wasting my time now and should move on. I do believe there was some biased opinion there as she is a single mom, I broke up with her and she told me so. I met her family all over we had a really good time. Yes she should not be part of my opinion. So now what to do, stay on path which seems not to be working out for me. Call the lawyer get the preceding started. The end of the weekend with the ex ended by "if I ever come up single I was to call her" Which in a way motivates me to call a lawyer. Oh, Monday day off work I am really too bagged to go. I'd be useless today at work anyway........... I have 3 more days before my wife and kids get back, I don't plan to call the ex to further my confusion then she have already done to me. Ya ya I did it to me. I do believe the majority of people are correct when everyone has a chance at their opinion. so give me yours
HokeyReligions Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 Let me see if I have this right; You have been married for 20 years, and do not feel that you have a good marriage. You lack feelings for your wife and are in counseling to see if you can salvage your marriage and find some happiness. After four months of counseling you do not feel any differently about your wife or marriage. A couple of weeks ago you met an old gf and discovered some feelings for her. (Probably these are the kind of feelings you should have for your wife; ability to communicate, some lust or passion, some romance, etc.) You are not currently pursuing a relationship with the old girlfriend, but want to and want to be free to do it (divorced). Well, first let me say Good Job on not actually cheating! I'm Proud of 'ya! It's a tough choice when one is not happy in the marriage. Before your wife and kids return, do some serious thinking on what exactly it was about the old girl friend that sparked these feelings in you? How did she make you feel? How did you act and respond to her? Once you have some of this sorted out, think about the possibility of applying those techniques to your marriage, and discussing what it is you are missing and how it makes you feel. Do you think it possible to kindle NEW feelings between you and your wife, based on what you learned about yourself with this interaction with the old girl friend? You responded positively to the old girldfriend because she took the focus away from your problem; paid attention directly to YOU; accepted attention from you in a positive manner; and brought up old feelings that you haven't felt in a while. If you honestly do not think that you can find a new relationship with your wife that will have the feelings of romance and the focus on the positive, then get the divorce. You don't have to stay in a bad marriage. Be free to pursue others. You can still be a good dad and involved with your kids and they will pick up on your happiness too. I lean toward maybe finding a different counselor first though, and presenting what has happened to the counselor on your own first. 20 years is a long time and worth the effort to try to save the marriage.
genetic Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 dude FORGET ur love life for once. THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS how will they ddeal with divorce. Did anybody tell you marriage was easy. Think about it things happen deal with them get in relation with ur wife and how much she has done for u the hard times are yet to come dont run away from the inevitable.
shipwrek40 Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 I can't get my mind off the ex, things that she did offer if I was single. I remember why I broke up with her. It was to chase other women. Hell I was 23 and have been in a serious relation with her since i was 14/15yrs old. I didn't want to be tied down anymore at the time. Life went on and i got married. Why I never went back to her then, who knows....? BTW the way hokeyR "Well, first let me say Good Job on not actually cheating! I'm Proud of 'ya! It's ..............." I can't accept the pat on the back because 'Yes we kissed and held each other but "she" kept it in perspective" If she let me I would of been all over her like a dirty shirt.
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