Big personality differences / values you don’t notice till after BU?

[stevie_23]

When you’re with someone for quite a long time, you tend to merge a little, adopt each other’s mannerisms, slang phrases, and certain beliefs. Many times, your values and beliefs match up before you get together and you’re all excited and contented by the fact you share SO much in common.

 

Then. When it ends. You often see how you are VERY different in VERY significant ways.

 

My ex…he left me. No explanation at first. I see this as cruel. He doesn’t. Difference #1.

 

My ex…he is not “stalking” me online, he is not able to have any contact with me at all in order to move on, and he is switched off in terms of the things we shared and things he said while we were together, and is now just living his life, somewhat on auto-pilot. I cannot do this. Difference #2.

 

These big differences in how people deal with things and how they behave in situations, we never see when together because there’s no CHANCE to see it.

 

I find that interesting.

[MyAngel]

The biggest difference between my ex and me was that I am super emotional (easy to cry, overly romantic and loving) and she pretty much never cries, always has her emotions in check.

 

But I knew that all along. Apart from that, we were very similar.

[PurpleMonkeyDishwash]

Speaking for myself, I think that's just part of the process. One which I'm going through. At first it's very hard because you just think "we were so perfect for each other" then later as you begin to accept the possibility that it's over, you try to convince yourself of reasons that it wouldn't have worked out, as well as trying to think of all of the other person's flaws and imperfections. Since while the attachment is strong, the other person's flaws don't exist in your eyes. That's also part of getting over the whole "I'll never be able to find one as good as or better" thing.

[FailedFirstLove]

My ex was pretty much opposite of me. Which is he we got along well. He was patient and calm obivously i get heated fast. He never cried, I cry all the time. He holds grudges but it takes alot to get him mad. I get mad easy but then it's nothing afterwards. I'm self motivated to get things done. His not.

[Sugarkane]

As the dumpee I realized how incompatible we were. I saw their true self, not The act they put on to get into your pants. I realized what an Ahole they really are to people.