OW pregnant with my H's child??

[mikeswife]

Well I guess I could use some encouragement and advice. My H and I have a big problem. I knew something was wrong because he became very distant, and was doing lots of things that cheating men do but i had no proof.

 

He spilled the beans wed. night after I told him i wanted to talk. I had to pry it out of him. First he told me he was leaving me. He wouldn't tell me why. We have been married for almost 3 yrs. and you don't have a reason? He said there was no one else, he just wanted to be single, and that I wanted him to go. I told him I want us to be together. Well he left for 15min and came back and was bawling ( i was too) and said that she's pregnant. The girl I had suspected he'd been with, was pregnant. Needless to say my world came crashing down. He left again. I called her at 2 am and asked her ( I got her # from our callerID) and she says yes, and i called her an F'ing whore and hung up.

 

For about a month since she started working with him, he swore they were just friends. It was a one time thing that was a mistake (they both say this), and she claims she is pregnant. Well when I talked to her on the phone, she couldnt remember the last date of her period, just that the test was positive. She supposedly is about 6 weeks along. H and I have both told her that we are staying together and that we will handle his responsibility to this child together.

 

Now she is writing him notes, like "I had it planned in my head how everything would be, and now that you're staying with your wife I realized that's not how it will be" and my favorite, " I can't work here anymore because when you're not here I miss you".

 

My husband hates himself for what he did to me, and to us, and has mentioned suicide. I, being the strong and supportive wife that I am, have told him that we will handle whatever comes our way TOGETHER.... but I have to have some insurance that this will never happen to me again. I am so hurt. This is his first child. MY mother is the one who wanted to be a grandma... and now his firstborn child is with another woman??? I am trying so hard to get past this and move on to being there for this child, because I dont think this OW will make a good mom. She's been drinking ( called from the bar) and she's a convicted felon still on parole. There is the possibility that she's lying, because she has a pregnant friend that could have peed on this test (brought it from home) hasn't taken one in front of him, havent seen any medical documentation, and when she calls from the bar, she tries to lie on him, like "tell mike thanks for sitting in my bedroom with me last night" when I have accounted for his whereabouts and checked the alibis, and he told me she is the last person he wants to see.

 

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I feel like I can't take anyone's advice because no one I know has ever come close to something this hurtful. I have made up my mind to stick this out because I believe our marriage is worth it, and he's my best friend, and he made a mistake- everyone makes mistakes. I am taking a lot of **** about this because too many people are telling me to leave, but he has chosen to work on our marriage, and is putting forth effort to fix things.

He tells me every morning now that he is sorry he took us for granted, and that its like electricity, you never know how much you needed something until you don't have it anymore. I truly believe in my heart that he means it.

 

Where do we go from here? How do we deal if there is in fact a child born out of this? I told him that one of them needs to change jobs... she's looking for a new job or I told him to ask to transfer stores. I think they need to not see each other on a daily basis in order for our marriage to survive. I think she has her eye on my husband, and was hurt that he told her it was a one time thing and it didn't mean anything and that he loves his wife. I am hoping and praying that she is lying, but if she's not..... can our marriage survive?

 

Thanks!

[mikeswife]

I forgot to mention that he was originally leaving me because he didn't want me to have to deal with all of this, and i told him i'm glad i dragged the truth out, because I would've been thinking that you left because of something I had done.

[littleflowerpot]

you are in a difficult situation and it is impossible to predict 100% whether you two will make it or not. it depends on your level of dedication to rebuilding your marriage. i would suggest counseling. some marriages manage to stay together after affairs even without counseling but often they are still damaged to the core.

 

it sounds the teensiest bit that you are fooling yourself by wanting to believe she's lying. it's possible but unlikely. also, you sound as if you blame the OW a lot more than you do your husband and i'm not sure if that's fair or even smart. try to remember that he cheated on you and not her.

 

if you two choose to remain together and you have any doubts as to the true parentage of the child, perhaps you should have the baby DNA tested once it is born. your husband will definitely need to take care of his responsibility if he's the father. if you are going to stay married to him if it is proven he's the father then you will also have to be fair to his child which means you'll have to be careful never to badmouth the child's mother no matter how much you want to.

 

good luck.

[HokeyReligions]

Get the two of you into counseling right away. You may have to go through more than one counselor to find one you are comfortable with---but do it now. You both need some professional help to deal with this. You are at the beginning of your roller-coaster ride of emotions and a good counselor can be your safety harness.

 

Talk to an attorney about his rights to the child. Insist on a paternity suit.

 

I am sooooo sorry. I just can't imagine how devastated I would be to think that my husband's first child was not with me. My husband's ex finacee had an abortion (his child) before he ever met me and that bothered me for a while. I just can't imagine how you are feeling. You are a strong woman. Good luck to you---and get into counseling ASAP.

 

you can check out this website for some information---but its no substitute for an in-person counselor.

 

<URL removed>

[Taken_Angel]

If indeed she is lying and isn't in fact pregnant (or worse yet is but it isn't your husband's) then it may be easier to get on with your lives.

 

But if she is in fact pregnant then you will have to deal with the reminder of your husband's "mistake" everyday for the rest of your life. (I'm not referring to the child because NO child is a mistake, unplanned yes but a mistake I don't think so).

 

You both need to talk to her and ask her to go to either a planned parenthood or her doctor (or somewhere to a clinic that does pregnancy tests) with you two. Be there with her, (obviously you'll probably have to let them in on the situation) but be there so you can see for sure if in fact she is pregnant. If nothing else get a home pregnancy test and have HER do it there by herself (without a friend) and wait for the results so you can see them yourself. If she refuses she probably isn't pregnant or is trying to use the whole "pregnancy" thing to get closer to him.

 

Now if she IS in fact pregnant I hope for your husband's and your sake that as soon as the baby is born you two get a paternity test done as soon as possible so that if it is his you two can do what's best for the baby (ie buy diapers, food, clothes, ect) and if it isn't his then you two won't have to be bothered by her.

 

I know you know (by your post) that your husband is just as much to blame as anyone, I agree people do make mistakes and you can't always give someone the "boot" just because they made a mistake...but how can you be sure it was only once...maybe she is just saying that to you for him hoping she won't lose him totally. I don't mean to pour salt into your wounds I'm just asking if you're sure their being totally honest.

 

I think it was a cowardly thing for him to do to want to leave and hope that you didn't "convince" him to stick around because if so it probably won't last long, not saying that you did this (please don't get offended by the last statement).

I can't imagine if he was so sorry that he would want to leave but I don't know either of you so I can't say....

 

Either way good luck and I hope things work out in your favor.

[mikeswife]

I place equal blame on the parties. It takes 2 to tango. I am dealing with my husband's betrayal and i am so hurt by him.... im angry, i'm sick, i'm all these emotions at one time. I can't trust the man I thought I knew. I told him we have to get to know each other again, since you're not the man I thought I married. I told him its going to take a lot of time and i have a lot of anger for both of them. I apologize if my post sounded like i had more anger toward her.... She is the one that i am going to have a problem dealing with because she is not handling herself maturely.... not saying that calling her an F'ing whore at 2am was mature, but that was shock, and now that the shock is wearing off, and the realization is setting in.... we have to do what is best for that child.

 

I told my husband that I love kids, and yes it would be a constant reminder of what happened, but also a constant reminder that our marriage is much stronger because of what happened. It's just her, I think that she has notions in her head about them being together and having this baby and being a happy little family when in reality, he wants to stay with me, and build our life together, and take care of this child. I told him we have to send her the message that we are sticking together through this, and that we will help raise that child together with her because the child should not suffer from their selfishness. He cannot send her mixed messages that give her the slightest bit of hope that once the baby is born that he will be with her.

 

I have told him that if he wants to be with her, then go. The first duty will be to that child, and if that would make him happy to live with her and that child, then I will be hurt deeply but I will understand. He tells me no, that with me is where he wants to be, and he's sorry, and glad I am standing by his side, and that we will deal with this together if I want us to. I do. I meant those vows.

 

And I would never ever badmouth the mom in front of a child. I grew up without a dad, and wouldn't want that for this baby.... he will have 2 mamas that love him/her. Children are gifts, and just because I didn't agree with the way it was delivered, doesn't mean its not a gift none the less.

 

Keep up the good advice, this is helping me a lot...thanks~

[Taken_Angel]

Good to know that he declared he will stay with you and is sure he doesn't want to go to her.

 

I hope if indeed this is his child (and if she IS pregnant) then she doesn't do the "be with me or forget your child" thing, I know that is what the court is for but hopefullly she'll be more mature and not act like that.

 

Again good luck and keep us updated!

[HokeyReligions]

I don't want to scare you, but has anyone mentioned testing for STDs? Drag you and your husband to a clinic and get tested. You will probably have to repeat the tests again in a few months. Talk to a health professional about protecting yourself now.

[littleflowerpot]

Originally posted by HokeyReligions

I don't want to scare you, but has anyone mentioned testing for STDs? Drag you and your husband to a clinic and get tested. You will probably have to repeat the tests again in a few months. Talk to a health professional about protecting yourself now.

 

good advice.

[otherwomen]

My ex MM who was also my best friend have a child together. His wife, and my husband were all good friends with all of our kids.

 

Him and I knew each since HS. I hadn't seen him in over 15 years when we hooked up. We were together for 3 years before my best friend whom I trusted told his wife.

 

The best thing that came out of everything was that I have this beautiful little girl. She is 3 1/2/. She is my husband's little girl as far as he and I are concerned. My H doesn't know and will never know and my ex MM will never see her again.

 

That is the way I want it.

We don't talk anymore.

I have cut all ties with him.

She I feel bad and sad.

He was just too scared of the uncertain if he left his wife.

He was comfortable.

Was afraid of change.

 

His wife doesn't know that she is his either.

They were my daughters god parents but not anymore.

We did that so ex MM would have some sort of connection with her.

 

The only thing I miss is the friendship.

I wish we would have stopped before my ex friend told anyone.

She had no right to do that.

She was mad because her husband was cheating on her and planned on leaving.

So she wanted to ruin everyone else's life.

It should have been up to MM to tell his wife if he wanted to.

 

We live in the same town.

Kids go to school together.

We see each other once in a while passing by in our cars.

I don't wave anymore.

 

I don't know how he is feeling.

Don't know if he is hurt.

But I doubt it.

I have been going to counseling for a year since it happened.

My H doesn't know.

It's hard to put it behind me only because of the baby we made together.

But I do now want them in her life.

She would love her to be.

It's best this way.

 

I hope everything works out for you.

I am not a drinker or anything like that.

So it can happen to anyone even high class.

Matter of fact if you knew me or even saw me you would have no idea I would have done this.

[mikeswife]

[color=blue][/color] Hey... Just a quick update... I am dealing with a psycho chick on my hands. My husband has been honest with me, I think, anyways...since i told him that there is nothing worse than this, so you can tell me anything now.

 

She has written him 2 notes at work...which he gave me willingly, " I had everything planned in my head how things would go, and now that you're with your wife I realized they aren't going to be that way, when you have time for me I want to talk to you".... and my personal favorite: "I can't work here anymore because I miss you too much"..... and this girl is supposedly a lesbian?!?!?!

 

She has asked him on the headsets (they work fast food) "can we have sex?".... he told her no... then last night it was " you should talk your wife into letting us hang out again" and he told her "no", and she said "you dont think she'll let you?" and he says no, I dont want to. He said she shut up after that. She also told him " you know, once someone's been caught, they're sneakier the second time around"... he said there is no second time.

 

So this sounds to me like she has her eye on my husband..... I have yet to see a pos preg test that i know SHE peed on.... she supposedly had an appt yesterday my H said for housing? but she didn't go because she came into work (she never mentioned that she went to this appt yesterday).

 

My husband tells me every day now that he is so lucky to have a wife like me, and that he loves me, and that this will never happen again, and he's not leaving me for her. I want to believe him, I do.... but there is always this constant doubt in my head because of all the times he told me they were "just friends".... which is why I bought this new book yesterday "Not "Just Friends" at the bookstore...this book is awesome...and i totally recommend it.... it was like reading my life word for word...scary! Well keep this good advice coming, I can use it!

[supermom]

You know mikeswife, I really commend you for sticking through this with your husband. I don't think that I could be this strong. But also you never know how you are going to deal with something until it happens.

 

I personally don't mind that my husband is friends with the opposite sex. I do however keep my eyes open. IMHO if he f&*k'd up like by cheating, the priviledge of having an open minded wife who let him have female friends would go out the door. How do you feel about this?

 

I think you should go into their work. You said it was fast food right? Well go have some lunch! Then maybe you could get a chance to talk to this girl and/or your presence will definetly show her you are aware of everything and you have your eyes open.

 

Let us know if you can get her to take the test again.

[mikeswife]

Hey supermom..... I do have lunch there a lot... because I need to make my presence known around there. Now I suspect every female friend he has or had, and He has definitely lost that priviledge in our marriage. I talk to his co workers now more than i did... and i showed a couple of them the notes that she wrote him so that I can get some allies here.... This woman wants my husband and I'm not giving up. As far as this child is concerned (if there is one) .... I was reading that ohio law gives both parents equal rights.... and I think my husband and I are more capable to raise this child.... she's a convicted felon on parole.... and she's nuts. I'm hoping it doesnt come to that..... I am still hoping she's lying and either says she has a miscarriage or an abortion, both of which would be an out for her to end this lie. I keep telling my husband to be strong, and don't give in to her.... she's lying and trying to break us up... and I tell him every day that I still love him no matter what.

 

It's not easy bein' Cheezy. LOL.... thanks!

[Taken_Angel]

I agree that it's great that you've been going to their workplace. I would just wave and smile at her. Obviously you can kill with kindness....also I don't think it's beneath her to lie about being pregnant (after all she IS a convicted felon).

 

If she brings up "being pregnant" again I hope yourself and/or your husband let her know that you want to see a positive pregnancy test that SHE has taken (she can actually take a home pregnancy test right there in the fast food resteraunt). That would kind of put her on the spot but at least she wouldn't have time to get some urine from her preg. friend.

 

I can't believe that she won't leave him alone, clearly she must be desperate for his affections if she's stooped to trying to give him notes. If it keeps up maybe he should consider speaking to a manager about her "harassing" him.

[otherwomen]

Maybye your husband is leading her on.

Maybe he tells you things then her different things.

You just never know.

Maybe a nice sit down talk between the 3 of you is what you all need. Ask her about being pregnant, and tell her that all 3 of you would like to go to the docs for a test. If she is mature enough she would do this. Esp. if she wants to start right away with prenatal care for her unborn child. All 3 of you should act in a mature, non name killing meeting so to speak. Maybe she will come around if you tell her that you and your husband are willing to help her out with "their" unborn child.

 

How old is she?

Some people change and maybe she is not like she used to be.

I don't know though because I don't know her.

 

She really should at least for the unborn child's sake get some care.

[Taken_Angel]

Maybye your husband is leading her on.

Maybe he tells you things then her different things.

You just never know.

 

I didn't want to be the one to say this but I'm glad someone did bring it up. I just can't see someone keeping up the chase of someone unless he is giving her some sort of attention or hope! Sorry to say this but he really could be telling her maybe things could work out for them....or something....

 

I agree only a sit down between the 3 of you will do any good.

[cherrie]

I wanted to let you know of a great site that will help you not only sustain your marriage but also let you talk to alot of other women dealing with exactly this sitch. They have helped me considerably, DH and I are now six years past this and more in love than ever before. It is called MarriageBuilders.com. There is a pregnancy and child forum that deals with exactly this. Good luck and God Bless.

[coollady_1974]

Mikesmom,

 

It took me a while to write this and through tears I say that I am in the same boat you are. He cheated and he has a child. The child is one this month and I found out in May. He didn't have the nerve to tell me. She called me while i was on a family outing. The hurt and humiliation I felt!

 

All the while I decided to stick with him, wondering evryday if I made the right decision. But I also found out that I have Herpes because of his cheating, which I am now coping with. I have tried killing myself three times because of this because I don't want to feel the hurt anymore.

 

So know that I feel your hurt and your pain. He has to deal with her for teh rest of his life while I want her to do is get hit by a mack truck. I think the best thing that I can say is that you are not alone. For me, I needed to know that I was not alone and reading your post helped.

 

I will be praying for you and hope that you too find some happiness.

[otherwomen]

Is your H helping out this women with the baby?

Are they still on the side?

 

I would never have called the wife. That was down right cruel of her to do that.

 

Don;t kill yourself.

I would kill him for giving you herpes.

That was not right, for gods sake if he was cheating couldn't he have worn a condom?? I know that is aweful to say, but to come home and possibly spread something to your wife is almost as terrible as the OW having a baby.

 

Do you know for sure that this is his child?

Have they done a paternity test yet?

If not, I would sit down with both of them and discuss it, yes it would be hard, but since you already know, you should have the right to KNOW for sure if the baby is his.

 

I'm sorry for everything

[coollady_1974]

The day I found out, he dropped her like a bad habit. We are going to counseling with my pastor and has swore to the both of us that he's done with her. I think that he is, but who's to prevent someone from cheating if that's what they really want to do.

 

The girl is trash! He helps her out with the child, but i don't believe that it's his. I did some checking up on her and while she was pregnant, some girl wanted to fight her because she was messing with his man. She had to move from where she is because of it. Plus, i found that her first child's "father" wants nothing to do with her or the child because she lied to him about the child being his and it wasn't.

 

He basically used her for whatever reason and she didn't put up a fight. He never took her out, he never had her meet his friends, he just went over her house late at night, did what he had to do and left. Not once did she complain. How do you not know that you're being used? Sickening isn't it? It's like she'll take whatever attention a man will give her and open her legs. So I am not suprised by the disease. Just mad as hell at him for giving it to me.

 

I have no respect for her because no respectable woman has a baby with a man without, at the very least, knowing his last name. Not to mention the other things you should know about him before having kids with a man. But she claims she was in a "relationship" with him. That has to be warped. Not to leave out what he did. What he did was totally WRONG!!!!

 

I want to get a paternity test done, but he doesn't want to. I think in his heart he knows that he's not his, but doesn't want to face it. I know that's hard, but he has to deal with that part. Me pressuring him about it won't make him move on it. I did, however, put some legal things in writing so I am not on the hook for any monetary support for the kid. It's his problem; he needs to pay for it. Plus, I am in law school and she's on welfare so I am sure once she sees the money, she's going to want some. It won't be from me.

 

This whole situation is hard. I took a lot of flack from my family and friends by staying with him. I know that I am very angry at the whole situation, especially at him. It's just not where I thought I'd be.

[mikeswife]

Hey gals... quick update... The good news is I haven't been getting any phone calls... The bad news is- they still work together, and she's still sending him notes...this time "call me latter" ( yes, that's how she spelled it... dealing with a winner here) and it had a heart at the bottom. He said he's not going to call her. God it is so hard to trust.

 

We still have not seen any doctor's papers, a pos. test that we know she peed on, or anything. It is very hard to rebuild our life after this without it, but she and I aren't on the best of terms because truthfully I can't stand the sight of her. We went to the fast food rest. they work at last night after the bar, and she was working. Maybe it was because I was drunk, but he was friendly to her. Then I said something as we pulled out, and he said " I can't be friends with my Baby Mama?".... I said No, you can't. Because you told me you were just friends before and look what happened. He let it slip while we were in the drivethru- The computer ( spanking to porn) is more fun than she was. Well that made me feel a little better. I just hope he isn't telling me one story and her another.

 

I guess I am not a happy drunk like i used to be... He was the des. driver and I got crocked, but I went to being tipsy to a pissed off ready to pass out drunk, and missed that whole happy drunk thing.

 

I hope these feelings subside a little more with time.... I love him, and I guess I can't bear the thought of losing him? But it is breaking my heart to think about another woman having his first child. I try not to think about it, but everywhere I see happy families with little babies, and they look so happy. That's all I ever wanted. I need to stop this pity me party now... LOL. I'm gonna go back to bed... I messed up my knee pretty bad and gotta go elevate it.

 

Keep the advice coming, It is helping me a lot. Thanks!

[shortbus74]

mikeswife...You are my hero today!!! When I found out my ex-husband cheated on me I flipped out..... and I mean I flipped out bad... (read my post in the I still love him/coping forum) I remember when I was in high school I had friends that would claim they are preg.. with the guys kid to get the guy to stay with them.... (Very cheap and very sad way to keep your boyfriend)

 

 

When my best friend found out her hubby cheated on her (total nightmare) The girl claimed she was with child (which was the only reason my friend did not pound her ass), The girl was never pregnate.. She was trying to steal my friends husband! This girl would call my friend all day and night harassing her... My friend filed a complaint with the phone company and the police dept...

I was so tired of the phone call I ended up calling this girls bestfriend and telling her that if the phone calls and harssment did not stop that I would **ck both of their lives up beyond belief... and the calls stopped that day..... (have to laugh because I weigh 95lbs.. and I am 5'# 1/2...skinny white girl with chicken legs)

 

A few months later this girl actually called my friends husband and told him that she just won the lottery..LOL Too funny.... This girl is straight out of the trailer park....(Yes she lived in a single wide with her HUSBAND!)

 

I guess my point to my story is...... there is someone who is always going to be out to take what you have.......(dear god! if you can deal with my future New York, loud mouth, cussing, socially unacceptable future husband you can have him) KIDDING

 

 

You can always do what my friend and I did when we found out the hubbys cheated on us with trailer park trash.... we got tats on our backs... (she got a flaming heart with a dagger going thru it and I have a tat that spans my lower back (she drew it up for me) and I have oriental writing that says betrayed)

We did it because everytime we would have our backs to them they would see that...Women forgive but they never forget.....

[supermom]

You can always do what my friend and I did when we found out the hubbys cheated on us with trailer park trash.... we got tats on our backs... (she got a flaming heart with a dagger going thru it and I have a tat that spans my lower back (she drew it up for me) and I have oriental writing that says betrayed)

We did it because everytime we would have our backs to them they would see that...Women forgive but they never forget.....

 

That is so creative and awesome! I LOVE IT!

 

 

 

she's still sending him notes...this time "call me latter" ( yes, that's how she spelled it... dealing with a winner here) and it had a heart at the bottom. He said he's not going to call her. God it is so hard to trust.

 

 

Have you thought about confronting her with the note in your hand? SHE NEEDS A WAKE UP CALL from her stupid little fantasy. I personally at this point would make my husband (imagining in your shoes) find another job.

 

 

We went to the fast food rest. they work at last night after the bar, and she was working. Maybe it was because I was drunk, but he was friendly to her. Then I said something as we pulled out, and he said " I can't be friends with my Baby Mama?".... I said No, you can't.

 

OMG he's calling her My baby mama!!! I personally would be so pissed! mikeswife, you ARE SO STRONG I wouldn't be this strong. I think my fist would of been in my hubbys mouth about that time. What is he proud? WTF? F**k no, he shouldnt be friends with her, or trusted to be friends with any other female for that matter, he blew this one IMHO.

 

My husband had a one time affair w/ my sis friend, while I was preg (2002) but he just told me this Feb of 2004. I am now to the point of trusting again, and I know (I hope) I shouldn't have to deal with it again, but IMHO if he made a baby, he would have to leave. You are very strong!

 

Good luck, keep us updated and I hope I haven't offended you by what I said in regards to your husband.

 

~Supermom

[mikeswife]

Went and got me a midnight snack tonight since they are both closing tonight... I am happy.... it was a surprise visit, and I didn't hear him being overly nice to her. He came and talked with me a bit and gave me 2 kisses when I was leaving, told me he loved me and that we'd go out for breakfast in the morning when he got home. I stay cautious though, because i'm really hurting inside. Eventually I know that I can love with my whole heart again, but that little cautious voice in the back of my mind tells me to be very careful.

 

I do believe he loves me, and knows that he made a BIG mistake. And I think she's just trying to get some attention with this whole preggo thing. She didn't say one word to me tonight.... and still no medical doc's to prove it. I couldn't even look at her though.... I know what hate is now. Never felt it like this before. There are times I want to beat the living **** out of this whore. There are times I want to cut my husband's dick off so he can't think with it anymore. I guess the anger and frustration and hurt will lessen eventually, but it still makes me sick to my stomach to know they still interact regularly at work.

 

On a more positive note.... LOL.... We are going to CEDAR POINT again tomorrow to spend some quality time together on our day off together.... making some time for each other which is wonderful. Neither of us feels confrontational at CP and sometimes that's where we learn more about ourselves and our marriage and talk more. That's where we went the day after I found out, and we both called off of work... We're bad. Calling off work to go to the amusement park. Shhh! don't tell!!! - Wait that's what this is about.... no more keeping secrets. hahah I'm sleepy and rambling so i'm going to bed.... goodnight everyone, and keep this wonderful advice and encouragement/suggestions coming.... they're great!! Thanks!!

[mikeswife]

Well here's a quick update on our predicament..... Found out OW is in fact pregnant.... got medical documentation. Have been getting along so much better with hubby.... trying not to be judgemental and angry all the time....

 

It happened before they went to work, and they worked the same time that day and he went to go pick her up for work early and that's when it happened. I was at work. He was a little drunk. He still swears it only happened once. He says it was the thrill of doing something Taboo...and that she was a lesbian. He says he feels terrible because he knows what he did to me and to us as a couple. He didn't want to tell me details because he feared my anger and resentment. I told him I have already heard the worst, but I need to know some things.... What I pictured in my head was 100x worse than what really happened. I told him I pictured him and her, candles, wine, romance. He said that couldn't be farther from it. He said he doesn't love her, and doesn't have feelings for her.

 

I feel better the more we talk about it.... I feel like I'm not left in the dark. I have to control my anger but I feel closer to him when he shares things with me. He has since been accountable for his whereabouts when we aren't together, and I feel, is really trying to get our marriage back on solid ground. I asked him if his friends at work know that we're staying together, and he said yes, and they think I'm the luckiest man on earth... and I said what do you think? He says I KNOW I'm the luckiest man on earth. That made me feel good.

 

As far as promises to her go.... He didn't promise her they would be together, but he didn't tell her they wouldn't. He was planning on leaving that Tuesday because he thought I would kick him out anyways after I found out... He gave her his friends number where he'd be staying. Then she was a little upset when I bursted her bubble that I didn't kick him out.... She got her hopes up that they would raise this baby together and it didn't work out that way. We have talked about the baby.... We are still going to go for custody since she's a felon on parole and drinks and smokes cigs/pot while preggo. Hopefully it doesn't harm the baby. You'd think if she really wanted to keep this baby she'd take better care of herself. I told him that if we stay together, we will take an active role in this baby's life together....I grew up without a dad, and never got the chance to know him until it was too late. I don't want that for his child. Say a prayer for us.

Any more advice is welcomed.... Thanks!!