Honiebee Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Still on NC and it's been hard. Really hard. I think about him all the time. I have been pushing myself to doing other things, going out more, reading more, social gatherings etc. I got a text from him today. 'I think we should try this frienship without sex. What do you think?' Why has he done this? Everyone on this forum has said that he was only after sex the whole time- which I whole hearted my agree with. Why would he want to meet up without any sex? I haven't replied. For one, its the final nail in the coffin. But I just can't be bothered anymore, I feel like I've worn myself out chasing this guy for years and I can't anymore. I don't understand why he's said this. I wish we'd never met, I really really do. I'm keeping NC unless you think I should reply saying no I don't want to see you anyway let alone without sex? This forum has been a huge huge help xxx
Simon Phoenix Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Say nothing, continue what you are doing. It's just another one of his ploys. He'll get back together with you, say something about how you are irresistable and have sex with you. So keep on with your NC.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Manipulation dear. He knows you care. Knows that there is no way, friendship can be when someone loves someone else. Meet as friends, work you as friends. Get your booty as friends. I'm glad you maintained NC He's a dumb jerk. 5
bluefairy812 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 block his number. seriously. i know it's hard bc in the back of your mind you want him to turn around and take you back but it's not going to happen. clearly, that message says "hey let's be friends so i can keep you on the side incase sex happens again." don't do it - block him out of your life. you will feel better with time. trust me. it's difficult but not impossible. the sooner you close yourself out of your ex the sooner you will heal. 2
cavalier99 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 His message is a joke. Got to give him credit though. He REALLY wants to get back into your pants. That text reeks of too horny, desperate, and too much masturbation. Id take it as a compliment..you must be super sexy Give it up for another more deserving guy. Rock on! Cav 2
PogoStick Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 You say you wish you didn't even meet. You don't want to be friends, so your silence is all the answer that is needed. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) Everyone on this forum has said that he was only after sex the whole time- which I whole hearted my agree with. Why would he want to meet up without any sex? To make sure he does not lose contact with you, when he DOES want to use you as a booty call. Maybe you were becoming too much hassle for him (don't know the whole story), so he dumped you (even though there was no real relationship there in the first place) but wants to keep you around for more booty call / friends with benefits situations in the future. You've got an advance planner on your hands. He's "grooming" you. The best response is no response at all. His hand is his friend. Alternatively, he can go f*ck himself. Edited January 21, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 1
Author Honiebee Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Manipulation dear. He knows you care. Knows that there is no way, friendship can be when someone loves someone else. Meet as friends, work you as friends. Get your booty as friends. I'm glad you maintained NC He's a dumb jerk. He has done this before. When we were having regular sex he suddenly said that he didn't want to have sex anymore because it was 'weird'. I stil don't know why he did that. And now it's happened again for what I can see is no reason. But if he doesn't want to anymore then I guess fine, I can't be bothered to waste my life on this weird sex/unsex 'friendship'/ 'horror show' anymore! X
flitzanu Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 yep, the fact that he says "without sex" means "because of sex". i don't meet girls i want to be friends with, and say "hey lets be friends, no sex". i just say "hey let's be friends". 1
iouaname Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Acting as though he has a reason for doing what he is doing is giving him too much credit. He sounds immature and confused. He's doing whatever he's doing at the moment because that's how he feels at the moment. He wants to have sex with you when he's horny. He wants to stop having sex with you when he feels bothered by it. He wants to be friends when he's lonely... etc. He's thinking about himself in the moment and nobody else. He's using you and fitting you in how he wants, depending on the day. Drop him. You deserve better than that. Ultimately, you're just going to end up hurting even more. Do not respond to his texts. Do not respond to calls. Do not even respond to say that you're no longer going to respond, because even that shows you care. Fake that you don't care, and eventually, you won't anymore. That way - you get to have the final say. 1
Author Honiebee Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Acting as though he has a reason for doing what he is doing is giving him too much credit. He sounds immature and confused. He's doing whatever he's doing at the moment because that's how he feels at the moment. He wants to have sex with you when he's horny. He wants to stop having sex with you when he feels bothered by it. He wants to be friends when he's lonely... etc. He's thinking about himself in the moment and nobody else. He's using you and fitting you in how he wants, depending on the day. Drop him. You deserve better than that. Ultimately, you're just going to end up hurting even more. Do not respond to his texts. Do not respond to calls. Do not even respond to say that you're no longer going to respond, because even that shows you care. Fake that you don't care, and eventually, you won't anymore. That way - you get to have the final say. Hit the nail on the head I think. He has done this for the past four years. Invites me over for sex and after a while will say he just wants to be friends. Only for it to go back to sex again. You're right. Thank you x
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Acting as though he has a reason for doing what he is doing is giving him too much credit. He sounds immature and confused. He's doing whatever he's doing at the moment because that's how he feels at the moment. He wants to have sex with you when he's horny. He wants to stop having sex with you when he feels bothered by it. He wants to be friends when he's lonely... etc. He's thinking about himself in the moment and nobody else. He's using you and fitting you in how he wants, depending on the day. Drop him. You deserve better than that. Ultimately, you're just going to end up hurting even more. Do not respond to his texts. Do not respond to calls. Do not even respond to say that you're no longer going to respond, because even that shows you care. Fake that you don't care, and eventually, you won't anymore. That way - you get to have the final say. Yup. Please listen to this very wise piece of advice. My ex was just like this. Any time that an ex drops you like you are the plague, and then suggests being friends = let's keep the option of having sex again open, cos I don't want to invest more time and money to find some other chick who is willing to be my no-strings-attached f*ck-buddy.
Author Honiebee Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 yep, the fact that he says "without sex" means "because of sex". i don't meet girls i want to be friends with, and say "hey lets be friends, no sex". i just say "hey let's be friends". Thank you! (And me too!) I wanted to know why he's doing it. But there's no reason really- except that he's an ******* who can have whatever relationship he wants with me- when he wants it. Ughhh.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Thank you! (And me too!) I wanted to know why he's doing it. But there's no reason really- except that he's an ******* who can have whatever relationship he wants with me- when he wants it. Ughhh. Well, that is up to YOU. Take back your power, and kick this guy to the curb. FOR GOOD. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 He has done this before. When we were having regular sex he suddenly said that he didn't want to have sex anymore because it was 'weird'. I stil don't know why he did that. And now it's happened again for what I can see is no reason. But if he doesn't want to anymore then I guess fine, I can't be bothered to waste my life on this weird sex/unsex 'friendship'/ 'horror show' anymore! X Immaturity, nothing but immaturity right there. What next, does he suddenly think girls have cooties? LOL! He's a joke. He is playing head games and is a joke! I'm sure it felt weird having sex with a person he was manipulating. Must have had some small shred of conscience. Oh. He isn't a man. Just a joke,LOL. A man would take care of Every inch of his woman, LOL. That's what you need. A man. Not a joke. Laugh at it, at him. He's a joke, a funny one. You're too damn good for his joke ass dear. 1
iouaname Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 except that he's an ******* who can have whatever relationship he wants with me- when he wants it. Ughhh. But only if you let him. Despite the feeling that we all have (and trust me, I've been there at several points during my own break up) none of us are helpless. None of us are at the mercy of our exes. Yes, we can no longer be their boyfriend or their girlfriend, but that doesn't mean that we are resolved to whatever they want us to be. We decide what we are to them. Your ex is an *******. I'm sure that you've guessed this. But there's only so much blame to be put on him. At some point you need to act in your own self-interest! He can only use you if you allow yourself to be used. So don't anymore!
Author Honiebee Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Well, that is up to YOU. Take back your power, and kick this guy to the curb. FOR GOOD. Thanks. I haven't broken NC and to be honest- really don't see the point anyway. If I did, I know it would go back to how it was- him either using me for sex or just for company when he's bored. Not what I want for myself. It's quite lonely, not having that contact, but I don't feel so miserable all the time. Still days where I feel sad, but not hurting and not crying all the time. It's quite nice. I just didn't get why he'd even bother to send that. But the reason seems pretty clear from this forum - he's a jerk!! X
Samilia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I'd reply "hey I think you should go f*ck a duck". But silence is better, yes. Good girl.
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