Long Distance Girlfriend wants a Break .

[John_Clark]

So hi everyone , i am new here .And here's my story .

I am 20 years old and studying in the US . My girlfriend of almost 10 months is in college about 7500 miles away . Sufficient to say that this is an ultra long distance relationship . When we started to date via fb , she used to give me sufficient time and devote her time in talking and texting me .But lately , we were getting busier with school and hence the time was kinda short . Because of the time difference , almost 12 hours , we have a very short window of communication . Hence , a problem of not having time for each other arose but we managed to tide over it .

Now the present situ , about a month ago , she started talking to a senior of hers , mainly concerning professors and school. I wasn't much concerned because i trust her and also i had complete transparency about the convo. But then i noticed that she was being over friendly with him . I was kinda pissed and asked her about it . She said , she wasn't trying to but since i felt bad , she would try to be more formal. Soon , she went to college and then again talks with senior and eventually met him at the library where he taught her about a topic . But now , whenever i called her , she would say ,"i wasted my whole day so lets just talk quickly so that i can study". I checked and found out that she had been chatting with her senior for 2+ hours but didnt have 20 mins for me . I was super pissed and a huge fight resulted . I really love this girl but i don't know what to do . But i was wrong too because i did act possessive sometimes . She had asked me before meeting him and i was okay with it , but i did ask a few questions and she was angry about it , being defensive and all. She said i didn't trust her and all and since the relationship was going through a rough patch , she needed a break .

That was 2 days ago. So i agreed and (since was pissed) said , why not take a break up and go separate . But she started crying and said she couldn't imagine being without me and she loved me a lot and wanted me by her side always . She said that the break could be long and we need to see if we can get teh relationship going again .

From what i read, one should give her space and try not to contact her , but she wants me to say love u and give her kisses and stuff and wants me to be in touch with her , while on the break .She also said i couldn't look for someone else and she will also be committed and will only love me as in Friends who are in love . i am confused now .. what does this all mean ?

I am an introvert and a socially inept person and hence relationships don't make much sense .. If anyone could simplify this and tell me what to do then i would be in gratitude .

Edited January 20, 2013 by John_Clark

[malxme]

A friend of mine said to me recently that flirting is just a part of life. I think maybe your gf was just flirting with this person, and enjoying the attention she was getting. It sucks, its not cool, it isnt fair on you, but to me thats what it sounds like. Ive been in a long distance relationship like yours for 2 years, and It is so hard when you feel the other person isnt putting in as much effort as you. Quite simply, if you really care about someone you will MAKE time for them. Studying is a busy lifestyle yes, but how hard is it to have 30 minutes each day set in concrete for you and her to have some time? When I was with my beloved guy, I would study hard during the day to make sure I had time at night to call him and chat for an hour (not that he appreciated it, as it turns out). My advice for you: Give it say a week of not talking, then call her up and have a blunt discussion. Tell her you love her, you want to be with her, but if things are going to work out, you both need to set a time that suits you both each day to chat to each other (or however often you want to do it). Tell her what you need from her in order to feel happy in the relationship, and ask her if she can meet you somewhere in the middle. Tell her you trust her, but it hurt you when she made time for other people but couldnt make time for you. Do video chats, eat dinner with each other via video chat, watch an episode of a tv series each week and discuss it. Try be creative, make the times you get to talk to eachother cool and different. I do think you should have a few days break to cool off and reevaluate things. I too am an introvert and I know after my relationship problems I would sit at home and just feel sadder and sadder. Dont do this. Get out and live your life for a few days. If you have a couple of good friends, do cool things with them. If not, go for walks, go for a run, cook something awesome. Live your life without your gf, clear your head, then look into it again.

 

I hope at least part of the above ramblings will help you in some tiny way!

[John_Clark]

Thanks for the input netizen . I am still not sure about how excatly do i navigate through this Break issue .. Any ideas?