venusianx13 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) 10 month relationship, looking toward a future together... he's the nice, clean-cut kinda guy I always ignored and went instead for the edgy bad boys. Took me 29 years to give a guy like him a chance, and I'm so glad I did. Well, the situation is that a couple of months ago, his buddy invited him on a ski trip. It was really just an idea that was tossed around, and he asked me if I was okay with him going, and of course, I said "okay." Well, no mention of it was made for the next month and a half or so, and so as far as my boyfriend knew, it was not happening. I've been pretty sick the past month, and so our weekends have been spent pretty low-key. We haven't gone out much, except to take our new dog for appointments and such. As I got better, finally, and this weekend was approaching, we made a lot of really lovely plans for our 3 day weekend (we both have off for MLK tomorrow). We planned a nice dinner date, and also to see my sister and brother in law, and everything was completely confirmed. I was really looking forward. Well, he received a text message mid last week, from his ski buddy, and his buddy asked if he was still coming this weekend? My boyfriend didn't know that tickets had been purchased already for some kind of ski package in Vermont, as it was never confirmed with him. He told me he had to go, or he'd be paying for something he wasn't attending.. He felt bad, but it was hard for me to not hold a grudge against the situation, but I kept part of my plans and saw my sister and BIL anyway. Well, I'm at his home today, taking care of the dog, and waiting for his return. He keeps pushing the time up, and I'm getting a little upset about it. I felt completely abandoned this weekend, as it was, and he originally told me he'd be home around 5, but now it's looking to be a lot later. He's going to "keep me updated." I don't want to be a bitch or a crybaby over this, he deserves to have fun, too, but the way this whole thing happened was already a challenge, and now he wants for me to sit and wait for him? I am considering just hanging with the dog for a bit, feeding and walking her before his return, and then heading out to do something else. He took his car up for this trip, he could have said he needed to be home around 5, but I guess he hasn't conveyed that to his friend. And I'm feeling a bit hurt and taken for granted. Originally, I was going to make us a nice dinner for when he returned, but it doesn't seem that would be practical being that he'll be arriving home much later than he had first told me. Ugh. Am I over-reacting to this? I am a very sensitive person, so I don't want to be unreasonable with him. I suppose if this is the worst he can do to me, I'm pretty lucky, but it still doesn't change the fact that I find this to be a challenge for me. I don't want to seem like I'm punishing him, but I would like to enjoy my free evening and not sit around waiting for him to "give me details." Any ideas on how to handle this fairly? Or should I just let it go? Edited January 20, 2013 by venusianx13
terilaney Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Let him know you are planning dinner and what time it should his arrival be. Tell him you and the pup miss him and since you are feeling much better ...you can't wait to be with him and hear all about his exciting weekend 1
Author venusianx13 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 I think the reason this bothers me so much, upon further consideration, is because this is very reminiscent of things my cheating/lying/selfish jerk of an ex fiance used to pull on me all the time. He'd make plans with me for later, but then go somewhere with his buddies, and never make it home to stick by our date. I spent too many evenings home by myself, upset... I realize this is a much milder version, because my boyfriend is not out getting plastered or partying (I do trust him), but I am still very taken aback by his lack of consideration. I won't sit home tonight feeling sorry for myself, but I won't be there waiting for him when he decides to come back, either. Am I wrong for that? He seems to think I am.
Author venusianx13 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) Let him know you are planning dinner and what time it should his arrival be. Tell him you and the pup miss him and since you are feeling much better ...you can't wait to be with him and hear all about his exciting weekend Thanks, terilany, that was my original plan based on expecting him home, probably realistically around 6 or so. However, he won't be arriving at any suitable time for dinner tonight, I'm sure he and his buddy will get dinner on their way back. Whatever time that may be. I want very much to convey a sweet message such as what you'd suggested, but the truth is, I don't want to sit here and wait all night, as he is expecting me to do. Edited January 20, 2013 by venusianx13
terilaney Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 ok maybe you are right, let them know ahead of time you wont be taken for granted, and I am very insecure about infidelity that I would imagine that in this case and many more. I am dealing with my own demons....see my post any suggestions? looking for some strong womens advise
Author venusianx13 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Thanks, yeah, I'm going to have a talk with him. I'm not worried about fidelity, but I am very taken aback by his lack of consideration toward me through this whole thing. I just want to be fair. I read and responded to your post about jealousy. I hope you'll consider what I said.
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