SharkTooth Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Well of course we do! But no, really it's pretty simple. I mean think about it. The guy experienced meeting you, dating you, sweeping you off your feet, falling in love with him, and every happy moment in between. He knows the "aura" you put out when you are happy. The same applies for women and your 6th sense sniffing out our pathetic attempt to seems ok with the break up...
todreaminblue Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I don't think it takes a sixth sense for an ex to know when their ex has moved on,its a logical conclusion drawn from actions that are more apparent,then they start to think, "hey this is final , crap crap , do i want it to be final , have i really finished with them or them with me, hey i am not so sure about this", and the phone calls start,the interest increases, and uncertainty reigns supreme,could also become a bit of a challenge if they are competitive by nature how i look at it is the demise of the relationship happened for a reason, that reason is still there, always will be there, even though the thoughts and feelings around it will always hold confusion, the reason behind a break up is normally clear cut and defined by betrayal and or hurt by one party or both. The years ro even months you spent with someone, the finality of that ex moving on, is a situation that has a sting appropriate for the amount of years or months you were together,or how much you actually did feel for that person........its not a sixth sense its the reality hitting home..... that it will never be again, that person has found another or moved on.I actually think it happens a lot.....that's reality....going backwards isn't reality though...chances of a previous relationship working for a second time.......not very promising and a huge risk.......deb
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) Mine texted me 3 weeks after the break-up. I did not expect him to text me at all. In fact, I assumed he had deleted my number. I was talking to my friend about how my ex had not texted me, when, bam, I got a text from the ex... didn't reply, though. And it was right when I was feeling pretty good, and was telling my friend how I'd rip my ex a new one if he tried to contact me . Ironic. Didn't end up ripping a new one, unless, of course, you think of NC as being equal to ripping him a new one... I think mine really contacted me when he did, because my previous behaviours showed him that , because I loved him and was willing to beg, plead, grovel, etc., I 'd contact him sooner rather than later, a week at the latest... He waited 2 weeks... then a third week...... and then was probably like, WTF, she's not texting me, maybe I've lost her for good? (he probably waited that long because he had dumped me over Christmas and figured it would be particularly hard on me , and so would take longer for me to get in the mood to contact him) Edited January 21, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
dreamingoftigers Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 WHY??? Lol Why do they do it? Is it JUST an ego thing? Are they all really that selfish that they can't let us move on? What did you do? I don't know exactly. I think when I was younger I didn't know about NC or dumper etiquette. I kinda got curious what they were up to, figured we were over each other "by now" and maybe there was a friendship. Either way, see if they are doing alright. Looking back on it, I must've pissed off a few. With H, I still was willing to try to work on M. I had read a lot in between and done a lot of growing. So I was ready to tack our "stuff" more effectively OR walk away if necessary. So we did work on it and we got back together.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I don't know exactly. I think when I was younger I didn't know about NC or dumper etiquette. I kinda got curious what they were up to, figured we were over each other "by now" and maybe there was a friendship. Either way, see if they are doing alright. OK, I am curious. A few things: 1) Curious in what way? In a jealous "I wonder if they have moved on from me and found someone else" way? Or what? 2) Figured you were over each other "by now" -- by when? How soon after was this? 3) Related to #2, I am assuming you have experienced being the DUMPEE before, and I assume it took you longer than 2-3 weeks to get over your ex.. So, when YOU were the dumper and doing the contacting, did you never think of your own experiences being dumped? I mean, you weren't thinking about that, and telling yourself that, hey, he's probably not over me yet, considering how long it took ME to get over my dumper..? I always wonder about this... Or did you think of that, but decided to contact anyway, because you wanted to make yourself feel better?
cavalier99 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) One time me and my current ex were broken up for a while (I definitely wasn't over her) i started seeing a girl very briefly who was hot, a total basket case , huge partier etcetera. We clicked pretty hard in the sex, party type way. I never saw anything serious nor insinuated this and she was fine with the situation..no expectations. We got together some but i started to get bored with her quickly. I stopped responding to her texts. Or i would respond..felt i missed her some, and we would hook up. Keep in mind this was just a casual dating thing. Anyway, i just couldn't be bothered anymore and barley read the texts she sent me..forgot to respond. I would text her when the though passed my mind but then immediately thought what am i doing..again couldn't be bothered. When i went back and really read her texts they were actually quite sincere and really nice. She actually cared for me. Basically I realized I was stringing her along without even realising it. I know this situation is different but I'm guessing our dumpers just shoot something off when they feel like it. Not much thought behind it nor much of a care whether we respond or not. They don't care much..they are indifferent. By the time we do respond..if we do, they are off doing something else and couldn't care less. There is no rocket science behind this. Edited January 21, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author ThatJustHappened Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Struggling today. Really missing him...UGH!!!!
cavalier99 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 That happened to me the other day and took me by surprise..it was torture....then it went away. Just hang in there. Cav
Author ThatJustHappened Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Thanks..I'm trying. I miss him so much today though. I'm dating other men and a few of them are really pursuing me but it's only making me want my ex more. What is wrong with me?? Lol
cavalier99 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) Nothing is wrong with you. Your just not there yet 100 percent and the new guys make you realize what you had with your ex and how difficult it is to get that special connection. Take it slow. When was your BU? Ahh i just saw it was quite a while ago. How long NC? Edited January 27, 2013 by cavalier99
Author ThatJustHappened Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Nothing is wrong with you. Your just not there yet 100 percent and the new guys make you realize what you had with your ex and how difficult it is to get that special connection. Take it slow. When was your BU? Ahh i just saw it was quite a while ago. How long NC? We're not total NC, we text every couple of days or so (I don't see him though). I know..it's bad..I know I need to go NC. Please nobody attack me for that. I still have 5% hope that we'll get back together someday and I'm not ready to completely let go of that. I love him. Yes, technically we broke up a long time ago, but it wasn't a real break up. We were still dating/saying I love you/saying we wanted to get back together someday etc etc etc until a few weeks ago.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Part of the reason I'm not totally NC is because he says mean things to me sometimes that make me realize why I don't want to be with him anymore. It really does help. I think I might be a masochist, lol. Plus I'm dating someone else and I think I might be starting to develop actual real feelings for him..I hope.. I don't know if I still like him or if he's just what I'm used to and so I keep going back to him. 3 of my friends got engaged recently and I'm feeling a bit left out. I think that has something to do with my continued contact with the ex. He's kind of a douche to be honest (he didn't used to be..this is a recent development). Every time he says something douchey to me, it makes me like him a little less. I'm just having trouble reconciling the douchey version of him with the kind, lovely, amazing version of him that I knew when we were together. But it's starting to come together. Slowly but surely. His meanness is ebbing away at my love. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Hmmmm you have a very strange approach to recovery. Lol Umm maybe try out NC for once..i mean otherwise this could go on for quite a while and I'm not sure your being honest with yourself about how when he treats you bad it helps you let go more. I mean we are all holding onto that 5% chance they come back..but we do NC anyway. You really could try out pure NC for like 6 month and truly get over this and give your new RS a real shot. If you don't feel better after 6 month you could go back to what you doing now. Just my thoughts. Cav
h3braica Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 why do we have to feel this pain? it is the worst feeling in the world!
Coping Vortex Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 why do we have to feel this pain? it is the worst feeling in the world! There is no worse feeling.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Hmmmm you have a very strange approach to recovery. Lol Umm maybe try out NC for once..i mean otherwise this could go on for quite a while and I'm not sure your being honest with yourself about how when he treats you bad it helps you let go more. I mean we are all holding onto that 5% chance they come back..but we do NC anyway. You really could try out pure NC for like 6 month and truly get over this and give your new RS a real shot. If you don't feel better after 6 month you could go back to what you doing now. Just my thoughts. Cav It is honestly true that when he says mean things to me, it helps me let go. It's kind of like he's 2 different people..there's good ex and evil ex. Good ex is the one who still helps me with stuff like fixing my car, and doing my taxes, and who still tells me he loves me. Evil ex is the one who makes intentionally hurtful comments for no apparent reason. I hate evil ex. I'm trying to reconcile evil ex with good ex. I'm not going to initiate contact with him again. I want to let him go..I really do. He's not emotionally healthy and he is incapable of being in a relationship right now. I'm trying. I'm definitely doing a thousand times better than I was before. I don't cry every day. I got a new job that I'm kicking @ss at. I'm dating other people. I'm working really hard on faking that I'm ok..I'm hoping eventually I won't have to fake it anymore.
flitzanu Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I posted this in my other thread as well..but I think it merits it's own thread. Do our exes have a 6th sense about when we're starting to really move on and be happy? It kind of seems like they do. Mine texted me yesterday to ask my opinion on a shirt he was thinking of buying (I always shopped with him and helped him choose his clothes..we always had a lot of fun shopping together). The text came in while I was getting ready for my date (which went very well..I'm seeing him again today!). I didn't answer..I've tried to block his number but you can't block iMessages, only texts. He also did something really nice for me last week..he recommended me for a job he knew I would love (not at his company..it would have nothing to do with him, he just knows the HR person there) and they called me in for an interview next week. I'm taking the interview because it really is a fantastic opportunity. If I get it, I'll send him a thank you card..but a very formal one..and a snail mail card so he can't respond. How do they know when we're starting to move on? How do they know when we start to be happy without them? He doesn't want me..he's made that abundantly clear numerous times. He keeps telling me he wants me to move on..he doesn't want me to have feelings for him anymore because we can NEVER be together. So why do this? it doesn't sound like a 6th sense, it sounds like you've kept all lines of communication open and you keep talking to him on a regular basis.
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