OlyliftJayVee Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 As a male, my boyfriend feels good when he is recognized for the things that he does. I used to compliment him all the time because I was truley impressed. I admired his seriousness, ambition and work ethic. Then, I started to see this obnoxious cockiness come out of him in everything he does. He is constantly bragging to people about himself - how much he lifts, how many people he trains, how good his clients have become "because of him." He doesnt ask about the person unless its about lifting. He only seems interested in order to gain a new client or as he says to "take their money." Every time a client hits a new lifting record or does good on something...he turns it around on him and what he did to make them successful. He did he with me before too. I told him that it was ME, as a good athlete, that did the lift! He did not like that at all and still talks about it. He is a good at writing the lifting programs but I feel like he takes total credit for everything! I have never had a trainer be like that! I used to be the most important thing in his life, I guess that was the chase phase. Now, his life revolves around lifting and working. He told me that he didnt think I was the one because I get emotional at times and that love wouldnt be enough to keep him here if he had the chance to train with a really good team. Even when we are home though he is always on the computer and constantly on his phone. He says he has to be their for his clients but I dont consider screwing around on FB to apply. I truly feel like he cares more about them than me - he refused to help me move a lifting box when I needed help the other day. He said that I was strong enough to do it myself despite the fact it strained my back after moving one before. I understand that he was warming up and stretching and I would have waited but he responded so condescendingly about it. He does this all the time to me. I dont bug him that much but there are times when i just need help with stuff! When I addressed it afterwards in the car, he said he wont help people who can do things themself. Yet, no matter what we are doing he will answer his clients texts, messages and calls. He has told me they "pay him" so he has to be nice and attentive. I know that his job is unconventional but there are times when it would be nice to just have his attention fully. He says, what does it matter if we are just watching t.v.? He also gets mad if I nicely ask him to put the phone away once in a while. Its like Ive asked him to cut off his arml I feel invisible with him when we are in public and he constantly talks down to me in front of other people. I feel like this is all my fault because I allowed it all to happen...I let him practically move in without paying any bills; i lift with him all the time; I dont talk about my feelings because when I do it becomes an arguement where I end up being the one not looking at his perspective and only thinking about myself. I have this built up resentment because of all of this which makes it hard to want to compliment him all the time about what he does. Its like he has this huge ego and I dont want to just add to it....if he wasnt so self-centered then I wouldnt have an issue with it! I am frustrated and sad because I dont know what to do avout the situation. I feel good about myself and my life but not this relationship. If there was something I was doing wrong I would change it. Because I live lifting and he is my coach and has accsess to the best gym around here, I feel stuck. compliment him all the time because I was truley impressed. I admired his seriousness, ambition and work ethic. Then, I started to see this obnoxious cockiness come out of him in everything he does. He is constantly bragging to people about himself - how much he lifts, how many people he trains, how good his clients have become "because of him." He doesnt ask about the person unless its about lifting. He only seems interested in order to gain a new client or as he says to "take their money." Every time a client hits a new lifting record or does good on something...he turns it around on him and what he did to make them successful. He did he with me before too. I told him that it was ME, as a good athlete, that did the lift! He did not like that at all and still talks about it. He is a good at writing the lifting programs but I feel like he takes total credit for everything! I have never had a trainer be like that! I used to be the most important thing in his life, I guess that was the chase phase. Now, his life revolves around lifting and working. He told me that he didnt think I was the one because I get emotional at times and that love wouldnt be enough to keep him herer if he had the chance to train with a really good team. Even when we are home though he is always on the computer and constantly on his phone. He says he has to be their for his clients but I dont consider screwing around on FB to apply. I truly feel like he cares more about them than me - he refused to help me move a lifting box when I needed help the other day. He said that I was strong enough to do it myself despite the fact it strained my back after moving one before. I understand that he was warming up and stretching and I would have waited but he responded so condescendingly about it. He does this all the time to me. I dont bug him that much but there are times when i just need help with stuff! When I addressed it afterwards in the car, he said he wont help people who can do things themself. Yet, no matter what we are doing he will answer his clients texts, messages and calls. He has told me they "pay him" so he has to be nice and attentive. I know that his job is unconventional but there are times when it would be nice to just have his attention fully. He says, what does it matter if we are just watching t.v.? He also gets mad if I nicely ask him to put the phone away once in a while. Its like Ive asked him to cut off his arml I feel invisible with him when we are in public and he constantly talks down to me in front of other people. I feel like this is all my fault because I allowed it all to happen...I let him practically move in without paying any bills; i lift with him all the time; I dont talk about my feelings because when I do it becomes an arguement where I end up being the one not looking at his perspective and only thinking about myself. I have this built up resentment because of all of this which makes it hard to want to compliment him all the time about what he does. Its like he has this huge ego and I dont want to just add to it....if he wasnt so self-centered then I wouldnt have an issue with it! I am frustrated and sad because I dont know what to do avout the situation. I feel good about myself and my life but not this relationship. If there was something I was doing wrong I would change it. Because I live lifting and he is my coach and has accsess to the best gym around here, I feel stuck.
Keenly Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 My first question to him would be "Bro, do you even lift?" The second, to you, would be don't you feel you are worth so much more than this? This dude has some serious personality issues. I think he actually thinks very, very low of himself.
Author OlyliftJayVee Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 I do think I deserve more but he is my coach and will still be in the lifting world.
Keenly Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 After reading your OP again, I can hardly believe in the reality of it. I can not believe some one would allow all of that to happen and not put a stop to it.
Author OlyliftJayVee Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 I guess I just accepted it as who hemis bc he is like this with everyone who is not a client....i.e. doesnt pay him. I figured he is just rational. He is also young...22 and I am 31.
Author OlyliftJayVee Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Trust me, I have tried talking to him and expressing my feeling buthe has no understanding of anothers perspective. I end up being blamed for not understanding him.
Star Gazer Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 You haven't described most of the traits that make up a true narcissist. He may have them, but you haven't articulated them. Instead, he simply sounds like a guy who's more interested in developing his physique and his client base than his relationship. :shrug: 1
Author OlyliftJayVee Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Thr funny thing is @Juice....he is sooooo cheap. He will spend thousands on lifting stuff because its an investment vut bitches about taking me out on dates once in a while!
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