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The toughest day. Exactly 1 year ago...


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Posted

Exactly one year ago today my ex and I miscarried. To be honest he was never thrilled about the baby to begin with. Neither was his family. He had just gotten out of jail (only 20 days) and was still living at home. They knew he wasn't responsible enough for a family. He tried talking me into an abortion. He said he wanted more time with me alone. Time to travel and do all the things we wanted to do together. I even entertained the thought.

 

By the time we went to our first doc appt, the baby was gone. I quickly moved to his city and we got an apt together. Sadly I didn't even have time to grieve. I was just so happy we were finally making a huge commitment together. I think that where it all started to go downhill.

 

So today is a very hard day. I'm sad for my loss. And I'm flooded with "what if" questions. Like what if I never miscarried? Would things be different now? Or would he still had left? I'm trying to convince myself that god knew better and knew he wouldn't have been a good father. This awful man couldve been in my life forever.

 

The worst part is, I'm absolutely sure he doesn't even remember what today is. And that part hurts the most.

Posted (edited)

I'm really sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine how painful that was for you.

 

Please take time to grieve for this, because although dwelling isn't healthy, you need to learn to accept what has happened and find some sort of inner peace with it.

 

This guy pushed abortion because he was scared of responsibilty. My ex was exactly the same. He threatened everything in the book to make me get an abortion. Told me he'd never speak to me again, that he'd never have anything to do with it. His father left him when he was 3 years old and questionned if that is how he would want his child to grow up. My ex is still a pretty dispicable human being, but I have made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

 

I don't know if you are spiritual or religious, but if you are, perhaps you could try confiding with someone? I am neither, but I do believe in fate, and I do believe that what will be, will be. (Although I think opinions on this will differ throughout users.)

 

I really hope you can come out of this without too much sadness. I'm here if you ever want my contact details.

Edited by Minadee
Posted

I'm so sorry for what you went through. But thankyou for sharing your story. It would be so hard to lose a baby even if it wasnt born. I hope you can grieve now. I know two ladies that have miscarriaged and they tell me they never forget. It's traumatizing and they reccommend to see a therapist. So your able to express yourself and learn coping mechanisms. It's difficult to leave all this on your shoulders.

 

If there is a what if question. Make it what if I had the baby and he left me anyways. You would have been left stranded as a single mum.

 

 

 

Please take care and get support

Posted

If you would have had an abortion I'll bet you would feel even worst right now.

 

Now days it is too easy to look at the negative, you can flip the situation and look at the positive. Right now you could be a single mother with no money living who knows where... Instead you were given a second chance, you didn't "kill" your baby by going through with an abortion and have your entire future to look forward to.

 

Be positive, stay happy. Life is too short to wonder about the what ifs.

Posted

I am sorry Kristi.

 

I doubt he'd done you differently. He would have abandoned you to watch your child alone...

 

 

 

He's pure ****.

 

I'm truly sorry.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I felt awful today bc I had entertained the thought to give up my baby for him. And for what? A selfish piece of crap.

 

I feel guilty. I do. I didn't grieve when it happened. And maybe I should have. I don't know how normal it is to grieve a year later. Some piece was hopin he would at least reach today of all days. Shows what kind of man he is. He wanted this. He got exactly what he wanted.

 

I grieve for my baby. Not him. For the beautiful piece of me that I could've given up on purpose. But nature knew better and that precious life was taken.

 

I could necer forget this day. I don't know how he could. Makes me wonder if there were more girls that this happened to.

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

I'm glad you didn't give up your baby for him like I did with my BF. We were unaware of the emotional consequences an abortion can bring and our relationship and ourselves are now suffering the consequences.

 

Crazy this happened 2 years ago and I am still feeling the remorse, depression, anxiety, regret and that God is mad at me for doing it. I am finally getting help to deal with the Post Abortion Stress Syndrome (PASS).

 

So yes, there are more girls that this has happened to. Be proud of your decision to stick up for what you thought was right. It is rare to ever hear someone refer to their child as NOT a blessing.

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