lakerman34 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) So, here's the situation: I came to this forum after my breakup in the beginning of last October. By the end of the semester (a day before I was graduating), my roommate introduces me to this girl. We hang out twice in a group. Both of us drunk, both of us had similar interests, she was laughing at everything I was saying, she told me she thought I was "such an interesting character," and she compliments my eyes. She lives in NY, I in PA. We start FB messaging a lot. The girl is kind of a dork but really cute. I poke fun at her, she likes it. I start making myself VERY vulnerable. She kind of acts like a guy (not very emotional, breaks people's balls, and takes confrontation well), but is still very feminine. She has NEVER called me a "friend" or "buddy" or anything like that. She subtlely flirts with me, and I'm more explicit to my flirting with her. She told me, at first, that "OMG you REALLY bring out my personality." It's scary how much we have in common in regards to what we like. She's had a best guy friend for 3 years. She tried to start a relationship with him when they first met, but he's a more emotional guy and just got off a breakup, so I THINK he's been friendzoned since. She brings him up sometimes, but only briefly and mentions him as "one of my friends." This girl and I have been talking EVERYDAY for a month, and sometimes for hours on end. I told her the first Friday night of the semester (February 1), I'm bringing a bottle of bourbon (she loves bourbon) and we can watch a movie together. Whenever I bring it up, she sounds so down to do it. I then told her about a week ago that I wanted to take her dancing, and she said "yeah sure!" She's a VERY chill girl. She kind of admitted to me that her problem is that she'll like a guy, and she confuses guys because guys feel like she friendzones them, so they accept they are a friend, and by the time she admits her feelings, they say something like "don't make this weird." We've spoken about love, sex, kinky sex, and all that fun stuff. Me in more graphic detail, but she's been VERY receptive. Anyway, I don't really know where I stand. Past 3 days, we haven't spoken much. She kinda told me (jokingly, I hope) that she talks to me when she's bored (she gets on a lot saying "I'm bored" and then I talk to her. I'm on already anyways). When I end a conversation, I end it with "goodnight :)" or something of the like, she just says "I'm turning my computer off" and leaves. She just seems like she's spreading out response times between texts, some messages she doesn't even respond to anymore, and we haven't FB messaged in the past 3 days (I don't think we've gone more than 2 days w/o all month). However, today a mutual friend tweeted me that my twitter account was a parody of myself, and she replied "but furreal tho." I tweeted her back telling her I was going to fight her soon and she should start training. She replied in text message a few hours later "we made an agreement that you wouldn't kill me, but otherwise, bring it!" My measuring stick is if this hang out actually happens AND if it's just her and me, then I'm going to make a move (I'm assuming it's just going to be us 2 because I'm taking her to the club on campus to dance). Maybe I'm just being paranoid, or maybe I just needed to get this all typed out. I tend to over think. Thoughts? EDIT: She seems like the type that has no problem "waiting" for me. I will be in South Africa for 2.5 months. I have no problem going as a taken man because it's a surgery internship and I'm there to work, not get with girls. ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: She seems like she may be down to have sex on "the first date." She has told me in the past (mind you, she was drunk) that she hasn't had sex in a long time and it was starting to get to her. She sees sex as a physical act more so than anything else. Thing is, if it's going to negatively affect my future with her, I don't want to have sex. Then again, I won't see her after Feb. 1 until the end of April. Any advice would help. Edited January 20, 2013 by lakerman34
sid3 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Grow a pair and make a move. FYI, girls from South Africa are some of the prettiest you'll ever see.
Pyro Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 You will remain a friend unless you make a move.
todreaminblue Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I think you should go for it and i wish you the best ....try not to make a joke out of it....if she has a jokey personality which it seems she does.....you can get crossed wires...be straight up.....good luck...deb
Author lakerman34 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) Grow a pair and make a move. FYI, girls from South Africa are some of the prettiest you'll ever see. Haven't really seen her yet to make a move. I have NO problem making the move haha. I'm more worried that she sees this as "just friends." I guess, either way I should make a move. If she rejects, distance myself a little and keep her as a friend (she's mad chill, I usually walk away from girls. But her I could keep as a friend). If she accepts, then Friends of mine read our texts, and they tell me that she definitely is interested. The friend that introduced told me that I've got it in the bag and that I need to stop worrying. She told me that she REALLY wanted a boyfriend, but I kind of don't understand why she would want one that won't be around? HAHA shoot me in the head. Moment of truth in 12 days time (if she still wants me to visit in 12 days). Edited January 20, 2013 by lakerman34
CptObvious Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 a ****able girl is a dime a dozen but a bro-zonable girl exists maybe once or twice a lifetime. I personally wouldn't **** with it. In fact, back in college I told a girl straight up that I wasnt gonna try to **** her. We're still best friends to this day.
Author lakerman34 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 I can't tell if this is serious or not haha. I'm very infatuated with this girl. I feel like with EVERY girl that I've ever dated or had potential to date, I couldn't be 100% myself, her I can be a complete goofball, make the world's dumbest joke, or do something stupid, and she'll tease me for it, laugh, and then move on as if it didn't happen (OK, she may bring it up again to make fun of me, but still). I just adore her. I won't bro-zone her. Unless I found out she had a dick (but trust me, she doesn't hahahahah). a ****able girl is a dime a dozen but a bro-zonable girl exists maybe once or twice a lifetime. I personally wouldn't **** with it. In fact, back in college I told a girl straight up that I wasnt gonna try to **** her. We're still best friends to this day.
Author lakerman34 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 I'm going to bump this right here hahaha. There is this random guy she always brings up. She tells me he's brilliant, dark and mysterious and in class with her. IDK if he's interested in her (doesn't sound like he is), but she sounds too interested in him to be comfortable to me.
ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Well, there are difficulties ion LDRs, as I'm sure you know. You won't really get to kn ow her unless you can close tbhe distance gap and really spend time with her and date her: for all your chat could be a projection of your ideas upon her. You need to spend physical time with someone to really get to know them. But, if you want her as more than friends you should be upfront and say so, then see if you can close the distance gap.
Author lakerman34 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Now I'm starting to grow so uncertain. On paper, she seems perfect, but I've done the whole LDR thing twice (is it REALLY LDR though), and both times it was rough. HOWEVER, both those girls I couldn't trust fully. I feel like this one I can. She's different. She and I are members of this forum together (Personality Cafe), and she wrote that her perfect guy WAS a dark, mysterious, intelligent, introverted guy. And she said she's into the "fat muscle" guys "like Chris Pratt." She has told me that she's got me all figured out, I'm an extrovert, and I'm in SUPER good shape, but it's lean muscle. IDK. At times I think she and I are DEFINITELY going to end up being something, but at times I really feel like a friend. I'm so unsure with her.
sid3 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Now I'm starting to grow so uncertain. On paper, she seems perfect, but I've done the whole LDR thing twice (is it REALLY LDR though), and both times it was rough. HOWEVER, both those girls I couldn't trust fully. I feel like this one I can. She's different. She and I are members of this forum together (Personality Cafe), and she wrote that her perfect guy WAS a dark, mysterious, intelligent, introverted guy. And she said she's into the "fat muscle" guys "like Chris Pratt." She has told me that she's got me all figured out, I'm an extrovert, and I'm in SUPER good shape, but it's lean muscle. IDK. At times I think she and I are DEFINITELY going to end up being something, but at times I really feel like a friend. I'm so unsure with her. If she's telling you about another guy, well I'd say you're her newest gal pal. Welcome to the friendzone.
Author lakerman34 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 If she's telling you about another guy, well I'd say you're her newest gal pal. Welcome to the friendzone. Yeah, but the thing is, she doesn't make it sound like she wants anything remotely romantic with him. She just told me that she likes working with him. And I've told her about girls I've been on DATES with recently. Like "girl from last night, cute, but wouldn't shut the hell up." I kind of did this because Men's Health told me too She always sounded supportive, but somewhat disappointed that I brought up another girl. I don't know, I think I'm going to layoff a while, see if she texts/FB messages me (she's EXTREMELY anti-phonecall). If she does, great, if not, well then, some girl in South Africa is lucky! Win-win.
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