Foreveryourgirl12 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I feel this way alot, especially since I turned 25 (now 26). I cant seem to meet a guy that can understand me. I am in a hurry to marry and have kids. I have never really dated and have tried but had no luck.
MrCastle Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I'm 25. I'm in no rush to get hitched. You're young. You have plenty of time.
SilentVoice Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I'm 25. I'm in no rush to get hitched. You're young. You have plenty of time. Let us be for real but for a female. It really doesn't traditionally come across that way.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I'm a guy and I'm pretty sure it's impossible for me to ever find a girl who'd be willing to date me (and perhaps marry me). Approaching 25 and I've still yet to kiss a girl. My suggestion? Get a career, hopefully a good paying one that doesn't involve causing misery to other people (a tough thing I learned all too late). And, get a dog. Dogs are loyal creatures and even though mine is a pain when he sees other dogs, he's still a great companion.
Mtlgrrl Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Marriage and babies takes time, I think you are rushing. If you speak to guys the way you posted here you can be sure you're gonna have a hard time. If you were in your 40's I'd understand the rush to have a baby but you're still young you have time. Relax girl!
MrCastle Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Let us be for real but for a female. It really doesn't traditionally come across that way. Well tradition is being changed. People are getting married and having kids later on in life. Even the women my age I know who think they have found "the one" aren't talking kids yet. Maybe back in the day when a woman's presence in the workforce was limited. But chicks want education and good paying jobs just like men. No room for kids.
sid3 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I bet a man would feel really comfortable sleeping with you knowing you're desperate to have kids at 25. There's plenty of men that would. Obviously you live in a different world. Some guys will take what they can get, for many, that is typically nothing.
Negative Nancy Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) So on the one hand we have all the frustrated men here who complain that no woman wants to settle down in her 20s, that all of them are town sluts and party whores (just not with them, of course), and those very same men rub their hands in glee when 30+ women here lament the dating scene. Yet here is a woman who wants to settle down in her 20s and men tell her that essentially she must have a screw loose? I swear, men make no sense. Edited January 20, 2013 by Negative Nancy
MrCastle Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 So on the one hand we have all the frustrated men here who complain that no woman wants to settle down in her 20s LOL. What?! I need names, posts, something, anything, Nance. Who are these 20 something men shaking their fists in rage that girls their age don't want to settle down and have kids.
PinkSapphire Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Okay, OP, I am here to help you. Wanting to get married and have kids at age 26 is totally normal! You don't need to feel rushed, per say, but your head is on straight that waiting until 30s might not be the best idea. Hint: it isn't. Start now. However, I can see that your approach must really be turning the men off. I am your age, 26, and have had lots of men want to marry me to have their babies. Problem is, I don't actually want kids and don't feel comfortable saying, "Well, maybe when I'm older I'll change my mind" bc that feels deceitful and not something I can promise will happen. For you, though, you are perfect! So what's the issue? Obviously, you are coming off as desperate. Sorry to be blunt, but it must be the case. THere is nothing more intoxicating to a guy than a woman who wants to marry him and bear his children, so the turn-off has to be the fact that you seem to be looking for any man to fill that spot for you. Major turn-off, just like a guy who suddenly needs a girlfriend adn decides to tell me just like that (Nope, buddy, not interested in being the girl who happens to be available when you need one. Yikes). So, play it cool, act a bit coy. This is not advice I'd give a typical girl, but you seem rushed and desperate, so coy will put you in the right place. Just have fun when you date, get to know the guy, ask yourself if you enjoy his company, are you having fun, is he easy to talk to, does he make you laugh? Do you make him laugh? Do you seem to enjoy the same activities? This is what dating is for. Step 1 right here, do this. Then, when you find someone you click with - not easy, this will take time and lots of bad dates. Don't worry about it, you will survive - then you start the discussion of "what are you looking for in a partner?" "What are you looking for in a relationship?" "What are your life goals? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10 years?" etc. Work these into conversation over a few dates, don't make it into an interrogation. BUt, LISTEN! This is wehre they tell you waht they want, and if they tell you what you want to hear, they aren't stupid - they mean, WITH YOU. IF a guy answers any question with babies and marriage, finding a good woman, describing a lot of traits that you have in their preferred partner (and it isn't in a group setting with a pastor or teacher leading), then they mean with you. This is your cue to pursue a relationship with him. DO NOT say anything creepy. Smile, or better yet, don't smile but nod and consider. "Sounds good/sounds fair," some mysterious statement that lets them know you are cool with what they said. DOn't become all giddy and clingy. Instead, feel content that you have found someone and can relax. THen, RELAX! Have more fun, schedule more dates that are fun and exactly what you like to do, hiking, walks on beach, seeing some corny play, eating ice cream, late night bike rides along the beach, etc. Silly, romantic things. Feel free to take more initiative now because you know he likes you and is thinking long term. Also? Mention you would be okay being exclusive and in a relationship with him. Continue having fun. Cement the idea in him that you are a cool girl and that he is right in thinking of you long-term. Stay true to yourself and stay fun and awesome. Soon enough, He will be bringing up the next steps, like moving in and getting married. Your job throughout is to listen and find a man whose company you enjoy outside of sex and marriage. THen, he qualifies for more. This is how you do it; I know because I have been proposed to a few times in my earlier 20s, and had a long-term bf who would have had I not broken up with him. Good luck!
mesmerized Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 LOL. What?! I need names, posts, something, anything, Nance. Who are these 20 something men shaking their fists in rage that girls their age don't want to settle down and have kids. What? Do you even read this forum?? Tons of men here say that crap here regularly. Their issue is not kids though, they just want women to settle for them sooner than later.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I feel this way alot, especially since I turned 25 (now 26). I cant seem to meet a guy that can understand me. I am in a hurry to marry and have kids. I have never really dated and have tried but had no luck. Hey, I use to feel that way too. But I think it was because I didn't really understand myself. So I didn't know how to look for guys that aligined with what I really wanted out of life. You are young. Take the time to get to know yourself. Do thinks you enjoy. Don't put pressure on who you think you should be just because your friends or your peers. Stop worrying about what a guy thinks of you and discover what makes you feel good being you. I know it sounds cliche but I think this is your answer.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Don't warp the thread into a gender war again guys. Honestly, Stick to giving helpful, insightful advice. Cut off how you personally feel. All it does it start flame wars between the guys/gals of LS. Look OP. Do not be so desperate. It is hard settling these days in your 20s. Eventually you will. This takes time. Do not rush, for such a big responsibility like marriage/babies. Find someone who will love you first. Change your scope of view on your outcome. It will happen. Things don't always happen when we want.
rocketman122 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I am in a hurry to marry and have kids. Oowa, free candy. if I was a douche then I would sense this and use you and toss you. but since you tried dating and haven't had success, I question why. are you not attractive, or overweight..socially awkward maybe. tons of girls like you on OLD when I was fishing. youre still ok, but the ones from 30 up are even more desperate. any one wanting a new piece of pie can take advantage and jump from girl to girl without any issues if they setup their profile right. I have values so I wouldnt do such a thing.
ja123 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Try not to think in all or nothing terms. If you do, you'll end up feeling sad and disappointed without seeing and appreciating all the good things you have in your life. Concentrate on the what is, and get out and date with little expectations. You might have the opportunity to get to know someone who'd be a great long-term partner for you. But, it times time, patience, and a willingness to do things step-by-step.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 So on the one hand we have all the frustrated men here who complain that no woman wants to settle down in her 20s, that all of them are town sluts and party whores (just not with them, of course), and those very same men rub their hands in glee when 30+ women here lament the dating scene. Yet here is a woman who wants to settle down in her 20s and men tell her that essentially she must have a screw loose? I swear, men make no sense. I never said any such thing. But if someone is struggling with dating and doesn't know how to succeed they probably should invest their time elsewhere. Settling down is admirable, but to be honest the kind of guys in their mid to late 20s who want to settle down but haven't yet are going to be very subpar. Which is another problem the OP will have to deal with.
Author Foreveryourgirl12 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Im not desperate and I dont sleep with men just to try to get pregnant. Im just in a situation where I might not be able to have kids. I have dated and even though I liked them, later on I did realize they were not for me. Now I actually know what I'm looking for and cant find it. I lost my virginity at 21. And for those that are judgemental, please do not leave negatative comments. I am here for advice not to be criticized by what you think you know about me. Everyone is different and has their own thoughts on life and I am sorry, I will not be having kids in my 40' or 50's. That just seems really too late to be trying. I would like to enjoy life with my kids, not be nearly dead when they graduate high school. Thank you PinkSapphire, you have given me the best advice so far. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not desperate to have babies, I am more concerned with finding a suitable partner, then working on the rest. But as I get older, I keep getting afraid that I might not find someone and will end up being alone with no kids because guys like to be *******s. I am beautiful, educated and independent. When I talk to guys, I do not act or even present myself as being desperate. We just talk about the basics and get to know each other. Then of course, guys tell me after the date that they had fun and want to see me again, only to never hear from them again or to find out theyre married and cheat. It just seems like its the city I live in. Ive dated alot and can tell you, the guys from suburban schools have been the worst guys to even try to get to know. Guys from city schools have been honest and blunt with me about how they feel. I believe someone is out there for me. I just would like to find him before I just give up alltogether.
Author Foreveryourgirl12 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Oowa, free candy. if I was a douche then I would sense this and use you and toss you. but since you tried dating and haven't had success, I question why. are you not attractive, or overweight..socially awkward maybe. tons of girls like you on OLD when I was fishing. youre still ok, but the ones from 30 up are even more desperate. any one wanting a new piece of pie can take advantage and jump from girl to girl without any issues if they setup their profile right. I have values so I wouldnt do such a thing. There is nothing wrong with me. I have been told I am beautiful. The guys I dated knew what I looked like beforehand. I am cute and fun and I dont know if its really me or is it them that is doing something wrong. I feel like its me alot and get no closure.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 There is nothing wrong with me. I have been told I am beautiful. The guys I dated knew what I looked like beforehand. I am cute and fun and I dont know if its really me or is it them that is doing something wrong. I feel like its me alot and get no closure. The quality men your age who want to settle down have already settled down. The ones your age who are currently single are not generally quality men. You might be able to find a needle in a haystack every once in a while but good luck.
Author Foreveryourgirl12 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 I never said any such thing. But if someone is struggling with dating and doesn't know how to succeed they probably should invest their time elsewhere. Settling down is admirable, but to be honest the kind of guys in their mid to late 20s who want to settle down but haven't yet are going to be very subpar. Which is another problem the OP will have to deal with. From trying to date guys my age to dating older guys...
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