Abad Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I met my ex late January, we hung out everyday from that point on basically, we were talking for 3 months before we started dating. We started dating in April and everything was happy for the most part we had a few really bad fights and I decided to break it off in June because I had a lot going on at the moment. I told him that I wasn't going to date anyone else that I just needed to find myself and be happy on my own for a while. Throughout those long months (6 to be exact) I have wanted to contact him and work things out but I didn't know if it was because I was lonely or I truly missed him. I found out that he's dating someone else and I guess I was too late. I finally had the courage to text him a couple of weeks ago and I asked if we can catch up and tell him everything that's been on my mind, he told me know and I left it at that. Two weeks later, he texted me and asked when I wanted to meet up. I was so excited to hear he wanted too. Well, we met up the night after and we talked for 3 hours. He brought up all the good times we've shared together and caught up on life. He talked a little about his new girlfriend and told me that when one of them are unhappy then they will leave the relationship. Right before he left I told him that I miss him and he hugged me and said I really miss you too. I asked why he never called me or tried to work things out and he said that he didn't know what to say Because too much has happened to us. I started telling him how it was bad timing for me and how I went to counseling to work things out with myself and he told me that timing is everything and he was ready to settle. I told him that I wish him best and happiness is everything and haven't heard from him since! I felt the connection and when he hugged me I just felt the connection. Is there anything left? Should I move on or try one more time and tell him how I truly honestly feel? I don't understand why It took two weeks to respond... Does that mean anything or am I over analyzing things? Please help me
fungusamungus Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 You left him to get some space, be single, and work on your own independence. There is nothing wrong with that but you cannot be upset at him for moving on because he was likely left heartbroken. Nor can you be upset at him for not contacting you and trying to work things out, because you the reason you left him was for space and to find yourself. He was giving you exactly what you asked for. I completely understand where your ex is coming from. Yes, there may still be chemistry there, and there may be a connection there, but that doesn't mean that he wants to be with you. It can be VERY hard to go back to someone who broke up with you and to feel secure in that relationship again. The emotional baggage that is left over from a breakup might be too much for him to want to be involved with you again, regardless of how he feels about you. The reason it took 2 weeks to respond to you is pretty obvious... you broke up with him, he moved on and then you interjected yourself into his life when he was dating someone else and dumped all your feelings onto him at once. That can be very hard to process and can be very confusing. Do not take people for granted. If you are going to break up with them to do what is best for you, then they have every right right to do what is best for them, and moving on is usually the answer. Which is what this guy did. Next time, do not break up with someone if you are not willing to risk the chance of losing them forever.
Author Abad Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 You are right, I shouldn't have left him if I wasn't completely over it. He said he would wait on me but I shouldn't have ever expected him to stop his life just for me to find myself. Do you think there is any way that I should prove to him that I'm ready for a commitment even if it is forever or should I let it go? I'm a total believer in everything happens for a reason. Maybe we just weren't meant to be but I don't want to let it go without at least him knowing completely how I feel! Do you think I was clear enough for him to know what I was getting at? Btw thank you for the reply
fungusamungus Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) You sound like a woman that I used to date. My relationship with her was very similar and sounded like it ended in a very similar way. It's amazing, actually, just how similar it is. Not all men are the same as me, and your ex might be different, so I'm warning you of this because I don't want to give you false hope. I've been in your ex's shoes and he's not over you. He basically told you that he is not that serious with his new girlfriend and... well, he had to deliberate with himself about meeting with you. When an ex asks to meet up, and it takes that long for him to decide whether he wants to or not, he has thought very hard about it. Trust me, a person who is completely over their ex would do one of two things: 1) Say no and be done with it and if he were a particularly open and honest person, he would let you know why ("Sorry, I'm seeing someone right now, I don't want to hash up old feelings as it wouldn't be appropriate, I hope you understand") 2) Say yes without (a lot of) hesitation, but under the pretense that it is just friends catching up ("Hey, I'd love to catch up, but let's just keep it as friends") I can ALMOST guarantee you that the thought of leaving his current girlfriend for you (given the right circumstances) has crossed his mind. Now, that doesn't mean that he will. But there is almost no way that it hasn't at least crossed his mind. Now... are his feelings actually strong enough for you that he WOULD? No one really knows but him. Again, there is baggage from the old relationship that he would have to be over in order to recommit to you. BUT, yes, if you were to ask me for my honest opinion... this can be salvaged. Edited January 21, 2013 by fungusamungus
Author Abad Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 So my question here is... What do I do at this point? Should I get in contact one more time or should I leave the situation alone and let it sort itself out and hope that he will give this another try? I don't want to step on anyone's toes here since he does have a girlfriend.
Ky25 Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Let him contact you. Then you know he was thinking about you. When you are the one making the effort every time he may take advantage of that. Just do what you can to stay occupied and happy. And if it was meant to work out he will try to communicate with you again. Otherwise just try to keep your mind off of it. Focus on you.
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