Beat Up

[CdnClass88]

Hey loveshacker's.

 

First time posting, but have a ton of respect for those helping on here.

 

So for the reason I'm posting. I was with my SO for nearly 8 years at the time we split this past mid November. I'm soon to be 25, she will be 23 this year, so safe to say, we were both significant parts of each other's life.

 

I don't want make this post a bash fest, but it's part of the overall question/issue. Although clearly there was a lot of love over this time this was a mentally abusive relationship for me. When things were good, she was the sweetest, caring person I've met. After about 4 years when there was and issue, or the tiniest thing she didn't like (and I mean tiny), she literally was completely nuts!

 

I would be yelled at being called a F@#king idiot, retarded, pathetic, and was sure to be let known that my feelings didn't mean sh&t. She was also a compulsive liar, sneak stupid things, and extremely arrogant. Ultimately, all of this is her issue to control, but I stupidly gave her a bit of slack for it. She is from a different culture, the outrageous temper came from her father, the lying and sneaking was from her mother, the exact same behaviours. Her only 2 real friend, of the same descent, shared some of the same aspects as well. I'm a very self aware individual, I know I made mistakes, everyone does, but I was always loyal and true to her and the relationship. I could admit them though, and she couldn't. All her issues are apparently because of me. I cause the outburst, the sneaking, and the fact that she is anti social is my fault.

 

It all eventually got so bad, that one evening that I picked her up from a house warming party, I simply asked what happened, and she began calling me the same things. I slammed the breaks, told her talking to anyone like that is unacceptable, turned around and drove her home (she lived with her father).

 

I was sad, so was she. But after talking abit about it she left my car, and even though I was upset, I was also relieved driving back to my place that the BS was over. Well, after a couple days of nc we began talking and we were about 95% of the way back to reconciling, she simply goes, "I can't put any more into this" and that was it. I know after the fact she likely just did this to feel like she was the dumper, its her personality.

 

So now there have been periods of no contact, but we have been talking. Occasionally, she's sweet, but most of the time its arguing and me being labelled as the one who is messed up.

 

Why am I even dealing with this? Or not long gone? It's like an addiction. She treated me like crap, beat me to sh&t, and will never change. I despise her for that. I know part of it is our history, part is that the good of her was exactly what I want in a person. I know that even if we get to the point where we would get back together I can't because I don't trust her whatsoever. But I keep going back as if I enjoy getting beat up mentally. I know the simple answer here is straight up NC, I just don't understand myself for why I let this happen over and over. I isolated myself a bit, moved to her area, but am doing what's necessary to get everything back in place for myself. Aside from her, I always have had a good life, a good career & family, it's not like she's do or die for me by any means. I've even gone out with a few women, I don't even think of her while doing it, and have enjoyed myself, and do truly feel that if I met the right person, I can fully devote myself to her, but whenever I have a quiet moment to myself I get that urge to go back for more. Likely its because I'm just not used to being alone after so long.

 

Sorry for being long, but it actually feels damn good getting it out.

 

Cheers!

[redleader]

I read in this some of my past.

 

I was in the same kind of thing a few years ago, which in the end cost me my entire life up to that point. So, I do still harbor a lot of resentment toward her (happily NC for 4 years now, best day of my life is when I stopped talking to her finally for good).

 

She helped me destroy my friendships and hobbies because she couldn't stand me being out doing stuff without her though her only hobbies included cleaning or fussing with her 2 bitchy cats. The sex was flat and uninteresting cause she said she had "already done it all", which was bs. She was perfect and I was an idiot. I was always wrong, she made sure I knew that. After a while you start believing it. Id threaten to break up and she would threaten to kill herself (yeah...I got one of those mindjobs). I got caught in a negative loop with her until I was so burned out between her, a job I hated, and seeing my life going nowhere, I lost it, and everything else with my loss of control. My job, my life, my home, I moved out of state to start over because that was all that was left.

 

I still question it today. "Why was I with her crazy ass? What did I ever see in her? All she ever did was make me miserable between the rare moments we actually enjoyed each other and we had nothing in common at all"

 

I still have no idea why I did what I did. Looking back I was a big idiot. I wondered what my life would have been had I removed her from my life the second I saw who she was. We almost broke up a couple times but I just couldn't pull the trigger.

 

I suppose at the time I thought it was just what I was supposed to do is find a girl and do the American Dream thing, just believe in us and it would work out. It was all a lie.

 

It never seems like it but she will fade in time, but you have to let her. You need to NC this woman hardcore. Change your phone number, quit Facebook, whatever you have to do so she can't find you. She is someone else's problem now, just be glad it didn't get to the point of being truly awful before you finally figured it out, unlike me.

[CdnClass88]

I read in this some of my past.

 

I was in the same kind of thing a few years ago, which in the end cost me my entire life up to that point. So, I do still harbor a lot of resentment toward her (happily NC for 4 years now, best day of my life is when I stopped talking to her finally for good).

 

She helped me destroy my friendships and hobbies because she couldn't stand me being out doing stuff without her though her only hobbies included cleaning or fussing with her 2 bitchy cats. The sex was flat and uninteresting cause she said she had "already done it all", which was bs. She was perfect and I was an idiot. I was always wrong, she made sure I knew that. After a while you start believing it. Id threaten to break up and she would threaten to kill herself (yeah...I got one of those mindjobs). I got caught in a negative loop with her until I was so burned out between her, a job I hated, and seeing my life going nowhere, I lost it, and everything else with my loss of control. My job, my life, my home, I moved out of state to start over because that was all that was left.

 

I still question it today. "Why was I with her crazy ass? What did I ever see in her? All she ever did was make me miserable between the rare moments we actually enjoyed each other and we had nothing in common at all"

 

I still have no idea why I did what I did. Looking back I was a big idiot. I wondered what my life would have been had I removed her from my life the second I saw who she was. We almost broke up a couple times but I just couldn't pull the trigger.

 

I suppose at the time I thought it was just what I was supposed to do is find a girl and do the American Dream thing, just believe in us and it would work out. It was all a lie.

 

It never seems like it but she will fade in time, but you have to let her. You need to NC this woman hardcore. Change your phone number, quit Facebook, whatever you have to do so she can't find you. She is someone else's problem now, just be glad it didn't get to the point of being truly awful before you finally figured it out, unlike me.

 

Very similar my friend. She was so extreme that red flags were up for awhile and I was able to cover my @ss (didn't let her put her name on the house). What kept me around so much longer was that she was good at manipulating and making me feel like I was the one solely at fault. There were a ton of instances where I should've kicked her to the curb earlier.