sunshine6 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Hi all, I've never posted before, but have read a lot. I'm finally at the point in my situation where I really just need some outside perspective on my specific situation. I appreciate any words of advice or perceptions. I'll try to spare details to keep it as short as possible. To start, I know it's all immoral and wrong. And it's my first time taking on such an act, so please spare those negative comments. It started with just flirty conversation between me and a single coworker. He had a gf at the time, I'm married (for only a few years at this point). He had not been seeing her for long. These conversations eventually led to a "crush" between both of us. Nothing ever outside the workplace evolved. Just visiting each other a lot at work, crossing paths a lot, conversations/flirting, etc... At some point it evolved into what I guess could be construed as an EA. Nothing outside of workplace. He eventually stopped things... a couple months later found out he had gotten engaged. He married pretty quickly. Not even two months later, he started talking to me again. The EA deepened. Still no outside contact, only in workplace. Touching, kissing started, but it has not gone past that, though I think at this point, he'd be all for it. Feelings seem to be pretty strong for both, but we are both married so things are up and down, back and forth, and difficult. Still never any outside of workplace contact. Recently, his sister fell very sick and he was out of the workplace for about a month. We were not in contact, as we had stopped things before this all happened. I thought for sure he'd forgotten about me with all his family troubles happening. One day, he appeared back at work unannounced. His feelings seemed stronger than ever. He was touching, kissing me. Telling me how much he misses me, etc. What should I even think of all this? This has been going on for not months, but a few years. Are his feelings genuine? Is he in love with me? Why did he marry if he had these feelings for me? I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to hate him and think he's a liar playing games, the other part wants to embrace him whole-heartedly because of how I feel about him. Outside perspective/opinions? Thanks.
Act Two Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 RUN AWAY!!! You will cause yourself and everyone in your life nothing but misery if you continue to play with fire like this. If you want to stay married, focus on your relationship with your spouse and fix what is missing in yourself or in the relationship to cause you to want to entertain this relationship. If you don't want to stay married, divorce your spouse without betraying him. It's easier said then done, but take it from my experience that what you are doing now will only cause pain. 2
ComingInHot Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I want you to understand that what I write comes from a sincere place. And correct me if I am wrong, please. You are wondering if he loves you or if he is a lyer right? Would it bother you that he may be a lyer?
Author sunshine6 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Yes, ComingInHot. And it would absolutely bother me if he was just lying all these years (!). And I know where my focus should be. I left out A LOT for reading's sake... I have tried many times to walk away from him. I have been very cold towards him and emotionally closed off. The month or so that I haven't seen him, I started to get over it a bit.. but then things went right back to me ruminating in my head over his intentions.
Realist3 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I hate to be the grammar police, but the word is spelled liar, not lyer.
darkmoon Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) never sleep with a man you can't phone at home n don't bother unless he dates you weekends all the flirting, it's v nice but is not leading to a relationship - it's leading to an affair - tell him to come back single you don't want to be a sidepeice - so no sex til he's single you are both in a bubble of fantasy, sorry xx Edited January 20, 2013 by darkmoon
Author sunshine6 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Yes, Darkmoon, I agree. I've been very straightforward and have told him that. He knows I have no intention of being a sex thing for him. I won't even let him touch me that way.
Darren Steez Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I'm sorry..where is her husband in all this again? 2
Author sunshine6 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Woman of pleasures? I haven't given him any "pleasures" except for a few kisses. I didn't post to be scrutinized. I don't need to be told that it's wrong. I stated that I knew that already. Life is not so black and white sometimes. Please understand I have only posted one facet of this very complicated situation.
BetrayedH Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 He got married in the middle of this. He would like you both. Make no mistake, a man can wait a very long time to get in a woman's pants. And if he manages to get to have you both, he will consider it well worth the wait and will have some serious bragging rights with his buds about landing two fish at once. Make no mistake; the MM is the only one who wins and he's fine even if it's just a short while that it works out for him. In the meantime, nothing lost by working you over via emotions; he still has his wife. It's the two women who lose in the end (well, and your husband in this case), all for a game. You ok with all this?
Act Two Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you think he really loves you if he married someone else while this was going on? Why would you even torture yourself wondering that? You are impatient with responses trying to help you but glossing over important details, like, well, the state of your marriage that you are currently still in. You want us to speculate if this guy likes/loves you? 1
Author sunshine6 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Thank you, Betrayed. Something to think about.
Bryanp Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 You have been married for only a few years and clearly you are unhappy with your marriage. Would it bother you at all if your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him behind his back? If the answer is no which I have a hunch would be your answer then why not simply divorce your husband so that the both of you can find more suitable relationships? By the way this guy seems like a real winner (sic). He clearly has no problems kissing and touching a married woman (you) without feeling any guilt. He then marries and very shortly afterwards is trying to connect with you again. What kind of man is this? He disrespects you and your marriage and disrespects his new bride. He has no problems lying and cheating. In addition it is again quite clear that he is.............................A PLAYER AND HE TRYING TO PLAY YOU!!
Author sunshine6 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Act Two, I didn't mean to phrase it as if I'm hoping he's in love with me or something...more just trying to get perspective on his behavior. I'm just trying to understand.
Author sunshine6 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 "and you should be happy to receive the reality from us. cause i think you lost it." On this, you are right. This is why I posted. I do need the reality check, outside perspective from others. I've mentally had a hard time with everything surrounding this. I'm trying to get myself back to where I need to be so that I am not so affected by his words and actions anymore.
Darren Steez Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Not complicated at all, pretty plain and simple. You are married. You have a husband. ..If you want to screw someone else.. Get a divorce 2
Act Two Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I just think his behavior says what BetrayedH said, if he can have more than one woman he will. He wants to sleep with you. I don't mean this unkindly, but I wouldn't entertain thinking about it anymore. Be flattered for the attention, but after that thought, shut it down - you can control this by choosing your thoughts. Anything with this guy will not lead you anywhere good, I promise you.
Spark1111 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 This sounds like some really sick game to me. It hasn't progressed from kissing and touching at the workplace for the LAST THREE Years??????? to me, it says one of two things. this is an emotional affair and as long as it does not progress to MORE than kissing and touching, he has convinced himself he is NOT cheating, not truly on his new wife ( YUCK!) Or, and please do not hate me for this, flirting and kissing and touching you is making his sex life with his new wife all the more hotter. ( YUCK!) what are you doing? Either way, it seems very usuary and wrong to me and you are being used. What is the pay off for you?
ComingInHot Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Sunshine; It would bother me to know someone was lying to me for sure! Many people involved in an Affair, lie. It's kind of the nature of the beast as you yourself know. My husband loved me while he was cheating. He also lied to me while he was cheating. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, ie; bitter to think someone is lying to me so I get where you're coming from. I also think You get it too and I feel bad about that.
Recommended Posts