BrknHrted Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Hi all. My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. I had lots if personal issues to sort out which in the last 4 Months I have done. First month of the break up she wanted nothing to do with me refused to talked to me and blocked me on fb etc i came to grips with it and started to leave her alone. 2nd month she contacts me and says she can't just switch off her feelings, invited me to her 30th birthday, re added me and my family on facebook etc etc Since then and up until 3 days ago we have been awesome, talking having lunch together. All her friends talk to me again and ask her if we will get back together. We even had sex twice initiated by her. She says to me and her friends she's so proud of me and the changes I have made. She kisses me on the lips when we see each other. YET...... despite all this does not want to be in a relationship with me. I have been leaving her alone the last month or so just doing my own thing. I still talk to her and miss her like crazy. 3 days ago I cracked. I told her I can not have contact with her anymore at all. I told her I love her and I miss her so much and she means the world to me but I can not be JUST a friend. I said to her that I need to do this for me, as she is happy at the moment but I am hurting and that I am here if she ever decides she wants to be in a relationship but until then I need this. She was not happy. She cracked it. Now on day 3 of NC and it is killing me. Not being able to hear her voice or laugh. Or talk to her ((( have I don'e the right thing? The way I see it. If she loves me or cares for me then the ball is in her court and she needs to show me now that she loves me. The way I have her for the last 4 months.
incandescent Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 hi, i feel as though you have done what you have done perfectly... *virtual pat on the back* you did the NC before man, 2 months of it, which is what was needed. and you see, SHE came back to you because she missed you. the second time around with the whole sex thing, you should have declined as she knew what she would be missing out of kinda thing, but a man to say no to sex is kinda difficult haha, but it would have shown withstraint on your side. my little bit of advice would be to continue the no contact, she contacted you before, she probably will do it again. if she does start speaking with you on a friendly level again but you aren't happy with that, simply state that you can't talk to her for a while as you need to heal, because you want to be more than a friend, if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, there is nothing you can do but to move forward... if she changes her mind she will contact you, hold on in there! i'm on day 15 of NC, it gets easier man : ) thats just my advice though, take what i have said with a pinch of salt : )
skylark100 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 You have done extremely well under the circumstances. You are doing the right thing. Essentially you have presented the terms of how you want your relationship to be with this girl. If she can't accept, then you need to move on. Take your time, Actually, she has been very very selfish. She came back because she knew you still had feelings for her, and was feeling lonely. The 'getting back together' but just as friends is a way for her to feel justified in ending the relationship the first time. Kissing you and having sex is inexcusable and poor judgement on her part. Never should have happened. You have a lot of character in telling it can't be this way. Her reaction is again selfish, and shes turning her behaviour around and blaming you. Continue going with NC. Move on slowly. It can happen.
almosteverythingx Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I think you have been so wise by doing that. You actually seem to really know what you're doing. I was in a similar situation, Had sex a few times with my ex and flirted through texts and when we saw one another. Then one day after having sex, when he left the house I thought 'Why am I doing this? He doesn't want to be with me right now, why should I just be used?' This was 10 days ago. I haven't spoken to him since, he text me to let me know some mail had arrived for me, but I didn't see the point in replying. I will continue to use no contact until the day he actually says to me he wants to be in a relationship with me. So the answer to your question- although you already know is... Drop off the face of the Earth, don't speak to her and let her realise whether she's made a huge mistake letting you go.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Hi all. My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. I had lots if personal issues to sort out which in the last 4 Months I have done. First month of the break up she wanted nothing to do with me refused to talked to me and blocked me on fb etc i came to grips with it and started to leave her alone. 2nd month she contacts me and says she can't just switch off her feelings, invited me to her 30th birthday, re added me and my family on facebook etc etc Since then and up until 3 days ago we have been awesome, talking having lunch together. All her friends talk to me again and ask her if we will get back together. We even had sex twice initiated by her. She says to me and her friends she's so proud of me and the changes I have made. She kisses me on the lips when we see each other. YET...... despite all this does not want to be in a relationship with me. I have been leaving her alone the last month or so just doing my own thing. I still talk to her and miss her like crazy. 3 days ago I cracked. I told her I can not have contact with her anymore at all. I told her I love her and I miss her so much and she means the world to me but I can not be JUST a friend. I said to her that I need to do this for me, as she is happy at the moment but I am hurting and that I am here if she ever decides she wants to be in a relationship but until then I need this. She was not happy. She cracked it. Now on day 3 of NC and it is killing me. Not being able to hear her voice or laugh. Or talk to her ((( have I don'e the right thing? The way I see it. If she loves me or cares for me then the ball is in her court and she needs to show me now that she loves me. The way I have her for the last 4 months. You know why it's so tough? Because NC is not the most effective method. In fact, NC appears so calculated and transparent that it can make you look desperate. I prefer limited contact. Keep in touch with her periodically and become more cold as time progresses. Make it seem like you're enjoying life and really don't need her to be a part of your life anymore. She will wonder what you are doing, who are you seeing and who you may be sleeping with. If she really doesn't care about you, this LC will not matter at all and you will soon see this first hand. If she just wants space to play the field, LC can tug at her emotions. When my ex dumped me, I went NC for a few weeks and then eventually asked her how she was doing. We maintained LC from that point on until she cracked and suggested that we meet for drinks...and the rest is history.
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