SadBabyPooh Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 Its been 5 months since i last saw my ex at the airport when he lied to me telling me he was going to pick me up in california and bring me back home with him and get married and never showed up right...hes totally dissapeared from me, changed his cell phone number, has ppl at work lying to me telling me he is not there, family is telling me he had moved out, ...during the first few months after our breakup he acted cool with me he emailed me every couple of weeks to try to find out how i was doing and such, told me that theres nobody else right now coz he cant forget me so easily and then around July he completely cut me off cold turkey, I mean he did some cool things, paid my college tuition for fall but it didnt really makeup for how he abandoned me and lied to me in the end for the breakup.. Now after 5 months i keep going on this roller coaster of emotions... Some weeks i totally forget about him and my self esteem rises, i go out and try to do things to keep busy and keep my mind off of, and then a certain time of the month i get depressed and start to have all memory flashbacks of him and all the happy times we had, all of the memories, and i start to feel the love for him again and its hard to tell myself that he is really gone, and since im living far away of him now i have no idea whats going on in his life or hows he doing and it drives me crazy. I try to think that he hasnt nobody else coz i mean we all dont want to think like ok they dumped me and jumped into it with somebody else right away coz then we feel like oh then they must have really not loved us all that much to have done that!? At least thats how i feel...but all of these things ive mentioned leads me to believe he has moved on. I keep having nitemares about him, i dream that im on his computer and i find a folder with pictures of a new girl in it with this weird name and i get totally freaked out and i have dreams that hes kissing me and we're back together its making me nuts. Anyhow So then a friend of mine who has been there for me throughout this whole ordeal confesses to me he has deep feelings for me i mean hes a great guy, treats me like a queen and has made sacrifises, things my ex would have never done and my family really likes him. Hes very genuine and honest with me, we've gotten personal together and had fun and gone on a few dates and the thing is im attracted to him, but i keep comparing him to my ex, i dont know why, im completely still hooked on my ex and its not fair to this guy but i really wanna give him a chance coz hes so good to me and im scared to be alone in the end... my mom tells me that i went thru so much hell after what my ex did to me that this is happening for a reason someone good came along but i dont understand why i cant appreciate it and why im so scared to trust someone not to abandon me again? Has anyone here ever been in my shoes before? What should I do... I keep emailing my ex after we broke the no contact telling him about what im going thru and that this isnt fair and whats to gain by hating on eachother and nothing is working its as if he has me on Block. And i know hes been online coz ive seen his traces in some sites. Should i just back off and move forward with this other person? Plz give me some suggestions I know its only been 5 months but it feels like 5 years....
beautiful Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 I read your story and it is pretty much like a lot of break up stories. What it will take to get over this jerk and live a happy and healthy life is for you to get some help. You need to do some inner cleaning up with yourself. It is not a healthy way to be so obsessed over a guy or anyone for that matter. Until you straighten yourself out, you will not have a healthy relationship with anyone and end up being "abandoned" as you put it again and again.. A good place to start would be with your inner child and your up-brining. Were you abandoned by a family member? Why do you feel abandoned when a guy dumps you? Why do you insist loving a jerk? Why would you want a guy in your life that treats you so poorly? Ask yourself those questions seriously. All of that has to be fixed first. So you see this is all about you. To be self loving enough to know that you won't allow anyone to treat you so shamefully. I like to add something else for you to think about, there is not one guy alive that is attracted to a girl that " runs after him". The more you beg and bleed with him, the more you contact him, the more he is going to run from you. Guys don;t like that. Believe me sweetie, HE KNOWS HE IS A JERK and HE KNOWS HE HURT YOU. He is a coward for dumping you like this. Yes you hurt! You can get over this hurt because it is a waste of time of time. You can only hurt as much as YOU ALLOW yourself to be hurting! The only way you will get over this is by taking care of yourself and work on YOU. Be alone for a while without a bf in your life. That gives you the time and serenity to concentrate on YOU. Once you have abetter understanding of yourself, love yourself truly, respect yourself truly, you will attract healthy guys in your life and you will be able to have a healthy relationship in the future. Be good to yourself! Let Go and Let God! It is time to take a journey "HOME" are you brave enough to do this and ready to make changes within yourself?
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