Staying indifferent.

[na49]

So me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now. She cheated on me and dumped me before I found out. Her friends were the ones who told me because they thought it wasn't right that I didn't know.

 

Okay so, I've been NC for over 2 months aside from one text I sent telling her to leave me alone before blocking her number. She kept pestering me with late night texts saying that we needed to talk. One said that she missed me and wanted to talk to me. That was bread crumbs right? I feel like I missed out on a chance to get her back..

 

I avoided her social media profiles aside from a minor setback I had earlier this month where I checked her twitter. I saw nothing really different from the last time I'd checked it two months earlier. She's still posting a lot of love tweets, taylor swift tweets, and retweeting everything the guy she cheated on me with tweets. I saw pictures of her and her friends, smiling having a good time. It hurt me like hell. but I figured that would be my closure. I know she's living her life without me, and doesn't want me.

 

I felt indifferent for a few days and felt like I was moving on. Now I feel like crap again. I miss her. I want her to contact me. I want to go back to what we had. Why can't I just stay indifferent? I thought I had all the answers I needed without hearing her tell me herself. Still can't process it though... How frustrating.

[youngnlove89]

So me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now. She cheated on me and dumped me before I found out. Her friends were the ones who told me because they thought it wasn't right that I didn't know.

 

Okay so, I've been NC for over 2 months aside from one text I sent telling her to leave me alone before blocking her number. She kept pestering me with late night texts saying that we needed to talk. One said that she missed me and wanted to talk to me. That was bread crumbs right? I feel like I missed out on a chance to get her back..

 

I avoided her social media profiles aside from a minor setback I had earlier this month where I checked her twitter. I saw nothing really different from the last time I'd checked it two months earlier. She's still posting a lot of love tweets, taylor swift tweets, and retweeting everything the guy she cheated on me with tweets. I saw pictures of her and her friends, smiling having a good time. It hurt me like hell. but I figured that would be my closure. I know she's living her life without me, and doesn't want me.

 

I felt indifferent for a few days and felt like I was moving on. Now I feel like crap again. I miss her. I want her to contact me. I want to go back to what we had. Why can't I just stay indifferent? I thought I had all the answers I needed without hearing her tell me herself. Still can't process it though... How frustrating.

 

 

Like I said in one of my threads, it ALWAYS comes back, that feeling that you thought was long gone. It sucks, but keep reminding yourself how good it felt to feel "indifferent" like you didn't care anymore. The mind can be very powerful, what you feel is exactly the way you want to feel. You control your thoughts.

 

Remind yourself that she cheated. That should not sit well with you. That is a major problem. That is something you would never be able to overcome even if you did rekindle the flame. It would take years of counseling, trust me. I've been through that and my parent's have too. She killed your relationship by betraying you. She lied. She was with another guy! Do you call that love? I hope not.

 

That right there should be enough for you to move on and realize that, god dam, you deserve the best and only the best! She is not the best. What you "miss" is that connection, the company, being familiar with someone; you do not miss her. You can have that again, but only under one condition:

 

You must let her go.

[Toddbt12y1]

You're gonna have days where you feel like crap. Interesting, my cheating ex likes Swift too...LOL, and whomever she screws. I guess cheaters and swift agree.

 

No. To be serious. Depressing days come And go. Especially when alone or you have too much downtime. But one day I hope it will end for you.

 

It is a battle, one hell of a battle.

 

One hell of a war.

 

You'll lose.

 

You'll win.

 

Eventually you will win. Finding a new partner will erase these pains in time.

[na49]

I loved the feeling for the short time I felt it. I was just doing things that I enjoyed and didn't really care about what she was up to. Then the thoughts came back. I know she cheated. I know I shouldn't want her back. I guess I haven't taken her off the pedestal quite yet, I'm still in disbelief. The person I was so in love with. Cheated on me. Left me for him. and doesn't regret her decision. I feel so heart broken.

 

You're right. I do miss that familiarity, I feel like I don't want anyone else. I want her. I need to find someone else though. Not now though. I know I won't find anyone until I'm completely satisfied with my single life. That's how I felt when I met my ex. I'd never been in a relationship, I got in one. Now I just remember how good it feels to be in love I want to be in love again. I want that companionship again. Having someone who is really into you, who you are really into. Gah I'm remembering the good times too much.

[NoMoreJerks]

I totally know where you're coming from (not the cheating part, but the indifference part and the setback). I was feeling indifferent to my ex at about the 3 week mark, and then, he had to send me a sh*tty breadcrumb that set me back so much. Now it feels like I'm back to day 1 of the break-up, even though I never broke NC myself / didn't respond to his text.

 

I keep wondering if, by ignoring his text, I am ruining the chance of ever getting back together, but you know, he had wiped out my self-respect and self-esteem , and I need to get those back, so I need to not reply, even if it means I will lose the opportunity to get him back. And let's face it, ignoring a text (which is not a serious effort on their part to begin with) does not mean you lost the opportunity forever. If they're gonna give up on reconciliation that fast, chances are, they never really wanted it that much in the first place.

 

Plus, I am not sure if I want him back at this point anyway, given all the abuse I took from him during the relationship, and the mean things he said to me during his break-up. The least he could've done was break the news to me without blaming me for everything, when in fact the problem was him not wanting the relationship in the first place. I don't think I will ever forgive him, or trust him again, and for that reason, I don't even think reconciliation would EVER work out, even if we both wanted it more than anything else in the world.

Edited January 19, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[Toddbt12y1]

They won't last. Least you have that little ebb to joy. Relationships born out of deceit have a low chance to work. She won't change. She doesn't regret, so no change.

 

One day she will be miserable. You won't. I have the same battles...trust me. I want mine to pay. Who knows what the future holds?

[cavalier99]

I just stop myself from reminiscing. I mean i cant all the time, but when the thoughts come up i catch myself and squash the Sh*t out of them.

 

The weird thing though is recently i can think of some of the good and bad times without much of an emotional reaction. it just seems to be a waste of energy and i find myself more interested in the present. However cliche it sounds... It REALLY IS her loss not mine.

 

Objectively speaking i think this relationship actually held me back. I loved her but I can do much better and I'm a pretty damn good catch. I was definitely trading down in that relationship and stayed way longer that i should have.

Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

I blocked her number, so I feel like I've really ruined any chances of reconciliation. It helps that I don't hear from her, but the thought that I could hear something good and won't because she's blocked is still a killer. I want her to reach out to me so bad. but she'd have to jump through a few hoops (or email me) to do it and she won't.

 

Objectively speaking i think this relationship actually held me back. I loved her but I can do much better and I'm a pretty damn good catch. I was definitely trading down in that relationship and stayed way longer that i should have.

 

I want to feel this way. I just have no self confidence and feel like she was the better catch than I was. I seriously can't wait to go back to school. Just getting back into a routine. Seeing new people. Trying to flirt with some new girls. Hopefully starting the gym next week. I gotta get the hell out of the house more.

[cavalier99]

 

I want to feel this way. I just have no self confidence and feel like she was the better catch than I was. I seriously can't wait to go back to school. Just getting back into a routine. Seeing new people. Trying to flirt with some new girls. Hopefully starting the gym next week. I gotta get the hell out of the house more.

 

You will feel this way! End of the day you probably are a better catch. At age 18-19 girls hold a lot more power than the guys and can be very superficial. As you get older this dynamic can shift. I was less experienced than you at your age. Now I have graduated from a top university. Traveled and worked in South America 4 years. Learned fluent Spanish , traveled all over US, worked for big companies, now have a business etcetera. And i have enjoyed being single, been with a bunch of hot girls and some cool enriching relationships, all of which would have seemed impossible to me at you age.

 

Some of the hot girls that wouldn't speak with me in HS and college look horrible now and have put on 50 pounds. I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. The point is keep on bettering yourself. Soon you'll have a girl who is hotter and of much higher intellect and compatibility than the superficial whore your pining after.

 

In a few years she will probably be married to some tool who treats her like crap, cheats on her, and have 2 kids and look like ****. You in the mean time will be living the good life and will be on a whole different level. I mean it might not happen that way but the point is you can be great!

Edited January 20, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

You will feel this way! End of the day you probably are a better catch. At age 18-19 girls hold a lot more power than the guys and can be very superficial. As you get older this dynamic can shift. I was less experienced than you at your age. Now I have graduated from a top university. Traveled and worked in South America 4 years. Learned fluent Spanish , traveled all over US, worked for big companies, now have a business etcetera. And i have enjoyed being single, been with a bunch of hot girls and some cool enriching relationships, all of which would have seemed impossible to me at you age.

 

Some of the hot girls that wouldn't speak with me in HS and college look horrible now and have put on 50 pounds. I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. The point is keep on bettering yourself. Soon you'll have a girl who is hotter and of much higher intellect and compatibility than the superficial whore your pining after.

 

In a few years she will probably be married to some tool who treats her like crap, cheats on her, and have 2 kids and look like ****. You in the mean time will be living the good life and will be on a whole different level. I mean it might not happen that way but the point is you can be great!

 

I really appreciate this. It actually made me feel better. I also asked myself, "what if you did what she did to you?" (forget the cheating, just other things) like inviting other guys over to chat while we were having lunch. Running to other guys who she doesn't even know and giving them big hugs. Talking about how great your guy friend was for being "there for you" when you were down. I flip the script. What if I invited a girl over to have lunch with us and talked to her the whole time? What if I ran over to my best girl friend and gave her a big hug and caught up? What if I talked about another girl and how great she is for being there for me? She would flip her sh*t! Because I'm not in "I miss her" mode, I'll put this out there. I always felt our relationship wasn't even. She had me on a leash while I let her roam free because I didn't want to seem "controlling". She also felt like "she wore the pants in the relationship" I know... it's terrible. Just proof that I need to change. I let this girl walk all over me, so I'll take part of the blame.

 

Well guys. Feel free to answer it for me. Maybe I'm crazy. Would you guys be okay with your partner pulling that stuff? I haven't even included everything I could. I'm feeling angry, which is a good thing lol.

[Toddbt12y1]

You will feel this way! End of the day you probably are a better catch. At age 18-19 girls hold a lot more power than the guys and can be very superficial. As you get older this dynamic can shift. I was less experienced than you at your age. Now I have graduated from a top university. Traveled and worked in South America 4 years. Learned fluent Spanish , traveled all over US, worked for big companies, now have a business etcetera. And i have enjoyed being single, been with a bunch of hot girls and some cool enriching relationships, all of which would have seemed impossible to me at you age.

 

Some of the hot girls that wouldn't speak with me in HS and college look horrible now and have put on 50 pounds. I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. The point is keep on bettering yourself. Soon you'll have a girl who is hotter and of much higher intellect and compatibility than the superficial whore your pining after.

 

In a few years she will probably be married to some tool who treats her like crap, cheats on her, and have 2 kids and look like ****. You in the mean time will be living the good

life and will be on a whole different level. I mean it might not happen that way but the point is you can be great!

 

You are absolutely right. In fact, as time goes by, most of these bad people we experience in life, I.e., girls in this case(or boys for you girls.) End up in horrible conditions. Time changes all; these people are miserable souls.

 

Then there is the opposite. Some people don't care; they don't pay any price. Some can live happy, relatively.

 

In the end, the trick is not caring. To squash those feelings, as you say.

 

Heck, I have a great career at a hospital. My ex cheated with a wannabe/druggie; such a man! Such a future! I am in better shape the whole 9yrds haha

[na49]

I've gotta figure out what my future is going to be. I've changed my major 3 times already. I think Psychology is really interesting and did well in it last semester. I am great with kids so my parents tell me teaching. and business is always a safe option. I have no idea though. I want to do something that I can make a living off of, but also be happy. What a freaking concept.

[Toddbt12y1]

I've gotta figure out what my future is going to be. I've changed my major 3 times already. I think Psychology is really interesting and did well in it last semester. I am great with kids so my parents tell me teaching. and business is always a safe option. I have no idea though. I want to do something that I can make a living off of, but also be happy. What a freaking concept.

 

Most people don't know. Most change courses as they pursue a career. You'll get it figured out.

 

Don't think of the broad future: it will burden you. Only one goal at a time.

 

You're already smart as a whip, Na.

[seibert253]

Time amigo, time.

You're only a few months out. You will move on and one day not give a f#ck what she does. But, it takes what I said above.

[na49]

I'm still technically only a few months out I guess. I feel like this has been going on for years now. So exhausting..

 

Thanks Todd.

 

and really? Hmm well education was just a thought. What about business or psychology? I feel like everyone is telling me different things on them.

[na49]

I went from indifference to sadness to being really angry right now.

 

They aren't kidding when they call it a roller coaster of emotions.