Coping Vortex Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 This has been the worst weekend yet in the 9 weeks we have been BU. We had a look back this past Monday. (I posted about it.) After that day she was really done I guess the look back was the nail in the coffin that she is totally with the new guy. Monday - We meet for lunch and talk 1. Her - I am still in love with you 2. Her - I want to be with you 3. Her - I am not in love with him. I just don't feel it with him 4. Her - He told me I love you but I just said Thank you. I did not tell him I love him 5. Her - You have been my rock. 6. Me - We have years together you have only known him for weeks. 7. her - you are right!!!! 8. Me - Can you leave him if we get back together? Her - Absolutely!!!! 9. Her - That relationship is just bare bones. 10. We have passionate sex in the car. Wednesday - texting 1. Me - Where have you been? 2. Her - I have had a terrible day. 3. Me - What happend? 4. Her - I have plans to go away with the kids and I was finally able to get them worked out. 5. me - where are you taking them? 6. Her - a bunch of us are going to the mountains. 7. Me - Your BF too? 8. her - "no answer" 9. her - I am with some one and thats.....it 10. Me - you told me you were still in love with me on Monday 11. Her - I love the memory of you. I am no longer IN love with you. So I have to endure this weekend knowing she is with the BF and her kids in the mountains having fun, and she no longer loves me. when just Monday she loved me and had sex with me and I was the greatest guy on earth. Now I'm stuck in the house with no plans with images of them all frolicking in the snow and him ****ing her by the fire at night. Talk about a ****ty weekend for me. When exactly does the torture end????????
Simon Phoenix Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Who knows, but please don't prolong it anymore by trying to get back with her. Please keep NC this time. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 This is why NC is SO SO SO important. I know. She fooled me into thinking she was still really in love with. She told me she was just two days before. She hugged me tight and cried in my arms how much she missed me. I fell for it. I know it was just a "look back" but I still feel it was cruel to say what she said if she didn't really mean it. I also blame her friends I can hear them say to her, "no don't go back stay with the new guy". I know this because he lives near her friends and I think they influence her to keep seeing him so they can all hang out together. I know her one friend has a huge influence on her decisions. There is just to many forces at work against me, her friends, time, the new guy etc. I hope one day I can really forget her. But for now I am such pain I can't tell you. I could deal more if it was torture for her and the only reason she was with him was because it was easier and not because she fell in love with him. I will never forget her. But i can never talk to her again either. 1
Mcnulty Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 She cheated on her BF with you...she's a cheater...good luck to him, he's going to need it. You my friend have dodged a miserable life. 2
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 She cheated on her BF with you...she's a cheater...good luck to him, he's going to need it. You my friend have dodged a miserable life. So true. She cheated on him twice with me. I cut her some slack at the time because she said she was not in love with him and she was in total love with me. So I figured it was a reconciliation and was going to leave him anyway. Not to be. Plus she cheated on her husband on several occasions. I gave slack then too because he was a horrible emotionally abusive person she only stayed for the kids. Her real flaw that is the killer with her though, is her low self esteem (courtesy of her her ex husband). That will cause her to see attention from other guys the minute she gets slightly bored of her new relationship. So in the end you are right. She would have done it to me. And in reality one of the reasons I wouldn't run to her and move in with. The issue that caused us to break up in the first place. shame she has so many great qualities but i could never get past the low self esteem issue.
Chi townD Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 When exactly does the torture end???????? When you start a TRUE NC. Then, you start to heal and move on.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 The torture ends when you break contact and leave her alone. The hardest part of your situation is the "hope" and the "in limbo" factor. Right now shes making all the decisions for you and basically controlling your happiness. IF she decides to give you breadcrumbs it makes you happy...if she doesnt want you then it makes you sad. Why would you let her do that to you? Take control of your life and make a conscious effort to remove her by cutting ties. Only you can make this choice and only then can the healing begin. Trust me I know. Take care of yourself and remove her from your life.
salmagundi Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Hey man, sorry to hear you getting jerked around like that. First thing you need to do is listen to what everyone is telling you. Especially IWGB above. You're doing what I still catch myself doing with my ex. Allowing her to play rain goddess with your emotions. You dance and if she decides to make it rain your happy and if not your miserable. But you have to take responsability for your role in this. After all, she IS jerking you around but only because YOU are allowing it. No judgement here, I'm the worst sucker for breadcrumbs. I don't even post about my ex because I'm too embarrassed about how blind and stupid I've been...even though I know I'm being blind and stupid. If it helps, your girlfriend has big problems. She is obviously immature, and she is DEFINITELY not a catch. Not for you and not for this poor sucker who will be posting on LS right alongside the rest of us in 6 months or a year to whine about being cheated on and dumped. Count on that. Your ex is also only thinking about herself...she doesn't care about you, your only role is to make her feel better when her self-esteem is down, she's low and she's scared nobody wants her because she is probably someone who has low self-esteem and can't handle being alone. She needs external validation to prop up her ego. People like that make the worst girlfriends on earth, trust me. On monday she used you and on wednesday she threw you out with the trash. Time to grab your balls, get angry about it but then take charge of your own life and decide for yourself that you don't need this s?&t, that anything is better than being someone else's tool. Freeze her out and move on... 2
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Hey man, sorry to hear you getting jerked around like that. First thing you need to do is listen to what everyone is telling you. Especially IWGB above. You're doing what I still catch myself doing with my ex. Allowing her to play rain goddess with your emotions. You dance and if she decides to make it rain your happy and if not your miserable. But you have to take responsability for your role in this. After all, she IS jerking you around but only because YOU are allowing it. No judgement here, I'm the worst sucker for breadcrumbs. I don't even post about my ex because I'm too embarrassed about how blind and stupid I've been...even though I know I'm being blind and stupid. If it helps, your girlfriend has big problems. She is obviously immature, and she is DEFINITELY not a catch. Not for you and not for this poor sucker who will be posting on LS right alongside the rest of us in 6 months or a year to whine about being cheated on and dumped. Count on that. Your ex is also only thinking about herself...she doesn't care about you, your only role is to make her feel better when her self-esteem is down, she's low and she's scared nobody wants her because she is probably someone who has low self-esteem and can't handle being alone. She needs external validation to prop up her ego. People like that make the worst girlfriends on earth, trust me. On monday she used you and on wednesday she threw you out with the trash. Time to grab your balls, get angry about it but then take charge of your own life and decide for yourself that you don't need this s?&t, that anything is better than being someone else's tool. Freeze her out and move on... You guys are all right. I think I'm finally starting to let a little anger in. After the fact she admitted she is not in love with me anymore, I have turned the corner and have gone NC for good. It was a slap in the face. Trying to be "in" love with her after getting that text is like hoping someone will come back from the dead and talk to you. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 So sorry to read all this, Coping Vortex. What a whore (sorry, I had to say it)!!! You're better off without her. Think of it this way (I do too, about my ex -- who told me he had never loved me and didn't want to have a relationship with me) : they did not want us, why should we throw ourselves at them? Let them regret THEIR decision, when they notice our absence and start missing us and realizing how good they had it with us. And by the time they do that, we will not be around waiting for them. That ship will long have sailed to sea. Buh-bye, assh*les!
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 So sorry to read all this, Coping Vortex. What a whore (sorry, I had to say it)!!! You're better off without her. Think of it this way (I do too, about my ex -- who told me he had never loved me and didn't want to have a relationship with me) : they did not want us, why should we throw ourselves at them? Let them regret THEIR decision, when they notice our absence and start missing us and realizing how good they had it with us. And by the time they do that, we will not be around waiting for them. That ship will long have sailed to sea. Buh-bye, assh*les! You are so right "no more jerks". I am done with her over the course of the past few weeks I have apologized even though I didn't do anything wrong. I reached out to her multiple times thinking we were working things out only to be at square one. She got attracted to a guy that flirted with her In a bar and she is now dating him. I have down so much for you couldn't imagine. I have bit my tongue so many times during these last few weeks just to save the relationship. In the end she was a whore and wanted a guy who flirted with her. And she gave up me for him. Someone she knows nothing about. Well have fun my dear one day you will truly appreciate what you lost when the shine is off that relationship.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 You are so right "no more jerks". I am done with her over the course of the past few weeks I have apologized even though I didn't do anything wrong. I reached out to her multiple times thinking we were working things out only to be at square one. She got attracted to a guy that flirted with her In a bar and she is now dating him. I have down so much for you couldn't imagine. I have bit my tongue so many times during these last few weeks just to save the relationship. In the end she was a whore and wanted a guy who flirted with her. And she gave up me for him. Someone she knows nothing about. Well have fun my dear one day you will truly appreciate what you lost when the shine is off that relationship. I know the feeling, man... My ex gave me up because I was "too much hassle" even though I never bothered him, always did what he wanted, etc., but he had a case of gigs, I suppose -- at the age of 40... he wanted the freedom of hitting on random women and going to bed with them (now that I think about it, he brought up that he did not want a "serious relationship" while we were at the local bar together, a month before he broke up with me, and I think he was trying to get me to get mad at him and walk out, so that he would hit on the bar girl, who he told me was "hot")... He also goes to Thailand 4-5 times a year, and "hangs out" with Thai prostitutes...... I really do hope that he does catch a bunch of STDs... he wanted to play the field, but also have me on the back burner as a FWB... 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I know the feeling, man... My ex gave me up because I was "too much hassle" even though I never bothered him, always did what he wanted, etc., but he had a case of gigs, I suppose -- at the age of 40... he wanted the freedom of hitting on random women and going to bed with them (now that I think about it, he brought up that he did not want a "serious relationship" while we were at the local bar together, a month before he broke up with me, and I think he was trying to get me to get mad at him and walk out, so that he would hit on the bar girl, who he told me was "hot")... He also goes to Thailand 4-5 times a year, and "hangs out" with Thai prostitutes...... I really do hope that he does catch a bunch of STDs... he wanted to play the field, but also have me on the back burner as a FWB... I hope you aren't having a FWB relationship.
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