ana0pera Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I just deleted all of the skype, sms, and email correspondence that I had with my ex. Nearly two years worth of affectionate emails, texts, photos, etc. It was painful to push delete in all three applications but now it feels good in an odd way. Like I am actually starting to move on when I said that I would more than a week ago. I am still hurt, and I am scared that it's only going to get worse now that I am less distracted by my travels and my mind can freely roam to him--to us--when I am working, at the gym, hanging out with friends, whatever. The only time I am safe is in my dreams, and I can't just sleep all day. It's also weird because technically I am the dumper, but he checked out of the relationship long before I ddi with his actions, so I feel like the dumpee. I am realizing though that he was just a huge coward and not deserving of my love, devotion, or time. He didn't have the decency to talk about my hurt feelings or tell me that he was through. He just left all of my questions unanswered, saying he'd get to it later but never doing so, and then carrying on like everything is okay between us. It has taken a major toll on my self-esteem. I worry that I can't trust men anymore and I worry that something is wrong with me, for some reason I am unloveable. I don't want to go to therapy for this. I don't want to be defeated by him, to dwell on him. Part of me is angrier than I am hurt, I just want to yell at him and write him a long, nasty letter describing how I feel and what he did to me. To point out everything that is wrong with him, to show him that he isn't as awesome as he thinks he is, as awesome that I once thought he was. I want to get that anger out and know that he is hurting too, maybe that would help. But I should be above that, and if I resort to that it only shows that I have been defeated by him, I think
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Good for you. I deleted 8 years of loving communication early on. It is liberating and one of the 1st positive steps you can take in recovering along with NC.
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