Carvz88 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Ok so me and my wife have been together 5 and a bit years without any issues. We have a 2 year old daughter who is just perfect! We got married in June 2012 but last week my wife tells me she is no longer in love with me. I know we shouldnt beg but i was so shocked and upset i begged her to give it a a chance for our and our daughters sake. She has agreed to try but says she doesnt think it will help. We still share a bed and kiss before either of us goes to work (peck that is) as normal but im so devastated because when we talked about it she said there is no other person she wants to be alone. I know i started to bug her alot as when shes out on the town or staying away i text her a couple of times because i cant sleep without her here. So i know that got on her nerves but we all do things that bug one another... thats life. I've spent the past few days trying to be happy, ive made better effort with my appearance i have cut out any side of me that seems controlling such as texting her alot etc. I let her do what she wants etc. But i spoke to her about things again today and she said i have been great but her feelings havent changed and that maybe in a week or two we should spend a week apart but she said the problem is she may love the alone time so much she may not want me back. I am completely out of ideas i dont know what to do... time away wont make her miss me, she is one of those people who if they get bored they can just go to sleep. so if im gone in an evening and there is nothing for her to do she will go to sleep till morning so wont ever have time to miss me. I am still comepletly in love with her and im falling to pieces and dont know what to do. I have had many suggestions from friends but nothing seems to help. I know these things can take time and its only been a week but the fact she seems to have nothing in her feelings towards me in the 'in love' part i dont know if it will ever come back. Sorry if my post is hard to understand or read im reli upset and am just typing away...
Mcnulty Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Awful situation, I feel for you. All you can do is give her space and time, don't hassle her with anything. I'm afraid it seems like she's made up her mind though, it must be truly awful for you, I feel your pain.
Later82012 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Why did she get married to you in the first place if she is wanting to leave within six months of getting married to you? Weird.
M30USA Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Why did she get married to you in the first place if she is wanting to leave within six months of getting married to you? Weird. Maybe she just wanted to "get a bun in the oven"--as I've heard women say.
Mtlgrrl Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Very sorry this is happening to you :/ I also don't understand why she married you? All you can do at this point is think of yourself and your daughter. I know it is difficult really you shouldn't "beg" her, she wants out and begging her I'm pretty sure won't help. Take care of yourself, you can't change her mind.
TaraMaiden Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Maybe she just wanted to "get a bun in the oven"--as I've heard women say. She had the baby before they married..... But perhaps there was something in her mind about consolidating a family and making it 'real'.... and it didn't work out. Carvz88, I would suggest you ask her how she feels this could be salvaged, what she needs from you, what solutions she can come up with.... It's all very well saying things like "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" but that just makes for a stumbling block, and offers no solutions. make her engage pro-actively. She's dumped this problem between you, let her come up with some remedies....It sounds as if she's giving you one message (ILYBINILWY) but she's also saying "Things are fine as they are, let's just be good freinds and bring up our daughter together as house-mates". Which is absolutely fine and completely acceptable - if it's wht you both want. Clearly, it isn't. So while she may feel that "Good, it's out in the open, that's a relief, and a weight off my mind" it's not an ok situation for you. I'm reluctant to say it, but it's decision time for you: You need to either go with her 'good buddies under one roof, with but a common aim - to bring up your child together" or you need to seriously tell her that you insist on counselling, and concluding the matter according to what you decide together as an outcome.... Please note the following: What you must understand fully - and also communicate to her too - is that: Counselling is not designed to keep people together, necessarily. It's a medium for helping you both to communicate properly, safely and with someone present who can steer the discussion and prevent it from becoming a slanging match. It puts you both (to mix metaphors) on a level playing field, viewing the same page. With effective discussion in mind, and a joint aim to try to draw something positive from this crisis, ask her if she would be willing to attend joint counselling - if only to help you both actually embark on some kind of 'meeting of minds'.... But if she says no, then tell her your only option is to file for divorce. That may give her a bit of a jolt. It may not come to it, but sometimes, 'manning up' means doing things you don't like doing.
NervisPervis Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 She's gone. Let her go. Read up on the 180 and live it. Just ignore the parts about them maybe seeing a better "you" and coming along for the ride. It won't happen. As a society we are STILL not dealing with the walk-away-wife epidemic. As long as we ignore it we will be condemning our children to miserable marriages. We're losing an entire generation to this and it will continue until we do someting about it.
Darth Vader Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Ok so me and my wife have been together 5 and a bit years without any issues. We have a 2 year old daughter who is just perfect! We got married in June 2012 but last week my wife tells me she is no longer in love with me. I know we shouldnt beg but i was so shocked and upset i begged her to give it a a chance for our and our daughters sake. She has agreed to try but says she doesnt think it will help. We still share a bed and kiss before either of us goes to work (peck that is) as normal but im so devastated because when we talked about it she said there is no other person she wants to be alone. I know i started to bug her alot as when shes out on the town or staying away i text her a couple of times because i cant sleep without her here. So i know that got on her nerves but we all do things that bug one another... thats life. I've spent the past few days trying to be happy, ive made better effort with my appearance i have cut out any side of me that seems controlling such as texting her alot etc. I let her do what she wants etc. But i spoke to her about things again today and she said i have been great but her feelings havent changed and that maybe in a week or two we should spend a week apart but she said the problem is she may love the alone time so much she may not want me back. I am completely out of ideas i dont know what to do... time away wont make her miss me, she is one of those people who if they get bored they can just go to sleep. so if im gone in an evening and there is nothing for her to do she will go to sleep till morning so wont ever have time to miss me. I am still comepletly in love with her and im falling to pieces and dont know what to do. I have had many suggestions from friends but nothing seems to help. I know these things can take time and its only been a week but the fact she seems to have nothing in her feelings towards me in the 'in love' part i dont know if it will ever come back. Sorry if my post is hard to understand or read im reli upset and am just typing away... Don't you BELIEVE IT when she says there's no one else! She goes out on the town? She's met someone, I'm sure of it! 1
standtall Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I with Darth...Women with minor children seldom check out on marriages unless 1. Emotional/physical abuse by you. 2. Drug/alcohol abuse by either. 3. Mental illness by either. 4. Third party involvement. I would say she is at the minimum in and EA with someone else. There are other reasons, but these cove the majority. Look for him..he is there.
jcd07 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 From my experience and from what I've read on various forums, when a woman says she is no longer in love with you, there's ALWAYS someone else who's at least in an emotional affair with her.
BetheButterfly Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) I with Darth...Women with minor children seldom check out on marriages unless 1. Emotional/physical abuse by you. 2. Drug/alcohol abuse by either. 3. Mental illness by either. 4. Third party involvement. I would say she is at the minimum in and EA with someone else. There are other reasons, but these cove the majority. Look for him..he is there. Sad to say, I think the above is a possiblity. In this case OP, you need to give her space. You need to find a passion, like sports or hiking or something healthy that takes your mind off of her, and you need to give her air to breathe. I have a question. Does your wife take care of the daughter at home? When she's out of town, does the daughter stay with you or go with her? Does she feel overwhelmed by being a Mommy? It is also possible that she is having a hard time being a Mommy plus being a wife. There are some women who very much value their private time and with a 2 year old child or younger, having private time is difficult, especially with a hovering husband. Edited January 23, 2013 by BetheButterfly
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