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Men's lack of success with women, not entirely their fault depending.....

irc333

By irc333
in General Relationship Discussion

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irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

...upon the situation.

 

A lot of my "lack of success with women" as some people here in the LS community refer to, might not necessarily the ENTIRE fault of the man, because the woman can contribute significantly to the man's lack of success.

 

Also, it depends on what is classified as "success with women" goes "success include dating, getting intimate ALL they way up to marriage? or is just achieving a FIRST date considered a "success"?

 

"Yes, I'm successful with women, I get dates...but it never goes beyond that."

 

"Yeah, I finally landed me a girlfriend, I've been successful."

 

But to get back to the jist of my post....in my situation, I seem to get contacts (even in person) get phone #'s, make arrangements with women, only to be blown off JUST prior to our date.

 

This has been having even MORE frequently with a rather good looking male friend that I know, he has a lot of attractive women contacting HIM lately, even wanting to make plans with him.

 

Only to have them say, "I"m staying in, I'm tired" and THEN seeing their posts on Facebook the very same night painting the town.

 

Then he calls them on it, and the excuse train begins.

 

That being said, one could easily state women do contribute a part my friend's "lack of success with women" right?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted
...upon the situation.

 

A lot of my "lack of success with women" as some people here in the LS community refer to, might not necessarily the ENTIRE fault of the man, because the woman can contribute significantly to the man's lack of success.

 

Also, it depends on what is classified as "success with women" goes "success include dating, getting intimate ALL they way up to marriage? or is just achieving a FIRST date considered a "success"?

 

"Yes, I'm successful with women, I get dates...but it never goes beyond that."

 

"Yeah, I finally landed me a girlfriend, I've been successful."

 

But to get back to the jist of my post....in my situation, I seem to get contacts (even in person) get phone #'s, make arrangements with women, only to be blown off JUST prior to our date.

 

This has been having even MORE frequently with a rather good looking male friend that I know, he has a lot of attractive women contacting HIM lately, even wanting to make plans with him.

 

Only to have them say, "I"m staying in, I'm tired" and THEN seeing their posts on Facebook the very same night painting the town.

 

Then he calls them on it, and the excuse train begins.

 

That being said, one could easily state women do contribute a part my friend's "lack of success with women" right?

 

What state is flaketown located in ?

  • Like 1
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

irc, the frustrating thing about your posts and threads is you seem to be unwilling to take ANY responsibility for your "lack of success". And I don't consider getting first dates but no second dates to be success...

 

1. You can change the way you interact with them.

 

2. You can change the type of women you go for.

 

3. If all the single women in your neck of the woods are truly that messed up, you could "shake the dust of the area from your feet" and move someplace where there are more single women.

 

 

You instead critique the women, from their crazy OLD profiles, the things they say to you, whom they seem to go for, how they seem to have their guard up towards Nice Guys like yourself but are charmed by the Bad Boys, ect....

Edited by Imajerk17
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irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
  • Author
Posted

1. I have changed my ways of interacting with the, when they pull crap on me I call them on it, hell, I even let go on one that had a pattern of doing what she did, and she pretty much told me to piss off, I said she always had an "excuse" for blowing me off or just simply standing me up.

 

She used to apologize constantly, that was the final straw, felt pretty good, too to finally stand up to someone.

 

2. Change the type of women I go for? That's left up to interpretation of the person stating or defining what a "type" is. That's casting pretty significant wild card there.

 

It appears, people seem to define what a person's problem is with women only AFTER the event happens, not before.

 

I get tired of seeing, "You're going after the wrong type of men/women" what does that even mean? That's like the anti-thesis of "Oh well, it wasn't meant to be!"

 

No one can say, "It wasn't meant to be, before and during the dating, but only after the break up."

 

 

3. Moving is not even an option considering I have my career here that's in a niche that I cannot change for which I'm well established.

 

 

irc, the frustrating thing about your posts and threads is you seem to be unwilling to take ANY responsibility for your "lack of success". And I don't consider getting first dates but no second dates to be success...

 

1. You can change the way you interact with them.

 

2. You can change the type of women you go for.

 

3. If all the single women in your neck of the woods are truly that messed up, you could "shake the dust of the area from your feet" and move someplace where there are more single women.

 

 

You instead critique the women, from their crazy OLD profiles, the things they say to you, whom they seem to go for, how they seem to have their guard up towards Nice Guys like yourself but are charmed by the Bad Boys, ect....

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
Posted

I don't see how anything you said makes any sense OP. How are the women at "fault" for losing interest in you?

  • Like 1
Chickdan New Member

Chickdan

Posted
Posted

I think I understand what you are talking about. I have a friend who does the same thing. She complains about being lonely ALL the time! The rare times we do hang out we have a lot of fun together and I can tell she is enjoying the attention. But there are many times where she will text me saying she is bored then I ask if she want's to do something, she then says she has a headache and "wants to stay in". I hop on over to Facebook and look there, she is going downtown. This usually transpires in about a five minute time-span. It's quite annoying. On the same page?

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irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think I understand what you are talking about. I have a friend who does the same thing. She complains about being lonely ALL the time! The rare times we do hang out we have a lot of fun together and I can tell she is enjoying the attention. But there are many times where she will text me saying she is bored then I ask if she want's to do something, she then says she has a headache and "wants to stay in". I hop on over to Facebook and look there, she is going downtown. This usually transpires in about a five minute time-span. It's quite annoying. On the same page?

 

Yeppers, C. Dan, a good descriptor of the perspective on the woman's side. One can't say it's ALL the man's fault. If they keep blowing off guys or playing games with them, they are contributing to the issue.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted (edited)

The question is: why don't the women feel excited about a date with this guy?

 

What can he do to make himself more attractive (in a general sense) so that a woman will feel motivated to spend an evening with him?

 

eta....you can change your interaction on the front side, so that a woman is excited about a date.

Edited by xxoo
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
The question is: why don't the women feel excited about a date with this guy?

 

What can he do to make himself more attractive (in a general sense) so that a woman will feel motivated to spend an evening with him?

 

eta....you can change your interaction on the front side, so that a woman is excited about a date.

Be seven feet tall and shower her with money? Carry around a puppy and a baby?

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Be seven feet tall and shower her with money? Carry around a puppy and a baby?

 

The money and the puppy are actually good ideas! :laugh:

 

Once again, the secret is: flirt. Build sexual tension. And, well, be interesting! Your dancing skills are interesting, SD. You just need to learn how to package your product.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
The money and the puppy are actually good ideas! :laugh:

 

Once again, the secret is: flirt. Build sexual tension. And, well, be interesting! Your dancing skills are interesting, SD. You just need to learn how to package your product.

How about a puppy that's made of money?!

 

The whole flirting, and tensioning thing are the hard part. But I'm gonna try. Actually I have an idea how to flirt and I can guess with some stuff. But the whole idea of sexual tension is a complete mystery. I don't think I've ever had a sexual tension moment in my entire life.

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
How about a puppy that's made of money?!

 

The whole flirting, and tensioning thing are the hard part. But I'm gonna try. Actually I have an idea how to flirt and I can guess with some stuff. But the whole idea of sexual tension is a complete mystery. I don't think I've ever had a sexual tension moment in my entire life.

 

You can do it! As you relax, it will happen naturally. And it will be fun :)

 

Find a way to work a puppy made of money into the conversation :lmao:

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

There is no "fault" involved when two people just fail to get together, it is a non-event.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted
There is no "fault" involved when two people just fail to get together, it is a non-event.

 

 

Well, in fairness to irc333, I actually don't agree with this. If someone makes plans and then flakes, it's not a "non-event", it's instead quite rude and inconsiderate.

 

If I make plans with someone, then I made a commitment to them. I accommodate my schedule for the plans. I very rarely cancel, but if I do, it's for a real reason, such as coming down with the flu or a family member in the ICU, and not because I didn't feel like showing up the day of the event. It's to me really about respect for the other person and their time. And as most of the people I associate with are non-flakey too, it's the same with them.

 

In a dating-situation, there is also the issue of someone getting their hopes up too, which makes the flaking even more frustrating IMO.

 

**********

Anyway irc, RE your response to me, I stand behind what I said, at least going by how you present yourself on here. You post thread after thread after thread about all the "mistakes" women are making in online dating. And yet, despite my suggesting this to you several times, you seem unwilling to do something such as change the dating sites which you use. (My experience on POF was not that dissimilar to yours and I never knew what to make of all the options on OKC so I switched to Match (a site you have to pay to join unlike POF and OKC so you know the women on Match have some skin in the game--excuse the pun). I suggested that to you but did you even acknowledge this? No....)

  • Like 1
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted (edited)
Well, in fairness to irc333, I actually don't agree with this. If someone makes plans and then flakes, it's not a "non-event", it's instead quite rude and inconsiderate.

 

That, I agree with 100%. Being a flake is totally on the flake. But that still does not equate to it being the "fault" of women that men are unsuccessful with women.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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