Confused48 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'm going to try to take the advice of many of you here. Which is in agreement with many people I know in the "real" world. That is to end my attempt at reconciliation with my WS. WS never was really sorry. WS was afraid of losing me and pretended to be sorry. I gave it a lot of time, thinking WS might change. WS was NC with the AP so I felt I could give it time. But WS was NC b/c AP was NC. WS still wants the AP. And there is my problem. I've been living as second choice all this time while waiting for WS to hopefully see me as first choice. People here, people everywhere, told me that would never happen. I'm ready to believe that. I want to try NC. It is so hard. WS was my BF. I have such an urge to call or text my BF. About stupid little stuff. I also have the urge to text or email WS and say, "Oh, yes and another thing!!!" about why I'm going NC. I know, right? Going NC but I have to talk to WS about why. One good thing. When I was trying recon and something would happen to make me think it was not going to work, I'd panic. I'd feel so sick. Like I'd rather die than stop trying recon. But today I feel ok. Not great but ok. I hope it lasts. Probably wish full thinking right? I'll be a slobbering mess in a few hours or days, right?
Summer Breeze Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 You may well be a slobbering mess in a few hours or a few days but you will get through it. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is make a decision. Maybe your decision will get you the results you'd originally hoped for and your WS will finally get it. Maybe your decision will be the first step on the road to a wonderful new life you can't begin to think about now. Good luck to you Confused. 2
Realist3 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) I'm confused as to which person I'm speaking to with these name changes. Good luck. Edited January 19, 2013 by Realist3
BetrayedH Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Welcome to the beginning of your second life. Finally making the decision to be done was a huge weight off my shoulders. You can survive and thrive without your WS. Acceptance is the last stage of grief; you're making progress. Doesn't mean it's all over. But it's a beginning and it's sure helpful to get out of neutral. 1
Realist3 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Here is what I would do to celebrate. Take a two or three day vacation by yourself. NC with anyone you know.
thomasb Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Marriage Builders calls it plan B. Believe me... it works. And it keeps him from killing the last bit of love you have for him. Check out the site. It saved my marriage. And a heck of a lot of peoples sanity.
Realist3 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Marriage Builders calls it plan B. Believe me... it works. And it keeps him from killing the last bit of love you have for him. Check out the site. It saved my marriage. And a heck of a lot of peoples sanity. He is a he, not a she. Marriage Builders has a 20% success rate. Not sure why so many like that method.
Author Confused48 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Here is what I would do to celebrate. Take a two or three day vacation by yourself. NC with anyone you know. I'm way behind at work b/c I've been in such pain. Can't think straight. So I'm going to work. I love my job anyway. And my head feels clearer than it has in a long time.
Realist3 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'm way behind at work b/c I've been in such pain. Can't think straight. So I'm going to work. I love my job anyway. And my head feels clearer than it has in a long time. Not trying to be snarky. Did you read my response on your other thread? Do you love your job more than yourself, your spouse?
CantgetoveritNY Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Not trying to be snarky. Did you read my response on your other thread? Do you love your job more than yourself, your spouse? Sounds snarky to me. This post is about me ending it with WS. Going NC with WS. Loved WS so much that trouble with WS made me unable to work. Now I feel better. Getting distance from WS. Now I can work again. But did not leave WS for work. Left WS bc WS has become an unrepentant lying cheating mess of a person. 1
Furious Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 The scariest and bravest thing you can do is letting go of someone you have loved. You tried your best to give reconciliation a chance. But it takes two to make it work, and doing it alone is impossible. Keep taking care of yourself as you move forward. Just know that things will get better for you in time. It will be really hard, you will have good days and bad days. But in time, the goods days will outnumber the bad days. Reach out to friend's, and close family members, keep busy, keep looking ahead, and know you will be ok. 2
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