beenburned Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Why would cheating spouses deliberately go into further/ huge debts/mortgages knowing that they could be caught and divorced at any time? Example: buying a vacation home I have heard of cheating spouses deliberately getting their BS pregnant so if they get caught, it might be harder for the BS to leave them on a d-day. But I just can't grasp further long term huge debts. Any ideas or thoughts on this subject?
Realist3 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Why would cheating spouses deliberately go into further/ huge debts/mortgages knowing that they could be caught and divorced at any time? Example: buying a vacation home I have heard of cheating spouses deliberately getting their BS pregnant so if they get caught, it might be harder for the BS to leave them on a d-day. But I just can't grasp further long term huge debts. Any ideas or thoughts on this subject? I can't say I had a motive other than I wanted a vacation home in NY.
Act Two Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Maybe because the ability of a WS to compartmentalize grows stronger (not a good thing obviously), especially in a long affair. For a WS with no intention to leave the marriage, the plan to eat cake seems pretty good all around, and the longer it goes on the more confirmation the WS gets that this could work long term, living in two worlds including continuing to build some sort of life with the spouse. That was not my experience, but just a speculation. 3
carhill Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 IME with MW's it's a combination of making things more difficult for the BS to easily leave and unwind the M, along with a practical and pragmatic application of risk-taking behavior which is present in some form for all forms of investment, whether that be financial or emotional. Practically speaking, a vacation home could turn into 'Same Time, Next Year' and be a good long-term investment to boot, if cashing out due to D at some future point becomes a reality. I know one particular MW who was in a PA with her boss and left the job when she became pregnant, ostensibly with H's baby. The marriage continued for another 14 years, ending after over 20 years M. Within intimate relations, people don't always follow set patterns of behavior which would seem reasonable and practical in the outside world. Evidently it works for them. 1
Author beenburned Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 DM, That sounds just like my D's STBXH!! She was awarded alimony because of proven fraud!!(not because she couldn't support herself) carhill, That was exactly what this WS was using the vacation home for: his love shack with his mistress! And to think of his wife and kids spending family time there not knowing how everything had been used! UGH!!(couldn't find a puke icon:laugh:) Act Two, Exactly! The longer they cheat without getting caught, the bolder they get with their actions!
Got it Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Why would cheating spouses deliberately go into further/ huge debts/mortgages knowing that they could be caught and divorced at any time? Example: buying a vacation home I have heard of cheating spouses deliberately getting their BS pregnant so if they get caught, it might be harder for the BS to leave them on a d-day. But I just can't grasp further long term huge debts. Any ideas or thoughts on this subject? Because they didn't think they would get caught and/or divorced. I do believe that some WS do not think that they would divorce even though they had an affair. It just doesn't register to that extreme. Not that they don't think that things won't hit the fan for while but the concept of actually divorcing just isn't a reality.
Author beenburned Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Got it, So they live in constant denial of possibly having to deal with huge consequences, or a divorce, if there is a d-day? Wow, that is mind blowing!
Author beenburned Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Act Two, I have enjoyed reading all of your posts! I admire how you are trying hard to understand things and grow from your experiences!
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