johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 So I have posted here before. And it has been 2 months since our BU and 20 days of NC. She broke up with me. Both in our late 30´s I am completely devastated today. Having a hard time coping, I so want to send her an email that I miss her. She told me so many amazing things about me and her feelings towards me, she has had bad experiences with men. But felt so comfortable with me. Two and a half months into the relationship (long distance relationship, met once and everything clicked for both of us). She became distant after sending me a long email telling me I have nothing to worry about and that we met by fate and she told me we would stand the test of time. I was very baffled why she was becoming so distant and I found out she started to flirt with all these men online, right in front of my nose. I confronted her about it, she told me she was only doing it to find out how long I could take it. I broke up with her, telling her all that she was a wonderful person and I didn´t say anything bad about her. She totally flipped and called me all those names. I called her and she sounded so sincere on the phone and we decided to get back together. But when I tried to resolve our issues, all she told me was that she wanted to get back to the place where we were in the beginning. She did not want to resolve our issues. Then she started again flirting with a bunch of men right in front of our nose. I said nothing and boom. All of the sudden she breaks up with me, giving me no reasons, after I sent her my handmade christmas gift. after confronting her with her reasons, she changes stories all the time about why she broke up with me. I then asked her to tell me that we had no chance, I asked her to tell me to if she never wanted to hear from me again. She told me she couldn´t say that. I accepted the break up right away. Telling her again that she was a wonderful person, I never called her names or anything like that. Then she receives the my gift and she sends me an email about how wonderful my gift is and that is the most special gift she has ever gotten and that she would treasure it forever. I ask her if she wanted to talk to after a week. And she said she would think about it. Then I find out that she started to talk to this guy and giving him her FB address (she is very concerned with her FB privacy) and I thought it was strange and I got mad. I asked her about it and she lied about it. I got really mad, not calling her names though. Asking her if she had lied to me this whole time and she backed down and I told her to never contact me again. I was ashamed about my outburst and sent her an apology email the day after. She didn´t respond. Then a few days later I asked her to block me on social media websites but she did not respond. I pressed her and I admit I sent like 5 emails asking her to block me so I could move on. She got very mad and blocked me and said "Are you happy, now you can move on" She told me she got no feelings towards me and she was not happy or sad that the BU happened. She told me she wanted to be friends with me but now it did not matter to her and that she completely lost interest in friendship with me. Earlier she told me I could never be in her friend zone. But last christmas, she sent me a text wishing me a merry christmas. I replied wishing her a merry christmas. I sent her a happy new year greeting, saying that I would be in her country in january and if she would meet me to say our goodbyes and go our separate ways on good terms. It took her 2 days to reply and she lied that she was gonna be out of the country that day. Then 4 days later she unblocked me on FB. I did not contact her and then last week she blocked me again on FB. And she is still stalling sending me my things. Told me she would send it soon on 2nd of january. Should have been here by now. Is she playing mind games with me? Does she want me to contact her? I think she has low self esteem because she is giving her FB address to everyone that wants that and she is flirting with every man that compliments her. But before us, she was a very conservative woman and she didn´t like aggressive men. Does she wants me to contact her? I so want to contact her but I know it would do me no good. Please help me 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 She isn't lying or playing mind games. She split up with you, doesn't even want friendship with you and lied about her whereabouts on a particular day so she doesn't have to see you. Give it up.
mammasita Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Also why did she have to block you? You should be in control of that, not her.
Author johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 She isn't lying or playing mind games. She split up with you, doesn't even want friendship with you and lied about her whereabouts on a particular day so she doesn't have to see you. Give it up. Did you read what I wrote? The reasons for our break up? I think she broke up with me so I would not break up with her again. Because after the break up she broke NC and was so nice. It wasn´t until I pressed her to block me (I asked her that because she was giving me "false" hopes. My thoughts on this is that she is insecure and emotionally immature because in our relationship, she was a bit needy for my compliments and reassurances. All I am asking is why is she behaving like this? I know no one but her can answer that. And I have given up. I do have self respect and my dignity and I would not take her back if she wanted to. But I know how strongly she felt about me.
Author johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Also why did she have to block you? You should be in control of that, not her. I know that but this was my first love, been in 4 long term relationships and I have a lot of experience but I have never been on social media before last year. And I found myself always returning to her page and it was like my heart broke every time I saw her pictures. I was trying to be strong but...... I didn´t block her. But I know she is always checking my site out, even now. I am in my 30´s. So maybe I am being immature but I really needed her to do this. I am sorry if I sound pathetic. But this day has been very hard.
Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 If she wanted to be with you she would be with you now. Simple
Author johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 If she wanted to be with you she would be with you now. Simple But that is not what I want. I know her. I am just wondering why she is behaving like a person she really dislikes. She told me she didn´t like women that act the way she acts now. And she is flirting with all these men now that she really dislikes, she told me before we began our relationship. I am not trying to get back with her. But knowing her and remembering when I broke up with my ex, I felt so guilty for breaking up with her that my shame prevented me to contact her after the break up. And I so wanted to contact her but I knew I hurt her feelings so bad and I wished that she would contact me. Dumpers remorse, I know. Karma is a bitch. I just, I am so confused. Not about her not contacting me, but it seems she is still angry at me. Even after our break up she told me I was the sweetest man ever and she was so angry about our situation. thanks for your reply and listening to my pathetic rant
Samilia Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 So I have posted here before. And it has been 2 months since our BU and 20 days of NC. She broke up with me. Both in our late 30´s I am completely devastated today. Having a hard time coping, I so want to send her an email that I miss her. She told me so many amazing things about me and her feelings towards me, she has had bad experiences with men. But felt so comfortable with me. Two and a half months into the relationship (long distance relationship, met once and everything clicked for both of us). She became distant after sending me a long email telling me I have nothing to worry about and that we met by fate and she told me we would stand the test of time. I was very baffled why she was becoming so distant and I found out she started to flirt with all these men online, right in front of my nose. I confronted her about it, she told me she was only doing it to find out how long I could take it. I broke up with her, telling her all that she was a wonderful person and I didn´t say anything bad about her. She totally flipped and called me all those names. I called her and she sounded so sincere on the phone and we decided to get back together. But when I tried to resolve our issues, all she told me was that she wanted to get back to the place where we were in the beginning. She did not want to resolve our issues. Then she started again flirting with a bunch of men right in front of our nose. I said nothing and boom. All of the sudden she breaks up with me, giving me no reasons, after I sent her my handmade christmas gift. after confronting her with her reasons, she changes stories all the time about why she broke up with me. I then asked her to tell me that we had no chance, I asked her to tell me to if she never wanted to hear from me again. She told me she couldn´t say that. I accepted the break up right away. Telling her again that she was a wonderful person, I never called her names or anything like that. Then she receives the my gift and she sends me an email about how wonderful my gift is and that is the most special gift she has ever gotten and that she would treasure it forever. I ask her if she wanted to talk to after a week. And she said she would think about it. Then I find out that she started to talk to this guy and giving him her FB address (she is very concerned with her FB privacy) and I thought it was strange and I got mad. I asked her about it and she lied about it. I got really mad, not calling her names though. Asking her if she had lied to me this whole time and she backed down and I told her to never contact me again. I was ashamed about my outburst and sent her an apology email the day after. She didn´t respond. Then a few days later I asked her to block me on social media websites but she did not respond. I pressed her and I admit I sent like 5 emails asking her to block me so I could move on. She got very mad and blocked me and said "Are you happy, now you can move on" She told me she got no feelings towards me and she was not happy or sad that the BU happened. She told me she wanted to be friends with me but now it did not matter to her and that she completely lost interest in friendship with me. Earlier she told me I could never be in her friend zone. But last christmas, she sent me a text wishing me a merry christmas. I replied wishing her a merry christmas. I sent her a happy new year greeting, saying that I would be in her country in january and if she would meet me to say our goodbyes and go our separate ways on good terms. It took her 2 days to reply and she lied that she was gonna be out of the country that day. Then 4 days later she unblocked me on FB. I did not contact her and then last week she blocked me again on FB. And she is still stalling sending me my things. Told me she would send it soon on 2nd of january. Should have been here by now. Is she playing mind games with me? Does she want me to contact her? I think she has low self esteem because she is giving her FB address to everyone that wants that and she is flirting with every man that compliments her. But before us, she was a very conservative woman and she didn´t like aggressive men. Does she wants me to contact her? I so want to contact her but I know it would do me no good. Please help me I read posts on LS about how that girl, or that guy, had a bad stream of bad relationships, but the knight in bright armor showed up and they had a great time. Eventually the lady in distress shows her true colors, but it's gotta be because of her troubled past, right? I call it bull, she's just not into you and walked away. Now she's treating you badly but you're hooked on the past and precious moments you had together. When in truth you should just dump the b*tch and find yourself someone that will treat you the way you treated her, with kindness and respect. 1
na49 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Well I'm not her. So I can't get in her head and tell you exactly what it means. I'll try to be realistic with you because I'm not blinded by love for this person like you are right now. I know her. I am just wondering why she is behaving like a person she really dislikes. She told me she didn´t like women that act the way she acts now. And she is flirting with all these men now that she really dislikes, she told me before we began our relationship. I'm sure you do. I knew my ex. My ex told me she'd never cheat on me. She told me she loved me. She told me we'd be together forever, get married and have a wonderful life together. (I'm 18, she's 19) She told me she didn't want to share me with anyone. I told her the same. She cheated on me. We're not going to be together forever, and obviously not getting married. Just because she told you all of those things, doesn't really mean anything. Actions speak louder than words. It's cliche, but it's true. She doesn't like those type of guys? Well she obviously does. She's chasing after the guys she told you she hates. If she hates them, she wouldn't chase them. 1
Author johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 I read posts on LS about how that girl, or that guy, had a bad stream of bad relationships, but the knight in bright armor showed up and they had a great time. Eventually the lady in distress shows her true colors, but it's gotta be because of her troubled past, right? I call it bull, she's just not into you and walked away. Now she's treating you badly but you're hooked on the past and precious moments you had together. When in truth you should just dump the b*tch and find yourself someone that will treat you the way you treated her, with kindness and respect. I really am hooked on the past. But she initiated everything with me after a month of heavy flirting. I am so pathetic. I am grasping at straws. I thought it would get better but it seems to get worse for me. NC for 20 days. I just feel awful. This is probably her true colours. I just never thought anyone could be so dishonest. I was always telling her that the past remains should remain in the past and she should not be ashamed of her past. But I have to practice what I preach and let go of her
Author johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Well I'm not her. So I can't get in her head and tell you exactly what it means. I'll try to be realistic with you because I'm not blinded by love for this person like you are right now. I'm sure you do. I knew my ex. My ex told me she'd never cheat on me. She told me she loved me. She told me we'd be together forever, get married and have a wonderful life together. (I'm 18, she's 19) She told me she didn't want to share me with anyone. I told her the same. She cheated on me. We're not going to be together forever, and obviously not getting married. Just because she told you all of those things, doesn't really mean anything. Actions speak louder than words. It's cliche, but it's true. She doesn't like those type of guys? Well she obviously does. She's chasing after the guys she told you she hates. If she hates them, she wouldn't chase them. I am not that naive. She is 27 and I am 29 years old. I know people say things that don´t mean anything now. But I honestly believe she is doing this to get back at me because she blames me for ruining the most wonderful thing she has ever had. But of course I could be so blind that I am just trying to hold on to everything.
GingerVixen Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'm sorry to say that, but I think she wants only to draw your attention and play mind games. She's not being honest to you. She's giving you mixed signs to confuse your mind. For example, when she said your present to her was amazing and she would treasure it forever, she obviously knows she's giving you hope that when you talked to her, she'd be nice to you. But then she ignored you again. She repeatedly showed you baits for you to talk to her and give her some ego boost, only to ignore you and hurt you again. This girl doesn't even know what to do with her life. She would flirt online in your face, then break up with you then come back to your arms then flirt again then break up with you again. All she wants is a doormat man who begs for her attention, she must have very low self esteem, you're right, because only a person with low self esteem would need to hurt a person who loves her (which is you!) to feel good about herself. In the end she must be a very unhappy person. ADVICE: Do not talk to her ever again. If she's a narcissist who wants some ego boost, she'll be mad when she realizes you completely forgot her. Look at your own life, make plans, think about what kind of woman you would really want in your life and see if she's like what you want from a woman. Then you'll she's not worth your fight to win her back. Move on and be confident, it's not your fault, it's her own problems that make her act like this. She'll act like this with other men too because she's the problematic one, not you. And do you really want a person like this with you? Be careful... Sometimes what we feel is not love, but pride, we just don't want to let the person go. Let her go, she's not worth it. She doesn't want you back, she just wants the attention. She doesn't want to love or be loved by anyone, she just wants ego boost.
Author johnson123 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 I'm sorry to say that, but I think she wants only to draw your attention and play mind games. She's not being honest to you. She's giving you mixed signs to confuse your mind. For example, when she said your present to her was amazing and she would treasure it forever, she obviously knows she's giving you hope that when you talked to her, she'd be nice to you. But then she ignored you again. She repeatedly showed you baits for you to talk to her and give her some ego boost, only to ignore you and hurt you again. This girl doesn't even know what to do with her life. She would flirt online in your face, then break up with you then come back to your arms then flirt again then break up with you again. All she wants is a doormat man who begs for her attention, she must have very low self esteem, you're right, because only a person with low self esteem would need to hurt a person who loves her (which is you!) to feel good about herself. In the end she must be a very unhappy person. ADVICE: Do not talk to her ever again. If she's a narcissist who wants some ego boost, she'll be mad when she realizes you completely forgot her. Look at your own life, make plans, think about what kind of woman you would really want in your life and see if she's like what you want from a woman. Then you'll she's not worth your fight to win her back. Move on and be confident, it's not your fault, it's her own problems that make her act like this. She'll act like this with other men too because she's the problematic one, not you. And do you really want a person like this with you? Be careful... Sometimes what we feel is not love, but pride, we just don't want to let the person go. Let her go, she's not worth it. She doesn't want you back, she just wants the attention. She doesn't want to love or be loved by anyone, she just wants ego boost. No I don´t want to be with her, that is for sure. I realize I have to have some dignity and I have always stood up for myself. I worked hard to get where I am in life and I have always been very confident and had high self esteem. But she completely broke that, or rather I let her break my confidence and my self esteem. I have had chances to rebound, but I am so heartbroken that I told my suitors that I was in no shae mentally to be with another woman now. I don´t know what I want, I guess I want her to apologize, to see the way she acted. I just can´t believe how oblivious she is. She told me about how she was treated the way she treated me and she hated it. I made her my number one priority, I told her I loved her without expecting anything in return and I said that to her. I gave her a handwritten love letter and she cried so hard when she read it, it was her first handwritten love letter. She cried when we were laying in bed because she had so much feelings for me. She posted on her site that she was so in love with me................ I am just a wreck now. I am a complete wreck. And the worst part is that I sent her a closure letter because she never said goodbye, and when I confronted her if she wanted me to never contact her again. She did not answer that question. The letter will arrive to her next week. I wrote how wonderful she is and I told her not to feel guilty about this but I don´t know, maybe I want her to feel guilty. But I explicity stated in the letter that I did not want her to contact me. Telling her that the letter was my closure. But now I am having regrets sending that letter........ maybe it is because I will be breaking NC. I know and I am gonna follow your advice, I am not gonna talk to her anymore. Thank you so much for your reply
FailedFirstLove Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 This seems really childish... why do you guys keep breaking up but sending stuff so then you will get attention? You seem to be giving up everything. Your crushing your manliness by letting her flirt all over when you know it. Yes you lve her but if she loves you she wouldn't do that. Even after my ex broke up with me I can't go flirting because I still feel guilty, knowing that I still love him. I think it's time to drop her as soon as possible. If she doesn't get her act together then sucks for her. you may be surprised... She will probably come crying back.
Author johnson123 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 This seems really childish... why do you guys keep breaking up but sending stuff so then you will get attention? You seem to be giving up everything. Your crushing your manliness by letting her flirt all over when you know it. Yes you lve her but if she loves you she wouldn't do that. Even after my ex broke up with me I can't go flirting because I still feel guilty, knowing that I still love him. I think it's time to drop her as soon as possible. If she doesn't get her act together then sucks for her. you may be surprised... She will probably come crying back. I know it is childish but am I childish? I broke up with her when I found out she was flirting with these men. Telling her I thought that was emotional cheating. Never called her names and was very respectful to her. And then after we talked on the phone. She was so sincere and told me she knew she did the wrong thing. Then all is good for a few days and then all of the sudden she starts again flirting with other men. And breaks up with me via email, calling me names and that she could go on but she does not want me to feel bad about myself. I accepted the break up instantly, again very respectful to her but defended myself without insulting her. And about the stuff, I loaned her a very personal item that she wanted to see. I have none of her stuff. And the above post from me explains everything. I don´t why she is stalling sending me this item. She usually threw all of her ex-bf things out whenever she or them broke up with her. But she kept my item, knowing it was very dear to me. Is she playing some kind of mind games? But I know I am the only one who can control my happiness and I feel so guilty and ashamed that I am letting her dictate my well being. And I know, my manliness is like zero right now. Used to be so confident and with very high self esteem (without being arrogant). I hope she does not come crying because I would not wish it upon my worst enemy, to feel like what I and probably everyone here has felt. I have to stay strong in NC.
Author johnson123 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 So I had a moment of weakness exactly a week ago. I sent her an email asking if she send me my stuff (it´s been a month since she said she would) and she did not reply. And I sent one text which she did not reply either. And my friend told me she deleted all my comments on her site except for one (What does that mean???) But I have realized she will never contact me again. So I am looking forward for the next chapter of my life. So I am giving up getting my stuff from her and gonna focus on moving forward with my life. This site has helped me a lot this past month. I feel stronger reading your stories and experiences. NC is the way to a better life and I recently met someone, a very wonderful woman. I felt guilty seeing her but now I am ready to engage and move forward.
Author johnson123 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 I gave her up long time ago. I don´t want her back in my life. I guess I was looking for a little remorse from her side because she kept feeding me breadcrumbs, telling me I am the sweetest guy she has ever been with etc. I deserve so much better than her. I´ve had a few long term relationships but this was short term, long distance one and it was harder to get over than my previous LTR´s. I just don´t get why she is holding on to my stuff and this one comment. But like I said I do not want her back.
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