Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Some people know my story. I've accepted its over etc but I'm not recovering. I am able to go to work but that's all I can do. I range from crushing depression to horrible anxiety. I'm also racked with guilt as he told me it may not have happened if I hadn't lost my temper. I've already lost the plot. Other than work I haven't left the house since 1 Jan. I get up at midday at weekends and stay on the sofa all day. It isn't like me but I'm too run down and upset to.move. Other days I'm on high alert. I'm Coming apart at the seams. I haven't slept for weeks. 2 nights ago I was awake every hour feeling like i was about to have a panic attack: shaking etc. in the morning I had ro take tranquilisers or I wouldn't have been able to function. but the lack of sleep and side effects from the drugs were too much at work. It was too much yesterday and I ended up crying in the toilets for ages. It's so pathetic. I have never been like this in my life. I'm terrified.
na49 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'm also racked with guilt as he told me it may not have happened if I hadn't lost my temper. I wouldn't believe this if I were you. I've never actually broken up with someone, but people don't break up over ONE thing. He may tell you that if "x" didn't happen you would still be together. That's just not fair though. He's putting the blame on you. Like it's all YOUR fault. It's not all your fault. If it wasn't you losing your temper, he'd find another reason. Point to it. and say "See this is why we're not together! It's all your fault! I'm not at fault for anything!" It's stupid. It's immature. and you're better than that. I know this won't get you out of the house or make you feel better. but a different perspective might help you a bit. Feeling like you could have done more sucks. but you did everything you could. It wasn't good enough for him, so you'll find someone who it will be good enough for when you're ready. 2
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 I did other stuff though....jealous a couple of times and a little insecure
Coping Vortex Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Some people know my story. I've accepted its over etc but I'm not recovering. I am able to go to work but that's all I can do. I range from crushing depression to horrible anxiety. I'm also racked with guilt as he told me it may not have happened if I hadn't lost my temper. I've already lost the plot. Other than work I haven't left the house since 1 Jan. I get up at midday at weekends and stay on the sofa all day. It isn't like me but I'm too run down and upset to.move. Other days I'm on high alert. I'm Coming apart at the seams. I haven't slept for weeks. 2 nights ago I was awake every hour feeling like i was about to have a panic attack: shaking etc. in the morning I had ro take tranquilisers or I wouldn't have been able to function. but the lack of sleep and side effects from the drugs were too much at work. It was too much yesterday and I ended up crying in the toilets for ages. It's so pathetic. I have never been like this in my life. I'm terrified. You are not alone I'm going through the same exact thing. To the tee. We just have to hope time will make us whole again. It's like a death sentence that we can't get out of. Hang in there.
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 You are not alone I'm going through the same exact thing. To the tee. We just have to hope time will make us whole again. It's like a death sentence that we can't get out of. Hang in there. I don't want to. The rest of my life isn't going very well. I just want out. life taunts me with something nice for awhile and takes it away. I wanna die.
Coping Vortex Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I don't want to. The rest of my life isn't going very well. I just want out. life taunts me with something nice for awhile and takes it away. I wanna die. Look i think we all feel that way and don't express it here. I think we say all kinds of things and we all know only one thing can really take the pain away. However, that alternative permanently prevents you from enjoying the good times in life too. Trust me I want a permanent end to the this pain too but we have to hold on. You can do it. I work with a girl who's husband left her for a young 19 year old He is 40 and she is 33. She was devastated and tried to commit suicide three times. She luckliy got rushed to the hospital and saved. Today she is very happy and dating. It just took time. She bought a new house and has had a few relationships and is happy pursuing life and having fun. In fact I look to her as my inspiration if she can get through it so can I and so can you. Go get counseling. I'm in it now. I never thought in my life I would go to counsling but it helps. They will give you a new perspective on things. But nothing but time will heal you.
HARPER100 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I don't want to. The rest of my life isn't going very well. I just want out. life taunts me with something nice for awhile and takes it away. I wanna die. Are you seeing a professional therapist? There's a lot of good advice on LS but I don't think it can offer you the kind support you need right now.
BiancaLDN Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I don't want to. The rest of my life isn't going very well. I just want out. life taunts me with something nice for awhile and takes it away. I wanna die. Jesus, this is exactly how I feel.
BiancaLDN Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 You're not alone. I've started drinking, I feel like I am totally alone...she was the only thing that made me happy and she told me I messed it up even though when I think about it, her behaviour was not perfect. My flatmate is moving out after six years, to be with her partner, and I have not a clue what is going to happen.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) Some people know my story. I've accepted its over etc but I'm not recovering. I am able to go to work but that's all I can do. I range from crushing depression to horrible anxiety. I'm also racked with guilt as he told me it may not have happened if I hadn't lost my temper. I've already lost the plot. Other than work I haven't left the house since 1 Jan. I get up at midday at weekends and stay on the sofa all day. It isn't like me but I'm too run down and upset to.move. Other days I'm on high alert. I'm Coming apart at the seams. I haven't slept for weeks. 2 nights ago I was awake every hour feeling like i was about to have a panic attack: shaking etc. in the morning I had ro take tranquilisers or I wouldn't have been able to function. but the lack of sleep and side effects from the drugs were too much at work. It was too much yesterday and I ended up crying in the toilets for ages. It's so pathetic. I have never been like this in my life. I'm terrified. Hey mine also told me that he wouldn't have done this if I didnt get so anger and lost it on him.... But thinking abouting it, we don't really know do we. Even if we didnt do what we did, it could have turned out exact same way. Obviously there are other reasons. They just don't want to admit it. Seems like the blame game is been played here. I'm not coping either. I'm a complete wreck constantly thinking about him. There's nothing else I can do, he doesn't want me and I cannot make him come back. Even if I tried to make him, it won't last long till his gone again. I know it's going to take time. Which is what I hate most. It hurts to know that they can walk away carefree. Not even thinking of us. I have nightmares like you as well. Mornings kill me. Emptiness and loneliness is all I feel. When I hear something like his happy as living up there or his out partying everynight makes me panic. And the days passing by. They make me know that the chance of reconciliation is getting lower and lower. But I guess I already know he won't come back. He doesn't love me like he did. Oh and my life has coming crashing down after him as well. I seem to argue with everyone. And my parents just dot understand. They think Im just lazy and don't want to do anything. They think I should be over it by now. But I'm not. I still love him. Miss him. What can I do. I rushe tot Ty to heal and crashed back even harder. Edited January 19, 2013 by FailedFirstLove
crashvector Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 The truth is, you losing your temper wasn't the reason. It was the justification. The REASON is the same no matter WHAT the circumstance is: The other person decided that when they weighed the options, that there were more CONS than PROS to staying with you. That's universal. Stop being yourself up over one time that you lost your temper. In the grand scheme, its irrelevant anyhow.
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 I don't want to be alive anymore
FailedFirstLove Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I don't want to be alive anymore Don't say that. It's not the end of the world. Give it a little time. There's no point in saying things like that. You will look back and laugh someday
crashvector Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I don't want to be alive anymore What state do you live in. If you are truly feeling suicdal, PLEASE call the crisis hotline. Please? You're a really cool woman...and you deserve to be happy.
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 I live in the United Kingdom.... Not tonight but someday I might. I have nothing to live for.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I live in the United Kingdom.... Not tonight but someday I might. I have nothing to live for. Now to make me want to give up my life as well... It's been hell without him and feels like my life is crashing down.
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Now to make me want to give up my life as well... It's been hell without him and feels like my life is crashing down. Mine has crashed down I don't want to.go on
FailedFirstLove Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Mine has crashed down I don't want to.go on It will crash because you have lost a major chunk of your life. It will probably feel like that for awhile. Mine isn't picking up. I don't know how else to live. I'm just trying to go day by day. If I survive another day then congrats to me. In the end if they don't come back, life still goes on. If its the only thing you can do then hope for a future. Maybe he will come back... I try not to do that but sometimes it really is the only thing
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 It's other stuff in my life too. I found a way that'll make it look accidental...not now but in time.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I really think you need to get help. Go to counsellor or anything. I'm not in the UK but I just googled stuff maybe it will help. Suicide - Getting help - NHS Choices SupportLine - Problems: Suicide: Advice, support and information 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 See people always say that....no one accepts that if its bot worth it why go on. I'm not seeking help.
hudson701 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Give me a call...I'm in the uk and going through the exact same **** as you. I could do with the company I'm so lonely.
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Give me a call...I'm in the uk and going through the exact same **** as you. I could do with the company I'm so lonely. What happened to you
TaraMaiden Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 What happened to you see? That's it. There's the clue. It's all there..... It's called "A Spark of Interest." You want to know what others are going through. That's active curiosity. That means, quite simply, you have enough there, to keep you interested enough to stop yourself from killing yourself. That means that interest in others, and their plight, is a good enough cause to engage in. Try helping others. Try looking to others less fortunate than you. Volunteer. get yourself up and go serve soup in a homeless kitchen. Focus on other people, and how they need to stay alive. it rubs off on you. Defeat is a very unattractive option. Even that one question was a small victory for recovery....
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 My whole job involves sorting other peoples sh it out. I am fed up with it. I am a legal aid lawyer. I see disadvantaged people all the time. I'm not about to start faffing around with more helping.... I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me and I'll never get anyone like that again.he said it May not have happened if I hadn't lost my temper... Nice to always wonder what if.
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