Not sure how to proceed or if i should at all.

[chrisftw]

hey everybody first post here. but I've been lurking for awhile i just now happened to have a question i wanted to see how the folks here see it.

 

I really hate walls of text so i'm going to just cover the points and put in only the relevant info in.

 

been going to school with this chick for about 5 semesters. during the first 4 we really didn't talk that much. we shared glances the entire time though. and really only towards the end of the 4th semester did we really start getting 'close' if you want to call it that. but she still kept things private and i found it VERY weird that she would NEVER.. bring up other men. even her friends who are guys will never speak a word about them at all. even if she would go out with a group of guys and girl friends she would only speak about funny stuff her girl friends did. and when i ask about the fellas she just shrugs it off saying. 'they were cool'. also she told me she broke up with her b/f of 2 years and that she was single. but its so strange because from my point of view i'm the only guy she talks to which is funny because we both know she talks to other guys.

 

Fast forward to current time. (after the holiday) I'm not sure what's going on. because our relationship seems to evolve from semester to semester. But at one point she invited me over to her house i met her whole family. everybody gave me cheesy grins to. Especially when i shook hands with her dad. I had this strange feeling this girl doesn't bring 'friends' home from school be it male or female. she showed me a lot of personal things. and has really opened the flood gate on things she likes etc..

 

she even offered to cook me some lunch?! wtf..

 

she also showed me her room and some new outfits she bought and posed in them and asked my opinion.

 

hell that same day when i saw her on our last class. she had changed into a new outfit to match the shirt i said looked good.. my head was thinking wtf.. but i couldn't help but grin and i saw her looking and she loved it because she smiled back to.

 

She also calls now rather than text. last week she called 7 times! mostly for dumb stuff. but stuff she used to txt about. I 'FEEL' the dynamic changing but i'm not sure what type of change. are we friends? i dunno.. are we more? not sure. because honestly in my eyes we were never really much of anything friends or otherwise. i even straight up told her i said i'm not really friends with anybody at school just social with people. she said i thought we were best friends. i sorta laughed and said. "not really we don't even hang out, but i enjoy your company here".

 

i don't talk to her constantly in fact i keep it sparse with her. she is self conscious around me to all the sudden. and i have noticed that NOW this semester when i see her she has makeup on and is making an attempt to look good. rather than the last 4 semesters she would roll in wild hair and sweat pants/hoodie.

 

i'm confused on what's going on. and i find myself putting her in her place constantly with this new dynamic because she will tell me do something like go get her coffee. and i look at her and just shake my head and tell her do i look like your bi*ch? she's used to getting what she wants and i keep shutting that aspect down because she needs to understand her looks only get her so far. and with me they won't get her very far and i straight told her that.

 

one other note: she's young. 22 or 23. not sure considering she lied the first time. although i never pointed it out. and i'm 29. so we are of different worlds almost as far as age.

[chrisftw]

would love some input on this. if i need to add anything to give a better picture let me know. perhaps my paraphrase on events was a bit to much.

[weee111]

I'm not following what the issue is. It seems like she's interested, if you are too then all you have to do is ask her out on date....

[NateC]

I'm not following what the issue is. It seems like she's interested, if you are too then all you have to do is ask her out on date....

 

This. Everything is pointing to "she's interested". Now the question is - are you?

[chrisftw]

I'm not following what the issue is. It seems like she's interested, if you are too then all you have to do is ask her out on date....

 

This. Everything is pointing to "she's interested". Now the question is - are you?

 

of course i am! and see that's what i think but there are some grey areas which makes me not want to act on my gut feeling.

 

one time i asked her out for coffee. this was during class she said absolutely. but then later on. she changed her mind said she had to pick up her car and then something about a friend. and she never counter offered.

 

rule of thumb says no counter offer means no intrest. PERIOD

 

and since then i never asked her to do anything because i didn't want to be THAT GUY who couldn't get the hint.

 

and then secondly. occasionally she will not answer a text.

 

Also i don't think she's quite over her ex. and moving in to soon is grounds for total failure. I say this because when she showed me her room. pictures of her ex were up on the wall. I said to her "for somebody who isn't with their ex. you got a lot of pictures up on the wall"

 

she claimed something about not having time to do anything with her room.

 

and lastly. and this may be more in my head than anything. i look at her ex and then at myself. we're of the same age. but he is WAY better looking than me. and i'm scratching my head thinking. why would she want to downgrade?

[Cutiepie1976]

Wow! This woman has practically hammered you over the head with her interest. Unless you're hoping for a deep voice from the heavens to proclaim she's interested, this is as good as it gets.

 

I know you said you're 29, but do you have any dating experience? I ask because you are clearly that clueless guy that never gets the hint. I really have to give her credit. Most women would have given up a long time ago and moved on to a more savvy prospect.

[chrisftw]

Wow! This woman has practically hammered you over the head with her interest. Unless you're hoping for a deep voice from the heavens to proclaim she's interested, this is as good as it gets.

 

I know you said you're 29, but do you have any dating experience? I ask because you are clearly that clueless guy that never gets the hint. I really have to give her credit. Most women would have given up a long time ago and moved on to a more savvy prospect.

 

lol well i have social experience meaning i can talk to just about anybody. pretty easily strangers find it that talking to me for 5 minutes i'm like their long lost friend.

 

but dating experience.. ehhh its kinda embarrassing I've only had 3 serious girlfriends. and a bunch of flings which went nowhere and 90% of those the girl initiated everything. including the first move. lol.

 

still i'm not afraid to make the move i know i'm getting older so i gotta capitalize on opportunity when it strikes.

 

but did you read my other post. where i added some details. she did flake on me once for coffee when i asked if she wanted to go after class. stating something about picking up her car and a friend. she offered no counter offer and i feel that signaled that she wasn't interested. women who are interested counter offer if they cancel pretty much anything.

 

and then she kinda flaked on me again when i asked if she wanted to walk with me to pick up my parking pass. she told me she needed to run to walmart to get some cat food and that she would see me later. i just said ok and walked off.

 

also she will occasionally ignore a text outright. no reply's not even the next day. however in class its business as usual. its not awkward or anything. but if she was interested would she really ignore text? that and the fact she still has her ex all over her room as far as pictures go isn't something i'm very secure about.

 

this one is hard to read. or maybe I am clueless but there are times where i feel she swoons over me and then there are times where she seems withdrawn and somewhat frustrated.

Edited January 20, 2013 by chrisftw

[skylark100]

Well, if you have feelings for her, ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no.

 

From my experience when a woman asks for your opinon on what she is wearing, it means she cares what you think about her. There are some pretty strong signals. Meeting her family is huge.

 

Texts get dropped sometimes....and never make it to their intended recipent.

 

Stop beating around the bush and make your move. It's sure to be a homerun.

[chrisftw]

Well, if you have feelings for her, ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no.

 

From my experience when a woman asks for your opinon on what she is wearing, it means she cares what you think about her. There are some pretty strong signals. Meeting her family is huge.

 

Texts get dropped sometimes....and never make it to their intended recipent.

 

Stop beating around the bush and make your move. It's sure to be a homerun.

 

the law of averages say this is stacked in my favor. i haven't added any information and i get the same from friends and this forum.

 

but playing devils advocate a friend could also meet the family as well.

 

i think i will try to ask her to do something a bit more fun. see what happens. hopefully it won't be awkward if i read her wrong. that's really what i'm afraid of.

 

we are both art students so a trip to the local art museum would be pretty cool. maybe i'll try that.

[Cutiepie1976]

Jeesh! She's hard to read?!? If you feel she's hard to read, you're really screwed! Are you expecting women to wear big placards stating, "please ask me out?" Most women are nowhere near as obvious as she has been, nor are they anywhere near as persistent in their interest. I did read all your posts in the thread before responding. Sorry, but it was painful to wade through how tentative you actually are. Your thinking, self-doubt, and internal negative mind chatter are why you've had such "embarrassingly" little (your words, not mine) experience! FWIW, I almost never counteroffer when I like a guy. It just never enters my mind. Where are you getting these silly notions that someone who's interested romantically always counteroffers, etc.? Being confident and assertive is attractive. Tentativeness is decidedly unappealing to many.

 

You can certainly avoid rejection by waiting for the rare woman who might ask you out, but since men do 99.99% of the initiating, you'll fall further and further behind. Most women get more than sufficient interest from more assertive, secure guys. Thus you will typically be the only "loser" in the game of waiting it out for her to take the lead. I guess you're OK with that and the minimal experience you garner as a result of your attempt to avoid rejection?

Edited January 20, 2013 by Cutiepie1976

[chrisftw]

Jeesh! She's hard to read?!? If you feel she's hard to read, you're really screwed! Are you expecting women to wear big placards stating, "please ask me out?" Most women are nowhere near as obvious as she has been, nor are they anywhere near as persistent in their interest. I did read all your posts in the thread before responding. Sorry, but it was painful to wade through how tentative you actually are. Your thinking, self-doubt, and internal negative mind chatter are why you've had such "embarrassingly" little (your words, not mine) experience! FWIW, I almost never counteroffer when I like a guy. It just never enters my mind. Where are you getting these silly notions that someone who's interested romantically always counteroffers, etc.? Being confident and assertive is attractive. Tentativeness is decidedly unappealing to many.

 

You can certainly avoid rejection by waiting for the rare woman who might ask you out, but since men do 99.99% of the initiating, you'll fall further and further behind. Most women get more than sufficient interest from more assertive, secure guys. Thus you will typically be the only "loser" in the game of waiting it out for her to take the lead. I guess you're OK with that and the minimal experience you garner as a result of your attempt to avoid rejection?

 

wow.. you know what you said really rings true to my life. i can think of countless times where I've lost golden opportunity. and it pissed me off so much. i only learned after the girl got with some other guy that she liked me or thought i was attractive. or maybe just lost interest because she thought i wasn't interested.

 

and i slap myself in the head because i always felt that that girl was to beyond my reach.

 

what's funny is that girls i have no interest in. when they flirt with me its painfully obvious they're into me. i could simply ask the question and they would be down for anything. but that's probably because i have nothing invested.

 

but when i stand to lose out or get rejected i freeze up even if the light is green. because then i start to think well if i pass through the intersection what happens if a car isn't paying attention and tbones me. or what if my car dies in the middle of the intersection. lots of what if scenarios start playing out. and then instead of going through i'll just sit there at the light and wait until it turns red so i don't have to think about it anymore.

 

but by that time some other car went around me. the symbolism is obvious its my fear of the unknown. i can get close to the girl i like. but when it comes time to sign on the dotted line. i clam up and all the sudden i'm not the cool and collected person i thought i was.

Edited January 21, 2013 by chrisftw

[miss_jaclynrae]

Why not just ask?

 

People are so afraid to just TALK now and days.

I would just ask, and then proceed from there.

 

 

 

And the whole age thing doesn't always mean you are worlds apart. I am 22 and my boyfriend is 31. We get along pretty damn well regardless!

[chrisftw]

Why not just ask?

 

People are so afraid to just TALK now and days.

I would just ask, and then proceed from there.

 

 

 

And the whole age thing doesn't always mean you are worlds apart. I am 22 and my boyfriend is 31. We get along pretty damn well regardless!

 

i will when i see her Tuesday. we have class pretty much all day from 7:45am to 5pm.

 

she insisted we schedule together and tried to get all the same classes.

 

i gotta ask. and if she flakes on the date with some BS (and i'll know because i dated a girl with Histrionic personality disorder) then i'll keep things as they are and i will at least know where i stand. i think that alone is peace of mind enough.

[todreaminblue]

This girl is into you, she probably acts frustrated and withdrawn because you aren't moving.......counter offers, missed texts....all in the past....step forward.....ask her out......

 

 

 

 

there's risks with most things in life....are you going to take that chance with the hope the risk will pay off, or ,avoid it because of what might not happen.......seems an easy choice....if you set a date and she is busy, on the spot, set another one.......

 

 

 

if I am interested in a guy i have no wish to talk about other guys with that guy......its crass......if they ask I will answer but i will change the subject fairly quickly.....insecurities develop from discussing other men with men you like....i don't do it unless it is the previous relationship talk or i am specifically asked in passign conversation..i don't want to talk about guys with someone i am interested in i would rather talk about him, get to know him, so she has given you in my opinion,heaps of signs....

 

 

 

the family(she has discussed you with her family hence the cheesy grins and interest shown to you)...disinterest about talking about other men, dressing to please you, make up the whole nine yards..she is withdrawn and frustrated because the ball is in your court....forget the missed texts and the missed counter offer she could have had an attack of the shys....move it or lose it, its your turn........best wishes....deb

[Cutiepie1976]

...

 

she insisted we schedule together and tried to get all the same classes...

 

Are you freaking kidding me?!?

 

Not sure? You have blood dripping from the bludgeoning she's given you!

[chrisftw]

just thought i'd update. i called her today we spoke light on how we needed to get motivated and start working now because a lot of our homework is due tomorrow. asked her what she did for the weekend as well and she said she's just been working and sleeping. (which is a total lie because her instagram is chalk full of her partying like a rockstar) she ALWAYS plays that down like she just sits at home and is a good girl even though i know she loves to party hard.

 

that opened up the flood gates she's been calling me all day. its like when i called her that clicks in her brain ok the move has been made i can now call without feeling 'weird' a few times she called she opened up with a school related question and then she transitioned it to a regular conversation. Total calls from me 1. calls from her 8.

 

i keep the conversations short but i can tell she enjoys them. because one conversation when we comfortably moved from school talk. which is usually how we break the ice with each other. she was laying on her bed talking to me.

 

then i said i was thinking you and i should motivate each other to do homework. she's like how are we going to do that. (could tell she was smiling) i said i'll come over and we'll do our work together. and she literally jumped at the prospect. but then i pulled away (on purpose) BUT the weather is pretty bad so maybe another time. (i know, head games.. but girls like her get everything so why not make it more of a challenge) and i was like plus i don't want to be at your house all night long i got things to do. she's like "such as.. " i'm like "hmm.. well i'm almost done with breaking bad season 4 plus i may go out tonight for some drinks" she laughed and she's like "so breaking bad is better than getting your work done" (i knew that 'work done' meant hanging out with me)

 

i can tell she enjoys our conversation and i do as well. i'm pretty sure she'll be game to go out on friday to the art exhibit. or maybe she wont. i dunno.

 

although after the back and forward on this forum. her intrest is becoming more apparent to me. but then again i could be in the friendzone.. and i damn sure don't want to be there lol.

Edited January 21, 2013 by chrisftw

[chrisftw]

instead of starting a new thread i just want to keep updating this if any new development springs up of note.

 

regardless i haven't made much headway with her. i said i was gonna ask her out to an art exhibit. never happend. really the big auto shut down for me was when i peaked over at her phone she was reading a text. i don't know what it said. but i noticed that the person had sent practiclly a novel to her.

 

and she has yet to respond to any of the text. but the look on her face was a mixed emotional bag. but overall mood was irritated and tense.

 

i made the joke "WOW.. looks like somebody sent you the first few pages of their novel. anything good in there?"

 

she smiled at me and laughed and then went "yeah who do you think it is?!"

 

i already knew it was her ex. and i can tell he still affects her. but obviously if she wanted him she would be with him.

 

personally i don't think i can mentally break it down that her ex hits her up that much. that amount of emotional head fu*king does not bode well for long term anything.. not sure where i want to take this right now.. i may just go NC on her. and keep it less than 'friends' (to avoid getting friendzoned) for a short time.

 

however i did ask her if she wanted to get together at school to get some work done. she was all about it. asked me what time etc. i told her a time. she flaked on it though immediately saying she was working probably until after the lab closed. again no counter offer. rather she said but i'll be here monday.

 

i feel i should move on to a better prospect but when i do. and they come up to me in the hallway and she's with me. she just gives them the meanest looks and then they give me this "oooook" look and say "talk to you later" and i'm shut out like a brink safe.

 

and you'll probably say well then don't be with her in the hallway then. but the thing is once she sees me. its like a magnent. she's right by my side. not that i don't like it. but yeah. i'm being difficult aren't I? lol.

Edited January 26, 2013 by chrisftw