Married man and married woman

[l3ssonl3arn3d]

It’s been a little over two weeks and I still find myself thinking of him often, in almost all that I do (learning to retrain my thoughts and habits). I miss him. Two and a half months of my time, CONSUMED by thoughts of him, when we weren’t having conversation, or together. Doesn’t seem like very long, right? Well, there is the addiction.

 

My MM’s wife left him. He said she wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t want to be with him anymore. They married young and been together for fifteen years. I had been with my husband for twelve years when we met. We met a few weeks later on a dating website. We chatted for almost two weeks before meeting in person. He and his wife were in the process of finalizing their separation agreement, which had progressed quickly. I had all but filed for divorce from my husband. We were living apart for over a year and hadn’t been intimate for five months when I met MM. Within weeks I had new incentive to finally file for divorce, with some pressure from my MM, if I wanted to continue the relationship. It was what I wanted anyway, right?

 

We (MM and me) had so much in common; music, food, and career interests, just to name a few. We laughed a lot, sex was amazing, and we truly enjoyed each other’s company. We had good conversation. We chatted and texted often. Well, often is an understatement. We were habitually in constant contact electronically, when we weren’t talking on the phone or with one another. Morning, noon, and night, actually. We lived almost an hour apart, both had young children, and jobs in different cities. But, we still managed to be a very big part of each other’s lives, sharing the entirety of our days and nights with one another, from a distance.

 

I loved every minute of the time I had with him. I didn’t think someone like him existed. He was sweet, thoughtful, considerate, and very intelligent. I respected him for his accomplishments, and admired the man he was to me. He was romantic and he felt perfect for me. Everything WAS perfect with him. I thought he was my soul mate. I realize now we were both vulnerable and heartbroken, not to mention BLIND. Love is definitely blind. He started telling me he loved me within two months. I was hesitant, but started doing the same.

 

Things were perfect for a few weeks. Then, my husband was trying to win me back, after learning of the OM. He (my husband) was a changed man, and continues to be. Within weeks of my MM’s wife learning of me, she was also trying to win back her husband. Apparently she was a changed woman as well, and now appreciated all her husband had to offer. I’m sure she had regrets, taking him for granted, now that she’s losing everything he provided. He seemed to be a good father, husband and provider, after all.

 

I won’t get into details, but it wasn’t long before we ended things for good. Two marriages, three kids each, range from 1 to 13 years old. We talked briefly and texted into the night. He was going back to his wife and I was going back to my husband. I wished them the best. He did the same. Honestly, I don’t think he cared about my happiness anymore once he realized he could have his family back. Although, he didn’t care that he was about to help destroy my family. He said many meaningful things to me, and even talked ‘long term relationship planning’ on numerous occasions.

 

 

I went through some hurt, anger and then understanding. I still find myself trying to make sense of everything that happened. I focus on the ‘negatives’ to help me move past this short lived affair. It’s a process I’ve educated myself on in an effort to help me through the withdrawal symptoms I’ve been experiencing. I often wonder if he experiences/experienced the same withdrawal symptoms, or if he even thinks about me at all. I’d assume so, only he is on anti-depressants. I’m not sure if that helps him cope with this situation or not. I’d like to think he had genuine feelings for me, but I still wonder.

 

We served a purpose for one another. We helped each other through a very difficult time in each other’s lives. We had a wonderful experience. I loved everything about him, he loved everything about me. We made each other very happy. We had just enough time to fall in love and not see the negatives plainly or clearly yet. It wasn’t until we ended things that I started putting things into perspective. It was then that I started educating myself on the ‘altered chemical state’ of new relationships, ‘addictions’ in affairs, and ‘affair withdraw’ symptoms. Who knew?

 

 

Now I’m working on restoring my marriage. I’m fortunate to have someone who loves me as much as my husband does. Someone with enough character to stand by my side after what I did to hurt him. Lesson learned.

Edited January 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BetrayedH]

Agreed. Keep educating yourself. And quit romanticizing the affair; it was a fantasy, after all and it would be foolish to let it impact your real relationship. But you're smart enough to know that already.