Saphira Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Hello everyone! It has been awhile since i have posted! If anyone remembers me or the past things i have posted then you know that over the past year i had been sleeping with and older married man. (I am 21, he is 48). I always secretly had feelings for him but kept them to myself due to the fact that he was married (but separated) and i thought he wouldnt feel the same way (since we had agreed on being just F-Buddies) We took a break when i started dating someone. the relationship ended after 5 months in late december. Me and the older married man live next door to each other and became friends. (although there was always that chemistry) after my break up me and the neighbor began getting intimate again. But it was different this time. he is now divorced and was more emotional with me as well as physical. We would plan more nights of movies and cuddles, and me cooking dinner, and actual sleep overs then just being F-Buddies. so today i finally asked him how i make him feel. and he said "YOU GIVE ME THE GREATEST FEELING IN THE WORLD! you make me feel free and amazing and i have never been able to let someone in the way you have." (and i have known this man for years and i have seen the difference! bam, i thought that was it, now i new he had feelings for me and i had feelings for him, everything could be good and out in the open. but i was wrong. even though we both have those strong feelings for each other he has a real problem with getting serious with me because of my age. (he has two daughters older then me...) We saw each other today and nothing was weird. we have a great and very comfortable relationship with each other so there was no awkwardness. I just wish he could look past the age thing. If we both feel the same way what is the probelm? how should i go about handling this or maybe bringing up another conversation on the subject? any advice would be great!
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Does your family and your friends know about him yet? I remember your threads from a while ago.. Go read them,,,,My advice hasn't changed. What about his kids? They are older than you... Do they know? And, how's the divorce coming along? Has that happened yet? He's not comfortable with the age difference and that's not going to change.
SoleMate Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Saphira, you deserve much better than crumbs from a MM. Go read some posts from OW who just got thrown under the bus. It's heartbreaking.
OpenBook Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Um, guys, she said "he is now divorced" in the 3rd paragraph of the OP. I would tread carefully with this guy Saphira. When a man is head over heels for you, he doesn't put up the "Slow Down" signs like this guy is doing. He's not fully into it, he's holding himself back. You should too, definitely! I'm glad to see you are open to dating other people, I think that's the ticket.
Author Saphira Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Does your family and your friends know about him yet? I remember your threads from a while ago.. Go read them,,,,My advice hasn't changed. What about his kids? They are older than you... Do they know? And, how's the divorce coming along? Has that happened yet? He's not comfortable with the age difference and that's not going to change. some of my family knows. but i have never told the ones who would have the big problem with it (my dad!) yes he has two daughters in there 30's and a 15 year old son. no his kids do not know about me. some of his close friends do. i just dont get that. if he is not comfortable with my age then he would not be comfortable doing the things he is doing.
Author Saphira Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Um, guys, she said "he is now divorced" in the 3rd paragraph of the OP. I would tread carefully with this guy Saphira. When a man is head over heels for you, he doesn't put up the "Slow Down" signs like this guy is doing. He's not fully into it, he's holding himself back. You should too, definitely! I'm glad to see you are open to dating other people, I think that's the ticket. Thank you. yeas i am trying to be careful. and i am open to dating because i dont want to miss out on something chasing for something i most likely wont get. Actually the reason why i decided to have the big conversation with him is because i met a guy, we had one date and i just wanted to clear the air with the neighbor and see where it was going before i start things with the guy i just met. I see know that it just wont happen, i am happy i said something and got it out in the open and i can just deal with moving on and trying something new with other people. I guess i was just hoping for something more
Author Saphira Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 If he have the courage to cheat on his wive separated or not what does that say about his values towards relationships and woman If you remember me saying that when we started sleeping together they were separated and living in two different homes. It was not like your literal affair. And the reason his wife left him had nothing to do with anything like that (remember i also said i have known them for years before we started the F-buddie relationship)
OpenBook Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I guess i was just hoping for something more I hear you, been there more times than I care to count. And I've learned with each painful experience that it's never a good idea to try to force things with a guy who isn't into it 100%. You'll never convince him by trying. The best thing to do is BRISKLY move along with your own life. Every once in awhile they later realize what they've lost and they come back around again... but this only happens after you've really and truly let him go... and (I repeat) only once in awhile. Either way, you're better off moving on.
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) If you remember me saying that when we started sleeping together they were separated and living in two different homes. It was not like your literal affair. And the reason his wife left him had nothing to do with anything like that (remember i also said i have known them for years before we started the F-buddie relationship) Please correct me if I'm wrong, but this guy continued to sleep with you even after he reconciled with his wife. He slunk around and slithered all over you while his wife was at work and under the impression that he was working on their marriage. That says more about his character and whether he is someone worth dating than whether he was separated when you two first got together, how long he'd been your parents' friend, or whether he is now divorced. some of my family knows. but i have never told the ones who would have the big problem with it (my dad!) yes he has two daughters in there 30's and a 15 year old son. no his kids do not know about me. some of his close friends do. It's your mom in the picture? Does she know the full story? If so, what did she have to say about all of this? i just dont get that. if he is not comfortable with my age then he would not be comfortable doing the things he is doing. Thieves aren't comfortable getting caught in the act either. Just because they steal, doesn't mean they don't understand that what they are doing is wrong. Doesn't stop them from attempting to rationalize what they do anyway. This guy wants to bang his friend's daughter who is a decade younger than his own. Do you honestly believe he told his wife during their reconciliation that he was banging the neighbor's cute-as-a-button kid while she was at work? You were never relationship material for this guy, and you never will be. Sorry. For many guys, the criteria to have sex are much lower than the criteria for a relationship-worthy woman. Heck, for many, you don't even have to be physically attractive, hence such terms as "double bagger" and other even more derogatory terms than that. All you need to be is sexually available! You strike me as a smart, intelligent (albeit very naive) young woman. If you want more, learn to tell the difference. Certainly don't secretly bang the BMOC on demand behind his girlfriend's back then wonder why he won't actually date you when they finally break up. There is a laundry list of reasons why this doesn't turn out as you may have hoped. There are so many flaming red flags about this guy, I barely know where to even begin. Suffice it to say, you need to do a much better job of picking guys. I don't mean to be hurtful, but if you genuinely cannot see how this guy was bad news in every possible way, you're setting yourself up to be one of those women who attracts nothing but crap men who use and abuse her for their own needs before dumping her. Don't go there. It's not pretty to watch. I imagine it's even less pleasant to live through. It certainly wreaks havoc on the self-esteem of women who take the path of chasing after these types down dead-end paths. Learn to recognize who is a decent guy worth your time and who is a selfish a-hole, not worthy of a second of your time. I read your other thread. This guy is an indisputable a-hole. No sensible, self-respecting woman in your position would want to have a relationship with him, let alone attempt one. Then or now. Why were you hoping for bread crumbs from him? You deserve so much more! Please learn to value yourself. Edited January 19, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Author Saphira Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Cutiepie1976 - I dont think you were being hurtful at all. just telling me what i need to hear. hence me posting for advice. I am much better then that and i have decided to stop all the sexual contact as well, (already had the conversation) I am starting to focus on me and people more my age, and standards. I have even set up a date with the guy i was talking about for tonight. I have realized there is no need in wasting my time for someone who does not want me. I dont need anyone who doesnt want me. Thank you all for taking the time to talk to me!
imtooconfused Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Saphira... I am going to add my two cents and say that my feeling is that this guy was not interested in any kind of relationship, no matter the age difference. He wanted to maintain the FWB and not let it go farther, so he picked age as the excuse, something he knew you could not ever change. My advice is that if you are truly interested in older men, don't let one bad experience scare you away completely.
Author Saphira Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 Saphira... I am going to add my two cents and say that my feeling is that this guy was not interested in any kind of relationship, no matter the age difference. He wanted to maintain the FWB and not let it go farther, so he picked age as the excuse, something he knew you could not ever change. My advice is that if you are truly interested in older men, don't let one bad experience scare you away completely. Yes i have begun to realize this. and we had a discussion on it. i have spent a few days focusing on myself and what i want and i have actually met a guy, around my age, but i am excited to see where it goes. im happy and actually have a relief from not being the "hidden woman" for a change
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 He was a learning experience. If someone has to hide you, or you him, there's something wrong about the relationship. You're a sensible, thoughtful, intelligent girl. You'll do fine as your guy picker improves.
stillafool Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 OP you should ask this guy "why I am old enough to have sex with you but not old enough to be in a relationship with you?" He didn't care that you were younger than his own daughters when he wanted to get in your panties. Why are you two hiding each other from your friends and relatives?
Author Saphira Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 OP you should ask this guy "why I am old enough to have sex with you but not old enough to be in a relationship with you?" He didn't care that you were younger than his own daughters when he wanted to get in your panties. Why are you two hiding each other from your friends and relatives? my friends and reletives know about him except my dad and my dads mother. He thinks of my grams as a mother and he thinks it would hurt her too bad if she were to ever find out. so he made me promise not to tell her. everyone else knows as far as my people. His close friends know of me but thats about it on his end
aaaa Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 what a sad sad story. he is 27years older than you and you think he got feelings for you? ahahahahahahahahahaha http://hotnerdgirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/picard-facepalm.jpg you are nothing more than a spring chicken for him, a good f**k, a trophy b*tch to brag his friends about. almost underaged really. damn, wish i'd get a piece of a 21yo chick when im 48. when he's 70 you'll be only 43. what a waste of life. i bet you got low self esteem. that's why you think he's into you (for romantic reasons) and why you give yourself to him. wake up girl. jesus christ lol.
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