FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Yes I know bad idea! I was shaking all over. My heart was beating so fast I almost passed out. I don't know what made me do it. I was scared and speechless. He was tired cause it was early morning. I know.... Don't analyze what he said. He told me it was ok to call him, he was waiting for me to call...didnt know when I was ready to talk. he said something like the future is going to he the way he wants it... ? Yeah without me. He said he didn't know his friend called me either. but he found out afterwards. Told me that he tries to make himself seem ok but he has a hard time sleeping at night. I know it would probably be better if we were friends. But I can't do it yet. He asked me how long I needed. I couldn't tell him. I asked him if he would give me some closure and he said when I slapped him it influenced him choosing to leave. I felt his pain at that time as well. But literally it wasnt hard. But it was physical abuse I need anger management. I feel better to have heard his voice now. But I know I'll die in pain after. His voice it's just the most soothing voice ever. It just makes everything better Someone slap me out of my misery and dreamland. Somehow I still hope for his return in the future. The future he wants isnt with me. Yet I hope it is. Slap me back to reality that his gone. His hearts not with me anymore. And it will soon be with someone else when he is able to pick himself up and move on. I keep thinking. What if I finish uni in six month and find a job where he is. Argh useless thoughts. SOrry About my rambling hope you guys having a better day than I am.
jovan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Well there is only 1 good thing about this. You can't feel worse then this. Every day after this one will feel better. So that's 100% of success Stay strong and gl
MyAngel Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 It would have been so hard to call him. Hopefully this is the validation you need that he's happy with his life now. I'm sorry.
cavalier99 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Sorry your in pain. Not much to say except it does get better if you stay NC 100%.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Yeah is actually feel better ATM. It won't be long till I'm miserable. It's nice to know I'm not the only insane one! I was expecting him not to pick up and completely reject me or tell a me. It's nice to know his happy. Even though at times I wish he was miserable. He did say he wouldn't say his happy. I think that's just his way of sparing my feelings. Well I have no feelings left to spare. After getting squashed for the 100th time.
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