Seductive Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I wish okcupid had the option of not answering your orientation, but I feel like I'm a liar if I put straight. If I put bisexual, will some of the men on there might take it the wrong way? I've heard comments from others that bi women seem easy or are just a way to get a three-some. I'm looking for a serious relationship. Should I put straight on my profile, and then reveal being bisexual once I get to know them and trust them?
jlindemann Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I wouldn't put bi-sexual, only because you're looking for a man, not a woman. you'll get a bunch of creeps that are just interested in seeing if they can get a threesome. You can eventually reveal that you're bi, because you dont want to keep secrets. But either way, if you're in a serious relationship with a man, being bi doesn't really have anything to do with that...because you're not looking to be with a woman. 3
Author Seductive Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I wouldn't put bi-sexual, only because you're looking for a man, not a woman. you'll get a bunch of creeps that are just interested in seeing if they can get a threesome. You can eventually reveal that you're bi, because you dont want to keep secrets. But either way, if you're in a serious relationship with a man, being bi doesn't really have anything to do with that...because you're not looking to be with a woman. That's my fear. Attracting creeps. I tried the same sex dating section on okcupid. It's a flop. My gut says to just put straight for now, since I know I will eventually end up married to a man.
MrCastle Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I don't message bi chicks. My experience with them has always been negative. They're trouble. For me, at least. I'm sure I'm not the only guy.
Imported Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 You should put bi-sexual so guys that have no interest in bi-sexual women don't waste time with you in their pursuit of a real relationship.
sweetkiwi Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 You should delete your account. Unless of course you're interested in wasting time and energy on OLD. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I am a bisexual biologically male transgender. I live a good deal of my life as a woman or more in between the genders. First off let me assure you it's not just bisexual women that get creepy emails in online dating and it's not just guys that send them either. The most common email I got was from couples looking for a third person. People fetishize folks like us. Sex with a bisexual male or female or male-to-female or female-to-male is thought of not as an act of love but as a kink by most people. That is a fact of this life we just have to accept. Being seen as sexual object, at least until people get to know us in more depth. Just put the disclaimer in your ad that you are not looking to be part of a threesome. Then filter out the flotsome. In fact, I think it's best in online dating to be as honest and upfront as possible in your profile text and pictures. Your trying to get people to date you, and not a fiction. 1
Andy_K Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I don't message bi chicks. My experience with them has always been negative. They're trouble. For me, at least. I'm sure I'm not the only guy. Funnily enough, I've always found the opposite. The straight girls have often been short tempered, insecure, unreliable, less desiring of sex, or any of a host of other issues, whilst the bisexual ones have been laid back, open, fun, highly sexual, and generally just a whole lot better.
MrCastle Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Funnily enough, I've always found the opposite. The straight girls have often been short tempered, insecure, unreliable, less desiring of sex, or any of a host of other issues, whilst the bisexual ones have been laid back, open, fun, highly sexual, and generally just a whole lot better. They usually are more sexual, but I've also found them more likely to engage in drug use, or are more laxed when it comes to "experimenting", some claim "bi" as a form of attenton getting, lots of personal drama and emotional issues that are partly responsible for them identifying as "bisexual". I don't think I've met a happy, well adjusted person who identified as "bi". Of course those are sweeping generalizations and I'm sure not all those who consider themselves bisexual are like that. Just my personal experience.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 They usually are more sexual, but I've also found them more likely to engage in drug use, or are more laxed when it comes to "experimenting", some claim "bi" as a form of attenton getting, lots of personal drama and emotional issues that are partly responsible for them identifying as "bisexual". I don't think I've met a happy, well adjusted person who identified as "bi". Of course those are sweeping generalizations and I'm sure not all those who consider themselves bisexual are like that. Just my personal experience. Every single one of the things you said are a product of living in a homophobic and biphobic world. Because if their with a woman they deal with plain old homophobia. If their honest about being bi they have to deal with a specific sort of discrimination targeting them. It wears one down, as sure as a steady stream of water can erode a mountain.
MrCastle Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Every single one of the things you said are a product of living in a homophobic and biphobic world. Because if their with a woman they deal with plain old homophobia. If their honest about being bi they have to deal with a specific sort of discrimination targeting them. It wears one down, as sure as a steady stream of water can erode a mountain. I do agree that is part of it. But I think a lot of it has to do with how one is raised, especially when it comes to psycho-sexual situations. A lot of pornstars identify as bisexual, as do a lot of strippers. A lot of these women were also sexually abused as a child, or came from a broken home. I'm not saying everyone who is bi is bi because they are damaged goods, or that you only become bi if you have a messed up childhood. But how you identify your sexuality is partly who you were born to be, and also how sex/sexuality played a role in your upbringing. A lot of bi people are sexually confused. The last girl I met who was bi didn't identify as bi at all. She was dating a woman exclusively and wouldn't claim lesbian, wouldn't claim bisexuality, all she would say was that she was "experimenting" and that she'd more than likely settle down with a man. She's confused. But like you said, the fact she wouldn't commit to the bi label is probably out of fear for how she'd be perceived.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I do agree that is part of it. But I think a lot of it has to do with how one is raised, especially when it comes to psycho-sexual situations. A lot of pornstars identify as bisexual, as do a lot of strippers. A lot of these women were also sexually abused as a child, or came from a broken home. I'm not saying everyone who is bi is bi because they are damaged goods, or that you only become bi if you have a messed up childhood. But how you identify your sexuality is partly who you were born to be, and also how sex/sexuality played a role in your upbringing. A lot of bi people are sexually confused. The last girl I met who was bi didn't identify as bi at all. She was dating a woman exclusively and wouldn't claim lesbian, wouldn't claim bisexuality, all she would say was that she was "experimenting" and that she'd more than likely settle down with a man. She's confused. But like you said, the fact she wouldn't commit to the bi label is probably out of fear for how she'd be perceived. That's just the thing. Bisexual people confuse you, they themselves aren't confused. We know just who we are, the rest of the world can't handle that, and so comes the old chestnut that "bisexual/homosexual/transgender people are just confused". Hearing that again and again wears one down. It can make one crazy.
MrCastle Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 That's just the thing. Bisexual people confuse you, they themselves aren't confused. We know just who we are, the rest of the world can't handle that, and so comes the old chestnut that "bisexual/homosexual/transgender people are just confused". Hearing that again and again wears one down. It can make one crazy. Interesting. See, as an admitted outsider, I've always seen it as, usually you are going to swing one way or the other. It's rare to see perfectly adjusted adults feel content with dating both genders. Like I said, a lot of is done in the "experimental" young person phase, or maybe some have suffered a lot of failed relationships with one gender, so they think maybe they were meant to be with the other. There was a guy on here a few months ago who was a virgin, and frustrated with lack of intimacy with women, so he set up a casual encounter with an older man just to feel a sense of being wanted. He, in my opinion, was confused sexually. For him to identify as straight and then decide to have a sexual encounter with a man out frustration is difficult to understand. I know I'm straight. Even in my dryspells, I've never once thought of hooking up with a man to satisfy my intimate needs. I'm getting off track here--bottom line, it's just been my personal experience that people who identify as bisexual are sexually confused, or they have some personality issues stemming from childhood that they have not yet resolved. Again, I want to be careful with the language because I'm not saying all bisexuals are like this. You may very well be a well adjusted person who had a normal upbringing that just happens to be attracted to both sexes equally. 1
kaylan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Its better not to lie OP. Im the case of myself and my friends, we only search for straight women. If you hoodwinked us, we would be upset. 1
kaylan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I wouldn't put bi-sexual, only because you're looking for a man, not a woman. you'll get a bunch of creeps that are just interested in seeing if they can get a threesome. You can eventually reveal that you're bi, because you dont want to keep secrets. But either way, if you're in a serious relationship with a man, being bi doesn't really have anything to do with that...because you're not looking to be with a woman. Lying? Really? Why do women think its ok to lie about this? Ive noticed a number of women on OLD who lie about their orientation or at least arent full truthful about it. They will list themselves as straight and then you find out through their profile or match questions that they are interested in hooking up with chicks, or have in the past. Women wouldnt dare want a man to be like that and hide his orientation...and theyd call him gay even if he was bi or if he was straight and experimented in the past. So I have no idea why many women think most guys are super ok with all that and would give them a pass. I don't message bi chicks. My experience with them has always been negative. They're trouble. For me, at least. I'm sure I'm not the only guy. Its not only that. I have met a number of bi women who seemed confused about what they wanted in sex and love...and Ive seen a lot of drama that makes me not want them as serious dating candidates. But my main reason for wanting mainly straight girls, is that straight women seem more feminine to me. Wanting and desiring only men seems more feminine to me. I dunno why, but two women getting it on doesnt turn me on or anything. It actually turns me off half the time. I want a woman who loves d*ck.,...the same way most women want a man who strictly loves puzzy. 1
kaylan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I am a bisexual biologically male transgender. I live a good deal of my life as a woman or more in between the genders. First off let me assure you it's not just bisexual women that get creepy emails in online dating and it's not just guys that send them either. The most common email I got was from couples looking for a third person. People fetishize folks like us. Sex with a bisexual male or female or male-to-female or female-to-male is thought of not as an act of love but as a kink by most people. That is a fact of this life we just have to accept. Being seen as sexual object, at least until people get to know us in more depth. Just put the disclaimer in your ad that you are not looking to be part of a threesome. Then filter out the flotsome. In fact, I think it's best in online dating to be as honest and upfront as possible in your profile text and pictures. Your trying to get people to date you, and not a fiction. A lot of bisexual women do it to themselves though. They ruin it for the entire group. My life experiences as well as forums like shybi.com reinforce that thought. A lot of bisexual women seem to want both men and women, and many dont seem to deal with monogamy well. I mean it must be hard to ignore part of your sexuality and not have it be fulfilled. Never mind the fact that almost every lesbian I have known has dealt with the drama of a bisexual girl bailing on them for a man. And Ive heard too many women outright say theyll use women for sex, and then settle down with a man. Hell...plenty of the women on that shybi forum celebrate that behavior...yet men are constantly denigrated for using women for sex.If you want a lot of attention and weird messages then yes. If you are only seeking men and want to be monogamous then just put straight. If you are only seeking women and want to be monogamous then just put homosexual. The question is, would people give this same advice to a bisexual male? I feel people need to be honest right away about this stuff. If not in the profile, then on the initial messages or first date. Its selfish to have someone get feelings for you and then spring something on them that they may not like.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 What I have seen heard and experienced as a bisexual contradicts this. Allot of straight people think bisexuals want men and women at the same time and not one at a time. Allot of straight couples want a bisexual as a third party for their sex life. etc. Some bi people give into the above rather than denying themselves sex altogether. A lot of bisexual women do it to themselves though. They ruin it for the entire group. My life experiences as well as forums like shybi.com reinforce that thought. A lot of bisexual women seem to want both men and women, and many dont seem to deal with monogamy well. I mean it must be hard to ignore part of your sexuality and not have it be fulfilled. Never mind the fact that almost every lesbian I have known has dealt with the drama of a bisexual girl bailing on them for a man. And Ive heard too many women outright say theyll use women for sex, and then settle down with a man. Hell...plenty of the women on that shybi forum celebrate that behavior...yet men are constantly denigrated for using women for sex. The question is, would people give this same advice to a bisexual male? I feel people need to be honest right away about this stuff. If not in the profile, then on the initial messages or first date. Its selfish to have someone get feelings for you and then spring something on them that they may not like.
kaylan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Well I need to meet the bisexuals you have met. Because in my life time many have hopped around quite a bit, and broken the hearts of some lesbians I know. All bi chicks shouldnt pay for the sins of a few, but theres a reason why so many in the lesbian community are stand offish from them.
Author Seductive Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Let me clarify -OLD is definitely filled with a lot of time-wasters, but I figured it could just be an ADDITIONAL resource. I know one woman that was lucky enough to meet her fiance on okcupid. So far, I've been getting weird messages, but you also never know if that one person out there clicks. While I understand the idea of being truthful, it's probably best to be discreet with strangers and then reveal your soul once you're established trust. On a first date, do you think it's appropriate to tell someone your kinky sexual preferences or your childhood trauma? Probably not. Keeping those details private certainly doesn't mean you're lying. You're just making sure if the person is worth telling. At this moment, I don't think it's a good idea to go around advertising that I'm attracted to both men and women.
Blebly Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 IF you are trully looking for something serious , put yourself as straight and somewhere down the line(when you've been in the new relationship for 1+ years , tell him you THINK you're bi)
kaylan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) PS - I wouldnt call a couple a "straight couple" if they want threesomes. Generally at least one of the people in the couple is bi, and that plays into what I said in my previous post. In those couples however, its usually half and half about who wants the threesome...sometimes its the bisexual partner, and sometimes its the partner whos pushing their straight partner to experiment (really common with straight guys pressuring their gfs to "experiment")Let me clarify -OLD is definitely filled with a lot of time-wasters, but I figured it could just be an ADDITIONAL resource. I know one woman that was lucky enough to meet her fiance on okcupid. So far, I've been getting weird messages, but you also never know if that one person out there clicks. While I understand the idea of being truthful, it's probably best to be discreet with strangers and then reveal your soul once you're established trust. On a first date, do you think it's appropriate to tell someone your kinky sexual preferences or your childhood trauma? Probably not. Keeping those details private certainly doesn't mean you're lying. You're just making sure if the person is worth telling. At this moment, I don't think it's a good idea to go around advertising that I'm attracted to both men and women. Id say be honest OP, but be VERY stern and serious about the messages you do not wish to receive. Many women receive weird messages...be they straight or bi. Thats just how OLD is since dudes can be idiots. And yes, orientation needs to be known on a first date. What kind of question is that? Someones orientation can impact whether a relationship moves forward. Why lie and waste someones time? And yes, omitting important facts is the same as lying. Despite preferring straight women, Ive been known to give really exception bisexual women a chance. But I always knew they were bi upfront. If they lied or omitted that info to me, only to tell me dates and weeks later...Id be gone in a heartbeat. I dont have ANY patience for anything close to a lie Edited January 18, 2013 by kaylan
nessaaa Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I would put straight. And then reveal to whoever that im bi sexual as we get to know eachother. People judge too much, esp bi sexuals. 1
Author Seductive Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 PS - I wouldnt call a couple a "straight couple" if they want threesomes. Generally at least one of the people in the couple is bi, and that plays into what I said in my previous post. In those couples however, its usually half and half about who wants the threesome...sometimes its the bisexual partner, and sometimes its the partner whos pushing their straight partner to experiment (really common with straight guys pressuring their gfs to "experiment") Id say be honest OP, but be VERY stern and serious about the messages you do not wish to receive. Many women receive weird messages...be they straight or bi. Thats just how OLD is since dudes can be idiots. And yes, orientation needs to be known on a first date. What kind of question is that? Someones orientation can impact whether a relationship moves forward. Why lie and waste someones time? And yes, omitting important facts is the same as lying. Despite preferring straight women, Ive been known to give really exception bisexual women a chance. But I always knew they were bi upfront. If they lied or omitted that info to me, only to tell me dates and weeks later...Id be gone in a heartbeat. I dont have ANY patience for anything close to a lie Nobody has asked me about my orientation on a first date. Many women have stated that they don't want couples messaging them, but couples still do.
kaylan Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I would put straight. And then reveal to whoever that im bi sexual as we get to know eachother. People judge too much, esp bi sexuals. So would you ladies be ok with a guy doing the same? Would you bi chicks even date bi guys? Ive asked many bi chicks this question, and the vast majority of them hold a double standard against bi men and say they want to "date men who are men"(aka straight men). Talk about hypocrisy. I just dont get why women think its ok to lie about their orientation when I know for a fact none of them would like it if a guy did it to them.Nobody has asked me about my orientation on a first date. Many women have stated that they don't want couples messaging them, but couples still do. Why should they ask? They expect you profile not to be riddled with lies. And who cares about who messages them. Women put a number of preferences about who messages them in their profile, yet men still ignore it. Doesnt mean you need to lie and lead on decent guys.
Author Seductive Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 So would you ladies be ok with a guy doing the same? Would you bi chicks even date bi guys? Ive asked many bi chicks this question, and the vast majority of them hold a double standard against bi men and say they want to "date men who are men"(aka straight men). Talk about hypocrisy. I just dont get why women think its ok to lie about their orientation when I know for a fact none of them would like it if a guy did it to them. I have wondered if a bi man would be ideal for me. A bisexual man may have crossover sexual tastes (likes things that a lot of straight guys don't like) that match my sexual preferences. Coming from a culture where it's taboo to be homosexual or bisexual, I can totally understand why someone would hide it. I wouldn't shame someone for being discreet about their sexual orientation. I think it's an American idea to be blunt and honest about everything (Yes, I'm going to get in trouble with that comment!).
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