If you really like someone you're dating,can it get u over a recent painful breakup?

[aliceb1987]

The reason i ask is because i met a great guy on New years eve...went out with a group of people and he was in it.We had a few drinks and it became apparent that he liked me,as i did him.We were the only singletons with a group of 3 couples and were both going to be sleeping on my friends sofa's that night which might have kind of pushed things along abit) He showed no interest in anything sexual,which was a nice change.I kissed him abit then we slept beside each other,and he cuddled me all night.

The next day i wasnt sure how he would feel about me sober,but he quickly added me and messaged me on facebook when he got home from our friends asking me if i wanted to meet up again and for my number.I was really ecstatic,as he finally seemed like the perfect catch who ticked all my boxes...eg: similar interests,good looks,intelligent,caring.Everyone said to me what a decent guy he is.Since having my number,he texted me every day and we met up a couple more times,once with friends and then went on a date to the cinema.I really began to fantisise about a perfect future with him,however hard i tried not to.

 

However... the past week or so he had become kind of distant...his texts abit shorter and the replies slower to come.I am really paranoid about things like that though,and didnt want to read to much into it but then earlier this week i texted him one evening and he didnt text back at all.I was in a right state and i knew deep down that something was going wrong,especially when the next day he texted me seemingly oblivious,and when i asked if he got the message he just said 'yeah sorry for not replying' (no reason given).Then last night i asked him about seeing him tonight (as had been arranged) and he texted back saying he had had a great time at the cinema but didnt think he was ready for anything new just yet (he had split up from his ex a month ago which maybe should have been a warning sign in itself,but i didnt really know the circumstances) I felt pretty devestated,as i was already really into him but acted cool,calm and collected and texted him back saying that i had kind of picked up on something being wrong, and that whilst i was disappointed as i really liked him,i understood and appreciated his honesty.He apologised and said he liked me but explained that his ex had really messed him up and he needed time to recover before moving on.I agreed with this and said i hope we can keep in touch,and he said he would like that (weather he will or not i don't know)

He was first person ive ever met who has actually seemed perfect for me,now i worry he will be the only one as i know that's hard to find.I actually dared to start thinking i had started to break the cycle of relationship let downs,but i guess if something seems too good to be true it usually is right?

 

I am just wondering though,

 

a) if he liked me that much wouldn't it have automatically made him move on just like that?

and b) if there is any way i can stop falling so hard so soon for people...its messing me up!

 

Replies much appreciated,thankyou loveshack saviours!! X

[NateC]

a) No. For some people they need time to heal. It's nothing against you or anything - they're just not in the right mindset for a new relationship yet and don't want to drag you into their coping. It can take a while depending on how long they were together.

 

b) Well, you found someone who you share a lot of chemistry with...so it's natural for that to happen.

 

The best advice I can give is if you really like this guy, take it very slowly with him. If you're still around even after he's kind of hesitant he'll likely come around at some point. Guys hide their emotions *very* well and express them very differently. Most guys I know who've gone through break-ups tend to retreat socially and how he acted with you probably surprised him.

 

Take it day-by-day. If it's too much, just let him go. Otherwise, support is probably what he needs right now.

[Jiggy1975]

Hi, new to this forum, first post, still trying to get the hang of things, but BOY do you remind me of me, at 37 you'd think I'd have an answer to this question, but it seems not, but what I do know is, you can't move on to someone else until you're over your previous relationship, it just doesn't work like that, I'm in that situation at the moment, and while I'm dying to find someone to settle down with, I know I have to get over the last guy before I can move onto the next, so in this situation you really shouldn't take it to heart, this guy obviously liked you and maybe thought he was over his past relationship, but then he realised he wasn't, consider yourself very lucky that he was honest with you and didn't let it go any further. in relation to the b) part of your post, if you find out the answer to that one, could you let me know, I'm still looking to find out the very same thing :) xx

[aliceb1987]

Thanku both for the great replies.He texted me this evening which was very unexpected, asking if i would like to meet up and do something as friends sometime.He said he is not out to mess me about and hopes i dont think he is.

I didn't really know what to say to that,in the end i texted him saying i would like to stay in touch but i dont think i can meet up at at the moment as i have grown pretty strong feelings for him,thinking we were going somewhere, so would probably make things hard for both of us at the moment.Don't know if that was the right thing to do...he hasnt texted back and probably feels abit silly now for suggesting it, plus im concerned in a way that if i dont keep seeing him and talking to him regularly we will drift apart for good.But then if i do keep seeing him and have to keep it to just friends,i worry i will get more hurt.So hard to know what to do?!?

 

Jiggy,i am sorry to hear you are still experiencing feelings like mine at 37,i think i will have gone mad by then if i can't sort it out.But maybe we are just too loving for our own good! Fingers crossed we find answers soon