chndude Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Hi there people I don't know what hit me. I saw this girl at a gym and I got her phone number. We went out on a few dates but most of the action was on texts. We were texting each other about 3-4 hours a day!!! About two weeks ago, she started throwing out some red flags by saying that she can't forget about her ex whom she broke up with 5 years ago. That ex is married and not available and I figured it was the girl just having a bad flashback. I advised her to move on and not to think about him as he had obviously moved on. But ever since then, the communication sort of went downhill. She started saying things like I won't be a good partner to you, because I can't forget him.. It was very weird but I just kept my normal chit chat, because I thought I could eventually pull her out of her lull. I called her at college once, like I have many times, but she didn't answer. What shocked me was the text that came after I called her. It basically said that I should contact her for emergencies only as she is busy. She also said in the same text that "I thought I was clear, we won't work out"/ Now, bear in mind people, this is the girl that about 3-4 days before the above text message told me that she felt she was getting closer to me. Even just the day before sending the above text, I sent her a pic of a cool painting that I had as my phone wallpaper and she said "I thought it was a picture of me :|" After she sent me the above text, my pride was hurt and I didn't text her, like at all. She sent me a text after waiting one day and just said "what happened". I said nothing happened. I saw her at the gym over the next couple of days and acted aloof, as I was still shocked at her text. She texted me about that as well, asking why I was still angry. I said "How can you expect me to be cool when you suddenly tell me to stop contact, like I was harassing you or something". To this, she replied - "Take care My Name, I don't think I need to say anything more". I replied to that with a "Lol - Crazy world we live in!". All dead since then. What just happened??? Just want to make sure, did I do anything wrong here???
puzzled1 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 She seems sane... lol jk I can understand if she had just been broken up with but 5 years?? WTF! 1
Author chndude Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 She seems sane... lol jk I can understand if she had just been broken up with but 5 years?? WTF! My bad. She was in a relationship for 5 years and broke up 2 years ago. I didn't write that properly in the original post. She is a nice person though. Very intelligent but also very emotional. It sucks because I liked her a lot until all this happened.
CptSaveAho Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 She started saying things like I won't be a good partner to you, because I can't forget him.. 1)What just happened??? 2)Just want to make sure, did I do anything wrong here??? 1)She told you what happened. 2)Yes, you didnt "LISTEN" to her. She said she wouldnt be a good partner to you, gave you the reason why. Next time listen
puzzled1 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 My bad. She was in a relationship for 5 years and broke up 2 years ago. I didn't write that properly in the original post. She is a nice person though. Very intelligent but also very emotional. It sucks because I liked her a lot until all this happened. I say just leave her alone for a couple of weeks and see what happens. I just got out of a long term relationship and I was dating this girl I had just met. We started talking alot (I liked it at first because it kept my mind off the ex) but then all of a sudden, I started to feel trapped and couldn't escape the feeling. I told the girl what was on my mind and she agreed but she still was on my case. I then started getting an attitude towards her because she wouldn't get off my nuts. I told her again, and again and again but then I flipped out and broke off whatever the hell we had going on because she was not giving me any room to breathe and I started feeling anxious. So give her room, let her know you are willing to take it slow and easy... 1
Coping Vortex Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Hi there people I don't know what hit me. I saw this girl at a gym and I got her phone number. We went out on a few dates but most of the action was on texts. We were texting each other about 3-4 hours a day!!! About two weeks ago, she started throwing out some red flags by saying that she can't forget about her ex whom she broke up with 5 years ago. That ex is married and not available and I figured it was the girl just having a bad flashback. I advised her to move on and not to think about him as he had obviously moved on. But ever since then, the communication sort of went downhill. She started saying things like I won't be a good partner to you, because I can't forget him.. It was very weird but I just kept my normal chit chat, because I thought I could eventually pull her out of her lull. I called her at college once, like I have many times, but she didn't answer. What shocked me was the text that came after I called her. It basically said that I should contact her for emergencies only as she is busy. She also said in the same text that "I thought I was clear, we won't work out"/ Now, bear in mind people, this is the girl that about 3-4 days before the above text message told me that she felt she was getting closer to me. Even just the day before sending the above text, I sent her a pic of a cool painting that I had as my phone wallpaper and she said "I thought it was a picture of me :|" After she sent me the above text, my pride was hurt and I didn't text her, like at all. She sent me a text after waiting one day and just said "what happened". I said nothing happened. I saw her at the gym over the next couple of days and acted aloof, as I was still shocked at her text. She texted me about that as well, asking why I was still angry. I said "How can you expect me to be cool when you suddenly tell me to stop contact, like I was harassing you or something". To this, she replied - "Take care My Name, I don't think I need to say anything more". I replied to that with a "Lol - Crazy world we live in!". All dead since then. What just happened??? Just want to make sure, did I do anything wrong here??? Coo Coo!!! Coo Coo!!! 1
Author chndude Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 1)She told you what happened. 2)Yes, you didnt "LISTEN" to her. She said she wouldnt be a good partner to you, gave you the reason why. Next time listen Huh....Did you read the rest of the post? I didn't text her after she said I wouldn't be a good partner to you. She texted me later asking "What happened", when I didn't contact her. She was also pissed that I ignored her at the gym after she told me she wouldn't be a good partner. Hello...
mandey Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 If it were me - the ONLY reason why I would act like that is because I heard/noticed something about you that I didn't like. OR, she is starting to get back with her ex (which is not impossible as many people take time to be alone and then group back together with a past love) Especially after 5yrs, they probably both still have slight feelings for each other. All in all, she probably saved you a lot of heartbreak in a few months/years from now if you two were to get together. She already said she wouldn't be a good partner, no good looks/personality are worth someone giving you a disclaimer like that before you were to get into a relationship. You didn't do anything wrong, she sounds crazy for continually texting you even AFTER insulting you like that. Sounds like she's stringing you along, so cut contact and let her realize her mistake that she can't just keep you around until her ex or another guy comes into her life that she'll leave you for. 1
Author chndude Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 If it were me - the ONLY reason why I would act like that is because I heard/noticed something about you that I didn't like. OR, she is starting to get back with her ex (which is not impossible as many people take time to be alone and then group back together with a past love) Especially after 5yrs, they probably both still have slight feelings for each other. All in all, she probably saved you a lot of heartbreak in a few months/years from now if you two were to get together. She already said she wouldn't be a good partner, no good looks/personality are worth someone giving you a disclaimer like that before you were to get into a relationship. You didn't do anything wrong, she sounds crazy for continually texting you even AFTER insulting you like that. Sounds like she's stringing you along, so cut contact and let her realize her mistake that she can't just keep you around until her ex or another guy comes into her life that she'll leave you for. Thank you very much for your wise advice.
Ariella1984 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 About two weeks ago, she started throwing out some red flags by saying that she can't forget about her ex whom she broke up with 5 years ago. That ex is married and not available and I figured it was the girl just having a bad flashback. Though he is unavailable and it seems crazy that she would still be stuck on him after such a long period of time, we have to accept what people tell us. Easier said than done, I know! You know that quote, "when somebody shows you who they are, believe them"? Yeah, she told you she wasn't over her ex, therefore not emotionally available to you. Have to take that for what it is I advised her to move on and not to think about him as he had obviously moved on. Logical advice of course, but again, we can't make people think or feel a certain way. We can't "fix" someone. No matter how awesome you are, SHE has to be the one to pull herself out of this mess. As much as we want to believe that we will help them get over it, we can't. It doesn't work that way After she sent me the above text, my pride was hurt and I didn't text her, like at all. She sent me a text after waiting one day and just said "what happened". Ick! It seems this girl is playing mind games with you, like she wants to make sure you are waiting in the wings. Not fair to you at all! Good for you for not texting her after that horribly rude text she sent prior. You deserve better! I saw her at the gym over the next couple of days and acted aloof, as I was still shocked at her text. She texted me about that as well, asking why I was still angry. I said "How can you expect me to be cool when you suddenly tell me to stop contact, like I was harassing you or something". What just happened??? In my opinion, it seems like she was never available from the start and you were hoping that you could help her through this, be the man to the rescue for the damsel in distress. These situations rarely, if ever, turn out good. The truth is she doesn't seem emotionally or mentally stable, and it would be best to just move on. It hurts to get burned like this, I know, but these types of people are like emotional vampires, just sucking the life out of you, and it is a good thing this was a short lived thing and didn't go on for years. Just want to make sure, did I do anything wrong here??? No, you didn't, other than opening your heart to someone who in turn could not do the same. Please do not think there is anything wrong with you. There is not! It is HER issue that she won't let someone in, it is HER problem to fix. I am so sorry that this happened, you seem like a nice guy, and I hope that you find a nice girl who can in turn offer you just as much as you have to offer her! 1
Author chndude Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 Though he is unavailable and it seems crazy that she would still be stuck on him after such a long period of time, we have to accept what people tell us. Easier said than done, I know! You know that quote, "when somebody shows you who they are, believe them"? Yeah, she told you she wasn't over her ex, therefore not emotionally available to you. Have to take that for what it is Logical advice of course, but again, we can't make people think or feel a certain way. We can't "fix" someone. No matter how awesome you are, SHE has to be the one to pull herself out of this mess. As much as we want to believe that we will help them get over it, we can't. It doesn't work that way Ick! It seems this girl is playing mind games with you, like she wants to make sure you are waiting in the wings. Not fair to you at all! Good for you for not texting her after that horribly rude text she sent prior. You deserve better! I saw her at the gym over the next couple of days and acted aloof, as I was still shocked at her text. She texted me about that as well, asking why I was still angry. I said "How can you expect me to be cool when you suddenly tell me to stop contact, like I was harassing you or something". In my opinion, it seems like she was never available from the start and you were hoping that you could help her through this, be the man to the rescue for the damsel in distress. These situations rarely, if ever, turn out good. The truth is she doesn't seem emotionally or mentally stable, and it would be best to just move on. It hurts to get burned like this, I know, but these types of people are like emotional vampires, just sucking the life out of you, and it is a good thing this was a short lived thing and didn't go on for years. No, you didn't, other than opening your heart to someone who in turn could not do the same. Please do not think there is anything wrong with you. There is not! It is HER issue that she won't let someone in, it is HER problem to fix. I am so sorry that this happened, you seem like a nice guy, and I hope that you find a nice girl who can in turn offer you just as much as you have to offer her! Thank you for your detailed reply. I think I agree with you. She just wants some attention when she is not thinking about her ex and probably expected me to provide that. Actually, I remember an odd comment she made. We were joking around but she was said " I am not desperate to chase people but I want a 100 people after me". I I thought it was a crude joke but it looks like that's what she wants now, after being burned by her ex. It is a pity.
Ariella1984 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Actually, I remember an odd comment she made. We were joking around but she was said " I am not desperate to chase people but I want a 100 people after me". I I thought it was a crude joke but it looks like that's what she wants now, after being burned by her ex. It is a pity. Wow! Narcissistic much? Yeah, seems like there was some truth to that statement! 1
CptSaveAho Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) Huh....Did you read the rest of the post? I didn't text her after she said I wouldn't be a good partner to you. She texted me later asking "What happened", when I didn't contact her. She was also pissed that I ignored her at the gym after she told me she wouldn't be a good partner. Hello... You should have kept ignoring her... instead, you responded to texts and posted about her on a forum... kind of lame if you ask me... hi im not over my breakup and i treat everyone like ****, how about you jump aboard and let me treat you like it too... Edited January 19, 2013 by CptSaveAho
Author chndude Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 You should have kept ignoring her... instead, you responded to texts and posted about her on a forum... kind of lame if you ask me... hi im not over my breakup and i treat everyone like ****, how about you jump aboard and let me treat you like it too... You lost me bro! I texted her back because she is an emotional person. I am not a complete jerk to treat people like objects. When I saw her in the gym, I did wave at her. It is not like I looked at her like a stone or saw through her like she was an invisible person. I just didn't smile or say anything. And your last sentence - "hi im not over my breakup and i treat everyone like ****, how about you jump aboard and let me treat you like it too..." I read it 3-4 times and can't make any sense of it. I am not ruing over this breakup. I honestly just wanted to find out if I did anything wrong. I didn't think it was lame to post on this forum as everything is anonymous. Just wanted to get other people's perspective on the topic..sheesh!
CptSaveAho Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 no offense this is whats lame had a couple dates with a girl shes not over an old ex... game over it's that simple... look at the drama that has been stirred up because you didn't follow this path... she texts you angrily... you come to the internet seeking validation (if you did anything wrong)... its dumb and a waste of time... why because you care about someone you went on a few dates with... you are wasting time... whats in it for you? absolutely nothing but DRAMA and bull ****... so why keep this cherade up? go back to the gym... next her...follow this path (if it doesnt work.. move on instantly... dont play humpty dumpty for days... weeks on end with someone that told you to move on in her own words) 1
Author chndude Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 no offense this is whats lame had a couple dates with a girl shes not over an old ex... game over it's that simple... look at the drama that has been stirred up because you didn't follow this path... she texts you angrily... you come to the internet seeking validation (if you did anything wrong)... its dumb and a waste of time... why because you care about someone you went on a few dates with... you are wasting time... whats in it for you? absolutely nothing but DRAMA and bull ****... so why keep this cherade up? go back to the gym... next her...follow this path (if it doesnt work.. move on instantly... dont play humpty dumpty for days... weeks on end with someone that told you to move on in her own words) Thanks man. It makes sense. I guess I should have dropped the idea of dating her as soon as she started to talk about her ex. I am still going to go to the gym. Not going to change my life for her. What do you mean by this "go back to the gym...next her..follow this path (if it doesn't work) move on instantly" I didn't understand that. The second day I was at the gym, she sort of came and sat next to the area where I was doing shrugs for like three minutes, looking at me many times. I just made eye contact once. Maybe she was pissed about that.. Thanks for your help. It would be nice if you could tell me what this "next her" means.
CptSaveAho Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Next her means... forget about her... find a new girl 1
Author chndude Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 She messages me today saying that she is sorry and that it was entirely her fault. She also said that it is best we stay acquaintances. Ignored both messages.
Mantha03 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Well she seems like a real peice of work. No, you did nothing wrong, matter of fact on her behalf you did everything right. I'm sure your not the first person to tell her to move on. She's a confused individual and she's lonely. She's not over her ex after five years and she's taking her inner chaos out on you. She wants your attention but she doesn't want your affection. When she gets confused and starts thinking about the ex she turns you away but the minute your attention isn't on her she's getting angry in attempt to get it back. Seems like she only wants your company when it's convenient for her. She will yo-yo back and forth if you let her. Good job on not replying to her, it's kinda hard to ignor someone when they make you feel like you may have wronged them. Think of it this way she had no problem insulting you, so don't spare her feelings either. You seem like a decent guy you ought to deserve better. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) I dont think she was being fair and anything that you texted her would have been enough for her to say goodbye, the reason being she was still invested in her ex, one thing i know you don't do, going into any relationship is say I miss my ex.....the minute those words are out of your mouth...its over...if i have feelings for another guy and if I arrange to meet someone else in a chill out hang out activity, i let them know...hey im stuck on someone, if you want to meet as friends thats fine, I clear the air first, it took me years to get over my ex, I sometimes feel that odd memory creep up of the blasts we had together, it was a fifteen year relationship, he is with someone else and i know sometimes he misses me, like i miss the closeness i had in that relationship...i dont miss him cheating on me or treating me like crap though.which is enough and why th erelationship ended in the first place.....im ready for a relationship that doesnt involve me being part of a revolving door of women I want that closeness, i want a guy to feel close to me and vice versa.... i think the girl you are seeing isnt at a stage yet to move on....its a shame she didnt let you know that in the first place.....i wish you all the best....deb Edited January 20, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author chndude Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 I dont think she was being fair and anything that you texted her would have been enough for her to say goodbye, the reason being she was still invested in her ex, one thing i know you don't do, going into any relationship is say I miss my ex.....the minute those words are out of your mouth...its over...if i have feelings for another guy and if I arrange to meet someone else in a chill out hang out activity, i let them know...hey im stuck on someone, if you want to meet as friends thats fine, I clear the air first, it took me years to get over my ex, I sometimes feel that odd memory creep up of the blasts we had together, it was a fifteen year relationship, he is with someone else and i know sometimes he misses me, like i miss the closeness i had in that relationship...i dont miss him cheating on me or treating me like crap though.which is enough and why th erelationship ended in the first place.....im ready for a relationship that doesnt involve me being part of a revolving door of women I want that closeness, i want a guy to feel close to me and vice versa.... i think the girl you are seeing isnt at a stage yet to move on....its a shame she didnt let you know that in the first place.....i wish you all the best....deb Thank you for your perspective. I don't know what it feels like to get over an ex as I have never had that happen to me. I have never been in any serious relationships before. Not because I fool around but because I just didn't meet anyone that I thought was worth getting involved with. It is too bad that I had to pick one who is still not over her ex.
Author chndude Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Hello guys This thread should be dead and buried because I basically stopped trying with this girl. For about two weeks, I just use to acknowledge her presence in the gym. Just hi bye stuff. She always gives me big smiles after all the crap that happened. Today, after two weeks, I asked her if she wanted to have a juice outside the gym, as she walking by. She said she is in a hurry and went home. I get a text later that says We hadn't texted for two weeks, before this conversation. Her: We should be acquaintances Me: Lol, just asked you if you wanted a juice as a friend Her: You don't get it. I think it will be better if we are acquaintances. Me: Fine, won't text you again, because acquaintances don't text Her: Don't bother saying hi Me: I am still a human being with manners. I know you and I will say hi. I don't know why you don't want that. I won't text or ever call Her: Ok, Hi End of Conversation because I didn't know how to text back. Didn't want to either. Lol. I know I shouldn't have asked her if she wanted a juice but I honestly asked as a friend and because I still see her everyday. Her "Hi :)" in the end is so weird. I am starting to think she just enjoys guys chasing her...Damn me. I thought she was sweet and innocent. LOL - Life's lessons!
KatZee Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I don't think she's insane. I think she's emotionally unavailable. Yes, it's been 2 years since the split but it sounds as if this guy was a huge part of her life, it's blatantly clear that she wasn't happy about the split, and now her ex is married and living Mr. Happy Pants Life with his new woman. I can understand why she's not fully moved on, why she hasn't completely let go and why she hasn't found someone to click with since. You were "dating" for like 2 weeks. Honestly, she probably dipped her toes in the water, and wasn't happy with it, so she was honest and has backed out. I wouldn't chase her at all, she's made it clear she's not interested. Don't give her a "time span" to cool off and then contact her. If she's all that interested in coming back, she'll contact you.
Author chndude Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 You were "dating" for like 2 weeks. Honestly, she probably dipped her toes in the water, and wasn't happy with it, so she was honest and has backed out. I wouldn't chase her at all, she's made it clear she's not interested. Don't give her a "time span" to cool off and then contact her. If she's all that interested in coming back, she'll contact you. Hey man. I approached her to get my toes wet too, to see if she might be someone I would be interested in. After just two weeks, she was talking about how she would make it difficult for me to sleep with her, even after marriage, if she was mad at me or something like that. Lol. What kind of a girl says stuff like that and says we should be acquaintances two weeks later. Imo, she is like emotionally scarred or something like that. I think it's good that she broke it off as it would be just misery to be with someone who had extreme thoughts like how she does.
Author chndude Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Moreover, after our first fight, when she told me that we should just be acquaintances, I told her fine. I told her I deleted her number from my phone. Since we use what's app, I requested her to remove my number so we don't see each other at all. She said "I just want time to get over the fight". I gave her a chance to get it over with but she gave me some crap about wanting time. She is not a good person, I don't think. Either that or just super confused. Whatever, I am like so over her now. It just Sucks that I have to see her phony face everyday.
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