Rugsweeping

[Decorative]

Because she's been calling me sk@nk and sl#t, and blaming me for everything (even if she knew full well he lied to me about his marital status) totally removing her WH's contribution in the A. Now she's saying she couldn't care less and wants to get rid of all the "drama" (or all the proof of his infidelities that I sent her) for good.

 

@Alice, we have not met in person but he was already about to fly to see me. And yes, even get married right before I found out the truth so don't even dare attempt to downplay it just because we "have never even met". And who are you calling obsessed when the BW was the pyscho one who keeps on slamming me on her profile?

 

Dude.

 

Block every avenue of electronic communication. Stop. When you go NC, and get through it- you will feel so much better.

 

He could be a troll that lives under a bridge for all you know. He might be even be pretending to be his wife on social media ( that happened recently here in a different forum- you can look and see).

 

You don't know this man. Or his wife. Walk away. Save yourself.

[SidLyon]

Because she's been calling me sk@nk and sl#t, and blaming me for everything (even if she knew full well he lied to me about his marital status) totally removing her WH's contribution in the A. Now she's saying she couldn't care less and wants to get rid of all the "drama" (or all the proof of his infidelities that I sent her) for good.

 

@Alice, we have not met in person but he was already about to fly to see me. And yes, even get married right before I found out the truth so don't even dare attempt to downplay it just because we "have never even met". And who are you calling obsessed when the BW was the pyscho one who keeps on slamming me on her profile?

 

First of all it's highly unlikely she is putting all the blame on you. It's just that you notice the blame she's putting on you, but you're not actually there to see the blame she's almost certainly also heaping on her husband.

 

Secondly from reading your posts you seem to be blaming her an awful lot. Can't you see some irony there?

 

Is this for calling you names? I admit I called the OW in my situation an awful lot of names, but only to my husband and not to her personally or on social media sites. If she really is calling you names it doesn't sound like rugsweeping to me anyway, so it seems incongruous that you would see a continuing "battle" (for want of a better word) between you as rugsweeping, which is usually quite the opposite.

 

Which gets me to my last point in that you must be viewing her profile. I get why you would do this too, but some might see it as you stalking her rather than the other way around.

 

This is a situation where the MM has apparently made his choice, after having treated both women terribly. The woman left behind has little option but to try to move on as best she can.

 

Assuming a couple have decided to reconcile, a MC is unlikely to advise "rugsweeping". But, after confessions have been made by a WH, all secrets (including those of the OW) are out in the open and reasons for infidelity are explored, a MC may well try to encourage the couple to "moving on towards a good future". This is not the same as "rugsweeping" where problems/issues do not get dealt with.

[ComingInHot]

justcantletgo;

I went back and reviewed your thread topics and comments to refresh my memory and get a better picture of where you are today and why.

 

I noticed that all but one of your thread topics are about the BW. The threads also read that your exMM also told you a lot of "stuff" about his Wife. To further your depiction of her she is lashing out at you in her pain & suffering. This just allows you to make the assumption that exMM was telling you the truth.

 

Thing is he may have told you truths, lies and worse truth mixed w/lies. I make this assumption based on the fact that he is Still with Her.

 

I am asking you to consider that it can be normal for the betrayed to lash out at the mistress as well as or instead of their spouse. They don't love you so it's easier to hurt you when they are trying to save their marriage. It's hard to save the marriage after infidelity in the first place and even more so if the betrayed is taking out all their anger on the cheater.

 

Is it right? For me, I think BOTH should receive my anger, but it doesn't do me any good continuously bringing the exOW into my marriage or treating her the way I "feel" she deserves. I just wanted her gone. In your case, the Wife is in a different place than me and is not me.

 

To top it off, You (as your user name reads) are having difficulty letting go by way of peeking in on their life and marriage via the world wide web.

 

The Wife WANTS you too read these thing because she knows being called names is hurtful. And it is my bet that her husband has told her your the stalker type which (if she knows you check or not) is continuing to feed her posting style.

 

So, how do You stop it? You really can't I don't think Make her do anything.

 

But what can You do to not feel the brunt of her pain? I'm w/Decorative. Don't LOOK!! Don't listen!!

 

Do this for yourself, for her, for healing and a bright future.

 

Is this easy? Nope. **

[waterwoman]

So she's saying bad things about you. I understand that you told her and she should appreciate that - but I guess that's hard for her to do right now. She's angry and hurt. Hence she hits out at you. Hard to deal with of course. But words are just words. HE is the one who lied to you. Why are you focussing on her and not him. She is irrelevant to you.

[Spark1111]

Because she's been calling me sk@nk and sl#t, and blaming me for everything (even if she knew full well he lied to me about his marital status) totally removing her WH's contribution in the A. Now she's saying she couldn't care less and wants to get rid of all the "drama" (or all the proof of his infidelities that I sent her) for good.

 

@Alice, we have not met in person but he was already about to fly to see me. And yes, even get married right before I found out the truth so don't even dare attempt to downplay it just because we "have never even met". And who are you calling obsessed when the BW was the pyscho one who keeps on slamming me on her profile?

 

because she can, JCL. You are a non entity, unmet by her spouse, an evil illusion who stood her safe world on it's ear. you are now being blamed for it all....and sorry, if this hurts, but he is certainly allowing it to protect his own azz from the fallout.

 

Is it fair? of course it isn't but I do not think there is much you can do to change it except, ignore, ignore, ignore and in time.....move on.

 

It took courage to tell her and send the emails and for that I applaud you. It was the right thing to do.

 

But yes, she is shooting the messenger and HE is supplying the bullets.

 

Please, for the sake of your sanity, look away from the train wreck.

 

If even ONCE, he said I had feelings for her and I lied to her about being married, no way would she be vivisectionist you on FB.

 

Please place your anger directly where it belongs, on the shoulders of the lying MM who is now throwing you under the bus.

 

I am sorry for your pain.

[2sure]

Some people define cheating differently. To some, one too many conversations is an emotional affair. To others, a ONS is not a deal breaker. In this case, because you and MM did ever meet in person...they just don't see it as a real affair and from there it hasn't been hard for him to discredit you.

 

Youre driving yourself crazy.

[jnel921]

Our MC didn't ask us to stop talking about it. He told my H to deal with my emotions which would be up and down. I was a little more annoyed about reliving this every time we went to counseling. Not because I want to forget but I want us to start over. We cannot have the same marriage or relationship to make this work. So we are putting in the work. My H has really changed. Our M is improving every day.

There is a part of me that is sad and still broken. Time will heal that I am sure. My H finds new ways to show me and tell me how he feels about me and is and it's been great.

Both people have to want this for it to work. I of course wasn't sure in the beginning. But I gave him the opportunity. So far so good. We are building a new relationship which is how it should be.