quite.foolish Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) Constantly talking to her in my head. Constantly thinking about what could/should have been. I see the snow outside and imagine what I should be doing had I not done the most stupid thing in my life. I always want to go talk to her. I come to visit family and on the way see ex-friend's daughter playing in the snow with ex-friend's dad. I still cry often. I still don't see any kind of light. I still can't imagine any girl being more perfect, or doing anything more stupid in my life. I don't know what's going on. I have no idea how to get through this. Everyday is the same as the last.. Get up, start thinking about her and don't stop until I'm asleep. It's screwed my head up. I try reading self help. I try arranging counceling but they can't understand- She rang me this morning basically saying it's not important enough to use a 'proper' councellor. I'm fking wrecked. Ex-friend thinks I'm someone I'm not. I can't force her to listen. I know I'm going to get arrested if I go back there. I know she's not going to reply if I email her. All I want to do is go talk to her. I don't know how to end this. I want to.. End this. I just want to stop thinking about her all the time. I can't fix this. I can't make her my friend again. I know there will never be anyone like her again. I can't create a perfect life now. It can't be done. What's the point? Edited January 18, 2013 by quite.foolish
KathyM Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Distraction is your best option. When your mind continually obsesses about this woman, your best reaction to get past that is to distract yourself with something else. Consciously switch your thinking to something else when you find yourself obsessing about this person. Have a plan of action on what you will do or think about to distract yourself. Go for a jog, put on some motivational message or turn to a motivational book when you find yourself dwelling on her. Consciously make an effort to put her out of your mind through distracting yourself with other things. Turn your negative thoughts into something more productive, or more beneficial to you or to others. You replace a negative with a positive. 1
Author quite.foolish Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Today I'm just thinking.. fk it. What have I got to lose? May aswell go try to talk to her again. I don't really care if I look like an idiot. I don't really care if I get arrested again. I don't really care if I end up in court, with a restraining order, or even in a jail cell. All I care about is talking to her again. This is messed up.
Zammo25 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I know EXACTLY where you are mate. All this well intentioned stuff on here, look after yourself, exercise, go to the Gym, eat well and all this advise does not matter if you are utterly broken and drowning in a sea of Whisky to dull the pain, like I am. It is all good and well but when you are at Rock Bottom this is not possible. Just do what I do. Live life one day at a time, don't set unrealistic goals and just try and SURVIVE. Every day you survive is a fantastic achievement and I am with you. Go to bed, try and sleep and get up the next day and try and do something positive in any small way you can. It is HELL. I know. Send me a message if you want to talk as we are in this together. Zammo.
Zammo25 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Today I'm just thinking.. fk it. What have I got to lose? May aswell go try to talk to her again. I don't really care if I look like an idiot. I don't really care if I get arrested again. I don't really care if I end up in court, with a restraining order, or even in a jail cell. All I care about is talking to her again. This is messed up. She is GONE mate. Like my ex has. Being plowed now by a new guy, well not that new, they are living the dream 6 months on. She really does not care if I live or die now. My final e mails to try and get my stuff back shows this. I mean nothing to her now. She has new memories and a new love now so I am a minor inconvenience to her until I try and resolve this final issue. Life is brutal mate, it batters you to your knees and keeps your face in the gutter and kicks you in the nuts, daily for good measure but all we can do is try and get through this. DO NOT go around to her place. Try and keep some pride.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Even if I had everything.. The big house on the beach, the big house, great physique, lots of friends, the nice clothes, the business that's earning me 100'000 a month, one million in the bank.. I'm going to look at all that and be thinking "How could I have been so stupid? She should be here to see all this with me". I just don't know where I'm going to end up. I have zero motivation to be great. All I want to do is go talk to her. I've really freakin screwed sht up. The only thing that's brought me any joy in years has been her smile. Now I'm never going to get to see it again. I just wanna go knock her door and try again. I'm screwed.
Zammo25 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Even if I had everything.. The big house on the beach, the big house, great physique, lots of friends, the nice clothes, the business that's earning me 100'000 a month, one million in the bank.. I'm going to look at all that and be thinking "How could I have been so stupid? She should be here to see all this with me". I just don't know where I'm going to end up. I have zero motivation to be great. All I want to do is go talk to her. I've really freakin screwed sht up. The only thing that's brought me any joy in years has been her smile. Now I'm never going to get to see it again. I just wanna go knock her door and try again. I'm screwed. You can't rely on someone else to make u happy. Women are fickle mate, they will move onto a new guy at the drop of a hat if your time is up and they usually do. Women are utterly brutal when they make that decision. She has made that decision like my ex has. Just roll with the punches, day by day and try and get back on track with your life.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Pride? It's all gone. There is no bad blood between me and anyone, other than her. Something is drastically wrong here. There has to be a way to fix sht up with her. I have like 70years left of my life. There has to be someway. the only way is to keep trying.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 She didn't even go to some other guy.. She just told me to fk off cause I did some worrying sht. Said things to her I've never said in the past 25 years, did stupid sht by talking to her friends while I was angry. She's worried, because of what I did. There must be someway to un-worry her by doing something else.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Even if I had everything.. The big house on the beach, the two cars, great physique, lots of friends, the nice clothes, the business that's earning me 100'000 a month, one million in the bank.. I'm going to look at all that and be thinking "How could I have been so stupid? She should be here to see all this with me". I just don't know where I'm going to end up. I have zero motivation to be great. All I want to do is go talk to her. I've really freakin screwed sht up. The only thing that's brought me any joy in years has been her smile. Now I'm never going to get to see it again. I just wanna go knock her door and try again. I'm screwed. edit**************************
Zammo25 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Pride? It's all gone. There is no bad blood between me and anyone, other than her. Something is drastically wrong here. There has to be a way to fix sht up with her. I have like 70years left of my life. There has to be someway. the only way is to keep trying. I have had this before 3 years ago and when it happened and I thought my life was over. Now she is living with someone else and I do not give a toss. The last ex has been a different ball game altogether and has almost destroyed me but she does not give a rats arse mate. On a scale of caring about me from 0 to 100 it is flickering around 1. So she can live her life with Mr Perfect and I will try and move on and show her, indirectly she ****ed up in letting an amazing guy go. You do the same mate.
Zammo25 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 She didn't even go to some other guy.. She just told me to fk off cause I did some worrying sht. Said things to her I've never said in the past 25 years, did stupid sht by talking to her friends while I was angry. She's worried, because of what I did. There must be someway to un-worry her by doing something else. She is probably with someone else mate, they move on within weeks or days, or whilst you were still with them.
Renard99 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I want to.. End this. I just want to stop thinking about her all the time. I can't fix this. I can't make her my friend again. I know there will never be anyone like her again. I can't create a perfect life now. It can't be done. What's the point? Having said the same to thing Frederickk, I'm sure you'll have a similar answer.... but how do you know that there won't be anyone as perfect as her? How do you know you won't be able to create a perfect life? Those are serious questions. Have you met all the women in the world? Have you met everyone that you will ever meet in your lifetime? How do you know that there isn't someone else out there that will knock you off your feet. You can't possibly know. I know you probably think I don't understand and that I'm better off 'shutting the F*** up' but take my current situation as an example..... I thought my ex was the 'one'. I was saving for a ring and had the time and place planned to pop the question. She was my world and I thought she was completely perfect. Then she left me and I was destroyed. Fast forward to now.... I've met someone who is FAR better than my ex in nearly everyway, yet, when me and my ex broke up, I didn't even know this woman existed. I know it won't help you in your current situation, but there are other people out there ya know.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 So, as it turns out.. I can message her Facebook account again. May aswell do that.. Right? The only time she's worried is if I go to her house at night, I'm not getting arrested. She's not going away from my memory. I don't even want her to in many, many ways.
Author quite.foolish Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 It's gotta be worth it. Don't get too crazy messagin a hundred times a day and thinks could go back to talkin terms... right?
Recommended Posts