irene408 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I gave the ex a long letter telling him everything that was on my mind. After he read it he told me it wasn't easy sharing feelings like that and he appreciated it. We ended up talking about the breakup tonight. Long story short, he said no to everything I offered. I wanted us to start over with a friendship and to see where things would go. He said he couldn't do a friendship unless there's absolutely no ulterior motives behind it. He's the one that really wants a friendship but I just can't give him the kind of friendship he wants right now. He said we're just not right for each other and the breakup was the best thing he could do for me. We talked for an hour and I told him I wasn't sure if we could be friends because I'll always hope to get him back. He said he understood. He then walked me to my door and gave me a long hug. He looked really sad when he walked away. After we talked, I went crazy and sent him all these text messages telling him how much I love him and everything else I didn't get to say in person, thinking this was going to be the last time we ever talk again. I poured my heart out. I got a response from him saying I need to respect his need for space just like he respects mine. I told him I was sorry to bother him and I would leave him alone. An hour later, I had a panic attack. I'm really lost right now. I moved here for him and he dumped me 2 weeks later saying we're not what each other was looking for. Now I don't know what my next move should be. I don't know if I should stay here or move and if I decide to move, I don't know where to move to. I've never had so much uncertainties in my life so I caved in and texted him to ask if we could talk because I was really really scared. He never got back to me. As much as it hurts both emotionally and physically (I've been throwing up since we talked), I think I needed to hear that. I was clinging on to the hope that maybe we could get back together. To hear it from him again that there's absolutely no chance will help me move on. But meanwhile, it just sucks big time. I'm just a huge mess right now and although I know it will get better one day, it just seems so impossible at this point. I feel like I've lost everything I lived for and I no longer have any purposes in life. I'm not thinking about hurting myself but I've been thinking "if i get hit by a bus tomorrow, I think it's ok". I really need to get out of this bad place I'm in right now. I wish there's a magic button I could push to make everything ok again. It takes time to heal and move on and I know that. But right now it just seems so far away and impossible...
Coping Vortex Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I gave the ex a long letter telling him everything that was on my mind. After he read it he told me it wasn't easy sharing feelings like that and he appreciated it. We ended up talking about the breakup tonight. Long story short, he said no to everything I offered. I wanted us to start over with a friendship and to see where things would go. He said he couldn't do a friendship unless there's absolutely no ulterior motives behind it. He's the one that really wants a friendship but I just can't give him the kind of friendship he wants right now. He said we're just not right for each other and the breakup was the best thing he could do for me. We talked for an hour and I told him I wasn't sure if we could be friends because I'll always hope to get him back. He said he understood. He then walked me to my door and gave me a long hug. He looked really sad when he walked away. After we talked, I went crazy and sent him all these text messages telling him how much I love him and everything else I didn't get to say in person, thinking this was going to be the last time we ever talk again. I poured my heart out. I got a response from him saying I need to respect his need for space just like he respects mine. I told him I was sorry to bother him and I would leave him alone. An hour later, I had a panic attack. I'm really lost right now. I moved here for him and he dumped me 2 weeks later saying we're not what each other was looking for. Now I don't know what my next move should be. I don't know if I should stay here or move and if I decide to move, I don't know where to move to. I've never had so much uncertainties in my life so I caved in and texted him to ask if we could talk because I was really really scared. He never got back to me. As much as it hurts both emotionally and physically (I've been throwing up since we talked), I think I needed to hear that. I was clinging on to the hope that maybe we could get back together. To hear it from him again that there's absolutely no chance will help me move on. But meanwhile, it just sucks big time. I'm just a huge mess right now and although I know it will get better one day, it just seems so impossible at this point. I feel like I've lost everything I lived for and I no longer have any purposes in life. I'm not thinking about hurting myself but I've been thinking "if i get hit by a bus tomorrow, I think it's ok". I really need to get out of this bad place I'm in right now. I wish there's a magic button I could push to make everything ok again. It takes time to heal and move on and I know that. But right now it just seems so far away and impossible... We feel your pain. What you are feeling is what we are feeling. So at least take heart that you are not alone. But also know it doesn't get better quick. You will have a long road to recovery and it will be fraught with curve balls along the way. Stay strong. Go get therapy. Get meds to sleep. Hang in there. We are all here for you.
Stoic44 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 You moved there for him and he ditches you two weeks later. What a ***ker. I'd be throwing up in a bag and leaving it on his doorstep. 3
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I gave the ex a long letter telling him everything that was on my mind. After he read it he told me it wasn't easy sharing feelings like that and he appreciated it. We ended up talking about the breakup tonight. Long story short, he said no to everything I offered. I wanted us to start over with a friendship and to see where things would go. He said he couldn't do a friendship unless there's absolutely no ulterior motives behind it. He's the one that really wants a friendship but I just can't give him the kind of friendship he wants right now. He said we're just not right for each other and the breakup was the best thing he could do for me. We talked for an hour and I told him I wasn't sure if we could be friends because I'll always hope to get him back. He said he understood. He then walked me to my door and gave me a long hug. He looked really sad when he walked away. After we talked, I went crazy and sent him all these text messages telling him how much I love him and everything else I didn't get to say in person, thinking this was going to be the last time we ever talk again. I poured my heart out. I got a response from him saying I need to respect his need for space just like he respects mine. I told him I was sorry to bother him and I would leave him alone. An hour later, I had a panic attack. I'm really lost right now. I moved here for him and he dumped me 2 weeks later saying we're not what each other was looking for. Now I don't know what my next move should be. I don't know if I should stay here or move and if I decide to move, I don't know where to move to. I've never had so much uncertainties in my life so I caved in and texted him to ask if we could talk because I was really really scared. He never got back to me. As much as it hurts both emotionally and physically (I've been throwing up since we talked), I think I needed to hear that. I was clinging on to the hope that maybe we could get back together. To hear it from him again that there's absolutely no chance will help me move on. But meanwhile, it just sucks big time. I'm just a huge mess right now and although I know it will get better one day, it just seems so impossible at this point. I feel like I've lost everything I lived for and I no longer have any purposes in life. I'm not thinking about hurting myself but I've been thinking "if i get hit by a bus tomorrow, I think it's ok". I really need to get out of this bad place I'm in right now. I wish there's a magic button I could push to make everything ok again. It takes time to heal and move on and I know that. But right now it just seems so far away and impossible... I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well. It's the worse feeling ever and I would never wish this upon anyone. I was like you too. Living off hope. It was the only thing keeping me sane. Pretty much still like that. The panic attacks really kick in all the time. I have to try take stress and tension relief vitamins. Still living on that. Doesn't work that well but better than nothing. I know how lonely you would feel. He was what motivated you and now he jus walked away so easily. I really hope you find friends an family you can surround your self with. Even if it means moving back. His just not going to listen now and continually pleadin most likely won't help. I tried but it got to a point where he gets annoyed. I still don't understand how they can just get up and leave without warning. I always have to cry it all out. Just scream into the pillow. And fall asleep. I wake up feeling empty again the next day but there's nothing I can do
Author irene408 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well. It's the worse feeling ever and I would never wish this upon anyone. I was like you too. Living off hope. It was the only thing keeping me sane. Pretty much still like that. The panic attacks really kick in all the time. I have to try take stress and tension relief vitamins. Still living on that. Doesn't work that well but better than nothing. I know how lonely you would feel. He was what motivated you and now he jus walked away so easily. I really hope you find friends an family you can surround your self with. Even if it means moving back. His just not going to listen now and continually pleadin most likely won't help. I tried but it got to a point where he gets annoyed. I still don't understand how they can just get up and leave without warning. I always have to cry it all out. Just scream into the pillow. And fall asleep. I wake up feeling empty again the next day but there's nothing I can do The emptiness is what's killing me inside. He was my world and now there's just seems to be no hope in anything. My focus was on being established here so we can maybe try again. But now that's gone and I don't know the purpose behind anything anymore. This really is the worst feeling. To feel completely empty and hopeless.
Author irene408 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 We feel your pain. What you are feeling is what we are feeling. So at least take heart that you are not alone. But also know it doesn't get better quick. You will have a long road to recovery and it will be fraught with curve balls along the way. Stay strong. Go get therapy. Get meds to sleep. Hang in there. We are all here for you. Thank you for your kind words. It's definitely not easy to go through and for some reason everywhere i look, i see nothing but happy couples. It just makes me feel that much worse. And knowing he's perfectly fine without me kills me, too. I need to stop thinking that and focus on finding purpose and goals again.
Author irene408 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well. It's the worse feeling ever and I would never wish this upon anyone. I was like you too. Living off hope. It was the only thing keeping me sane. Pretty much still like that. The panic attacks really kick in all the time. I have to try take stress and tension relief vitamins. Still living on that. Doesn't work that well but better than nothing. I know how lonely you would feel. He was what motivated you and now he jus walked away so easily. I really hope you find friends an family you can surround your self with. Even if it means moving back. His just not going to listen now and continually pleadin most likely won't help. I tried but it got to a point where he gets annoyed. I still don't understand how they can just get up and leave without warning. I always have to cry it all out. Just scream into the pillow. And fall asleep. I wake up feeling empty again the next day but there's nothing I can do Part of the reason I moved away from here was because I had no friends and family here and it never felt like home. He was the sole reason I came back because I thought as long as I had him, this place wouldn't be so bad. Surrounding myself with friends and family just doesn't seem possible at this point..
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Part of the reason I moved away from here was because I had no friends and family here and it never felt like home. He was the sole reason I came back because I thought as long as I had him, this place wouldn't be so bad. Surrounding myself with friends and family just doesn't seem possible at this point.. aww no that's really not a good thing. Even when I'm trying my best to talk to friends and family I still feel empty and lonely inside. I know what you mean by he was your world. .. My ex was mine as well... I planned everything around him. But he dropped me like I was useless trash. I know that no matter what people say o make you feel better it will only be tempoary. I need constant support to help me through my day. Some days more than others. Maybe you should try counseling? If you don't have family or friends to talk you might struggle. But please talk to us here! I feel talking here really helps as well. Tempoary again... But a conversation every hour keeps me going
Author irene408 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 aww no that's really not a good thing. Even when I'm trying my best to talk to friends and family I still feel empty and lonely inside. I know what you mean by he was your world. .. My ex was mine as well... I planned everything around him. But he dropped me like I was useless trash. I know that no matter what people say o make you feel better it will only be tempoary. I need constant support to help me through my day. Some days more than others. Maybe you should try counseling? If you don't have family or friends to talk you might struggle. But please talk to us here! I feel talking here really helps as well. Tempoary again... But a conversation every hour keeps me going I am going to counseling. Been going to counseling since 2 days after the breakup. The counselor told me we were both looking for a friendship rather than relationship. Also he wasn't emotionally available. he's in a middle of a divorce with a 9 year old son and he finally admitted tonight that he's not ready for any relationship. But i find talking to a counselor is only temporary, too. She's more focused on the problems I have with my family rather than the breakup and I don't know if it's helping me right at this moment. I should take your advice and come on here more often to keep my mind off of it.
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