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LadyRecovery

By LadyRecovery
in The Other Man / Woman

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

Posted
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Lady Recovery;

 

If you set him free, what will that mean for you?

 

Now I'm Not looking at it from any triangle perspective at this moment (so cherish this completely unbiased thought :D ) BUT won't you essentially be setting yourself Free too?!

 

I just see you as such a great person and I don't want ANYTHING or ONE to hold you back from your full potential. If he DOES take the leap to leave his Wife, well, you will be able to make a clearer choice when that happens as setting yourselves free will hopefully have given you time to see if he IS the one for you or was just the one for now, ya know?

 

Oh, and don't forget to smile today*

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LadyRecovery Established Member

LadyRecovery

Posted
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Posted
You can move on with your life without causing more harm.

 

Write the letter - but don't send it.

 

Don't communicate with him anymore. He doesn't intend to leave her...that's clear.

 

Arrange for a taxi to get him from the airport!

 

Called for the taxi yesterday. Thanks!

 

And you could take some of your power back by not responding to any of his emails.

 

Stop handing him all your power!

 

Took your suggestion and didn't respond. Of course he started texting. No response. Seems like my not responding just fuels his need for contact/control/or connection? Not sure which.

 

He is grooming you to see if he can continue the affair without you, or he, informing his BS, at least for the length of time he is working in your town.

 

All that talk of the future, you just learned was talk. Now, untill the affair ends by whatever reason, it will never be a good time for him (OMG! NEVER you) to tell his wife.

 

And I really admire that you wanted, maybe still want, to do that.

 

What now?

 

I do still fully intend to do that. Have the letter almost finished. This rollercoaster isn't for me. What I have seen in myself this weekend is not something I like. Feel like that 16 year old waiting for the boyfriend's next phone call. Hate this. He knows me well enough that I'll do the right thing eventually. It may take me time, but I will get there.

 

Lady Recovery;

 

If you set him free, what will that mean for you?

 

Now I'm Not looking at it from any triangle perspective at this moment (so cherish this completely unbiased thought :D ) BUT won't you essentially be setting yourself Free too?!

 

I just see you as such a great person and I don't want ANYTHING or ONE to hold you back from your full potential. If he DOES take the leap to leave his Wife, well, you will be able to make a clearer choice when that happens as setting yourselves free will hopefully have given you time to see if he IS the one for you or was just the one for now, ya know?

 

Oh, and don't forget to smile today*

 

Thanks CIH. Yes, it will free us both. If he leaves his W, it can't be because of me, it needs to be in spite of me. Not because I'm hanging in the wings ready to be a soft landing spot. (However unrealistic this scenario is)

 

Paying close attention to the "just the one for now" part. This seems to be ringing true today :eek:

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted

Just wanted to give you props for staying on the right (and difficult) path. I like that you ultimately gave him an opportunity to make the right decision on his own. Good choice. He repeatedly declines to do the right thing. I think you have taken careful and measured steps throughout this - well mostly ;) Of course, this A will eventually end. I hope it ends with your integrity intact.

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

Posted
Posted

LadyRecovery;

When I wrote "good for now" I meant for you thinking that of him SO not the other way round!

I Totally know you could (if you wanted to) do way better ;)

 

And that whole being a soft landing as the OW/OM ways on you same as my still slight insecurity of being second choice and only cause of kids thing. I would like to believe my old man is with me because he realized I'm awesome bah blah blah... but on occasion that nasty little voice weeks its way in..

 

Sometimes, when I'm sad about the A, I secretly envy the OW (in general ow) because she/they Got to walk away and never look back...

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LadyRecovery Established Member

LadyRecovery

Posted
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Posted
LadyRecovery;

When I wrote "good for now" I meant for you thinking that of him SO not the other way round!

I Totally know you could (if you wanted to) do way better ;)

 

And that whole being a soft landing as the OW/OM ways on you same as my still slight insecurity of being second choice and only cause of kids thing. I would like to believe my old man is with me because he realized I'm awesome bah blah blah... but on occasion that nasty little voice weeks its way in..

 

Sometimes, when I'm sad about the A, I secretly envy the OW (in general ow) because she/they Got to walk away and never look back...

 

First, you ARE AWESOME! He'd be an idiot to think otherwise. I know the nasty little voice, it's the one that kept telling me this A was different. My Head knew otherwise, my Heart didn't want to follow my head. Glad for now my head is stronger.

 

Don't envy the OW. There is always looking back. No matter what happens in my situation, I will always look at this and wonder why me? What was it about me that this MM saw and chose me as the target? When I found out, WHY did I become a volunteer? I know better than to let my emotions get the best of me. I chose the easy at the time way. I can only assume that other OW suffer massive insecurities and self-esteem issues when the A ends, finding that they were lied to and the happily ever after was just a fairy tail. This A bubble is a powerful thing. I Never thought I would be in this spot. What a lot of time wasted, except when there is a lesson learned so as not to repeat the behavior.

 

I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be a BS. That has got to be hell on earth. No matter how I try to shut her out of my mind, I can't. After joining LS and reading many stories, my eyes were opened to the devastation A's can cause a family. The years it takes for a couple to put their M back together, If it is put back. I saw it in people I knew, but never internalized the pain like I've done here.

 

You help me so much and I am grateful. I don't want to cave when he comes back. This is going to be difficult and even if I falter, I can see the eventual outcome. The issue for me is really, how free do I want to be? Free as in free from guilt, shame, remorse, resentment or anything that will stand in my way of being a happy, useful human being. Spiritually free and not being emotionally conflicted or pulled in so many directions.

 

I think I'm going to go brush up on the NC guides! ;)

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ow9 Established Member

ow9

Posted
Posted
First, you ARE AWESOME! He'd be an idiot to think otherwise. I know the nasty little voice, it's the one that kept telling me this A was different. My Head knew otherwise, my Heart didn't want to follow my head. Glad for now my head is stronger.

 

Don't envy the OW. There is always looking back. No matter what happens in my situation, I will always look at this and wonder why me? What was it about me that this MM saw and chose me as the target? When I found out, WHY did I become a volunteer? I know better than to let my emotions get the best of me. I chose the easy at the time way. I can only assume that other OW suffer massive insecurities and self-esteem issues when the A ends, finding that they were lied to and the happily ever after was just a fairy tail. This A bubble is a powerful thing. I Never thought I would be in this spot. What a lot of time wasted, except when there is a lesson learned so as not to repeat the behavior.

 

I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be a BS. That has got to be hell on earth. No matter how I try to shut her out of my mind, I can't. After joining LS and reading many stories, my eyes were opened to the devastation A's can cause a family. The years it takes for a couple to put their M back together, If it is put back. I saw it in people I knew, but never internalized the pain like I've done here.

 

You help me so much and I am grateful. I don't want to cave when he comes back. This is going to be difficult and even if I falter, I can see the eventual outcome. The issue for me is really, how free do I want to be? Free as in free from guilt, shame, remorse, resentment or anything that will stand in my way of being a happy, useful human being. Spiritually free and not being emotionally conflicted or pulled in so many directions.

 

I think I'm going to go brush up on the NC guides! ;)

 

Holy hell. BEAUTIFULLY worded. I don't "like," I " love."

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