MIK1000 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I've kind of been seeing a girl that I work with part time (we're students) but she always had a BF until september. A few weeks after they broke up, I ended up kissing her in a club, asked her out and she agreed, only to cancel the date later because she felt it was too soon to start dating. However I met her in the club again the next weekend and kissed/spent most of the night talking. I left it at that, while occasionally texting and having long conversations on Facebook chat, about half of the time initiated by her. Months went by and we were in the same club, kissing and chatting at the bar and eventually she asked me out. She mentioned how busy she was with her university dissertation to be handed in soon. We go out a week later and have dinner/drinks, it goes great, we stay at the bar until closing and I kiss her and she agrees to come round to my house the following week and texts me once she's home to thank me for dinner, said it was lovely. I'm absolutely delighted and wait a few days to text her about doing something that week. She waits a few hours to reply then says she's got so much dissertation work to do for the first hand in, in a couple weeks and that it's "such bad timing" and asks if she'll see me in work next week. I just left it at that. Now it's been a week and a half and she hasn't text or anything, obviously understandable considering the dissertation. However, it was my birthday today so i figured if she was still interested she would text me something nice. However, all she did was leave me a plain fb wall post the same as anyone else which shows she didn't want to get into a text conversation with me. Has she done a U turn, or is she simply panicking about her uni deadline? She's never on fb chat anymore, probs because she is busy and I won't see her in work for a while either. I appreciate that I sound like a bit of a pussy.
Lani Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Haha, you do sound like a bit of a pussy, but at least you're owning it! I used to work in a university environment, and dissertation time was intense for everyone involved. I would seriously not sweat it until she's done with that. When you know she's submitted, throw her a message and ask how she is and how it all went. She won't have any other excuses then, and if she tries to make some, then you know she's not interested.
Author MIK1000 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Haha, you do sound like a bit of a pussy, but at least you're owning it! I used to work in a university environment, and dissertation time was intense for everyone involved. I would seriously not sweat it until she's done with that. When you know she's submitted, throw her a message and ask how she is and how it all went. She won't have any other excuses then, and if she tries to make some, then you know she's not interested. Lol, I'm never a pussy.... until I end up liking a girl then it all goes out the window. Luckily I have too much pride to show the girl that I'm a pussy. I appreciate that it's a stressing time, as a lot of my friends have gone through it, this is only the first 10,000 words of her hand in, she'll have the last 10,000 to hand in a couple months, plus exams before summer so I'm thinking maybe she's panicked and thinks this would be a terrible time to get involved with a guy, given the work load. You really think I should message her first? I'd find it hard to make the next move and drop her a text like you say and would rather sit back and wait for her to contact me. I suppose she managed to have the guts to ask me out at christmas, so maybe she will again and it will make me look stronger. If she doesn't contact me then I'll know she's not interested anymore, I just won't know why.
SJC2008 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Did you text her back after she thanked you?? When you "left it at that" after she asked you if she's gonna see you at work does that mean you didn't respond? Or does it mean you responded and left it at that?? IMO either your grammar is bad (I confuse people with my posts sometimes too)or you are playing games and expecting her to come to you!
Author MIK1000 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Did you text her back after she thanked you?? When you "left it at that" after she asked you if she's gonna see you at work does that mean you didn't respond? Or does it mean you responded and left it at that?? IMO either your grammar is bad (I confuse people with my posts sometimes too)or you are playing games and expecting her to come to you! Sorry, Yeah after she thanked me I said "I had a lovely evening too. Got your lip gloss all over my lips lol" and she basically replied saying that she should've given the lip gloss a miss. And after she asked if she was goanna see me in work, i replied just saying, kl yeah maybe see you at some point. The thing is, we work in a hotel, on a 0 hour contract where shifts are dished out on a weekly basis to those that want them. After she asked me this, I check the rota for the week and she hadn't even taken a shift, so maybe she was asking just to show some form of interest. Her text wasn't cold, and contained a lot of haha's and LOL's. So it's not like I've gone cold on her.
SJC2008 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Sorry, Yeah after she thanked me I said "I had a lovely evening too. Got your lip gloss all over my lips lol" and she basically replied saying that she should've given the lip gloss a miss. And after she asked if she was goanna see me in work, i replied just saying, kl yeah maybe see you at some point. The thing is, we work in a hotel, on a 0 hour contract where shifts are dished out on a weekly basis to those that want them. After she asked me this, I check the rota for the week and she hadn't even taken a shift, so maybe she was asking just to show some form of interest. Her text wasn't cold, and contained a lot of haha's and LOL's. So it's not like I've gone cold on her. Well after a couple days if not hearing anything I would of texted her. You gotta show interest man! I hate the early stages, too much thinking of how much or little to text.
Author MIK1000 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Well after a couple days if not hearing anything I would of texted her. You gotta show interest man! I hate the early stages, too much thinking of how much or little to text. Me too. Thing is, I've only ever had one GF and we broke up about a year and a half a go. I was never truly over her until things started with this one in september and ended up liking this one a lot, so really want it to happen. I just feel like I should wait for her to message me, considering the ball's in her court at the moment, she might think I'm desperate, no?
SJC2008 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Me too. Thing is, I've only ever had one GF and we broke up about a year and a half a go. I was never truly over her until things started with this one in september and ended up liking this one a lot, so really want it to happen. I just feel like I should wait for her to message me, considering the ball's in her court at the moment, she might think I'm desperate, no? Well she kind of left the ball in your court by not saying she'd get with you when things slow down. Now, many here would say since she didn't offer an alternative when you asked her out that she's not interested. Yall are young so she may not be aware of that etequitte. Either way, tread CAREFULLY. She told you she wasn't ready to date or something along those lines so you may be falling into the same trap I did. Don't get too invested because you might just be male attention to help her with her break up. I hope that's not the case. Have you texted her yet?
Author MIK1000 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Well she kind of left the ball in your court by not saying she'd get with you when things slow down. Now, many here would say since she didn't offer an alternative when you asked her out that she's not interested. Yall are young so she may not be aware of that etequitte. Either way, tread CAREFULLY. She told you she wasn't ready to date or something along those lines so you may be falling into the same trap I did. Don't get too invested because you might just be male attention to help her with her break up. I hope that's not the case. Have you texted her yet? I don't see how it's in my court though, all she said was that it was "bad timing" which hardly gives me confidence. It seems like the break up wasn't a bad one. She was with the guy for six years (ages 14 to 20) so obviously a very significant first love, but without knowing what actually happened, maybe she just grew out of the relationship as she seems pretty unaffected, as you can usually tell when someone has been roughed up by a break up. Haven't texted her, if I do, I'll wait until next week when she should've handed in the work. I just need to conquer my mind just now, stop thinking about it/her as it's something I do relentlessly when I properly like someone.
SJC2008 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I don't see how it's in my court though, all she said was that it was "bad timing" which hardly gives me confidence. It seems like the break up wasn't a bad one. She was with the guy for six years (ages 14 to 20) so obviously a very significant first love, but without knowing what actually happened, maybe she just grew out of the relationship as she seems pretty unaffected, as you can usually tell when someone has been roughed up by a break up. Haven't texted her, if I do, I'll wait until next week when she should've handed in the work. I just need to conquer my mind just now, stop thinking about it/her as it's something I do relentlessly when I properly like someone. That was her first and only R and probably the only man she's had sex with. I can assure you no matter how she looks on the outside she's probably not over it, even if she DOESN'T want to be with him. I was in the SAME scenario as you and mine was out of a 7 year R. Yeah I got laid but I got hurt, it wasn't worth it.
Author MIK1000 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 That was her first and only R and probably the only man she's had sex with. I can assure you no matter how she looks on the outside she's probably not over it, even if she DOESN'T want to be with him. I was in the SAME scenario as you and mine was out of a 7 year R. Yeah I got laid but I got hurt, it wasn't worth it. To be fair though, she was honest enough with me and herself last time and came out and cancelled the date, where as this time she actually asked me out so she'd obviously given it some thought and decided she was ready. It has been like 5 months after all, for some people, especially women, that's enough time.
Author MIK1000 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Well, checked the rota's in work tonight and she's going to be in tomorrow. It's always a little bit awkward between us in work since we first kissed/began texting but not too bad. Should I ask her if she wants to hang out to her face in work? Or Text her later and ask her. I really have no idea as to what she'll say at this point. If i ask her to her face it might be kind of putting her on the spot, is that a good thing?
Author MIK1000 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Well, she was in work, we talked a little, it seemed pretty normal as we don't often cross paths in work or get flirty or anything. I planned on asking her if she wanted to go out again but I never got a chance as there was always other people around. When she finished and left, I texted her saying "Wanted to ask you there but too many folk around lol, do you want to go out again sometime?" She hasn't replied and it doesn't look like she will as that was around 17 hours ago. I can't honestly believe she would be rude enough to not reply. How can a situation go from her asking me out, liking my facebook pics and texting/facebook chatting several times a week, then a date that went as good as could be expected.......... To her not even having the courtesy to reply to a text like that. I was initially so attracted to her because she seemed like a really good person, very considerate and had are head screwed on, but this is a total U turn of feelings which makes me think she might be slightly crazy.
clia Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 How can a situation go from her asking me out, liking my facebook pics and texting/facebook chatting several times a week, then a date that went as good as could be expected.......... To her not even having the courtesy to reply to a text like that. What you (and a lot of people on this site, frankly) don't seem to get is that it generally works like this: (1) You meet someone you think you might like. However, because you just met them, you really don't know them. (2) You start talking to (or texting with) that person and go on a date(s) with them. This is part of the process of learning more about that person. (3)(a) You enjoy the date(s). After the date(s) you decide you want to keep seeing them. OR (3)(b) You enjoy the date(s). After the date(s), you think about things a little more and decide you don't want to see them anymore. Maybe this is for shallow reasons, maybe it is because you met someone else, whatever. OR (3)© You don't enjoy the date(s). After the date(s), you decide you don't want to see the person anymore. You seem to think that just because you went through steps (1) and (2) you are guaranteed step (3)(a). You aren't. She obviously changed her mind about you, for whatever reason. And yes, while it would be nice for her to respond to your text it is not uncommon at this stage of the game for texts like yours to go without a response. The kink here is that you will see her again in person, so a stealth poof is impossible from her end. I suspect she will say something to you at some point. You would be best to just let it go. Welcome to dating!
Author MIK1000 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 What you (and a lot of people on this site, frankly) don't seem to get is that it generally works like this: (1) You meet someone you think you might like. However, because you just met them, you really don't know them. (2) You start talking to (or texting with) that person and go on a date(s) with them. This is part of the process of learning more about that person. (3)(a) You enjoy the date(s). After the date(s) you decide you want to keep seeing them. OR (3)(b) You enjoy the date(s). After the date(s), you think about things a little more and decide you don't want to see them anymore. Maybe this is for shallow reasons, maybe it is because you met someone else, whatever. OR (3)© You don't enjoy the date(s). After the date(s), you decide you don't want to see the person anymore. You seem to think that just because you went through steps (1) and (2) you are guaranteed step (3)(a). You aren't. She obviously changed her mind about you, for whatever reason. And yes, while it would be nice for her to respond to your text it is not uncommon at this stage of the game for texts like yours to go without a response. The kink here is that you will see her again in person, so a stealth poof is impossible from her end. I suspect she will say something to you at some point. You would be best to just let it go. Welcome to dating! Yeah. Thanks for the reply, kind of helps put things into perspective. It seems step 3c sums it up. She definitely enjoyed the date on the night, sat with me until the bar closed, despite the fact she wasn't even drinking. Discussed in detail our plans for another date and mentioned that we got along just as good sober as it was drunk in a night club. Then gave me an extended kiss after I walked her to her car. Genuinely baffles me to think what changed since then, to the extent that It has really pissed me off. I hadn't properly liked anyone since my last GF and it seemed to me that after the first date, we would sail smoothly into a relationship within a month, only for it to take a turn in the complete opposite direction and there being no explanation other than her being busy with Uni work and then to suddenly get the point where she doesn't even reply to me. And yeah, if when we do speak again, I'm guessing it would be good for me to normal, but cut each conversation short?
Author MIK1000 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 She finally replied there. "Hey! Aw had a really nice time on our date but just got so much on atm with uni ect and don't wanna string you along when I can't commit to anything just now. xx" This is understandable, it's her last year of uni, studying accountancy and it would be wise to not want to **** that up over a boy, however she had already led me on, so the damage is done really and I would love to let her know that, if it wasn't for the fact that I know it will only make me look petty. So I guess I'll text back with something humorous like "That's cool. Hope when your accountant it is worth having sacrificed a shot at a the heartthrob of *our work place." Bit **** she waited so long to reply though, although now I feel better that she at least had the curtesy to do so.
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