GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 So guys, here's my first post and here's my story... I stopped seeing this guy because he became the disrespectful member of the relationship, and he would flirt with other girls, and then be fake pretending to love me then he would talk to other girls as if I would never find it out. Then I got tired of his games and left him, 7 months ago. In October, I missed him because, even after dumping him, I still like some things about our relationship and I still wish him the best. His mother suffers from cancer and I really care about her, so in October I sent him a message on Facebook saying that I was thinking of him, that I was sad that after all he didn't care if I left or not, he didn't bother doing anything to make that relationship better, that I still wanted his friendship, that I didn't expect him to respond back but even so all I wished was the best to him, his family and especially his mother. He never said anything. Then on Christmas eve I sent him a contact request on Skype, and he added me. Then on the 25th I sent him a brief message : "Merry Christmas and may God bless you and your family. Best wishes." Again, he didn't reply. However, on January 4th he started following my Instagram account! I mean, I created that account after I left him, never told him I had that account then he followed me! I was shocked. Shocked because he had searched for my name on Instagram and shocked because he followed me even after he ignored me. However, I thought "maybe this is his bizarre way to tell me that maybe he wants a decent conversation again". So 3 days later I texted him. The dialogue went on like this: - Good morning ! Busy? - Hello dear! Long time no see! How are you? (he didn't even took long to answer this, he answered me only 10 seconds later) - Yeah i know. Fine and you? - Fine too. Spent a good time with my family. - That's great. I'm glad you're fine. Just saw you're following me on Instagram, I must admit it surprised me. - Oh, I saw you have two profiles there. (that didn't have anything to do with what I said. i have 2 profiles there but i dont use the other one) - Oh yeah I know but I dont use the second profile! (30 minutes later he hadn't said anything. i'm traumatized for always being ignored by him so i decided to be brief before i was ignored again:) - Well I can see you're busy and I don't want to disturb you. We can talk when you're available. I dont know if you got my Merry Xmas message, so when I saw you following me on instagram I was really surprised. It was a good surprise but still a surprise. Anyway, happy 2013 with health and peace to you and your family, and of course, especially to your mom, always. XOXO. Did he say anything? No. He used to be online in Skype everyday. Now he's offline everyday. That means he deleted or blocked me. I mean... Why is doing this? No reply => follows me => I contact him => no reply again. Is he an attention whore? Not even wishing me Merry Xmas back. Not even wishing me Happy New Year, and I was the one who comforted him when his mother was really sick. I just wanted to know WHY.
geegirl Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 He doesn't care about you. These types love the ego stroke. Stop chasing him.
na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 ick. stop trying to pull him into your friend zone. Maybe he doesn't want to be friends with you. Being dumped freaking sucks, so even if you don't think he contributed to the relationship. He probably thinks he did. Just because he didn't chase you doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means he wants to hold onto his dignity and has self respect, and also doesn't want to chase someone who told him that she doesn't want him. As for what any of that stuff means. It means nothing really. At least it doesn't mean what you want it to.
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 ick. stop trying to pull him into your friend zone. Maybe he doesn't want to be friends with you. Being dumped freaking sucks, so even if you don't think he contributed to the relationship. He probably thinks he did. Just because he didn't chase you doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means he wants to hold onto his dignity and has self respect, and also doesn't want to chase someone who told him that she doesn't want him. As for what any of that stuff means. It means nothing really. At least it doesn't mean what you want it to. I didn't tell you guys my entire story with him. All my friends told me to break up with him, everybody saw what a douche he could be. After breaking up with him I suffered a lot. I cried every day and every night for months because I had mixed feelings about it. But even after everything I still care about him, I just wanted to show my love and my appreciation on Xmas. I won't say I want him back because that's not true, but we are not ANIMALS. Couldn't he have at least the decency to reply to my polite message? So he doesn't wish me a happy new year, he only wants me to screw myself? What really puzzles me is his hot and cold behavior. If he really wanted to show me he has self respect like you said, why would he add me back on skype? follow me on instagram? give me hints that he is available to re-connect and then ignore me again?
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 my ex dumped me then tried to friend zone me. That's just cruel. It's like taking coca cola from me and then Handing me Pepsi and saying here you go take this instead. Why take the coke from me!!!!!!!!!!
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 my ex dumped me then tried to friend zone me. That's just cruel. It's like taking coca cola from me and then Handing me Pepsi and saying here you go take this instead. Why take the coke from me!!!!!!!!!! I'm not trying to friend zone him. I want to see if everything's fine with him. I care about him. I don't see myself with him again, not because I dont want to, but because he's hurt me a lot, but if he replied to me and we talked and it was a good time again, maybe I would reconsider dating him again. I never told him I just wanted to be friends.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 That's your perspective of a dumper. The dumpee [majority of us here] are the ones hurt. You dumped him and then you try contact him. Feels like your rubbing it back in his face. His probably going through a hard time being dumped. And we go through emotional roller coasters. Sometimes we want them back and times we know we have to move on. Do you expect him to wait for you to take him back? I think his got the upper hand and moving on now. Either that or his found someone else.
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 That's your perspective of a dumper. The dumpee [majority of us here] are the ones hurt. You dumped him and then you try contact him. Feels like your rubbing it back in his face. His probably going through a hard time being dumped. And we go through emotional roller coasters. Sometimes we want them back and times we know we have to move on. Do you expect him to wait for you to take him back? I think his got the upper hand and moving on now. Either that or his found someone else. I dumped him because he would flirt with other girls. And I have clear evidence that he's cheated on me. And no, he didn't care when I broke up with him. The next week, he was going out with other girls. I'm not a player, I don't want to play with his heart. I just care about him. Even if he's made me suffer.
na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I'm not trying to friend zone him. I want to see if everything's fine with him. I care about him. I don't see myself with him again, not because I dont want to, but because he's hurt me a lot, but if he replied to me and we talked and it was a good time again, maybe I would reconsider dating him again. I never told him I just wanted to be friends. Alright my bad. I'm sorry if my last post sounded kind of harsh. I think it did. Anyway, it's okay that you care about him. He obviously could use any support he can. If you're not trying to be his friend, then what are you trying to be? From his end, he might not want to talk to you. Or maybe he's busy? It's hard to tell what's going on in his head exactly. If you feel that way, maybe you should tell him that (that you may consider dating him again, don't string him on though you either want him or don't. If you don't want him, then be clear that you don't want him). Just let him know what's up. I'm just responding to your thread as someone who's been dumped and giving what I think his mindset is at the moment. He's probably just as hurt as you are at the moment, and I think he misses you based on how quickly he responded to you. I'm not him, so I don't know for sure obviously.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I dumped him because he would flirt with other girls. And I have clear evidence that he's cheated on me. And no, he didn't care when I broke up with him. The next week, he was going out with other girls. I'm not a player, I don't want to play with his heart. I just care about him. Even if he's made me suffer. That means his found someone else. If that is the case then you should probably stop finding hope. you had the upper hand when found out and didn hold on. you should probably do what we're trying to do. Move on with our lives. The guys no good and clearly not willinging to work it out with you. It's sad but you had a choice. Something none of us really had
na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I dumped him because he would flirt with other girls. And I have clear evidence that he's cheated on me. And no, he didn't care when I broke up with him. The next week, he was going out with other girls. I'm not a player, I don't want to play with his heart. I just care about him. Even if he's made me suffer. If you care about him. It might be best to leave him alone for now. Let him live his life without you. You live your life without him. You broke up with him, so now try to be broken up.
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 If you care about him. It might be best to leave him alone for now. Let him live his life without you. You live your life without him. You broke up with him, so now try to be broken up. Once again, I don't see this as a win/lose situation. Even if he's cheated on me, I always had extreme respect and appreciation for him and I would never wish anything bad to him. I've already told him that. Once - 2 months after we broke up- I tried to win him back. We talked and he said "okay, sure, we can work this out." Then he would ignore my messages the entire week AGAIN. We obviously didn't talk until I sent him that message in October. I know most of you guys were the dumped parts of the relationship but please try to understand my point. I think you may be seeing me as the evil one here but he's cheated on me! That's why I broke up with him! And now he's puzzling me with the hot and cold behavior. Does that mean he cares about me? That he wants me to go away? That's the only thing that intrigues me.
geegirl Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 This man disrespects you and you wanted to show your love and appreciation for him? You've lost your self-respect and your self-esteem. This is not about love or care. Love and care for those that treat you kindly, that love you and that reciprocate your feelings. You're co-dependent, needing this man to validate your worth. The more he ignores you, the more it hurts your feelings of worth, so the more you chase to make him validate you. Stop projecting your expectations of what decent behavior should be from a man that treated you badly. Of course, the right thing to do would be to acknowledge you and be polite but when someone chooses not to do it, don't question it but accept that they are choosing to disrespect you. Why can't she do that? Why can't he do that? They are not you. Don't expect. If people don't meet your expectations, there is nothing you can do about it. It's an ego stroke. He likes the attention. You said that he flirts with other girls, then pretends to love you, then flirts with other girls again. Same pattern. You're a fallback. Someone that he knows will grovel to get attention. And knowing you are available, he'll use that to his advantage. Stop reading into getting you back on skype or following you on instagram as some sign or indication of interest. It's just an attempt to string you back in to satisfying some sick need. And when a man knows he can disrespect you, and have you keep going back to "love and care" for him, trust that he will manipulate and toy with you. Ignoring you, is another serving of disrespect. Open your eyes.
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 This man disrespects you and you wanted to show your love and appreciation for him? You've lost your self-respect and your self-esteem. This is not about love or care. Love and care for those that treat you kindly, that love you and that reciprocate your feelings. You're co-dependent, needing this man to validate your worth. The more he ignores you, the more it hurts your feelings of worth, so the more you chase to make him validate you. Stop projecting your expectations of what decent behavior should be from a man that treated you badly. Of course, the right thing to do would be to acknowledge you and be polite but when someone chooses not to do it, don't question it but accept that they are choosing to disrespect you. Why can't she do that? Why can't he do that? They are not you. Don't expect. If people don't meet your expectations, there is nothing you can do about it. It's an ego stroke. He likes the attention. You said that he flirts with other girls, then pretends to love you, then flirts with other girls again. Same pattern. You're a fallback. Someone that he knows will grovel to get attention. And knowing you are available, he'll use that to his advantage. Stop reading into getting you back on skype or following you on instagram as some sign or indication of interest. It's just an attempt to string you back in to satisfying some sick need. And when a man knows he can disrespect you, and have you keep going back to "love and care" for him, trust that he will manipulate and toy with you. Ignoring you, is another serving of disrespect. Open your eyes. Thank you so much for your words. I'm glad you understand my point, I never wanted to play with him. Yes he's a manipulator. You know, i've suffered a lot. This nightmare taught me a lot of things. I think I used to be co-dependent, but now the only thing I feel is appreciation for him somehow. I think of him and her mother and wish them well. Then i'm stupid enough to message him. He's still following me on instagram. I'm following him as well. What should I do? Unfollow him/block him? Leave things as they are right now? I think that if i unfollow him it will show him I'm pissed and that will be an ego boost for him again.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 It's not a bad thing if he treated your relationship that way for you to Dump him like that. I would have done the same! However I don't understand your intentions of trying to contact him again and show him you care? I would understand that if he apologized and was wanting to make changes to try again, then you would maybe give in and try again. But he doesn't even want that at all. What do you expect out of this when his not willinging to even talk to you? Not saying that you should stop caring and stuff. But doesn't mean you have to keep trying to communicate with him. I think your trying to find ways to get back with him but reality is. You made the right decision to leave. Regardless of what you do, his not willinging to change to be with you. It's your choice whether to accept his major flaws or not
NoMoreJerks Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I don't understand why people assume that just because their ex checked their twitter or instagram or whatever, that they are interested in getting back together, or talking things through. There could be many reasons why he's following you. Curiosity might be one of them. He might've also done it to get you to react, and get the ego boost from it. He might be into mind games. Why give in and assume things that don't make any sense, only to be disappointed? Anyway, you can tell if you have been deleted from skype. if his name has a small question mark next to it, it means he's deleted you. As for being blocked, if you have a paid account and voice mail option, if you right click on the name, and you don't get the "send voicemail" option, it means you have been blocked.
na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 You remind me a lot of me. My ex cheated on me and yet I still loved hearing from her and wanted her to take me back. I wasn't as lucky as you were though. She dumped me AND cheated on me. I didn't find out she cheated until after she dumped me. Her friends told me everything she did and I felt extra crappy. Anyway geegirl pretty much nailed it. Also I would block him. God knows you'll get curious and check up on him eventually, so save yourself the hurt. It doesn't matter whether he gets an ego boost from you blocking him. You know what will hurt this clown the most? Showing him you don't need him and his cheating ways anymore. That you are better off without him. By not messaging him, even if it is about his mother. Let him live his life without you. He'll feel sorry he lost something great to go screw other girls.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Er, I did not realize you were the dumper... sorry ,but, WTF are you on? Expecting him to want to talk to you? Deleting/blocking you from skype is the least I would've done... ignoring your texts/calls, etc., too.
geegirl Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Thank you so much for your words. I'm glad you understand my point, I never wanted to play with him. Yes he's a manipulator. You know, i've suffered a lot. This nightmare taught me a lot of things. I think I used to be co-dependent, but now the only thing I feel is appreciation for him somehow. I think of him and her mother and wish them well. Then i'm stupid enough to message him. He's still following me on instagram. I'm following him as well. What should I do? Unfollow him/block him? Leave things as they are right now? I think that if i unfollow him it will show him I'm pissed and that will be an ego boost for him again. I was in a relationship with a man that cheated on me and it hurt me to the core. I suffered a lot and it nearly killed me when I caught him in the midst of it with another woman. I understand you ar every hurt and your self-esteem if broken. I understand that you want that validation that you were special. You "appreciate" him? This man cheated on you and treated you badly. You have to realize that your thinking is toxic and unhealthy. You have poor boundaries, a lack of self-esteem and difficulty in loving yourself. You need to block him and leave him alone. You need to focus on improving your quality of life. You need to remove unhealthy people from your life. You need to love yourself and demand for a higher level of respect and care for yourself. Who cares if he knows you are pissed? This is about you and doing what is best to help you move on to gain sanity and peace. What he thinks or feels is irrelevant. Stop prioritizing this man. This is not a game. Cut him off, start your healing process and move on. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Also, if he cheated on you, wtf are you doing trying to contact him? It sounds like both of you are into mind games.
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 You remind me a lot of me. My ex cheated on me and yet I still loved hearing from her and wanted her to take me back. I wasn't as lucky as you were though. She dumped me AND cheated on me. I didn't find out she cheated until after she dumped me. Her friends told me everything she did and I felt extra crappy. Anyway geegirl pretty much nailed it. Also I would block him. God knows you'll get curious and check up on him eventually, so save yourself the hurt. It doesn't matter whether he gets an ego boost from you blocking him. You know what will hurt this clown the most? Showing him you don't need him and his cheating ways anymore. That you are better off without him. By not messaging him, even if it is about his mother. Let him live his life without you. He'll feel sorry he lost something great to go screw other girls. Thank you for your words. You understand me huh? It's that feeling of being cheated on but unfortunately you like the person's personality, YOU LIKE HER. I can separate my romantic feelings from the other feelings I have for him, even if I'm hurt I can still care about him. Mixed and stupid feelings. Do you really think that after all he would one day regret having treated me that badly ? Maybe , but I don't think so. Anyway, it doesn't matter if the will regret doing it one day or not, sometimes I have these stupid delirious that one day maybe he'll say he's sorry and that he's screwed up and that he wants things to be at least decent and friendly between us, but that won't ever happen as I can see.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I agree with nomore...guess no need to add my input 1
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I was in a relationship with a man that cheated on me and it hurt me to the core. I suffered a lot and it nearly killed me when I caught him in the midst of it with another woman. I understand you ar every hurt and your self-esteem if broken. I understand that you want that validation that you were special. You "appreciate" him? This man cheated on you and treated you badly. You have to realize that your thinking is toxic and unhealthy. You have poor boundaries, a lack of self-esteem and difficulty in loving yourself. You need to block him and leave him alone. You need to focus on improving your quality of life. You need to remove unhealthy people from your life. You need to love yourself and demand for a higher level of respect and care for yourself. Who cares if he knows you are pissed? This is about you and doing what is best to help you move on to gain sanity and peace. What he thinks or feels is irrelevant. Stop prioritizing this man. This is not a game. Cut him off, start your healing process and move on. You're right. Maybe I really have some problem about my self esteem and I don't even acknowledge it, because I regard myself as a very confident person, and my friends agree with me. I'm outgoing, talkative, try to make friends everywhere, and make amends when I have any argument with anyone. I've suffered so much that I thought maybe the only way to heal myself would be recontact him to wish him well, get rid of the bad karma of this relationship. At first it worked well, then he did that and confused me. But even so, although I've made many mistakes and hurt my own self esteem, I won't regret messaging him because I know that after all I only did that because I respect him as a human being, even if he didn't do the same. Maybe I should learn to stop being this stupid? Maybe. But I won't talk to him ever again. Thank you for your reply.
na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Thank you for your words. You understand me huh? It's that feeling of being cheated on but unfortunately you like the person's personality, YOU LIKE HER. I can separate my romantic feelings from the other feelings I have for him, even if I'm hurt I can still care about him. Mixed and stupid feelings. Do you really think that after all he would one day regret having treated me that badly ? Maybe , but I don't think so. Anyway, it doesn't matter if the will regret doing it one day or not, sometimes I have these stupid delirious that one day maybe he'll say he's sorry and that he's screwed up and that he wants things to be at least decent and friendly between us, but that won't ever happen as I can see. I hate my ex so much that I love her. I love her so much that I hate her. It freaking sucks! This girl cheated on me! She disrespected me in the worst way possible! She also talked crap about me to her friends! WHY ON EARTH DO I WANT THIS PERSON TO COME BACK INTO MY LIFE? AND WHY WOULD I GIVE ANYTHING TO BRING HER BACK?? okay sorry about that. Anyway, at least in my situation. My ex did reach out to me and try to friend zone me. (thus my comments about friend zone earlier) She said "I know we ended on bad terms but I'd like to be friends" I ignored her because I'd been NC for quite some time. She told me she missed me. She wanted to talk to me. I heard nothing from her about her wanting me back however. I know I was a good guy, so I'd probably be great friend zone material for her. I was always supportive of her, so she figured I could be an emotional tampon. Except that I can't do that. I'll never be able to do that. So I have to try to wrap my head around the fact that we will go through college (we're both freshman at the same college) living completely separate lives instead of experiencing college together boo hoo. Point is, eventually he probably will feel guilty even though you don't think he will. He may or may not reach out to you about it. He'll remember how supporting you were of him, so he'll see if you could be that supportive of him as his "friend".
Author GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I hate my ex so much that I love her. I love her so much that I hate her. It freaking sucks! This girl cheated on me! She disrespected me in the worst way possible! She also talked crap about me to her friends! WHY ON EARTH DO I WANT THIS PERSON TO COME BACK INTO MY LIFE? AND WHY WOULD I GIVE ANYTHING TO BRING HER BACK?? okay sorry about that. Anyway, at least in my situation. My ex did reach out to me and try to friend zone me. (thus my comments about friend zone earlier) She said "I know we ended on bad terms but I'd like to be friends" I ignored her because I'd been NC for quite some time. She told me she missed me. She wanted to talk to me. I heard nothing from her about her wanting me back however. I know I was a good guy, so I'd probably be great friend zone material for her. I was always supportive of her, so she figured I could be an emotional tampon. Except that I can't do that. I'll never be able to do that. So I have to try to wrap my head around the fact that we will go through college (we're both freshman at the same college) living completely separate lives instead of experiencing college together boo hoo. Point is, eventually he probably will feel guilty even though you don't think he will. He may or may not reach out to you about it. He'll remember how supporting you were of him, so he'll see if you could be that supportive of him as his "friend". Wow, I'm really sorry she's done all that to you. Such a terrible thing to do. I'll never understand why someone cheats on anyone and I'll never regard the cheater as the "poor victim who couldn't tame his urges". I'm glad you understand my feelings because I thought maybe I was insane for wishing well to someone who's treated me badly, but then I can see you know what I mean. I would feel uncomfortable just like you are right now for going to college and not sharing your experiences with her , who'll be sitting right next to you. I don't know what are your feelings about this situation right now, but if that comforts you think that if everything is screwed up right now it's not because of you, but because of her. You did everything that was possible to turn this into a decent situation, and she didn't care. Sometimes people go away from our lives because they weren't meant to be with us only to hurt us more. Maybe that was the best thing that could happen to you. I know it's difficult to think this way, I'm not using this advice in my life atm as you can see, but it's the only way I found to think about him and not burst into tears or go nuts.
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